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feminism misogyny MRA rapey sex

What, what. A post about butts.

Hey! Ass is showing.

So, butt sex. In a recent posting on Jezebel, Hugo Schwyzer notes that heterosexual anal sex is now more popular – or at least more prevalent — than ever. According to one study he cites, some 40% of women age 20-24 report that they’ve tried it.

Obviously, many women love love love it – check out Toni Bentley’s engaging if possibly a little too enthusiastic buttsex memoir The Surrender if you don’t believe me. But Hugo wonders if some women are getting pressured into it. And it’s a reasonable concern, especially now that more straight guys have come to expect anal sex as a regular part of sexual relationships. Indeed, Hugo quotes a couple of young women who say that, yes, guys are constantly trying to cajole them into going to “5th base.”

The blogger Scallywag is having none of it.

Fending off anal sex? Really? Are we as men to believe that? If truth be known it is often and still remains the prerogative of women who she will have sex with (as much as a man may attempt to influence her decision) let alone anal sex. That a woman is somehow forced to accede to this demand strikes me as presumptuous and lacking in the understanding that as much as men often control the financial shots of a relationship (but that too is changing) it is often women who decide if and what type of sex will occur or not (otherwise it would be rape).

Uh, yes, I would hope that women always, not just often, would decide who they have sex with, and what kinds of sex they have. Same for men. That’s the way consensual sex works: everyone involved in it gets veto power. Otherwise, it would indeed be rape.

Scallywag, I would recommend that you go back and read the basic rules of sex before engaging in any more of it, much less something as advanced as anal.

As for Hugo, well, after asking that good question, he wanders off into some weird paternalist nonsense about anal sex being

yet another manifestation of the pressure on young women to focus on performance rather than on their own pleasure. …  Perhaps the greatest incentive to do anal is the chance to prove the all-important capacity to endure pain. … [F]or most (certainly not all) young women, pleasure doesn’t seem to be the point.

You know, if anal sex hurts, you’re NOT DOING IT RIGHT.

Also, some people enjoy pain as a part of their sex life, at least when it’s inflicted safely and consensually. Sex is a messy and complicated thing, and you’re not going to get very far in understanding it if you project your own preferences and assumptions onto others with rather different preferences and assumptions about sex.

Hugo goes on to complain further about what he sees as the “sheer physical hurting that young women are expected to endure in order to meet the contemporary cultural ideal.” Somehow in his mind this includes not just painful waxing and the model-thin beauty ideal (a real issue, obviously) but also … sports:

Girls play more sports (and suffer more overuse injuries) than they did two decades ago. … On the soccer field or in the beauty salon, this generation is expected to prove its toughness as none before … .

Really? Maybe girls and women are getting more involved in sports these days because they, er, want to? And because they have more opportunities to get involved in sports these days because of, you know, feminism?

It’s one thing to worry about people – male and female – being pressured into conforming to social ideals or into sex or specific sex acts they don’t want. But it’s another to assume that girls’ and women’s choices are never really choices because patriarchy!  Assuming that girls and women are playing more soccer, or going to “5th base,” mostly because they’re being pressured to is really kind of, well, assy.

On that note, enjoy this song about butts and coconuts.

WARNING: Do not actually put coconuts up your butt. For safe anal play, only use objects with a flared base. I cannot emphasize this enough.

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CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Ah, that makes sense. Also makes Meller’s attempts to try to recruit you to the doll-loving team extra funny.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
8 years ago

I do think there are specific sports in which we could do with a rethinking of the ideas about playing through pain.

One thing that bothers me is how often high school football players have heat strokes during their two a day practices. Thankfully, more coaches now understand the dangers of dehydration and the signs of heat exhaustion before their players’ lives are at risk. In the past, coaches sometimes told their players to just suck it up and play through their pain. That’s why I say there have to be limits to the idea of “No pain, no gain”.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

MRAL, it’s cool that you’re not a fan of porn. I wonder how many men don’t admit that and just go along and think they’re supposed to like it because it’s everywhere.

I myself am just conflicted on porn.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
8 years ago

DKM was trying to recruit me? When? I didn’t notice.

ithiliana
8 years ago

@Hellkell: he’s also surrounded by women in their thirties, forties, fifties, and more — I’m at a four year university in a rural area, and I’ve had students in their sixties and seventies (one memorable woman in a creative writing course was 80). So it’s skeevy to think that the younger/more sexually attractive women are the ones he sees/cares about (as a professor OR a feminist).

Polliwog
Polliwog
8 years ago

It’s sort of like oral sex, honestly, which is something I’m still just a LITTLE aversive to, despite others’ defense.

It’s okay not to want to perform oral sex, so long as you (a) don’t demand to receive oral sex and (b) don’t make your partner feel bad about asking.

So, basically, this dialogue is fine:

Partner: I’d love it if you would go down on me.
You: Honestly, I’m just not really into oral. How about an awesome handjob instead?

This dialogue is not fine at all:

Partner: I’d love it if you would go down on me.
You: EWWWWWWWWWW! Vaginas are disgusting and smelly! That’s just sick! Now give me a blowjob.

Sadly, there exist a fair number of guys who actually go with that second option. Don’t be those guys. They are douchebags.

(All that said, I strongly suspect that once you get into a happy relationship with a girl and get to explore female genitalia up close and personal, oral will seem a lot less unpleasant and a lot more, “Ooh, when I lick this bit, she goes all squirmy! That’s hot.” I remember finding penises pretty weird and slightly frightening before I actually spent much time around them, but after a few chances to get used to the penis, I became a much, much bigger fan.)

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

You’re right, Ithiliana.

AbsintheDexterous
8 years ago

I don’t why anal seems to be a gold standard in sex – there’s plenty of things to do that don’t involve anal. And just like anything else, there’s people who love to do it, people who do it but are kinda “meh” about it, and people who absolutely hate it. If it’s really, really important that someone do anal, then why not find a partner that loves it? That pretty much goes for any sexual act. I know some women who do absolutely love it, but I can’t stand it.

A lot of it too may be due to the abstinence only education – many teens think that it doesn’t count if you have anal. You can still save yourself for Prince Charming! As long as you don’t shove it in the Holy Hole, God won’t smite you, I guess. Which is probably where some of the pressure comes from to have anal sex. It’s still technically sex, but not the wrong kind of sex.

That a woman is somehow forced to accede to this demand strikes me as presumptuous and lacking in the understanding that as much as men often control the financial shots of a relationship (but that too is changing) it is often women who decide if and what type of sex will occur or not (otherwise it would be rape).

Apparently Scallywag hasn’t heard of the one guy (and my Google-fu is failing me) who would have anal sex with his wife and then write her a check for it, because she didn’t like to do it. I forgot if he was big religious leader or if he was a politician.

Joe
Joe
8 years ago

> This is one place where I agree with Dan Savage: gentlemen, don’t demand anal unless you’re willing to get pegged yourself.

If that’s what he said, then I disagree with him, because

1. Don’t demand any sex act, ever. And,

2. Just because I like receiving anal sex doesn’t mean my partner has even the slightest obligation to even try it.

kladle
kladle
8 years ago

Hugo reminds me of this professor I kinda-sorta knew in college. I didn’t ever have a class with him, but saw him around and interacted with him a few times. There was something deeply creepy about him but I was never able to put my finger on it… until a friend told me that he came into her Human Sexuality class and taught a lecture (which was relevant since he does animal behavior stuff) and proceeded to tell an anecdote to the class about sitting next to an attractive female student and getting a boner.

———

I actually don’t have that much problem with this article because he does admit that some women enjoy anal sex. He says that the problem is how anal sex is for most women yet another sexual requirement that primarily focuses on a man’s pleasure rather than her own. He says:

Several others mentioned that doing anal right required far more time, artificial lubrication, and care than any other sex act.

That care is distinctly absent in most heterosexual porn that depicts anal sex. Indeed, the pain of anal seems to be part of its appeal.

which I think is a totally fair point. David says that if anal hurts, you’re not doing it right, which is true. But how many college students (or even people in general) know about or are into the sort of extended, careful, and intimate preparation necessary for most women (and men!) to enjoy anal play? If young men don’t know, don’t give a shit, and possibly would be turned off about what you need to do in order to help a woman accept and have fun with things in her butt, then of course anal is a terrible idea. Since anal is a delicate thing for anyone, if you don’t care about what’s going on with the penetrated person, it’s going to turn out more painful and possibly dangerous than most other sex acts. Anal is not something that is really amenable to the “pump and dump” mentality, or a mentality that doesn’t want or care about reciprocating pleasure. I mean, we’re talking about a population that thinks foreplay is for chumps and that blowjobs are mandatory but cunnilingus is optional. Anal isn’t necessarily kinky, but you do have to have the “safe, sane, and consensual” model to do it properly, and I don’t think the average college bro knows or cares. It’s possible that as Hugo says, part of the appeal is the non-consensual power play involved.

——–

I took the sports thing to be an example of increasing pressures on women, part of the “women have to do it all” phenomenon. Though I’d say that on the whole, women participating in sports is a good thing (for the reasons CassandraSays outlines), having a sport on your “resume” is one of those almost-necessary things you need to compete with other people for college applications these days. Children of both genders do get pressured into playing sports very young and often don’t have the option of choosing to quit (no matter whether or not they’re in pain), because their parents force them to participate. Pressure to stay competitive in a sport, even if you aren’t planning to go professional, can force children and teens to practice a single sport repeatedly throughout the year and get specific sorts of injuries related to overuse.

Girls and young women were isolated from these pressures until recently ’cause WOMEN ARE TOO DELICATE FOR SPORTS!!! or whatever. It’s one of those negative signs of equality, I guess, like women smoking and drinking more or going to jail more often. I think Kendra and Cassandra nailed it– it’s not so much a gender issue specifically affecting women, since men also have their own macho business to deal with & especially around sports. But it is a change in the ideals of “toughness” such that women now have to live up to that particular norm on top of everything else. The main problem is is that the things women need to endure are potentially painful sex acts and invasive body grooming. But sports are at least potentially a positive form of endurance that can teach useful character or value lessons; they increase your agency rather than lessening it. “Sucking it up and taking it in the butt” doesn’t teach you anything except that your body autonomy is worthless in comparison to another person’s pleasure.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Yep, he was all “I agree that modern women are awful, maybe you should get some dolls, like me, they can be great company and very useful for masturbation”. It was funny – as recruiting slogans go “be celibate forever and assemble a collection of Madame Alexander dolls” kind of lacks that certain something.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
8 years ago

I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a relationship, but if I am, sure, maybe.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

TMI time! I was kind of meh about penises until I actually got the opportunity to handle one that was attached to a man I was really attracted to. Penises in the abstract didn’t do much for me, mentally speaking, prior to having sex, but once I encountered one in the flesh and I was already really into the guy I was all “ooh, what an excellent toy to play with”. This is actually one of the ways in which porn totally fails to capture people’s actual experiences of sex – attraction can totally change how you respond to thinks that seem uninteresting in the abstract.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

I’ve never felt pressured to have anal sex. I haven’t even encountered any guy who particularly wanted anal.

Most of the pressure to have anal, for me, is internal: I want to be the naughty up-for-anything girlfriend guys can brag about, you know? And honestly I think half the cause of my internal pressure about it is articles like Hugo’s that depict anal as this thing EVERY GUY WANTS and that women don’t really want, so if I have anal then guys will think I’m the awesome hypersexual chick and remember me years later.

…Which works out far less well when the reaction of the guy in question is more like “you want me to stick my WHAT WHERE?”

Also, I’d like to say that you can like some kinds of anal play and not others: it’s okay to like having your ass fingered or licked or whatever, and not like having a dick (whether bio or plastic) up there. Or the other way around!

MRAL: It’s perfectly okay to dislike oral. I’d suggest trying it once, just to see if you like it better in practice than theory, but if you feel such a strong aversion to it that you don’t want to, anyone has the right to say no to anything. There are lots of women who don’t particularly like getting eaten out. Just don’t be a douchebag about it: “eh, don’t like the taste” is fine, “EWWWWWWW” is not. 🙂

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

@ Ozy – That’s one of the cool things about being kind of kinky, actually, at least for me. It’s almost impossible for anyone to shame me into doing stuff I don’t want by suggesting that I’m a prude because, um, seriously, dude? You’re calling the domme a prude? Please.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Ozy, why do you feel the pressure to be the super-awesome hypersexual chick down for anything?

I remember that internal pressure.

I was kinda hoping shit like that had changed for younger women.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Actually, going by what my younger friends say I think that particular internal pressure has gotten a lot worse. Which is what Hugo was trying to allude to, I think, he just did a poor job of it.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Or to be more specific – the ubiquity of porn seems to have created a situation where not only do young women feel pressure to be super sexy and awesome in bed all the time, they have specific mental images of what that’s supposed to look like, and so do the men they’re fucking, and the women know that. And some of the men will specifically invoke those images as proof of what the women “should” be doing. It’s a lot of pressure to put on people without much sexual experience.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
8 years ago

Look, I’m not saying I’d be all like UGH NO WAY YO!!!!! if I was in a relationship. And it may well be that I’d change my mind. I really don’t think vaginas are gross, that was all exaggeration. The only truth is that it’s just not something I’m raring to do. But again, I really can’t see myself in a relationship in the definite future, or ever really, so I’m not sure I’ll be given the opportunity. And from a distance, I’m not a fan.

Arks
Arks
8 years ago

Pegging is the biggest joke of a sexual act I’ve ever heard of. A woman couldn’t invade an asshole if you gave her Napoleon’s army.

And women having anal sex makes me mad because they’re obviously not enjoying it, so then why are they even doing it? Presumably, because their partner likes it. It’s the prostitution script writ large, a woman does things she doesn’t enjoy for the sake of keeping a man’s attention.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Hey there! I’m Arks, and everything about women pisses me off! My life is so awesome as a result of this, I bet you’re all really jealous.

Brandon
Brandon
8 years ago

Anal sex without lube? I wouldn’t even wish that on my enemies. Lube is your friend…the more the better.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Some TMI for all y’all:

I am quite uncomfortable giving oral sex, mostly because my first boyfriend (I was 15) presented it as something “normal” girls did for their boyfriends, and if I didn’t want to do it I was weird, so… *eyebrow raise*. It wasn’t something for the two of us to share. He also believed that it wasn’t “fair” of me to begin a blow job and then stop when I didn’t want to continue. That’s why sexual quid-pro-quo agreements make me really, really uncomfortable. My current partner enjoys going down on me, and he also understands that I’m not always okay with reciprocating. He doesn’t say “my turn now, it’s only fair!”

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

I’m a lot more comfortable with blow jobs now btw, I’m just still a little weird about them. It helps when you have respectful partners!

Arks is so funny. “Many women are pressured to do sex acts that they don’t enjoy because sex is viewed as something women give to men! That’s why women are terrible.”

O hai Arks! I like anal sex! And I’m a cis woman! Sorry about your exploded head.

Julie Gillis
8 years ago

Arks, the clitoral nerves can run from the tip of the clit, round the vaginal opening and towards the anus. Women may indeed receive physical pleasure from anal if their clitoral nerves run towards that point. And heck for other reasons too.
http://mosex.wordpress.com/2011/11/30/the-internal-clitoris/

MRAL-anal can be done without messiness. Enemas are advised if you are worried about that, condoms and so forth.

Brandon-yes. Lube is god/desses gift to great sex in general.

Leni
Leni
8 years ago

This is also why I find prostitution really kind of repulsive, and to a lesser extent, even strip clubs. Again, I don’t have a moral problem with them, it’s just not my thing.

I agree with you. I find most of it to just be gross, even if there’s nothing particularly offensive about it.

Someone once asked me what my problem was with porn and, assuming I was being some sort of prude, said “What? It’s natural. What’s not to like?” My response was that pooping was also natural, but that I wouldn’t want to watch videos of people doing that either. Although in retrospect it’s actually a little worse than that. Most porn has the same effect on me that watching a video of someone eating while they were pooping would probably have. I just really, really don’t want to see it.

***

That said, I have a gay friend who made a compilation of the goofiest scenes from some of the gay porn he’s come across, and I was laughing so hard I was crying. I imagine there’s plenty of harmless and silly straight porn, I’m just not gonna go looking for it.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

An Arks Christmas.

“Hey, grandma is here.”

“That bitch, she trapped poor grandpa into supporting her by offering to have anal sex with him even though she didn’t like it.”

*Christmas carols on the radio*

“Mary was a whore! She followed Joseph around all the time, leaving a slime trail from her gaping vagina. Bitch.”

*Cousin arrives, start talking about how she broke up with her boyfriend and hasn’t been seeing anyone lately*

“That’s just like a woman, to refuse men sex just because. We shall occupy her stupid whore vagina! Dad, why are you giving me that look? You’re a mangina.”

Arks
Arks
8 years ago

Mary was a whore. Cuckolding your husband with God is hypergamy at its most extreme.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

That’s the best comeback you can come up with? Try harder, please.

jules
8 years ago

Trying to post but my wordpress account seems to be in mod.

Arks, the clitoral nerves can run from the tip of the clit, round the vaginal opening and towards the anus. Women may indeed receive physical pleasure from anal if their clitoral nerves run towards that point. And heck for other reasons too.
http://mosex.wordpress.com/2011/11/30/the-internal-clitoris/

MRAL-anal can be done without messiness. Enemas are advised if you are worried about that, condoms and so forth.

Brandon-yes. Lube is god/desses gift to great sex in general.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
8 years ago

Mary didn’t actually cuckold Joseph, God just planted the Son of Man in her like a cucumber or something. Remember, God is junkless.

Stephanie
Stephanie
8 years ago

I agree that its paternalistic to just assume that women are engaging in certain activities (sports, anal sex, etc.) because of patriarchy, and therefore they are not legitimate choices.

At the same time, I understand what he’s saying about anal sex… I mean, look at the pressure that women face to engage in threesomes with their boyfriend and another woman, especially if they have made it evident that they are at least somewhat physically/sexually attracted to women. A lot of men with bisexual/bicurious girlfriends will pressure them for a threesome, when the reverse is not true for bicurious/bisexual men with girlfriends. Hell, just look at the ads in the “women seeking women” on Plentyoffish, or other dating sites.

A threesome with two women is a straight man’s ultimate fantasy. And even though some women might have that fantasy as well, it would be a mistake to claim that all these MFF threesomes that are happening are because straight/somewhat straight women are not trying to please their boyfriend. A lot of women also have fantasies of engaging in MMF threesomes, but its very unlikely that their boyfriend would comply with that.

I just think that women are engaging in sexual activities that they wouldn’t otherwise engage in, and this is partly because of patriarchy. The same cannot be said of men.

Leni
Leni
8 years ago

Maybe Joseph was watching and enjoying it. Some guys are into that.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

Stephanie: It’s… a bit reductive to say that a MFF threesome is a straight man’s ultimate fantasy, isn’t it? There are lots of straight guys who hate threesomes, or don’t mind them but don’t care for them particularly.

I think that pornified sexuality hurts both men and women, actually. :/ Women feel the pressure to be the Ultimate Sexbot Girlfriend, with her ass hair bleached and ready for threesomes and public sex. And men feel the pressure to be the Ultimate Sexbot Dude, with a big penis that gets hard when they want and comes exactly when they want, and who wants the threesomes and the public sex and all. And, you know, that’s great for people who want all that. But it works out poorly for the guy who really wants to be tied up and beaten, or to be pegged, or even just to have missionary-position vanilla sex with a girlfriend he loves. All of those are viable choices too, and it doesn’t work out well for ANYONE to feel like they have to be Ultimate Sexbots in order to be sexy.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
8 years ago

Someone earlier wondered if there are a lot of men who secretly aren’t into prostitution or porn, or whatever. I think there are, but I also think that for a certain group of men, prostitutes and/or porn are the only option available to them, and it’s better than nothing. I am only 19- and have only really been attracted to girls for 5-6 years- and even so, I really, really want some physical contact with someone. I won’t say I’m desperate, because I’m not, but I want it very much. A 30 year old in my position? I can’t even imagine what that would be like, and I can totally understand just “settling”.

I do think that men are pressured to engage in sex acts, often at the behest of women. The classic one is, of course, the perception that men ALWAYS WANT IT in the first place. I will give Hugo a certain level of credit for writing about this, though he’s still an asshole.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Actually I think my biggest issue with the whole pornification thing is that it tends to put all the focus on sight and take it off of the other senses, and I don’t think that works out well for a lot of people in the sense that they end up doing things that look awesome, and are then confused as to why they don’t feel particularly awesome. A lot of things that feel awesome aren’t particularly telegenic.

jules
8 years ago

Cassandra, word.

theLaplaceDemon
theLaplaceDemon
8 years ago

Porn bores the hell out of me, for reasons not entirely clear – it’s not like the fantasies in my head exactly have any more plot. Every now and then I’ll find some kink stuff that does it for me, but that’s rare. I agree that people who learn about sex through porn end up with some odd ideas about what Sex Is Supposed To Be. I also know a lot of dudes with average or slightly larger than average penis sized who are convinced they’re really small because the majority of adult male penises they’ve seen have been in porn.

I can kind of see where Hugo is coming from with the anal sex stuff – I was pressured into anal when I was younger in a really nasty manipulative way. It wasn’t presented to me as a deal breaker, but the price of saying “no” was way, way to high. That said – I do know women who enjoy anal quite a bit, and Hugo Schwyzer’s condescending tone does come off as just…ick.

And I don’t think this is a phenomenon restricted to anal sex, as others have pointed out. In general, as a culture, we are TERRIBLE at sexual communication, and I think people are often put in a position where they feel like they really need to perform for their partner in an unhealthy not-okay way.

Re: Dan Savage’s pegging comment. I don’t think that “Sure, you can have anal sex with me if I can peg you first” is generally the thing to do – the quid-pro-quo model for sex kinda freaks me out for a handful of reasons too – but I can understand it as a useful thing to say when someone is acting entitled.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

I actually used the “Sure, let’s try anal, but since it was your idea let’s try it on you first!” tactic on a boyfriend once. He immediately realized where I was going with it, ie that I didn’t actually want to peg him, I was just illustrating what an entitled jerk he was being by being pushy about it. He sulked for a while, but did stop bugging me about it.

The sulking part got him dumped.

jules
8 years ago

Sulking is not sexy.

Stephanie
Stephanie
8 years ago

@ozymandias42

I knew someone was going to comment on the “ultimate fantasy” part. I shouldn’t have said that. What I did mean though was that its a major fantasy among straight men, and a lot of men feel entitled to it if they have a bisexual girlfriend (just think of the jaw-dropping, eye-popping reaction many straight men get when they find out a woman they are attracted to is bisexual). Even if they don’t have that sense of entitlement, they will tend to pressure their girlfriend into it. The same does not happen when a woman has a bisexual boyfriend.

Also, I think that a lot of the women that are pressured by their boyfriends are not even bisexual, but they are straight–and at most, bicurious. I cannot even imagine a straight guy engaging in a threesome with another man because of pressure from his girlfriend.

And of course I agree that porn hurts men too (“patriarchy hurts men too”). However, I don’t agree that men are just as likely to be pressured into sex acts that they are not that into by their female partners.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

I struggled with my sexuality for a long time, and after about a year of serious soul-searching I came to the conclusion that, while I prefer men, I am attracted to women too. When I shared this revelation with my (mostly male) group of friends, the two most common reactions I received were 1) disbelief, because I was clearly making it up to make me more attractive to men, and 2) several invitations to join them and their girlfriends for threesomes. Thanks, friends! :-/

Leni
Leni
8 years ago

I also know a lot of dudes with average or slightly larger than average penis sized who are convinced they’re really small because the majority of adult male penises they’ve seen have been in porn.

I don’t know a lot of men who have this problem, but it wouldn’t surprise me.

My current beau definitely did. And he’s actually a bit on the larger side, and was still a virgin at 23 when we met so he had some rather strange ideas about what he thought sex should be like. It took months of reassuring him that he was fine, great really, before he believed me. And even longer for his performance anxiety to go away. I think he’s “cured” now though 😀

This is also why I no longer make small penis jokes. (Even though I’m immensely embarrassed admit how long took me so long to figure that out .)

I actually went to Wiki penis size for him for proof that he was totally normal. At some point I came across the term micropenis and was mortified. Really? That’s what they called it?

Wetherby
Wetherby
8 years ago

Arks:

Women having anal sex is like blackface for gays. You don’t have prostates, ladies, and it doesn’t feel good for you, so stop fucking pretending it’s something you want.

I don’t particularly like it much, and have never initiated it myself, but a girlfriend of mine really liked it, and gave every impression that it felt extremely good.

And she wasn’t remotely the type to “fucking pretend it’s something you want”.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

Stephanie: Statistically, about a third of survivors of unwanted sexual contact and coercive rape are male, so you’re right it’s not as common, but it’s still a fairly significant percentage. But I wasn’t talking about that; I was talking about the way people internalize society’s ideas of How Sex Should Work, which I do think affects all genders.

Ugh, biphobia sucks. As a female-assigned pansexual, I’ve definitely experienced the “ooh, threesomes” reaction. :/ I mean, I’m poly and I actually do like threesomes, but it’s a bit wearisome to be fetishized and to have people assume things about me because of my orientation. On the other hand, it does give one an excellent way of determining assholes rather quickly…

I almost wonder if slash has made the converse more common… that’s a kind of gender parity I don’t like.

Shaenon
8 years ago

Ozy, why do you feel the pressure to be the super-awesome hypersexual chick down for anything?

I remember that internal pressure.

I was kinda hoping shit like that had changed for younger women.

I think it’s gotten worse. I assume most people get out of the “there’s something wrong with me if I don’t look and act like a porn movie” phase sometime after they start actually having sex, but in the interim things can get really awkward.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
8 years ago

That is so fucking old Nom. Not even a witty comment? Christ.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

Women, especially feminists, assign far too much symbolism to anal sex. They assume it’s some sort of power play when AFAIC it’s just the guy putting his peen in the other hole. 😛 The booty is the most beautiful part of the female form. I exclusively date women with big butts(think sirmixalot). I can understand if you’re a wimminz, you’ve tried, and don’t like. But I think there’s this psychological stigma that goes along with buttsecks that straight women have been conditioned with. “its gay” , “its dirty”, “its porntastic” or even “patriarchal”……GAW! What a bunch of pr00ds.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

Might I add: While some women clearly won’t alow a peen in the back door…. Another thing I’m a big fan of is tossing her salad. Do any women here enjoy that or have tried it???