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feminism misogyny MRA rapey sex

What, what. A post about butts.

Hey! Ass is showing.

So, butt sex. In a recent posting on Jezebel, Hugo Schwyzer notes that heterosexual anal sex is now more popular – or at least more prevalent — than ever. According to one study he cites, some 40% of women age 20-24 report that they’ve tried it.

Obviously, many women love love love it – check out Toni Bentley’s engaging if possibly a little too enthusiastic buttsex memoir The Surrender if you don’t believe me. But Hugo wonders if some women are getting pressured into it. And it’s a reasonable concern, especially now that more straight guys have come to expect anal sex as a regular part of sexual relationships. Indeed, Hugo quotes a couple of young women who say that, yes, guys are constantly trying to cajole them into going to “5th base.”

The blogger Scallywag is having none of it.

Fending off anal sex? Really? Are we as men to believe that? If truth be known it is often and still remains the prerogative of women who she will have sex with (as much as a man may attempt to influence her decision) let alone anal sex. That a woman is somehow forced to accede to this demand strikes me as presumptuous and lacking in the understanding that as much as men often control the financial shots of a relationship (but that too is changing) it is often women who decide if and what type of sex will occur or not (otherwise it would be rape).

Uh, yes, I would hope that women always, not just often, would decide who they have sex with, and what kinds of sex they have. Same for men. That’s the way consensual sex works: everyone involved in it gets veto power. Otherwise, it would indeed be rape.

Scallywag, I would recommend that you go back and read the basic rules of sex before engaging in any more of it, much less something as advanced as anal.

As for Hugo, well, after asking that good question, he wanders off into some weird paternalist nonsense about anal sex being

yet another manifestation of the pressure on young women to focus on performance rather than on their own pleasure. …  Perhaps the greatest incentive to do anal is the chance to prove the all-important capacity to endure pain. … [F]or most (certainly not all) young women, pleasure doesn’t seem to be the point.

You know, if anal sex hurts, you’re NOT DOING IT RIGHT.

Also, some people enjoy pain as a part of their sex life, at least when it’s inflicted safely and consensually. Sex is a messy and complicated thing, and you’re not going to get very far in understanding it if you project your own preferences and assumptions onto others with rather different preferences and assumptions about sex.

Hugo goes on to complain further about what he sees as the “sheer physical hurting that young women are expected to endure in order to meet the contemporary cultural ideal.” Somehow in his mind this includes not just painful waxing and the model-thin beauty ideal (a real issue, obviously) but also … sports:

Girls play more sports (and suffer more overuse injuries) than they did two decades ago. … On the soccer field or in the beauty salon, this generation is expected to prove its toughness as none before … .

Really? Maybe girls and women are getting more involved in sports these days because they, er, want to? And because they have more opportunities to get involved in sports these days because of, you know, feminism?

It’s one thing to worry about people – male and female – being pressured into conforming to social ideals or into sex or specific sex acts they don’t want. But it’s another to assume that girls’ and women’s choices are never really choices because patriarchy!  Assuming that girls and women are playing more soccer, or going to “5th base,” mostly because they’re being pressured to is really kind of, well, assy.

On that note, enjoy this song about butts and coconuts.

WARNING: Do not actually put coconuts up your butt. For safe anal play, only use objects with a flared base. I cannot emphasize this enough.

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Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

I find the best way to warm a guy up to pegging is to cuddle close, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, and then stick my finger up his butt without permission. Wait, no, that’s not true, that’s terrible.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

I find that the best way to warm women up to the idea of feminism is to point them to comments like the ones made by any of our trolls and say “observe, these guys exist, and some of them think they’re being funny”.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

Here’s a thought for you: why don’t YOU get your anus bleached, and then get back to us. In your case, I wouldn’t object to it involving a large amount of pain in the arse — it might give you some appreciation of what your readers are obliged to suffer. Really, anal bleaching has to be the silliest cosmetic procedure imaginable.

Obliged? None of my readers are obliged to do a damn thing. I honestly don’t see why any man would bleach his asshole unless he’s a *bottom*(gay or straight mind you).

Catherine
Catherine
8 years ago

You really need to stick the flounce, before you come out with more rapey stuff. You shouldn’t be let anywhere near someone’s bottom, whether a woman’s or a man’s.

Niki M. Quirkypants
8 years ago

Ugh, the things to wake up to.

Hey, NoName, could you tone down the creepy a tad bit? Some of us have been on the receiving end (so to speak) of some of your “suggestions” – and it wasn’t very fun at all.

And hey, if a guy isn’t willing to let his lady return the favor, if only to know how this stuff feels, he ought to keep his fingers/buttplug/cock away from her butt without her permission.

Amused
8 years ago

Sorry to disappoint, NoName, but asshole bleaching is not painful. You’ll have to think of something else.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Reading Monsieur sans Valeur’s comments in this thread have made me extremely grateful that I’ll never be having sex with him. But then I feel selfish, because I know others have slept with him and (presumably) some will in future. Sorry, past and future persons :(.

captainbathrobe
8 years ago

Om Nom’s just trolling for attention at this point. It’s pathetic, really. Best not to give it to him.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

I keep saying…

When someone gets to the “hey ladies, have any of you bleached your assholes?” point ignoring him is really for the best.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Yeah, you’re both totally right. I just find his honestly admitting that he’s just trolling because wants us to pay attention to him a lot more refreshing than those of our trolls who are doing the exact same thing, while pretending to be above it all. But I guess the best approach would be ignoring the lot of them, really.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

He reminds me of a child tugging on his mom’s shirt and begging for candy bars at the checkout at the supermarket. Which is even less sexy than his blather about asshole bleaching.

Some of our trolls are at least entertaining, this one is just sort of vaguely irritating.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
8 years ago

Monsieur’s comments have demonstrated what I was describing about women being pressured into anal sex they don’t want. He also threw out the prude insult, which I had predicted would come out sooner or later. Just to be clear, I think that if one partner very reluctantly consents to any sexual activity, it’s not good. If both partners are adults and have enthusiastic consent, though, I think that’s great.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Saying that prudish to want people to want and enjoy the sex they’re having is… odd.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Saying that it is prudish. And I don’t even have my usual excuse of posting on my phone, I made that mistake on a big ol’ computer screen.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Well, from an asshole’s (see what I did there?) point of view, you’re prudish if you don’t want to do what they’d like you to do. It all makes sense if you look at it from a totally selfish perspective.

(Not that I’m suggesting anyone should do that, but you know.)

Again though, troll – who knows if he even believes any of the stuff he’s saying? He just wants attention.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

Yeah, you’re both totally right. I just find his honestly admitting that he’s just trolling because wants us to pay attention to him a lot more refreshing than those of our trolls who are doing the exact same thing, while pretending to be above it all.

Actually, ITT, I am not trolling whatsoever……..I’m just having fun. 😉 But I will make note of the fact that being honest clearly is not the best policy when it comes to interacting with wimminz. 😛

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

But… I actually said that I… like.. that you’re… why am I trying?

YES LIE TO LADIES ALL THE TIME ALL THE TIME.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Please note, ladies – fun is now defined as annoying women.

Wouldn’t you like Om Nom to stick his fingers up your butt? I mean, he seems like so much fun to be around.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

Talk amongst yerselves!

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Anyway, tedious trolls aside, how was everyone’s Xmas?

captainbathrobe
8 years ago

I had my appendix out. Otherwise, uneventful.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Mine is weirdly eventful and extended this year. Me and my man had our own little Christmas on the 22nd before he left to see his family out-of-province. My parents came into town and I took my mom out to get our makeup done on the 23rd as a Christmas present. Then there was the big family Christmas Eve dinner, and a few little presents/family time with my parents and brother on Christmas morning, followed by a nice quiet Christmas dinner of leftovers and silly movies with just my parents and me.

Now I’m waiting to get picked up by my dad for his family’s Christmas dinner this evening. Tomorrow is pretty much Christmas-free (though busy), but on Wednesday me and my brother are going to fly out with my parents to their home in B.C., and we’re going to open the rest of the presents there. Whoo! Busy.

My mom figures next year we should all just go to Hawaii or something.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

My Dad is currently sitting on a beach in Thailand and I’m so jealous. I’m working so I couldn’t go along.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Because it’s totally not clear from that, my parents = my mom and stepdad. My dad lives in the same city as me.

Sorry about your appendix, captainbathrobe. Are you doing a bit better now?

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

I spent most of the day itself being alone and very sick. That coupled with the fact that this was my first Christmas post-breakup was a little depressing.

Christmas Eve was nice, though. Had dinner with my family.

Niki M. Quirkypants
8 years ago

Guh, dull troll is dull.

Xmas was gloriously slacktastic, just hanging out with my SO at home. I love days off!

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Aw, Dracula, that sucks. Hugs if you want them.

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

Thanks, Cassandra. At this point I’m just glad I’m starting to get better. My voice gave out for about three days, so it’s nice to able to speak again.

Leni
Leni
8 years ago

But I will make note of the fact that being honest clearly is not the best policy when it comes to interacting with wimminz.

Go ahead. Be this “honest” with your boss.

Let us know how that works out for you 🙂

Glass
Glass
8 years ago

I worked Xmas day. Day started slow then we were super busy through the end of my day.

Pterygotus
Pterygotus
8 years ago

Most of the pressure to have anal, for me, is internal: I want to be the naughty up-for-anything girlfriend guys can brag about, you know?
…seems like you’ve succeeded at that, at least.