If you wonder why some dudes get so worked up about “false rape accusations,” it may be because their notion of “seduction” is pretty much indistinguishable from what most of us would call “date rape.” And chances are good that they sort of know this.
Check out this discussion in Reddit’s Seduction subreddit, recently highlighted in ShitRedditSays.
The original poster writes in with a heartrending tale: it seems he can’t get the ladies to touch his penis. Throw5891away writes:
So I have little problem getting numbers, little trouble turning those numbers into dates, I can keep her interested during dates, but i can’t make the move to anything physical beyond a kiss or some light making out.
Let’s have the deets!
A lot of my problem, I think, comes from the fear of possibly making it awkward. I’ve been in a few situations where i’ve tried to slide a hand down the pants of a girl and she turns timid. This is after some over-clothes touching, or pressure with my thigh. Warming them up, i think, is not the major problem. Obviously if a girl says no, i’m not going to push through with it because that’s when it gets awkward.
Yes, trying to stick your fingers in a woman’s vagina when she doesn’t want you to does tend to get a little … awkward.
Beyond me failing at making a first move, it’s nearly impossible for me to get a girl to notice I have an erection and attempt to do something about it.
Maybe you need to wear a t-shirt that says “erection” on it with a big arrow pointing to your crotch? Otherwise how on earth are the ladies you’re making out with ever going to realize you have a boner?
I’m average in size there, so them not noticing is not an issue. I feel like I almost have to physically take their hand and place it on my junk in order to make it happen. And after a while of them paying no attention to my erection (mind you, they’re still gropey elsewhere/into making out), it really starts to make wonder if they’re really into having sex with me at all.
It seems you might just be onto something here. And how on earth can you possibly tell if a woman actually, for real, wants to have sex with you? It’s not like you can ask her directly, because she has the power of speech, or anything like that.
Instead, you’d better ask the dudes on r/seduction. So let’s just see what they have to say.
PuaCurveBall suggests that the best way to avoid the “awkwardness” spoken of earlier is just to ignore it:
I hope this advice doesn’t sounds rapey, but you need to keep going until they seriously tell you no.
Pro-tip: Any bit of advice that starts off with “I hope this advice doesn’t sound rapey” is advice you SHOULD NOT FOLLOW.
Them not telling you firmly to stop (more than just “we shouldn’t be doing this” or “it is too soon”) is the signal. Escalate until they tell you to stop.
Yes, because “we shouldn’t be doing this” is such an ambiguous statement. It could mean anything! It probably is just girl-code for “we should be doing this, so please grab my hand and put it on your dick.”
Either you should get a firm “no, seriously get your hands off me, I’m not ready yet” or you should be having sex with these girls. Everything in the middle is working against you.
So long as she doesn’t literally mace you, you can assume she actually wants you to keep going.
Naturally, the suave Lotherios of the r/seduction community rewarded this sensible advice with upvotes.
Others offered similar advice. Productionx was insistent: “No” means “keep going!”
Women want a man to be dominate. Other women lead you to believe you have to ask for permission, don’t listen to these stupid feminists. Go be a man, if she says no, you say ok, and keep doing exactly what you were doing. You get an erection, make it freaking known!!!
Fangs78 added:
Don’t give up before like the 9-10th time they stop you. Of course, if they are stern and REALLY mean it.
Everyone knows that the first 9 or 10 “no’s” really mean “maybe.”
It’s all part of the art of “seduction.”
This post contains:
Obviously. Now prove that your view of women’s sexuality is correct. Nothing you have said jibes with my experience or the experience of any woman I know.
Or just cling to your fantasy out of stupid stubbornness. Whatever.
So wait… I have to figure out how to not signal my consent to every man who sees me? This is some sort of fucking puzzle?
Can I get hints?
Right now I’m wearing a men’s shirt (black with green pinstripes), men’s jeans, and hiking boots. Am I consenting to sex with any man who sees this outfit?
C’mon, give me a hint here.
@ NWOSlave
“Men and women are different.”
You can pound that table with your shoe all you want, but men and women aren’t different in the specific ways and to the extreme degrees you imagine them to be. Repeating your assertions doesn’t make them any more credible.
Don’t you understand? Women can’t understand our own sexuality because most of us don’t have boners.
/sarcasm
“I said it, then I said it again twice! That’s three pieces of evidence right there!”
“Plus, I want to rape people, and clearly this is because I am a normal man, and not because I am a deeply damaged human being in deep denial. Four pieces of evidence.”
“Men and women are different.”
Fallacy; Argument by repetition (Argument Ad Nauseam)
Also, attempting to repress everyone in the world as you seem to want does not solve any problems.
NWO:
There is a very simple formula for success in these matters: Everyone involved must be willing to proceed at any given time during the interaction. If either (or any, depending on number of participants) is unwilling or uncertain, the interaction cannot advance.
Do you see how that has nothing to do with gender, or even sex, but is, instead, a way to be a generally pleasant person to hang around?
Some examples:
Two people making out on a couch. “Would you like to move to the bed?” “Um . . . Let’s stay here.” “Okay.” Making our resumes, or doesn’t, whatever.
Two people playing video games on the couch. “I would like to play Katamari, would you like to play Katamari?” “No, thanks, I’m going to read this book.” Video game playing and reading resumes, or doesn’t, whatever.
>>>Men and women are different.
People are different.
@KristinMH
Of course he had the right to whatever you call harrassment.
Do women who dress and act sexy in public do it for any man in particular? Does she do it for the 13 year old boy who just hit puberty as well as the married man. It’s indiscriminate. She didn’t care what the results of her actions are. The more the merrier. Her animal instinct tells her to act like an animal in heat. She has no control.
So you were indiscriminantly harrassed. Join the club.
It’s going to get way worse than this. Women have no sexual control. Men eventualy won’t either. Men and women are different. You promote a world full of sluts.
Teach women how to control themselves and men will control themselves.
Teach women not control themselves and men won’t control themselves.
It’s a simple formula.
Who the fuck is the guy who runs topless in the park trying to arouse? There are children playing, dude!
Gotta go but yikes.
Men and women have identical sexualities. Orwell would be proud.
How misandrist of you to claim that men have no control of their own.
Okay… teach us how to control ourselves!
This is the one thing that makes me think you’re not being evil in good faith. You should be able to give some details here.
Ding, ding, ding!
Now, just change “winterwear” to “clothes of any kind” and you’ve got it! Being a female human -regardless of age- in the public sphere, means that you are indicating your readiness and availability for sex. He doesn’t believe that women have desire; our sexuality is only are ability to arouse.
An 11year old girl can be referred to as “slutty” because NWO finds her capri-pants sexy. A winter parka is “slutty” and by wearing it you were deliberately arousing that guy. Because you were a woman, out in public.
Women give consent by being out where men can see them. If you talk to a guy, anything short of sexing him up within about 15 to 20 minutes is sexual abuse.
@Holly Pervocracy
“So wait… I have to figure out how to not signal my consent to every man who sees me? This is some sort of fucking puzzle?”
I guess you’ll have to figure out every single man’s difference and do exactly as he wants. That’s what men have to do for women. Use your intuition.
I f ya wanna play the “we’re all individuals game,” it goes both ways.
NWO, everyone has boundaries! Remember my discussion of my sexual relationship with Bob?* Bob doesn’t want to have PIV! That means he has a “boundary” around PIV.
How did I determine that he had this boundary? I asked! Well, actually, I said “I would really like your dick in my pussy” and he said “let me think about it” and then two weeks later I was like “so, dick in pussy?” and he was like “sorry, I’m waiting for a more meaningful relationship” and I was like “that is cool” and then we had sex.
See? Not difficult at all!
*Bob is a composite sexual partner.
The bf showed me this picture this morning. We were both labouring under the misapprehension that we were both turned on by it, and that both of us enjoyed it.
In reality, he was turned on by it but did not enjoy it at all, despite his belief that he did! He was actually being abused by the picture that he deliberately sought out, and Deborah Ann Woll owes him sex now. I, on the other hand, was not at all aroused by it (that was just an invention of my ladybrain) and was, in fact, just happy to see the evil slutty clothes conspiracy was working.
NWO, men don’t have to “figure out” every woman, just the ones they want to have sex with. Once again, consent, a concept you appear incapable of understanding even a little bit.
Okay… I think this is where my attempts to play along with the “wearing clothes is the female equivalent of sticking your dick in someone” game fall apart.
I think maybe wearing clothes and sticking your dick in someone are different.
radical feminist ideology, here
Just a general thing. The use of “dominate” to mean “dominant” is one of those things that immediately makes me laugh at you.
(I only harp on this because the rest of it has already been handled by you.)
@ozymandias42
If a man say’s to woman “I want to stick my dick in your pussy.” That’s sexual harrassment.
I never want to hear a complaint of sexual harrassment again.
@KristinMH
Did the bad man say, “I want to stick my dick in your pussy?” It’s OK!
In fact, I promote all men to say this to all women at anytime. Some may like it. Everyone is an individual. Let’s start teaching very young boys to say this to very young girls all the time as well. It’s a good thing!
“I guess you’ll have to figure out every single man’s difference and do exactly as he wants. That’s what men have to do for women. Use your intuition.”
By this logic, women should dress according to the needs of the most reactive men, which is to say burkas for all. Correct me if I’m wrong.
And men should interact with women based on the needs of the most prudish woman, no touching without permission, and preferably an introduction from her father.
Is that the world you would like to live in, NWO?
“I guess you’ll have to figure out every single man’s difference and do exactly as he wants. That’s what men have to do for women. Use your intuition.”
Actually, I NEVER assume any man wants to have sex with me at any time unless they specifically say so.
See? Problem solved!
@Sniper
Well, for all single men they should walk up to all women and say, “ya wanna fuck?” Oh what the hell, married men as well. Sexual agency and all that good stuff. No one owes anyone any loyalty ever.
Oh for goodness sake, NWO, Ozy wasn’t talking about a complete fucking stranger. I think you know that, and don’t care.