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Dudes: silent no more!

This tiny kitten actually has nothing to do with the post.

Did Tom Matlack of the Good Men Project – not to be confused with Ben Matlock, fictional defense lawyer beloved by the elderly – swallow one of those mysterious “red pills” I keep hearing about on Men’s Rights blogs? Whatever he swallowed, it’s apparently causing him to hallucinate.

How else to explain his recent post on the GMP site titled “Being a Dude Is a Good Thing.” Now, as a dude who spends a good deal of time every day being a dude, I’ve got nothing against anyone being a dude, provided that’s what they want to be. It’s just that the piece itself is full of some rather strange generalizations that don’t actually seem to be, you know, true, at least not in what’s commonly known as “the real world.”

Rather than try to rebut his argument, because he doesn’t seem to have much of one, let’s just look at some of his loopier pronouncements:

Why do men get blamed for everything?

Uh, because they don’t? Sure, men get blamed for things, but guess what? Women get blamed for things all the time, too, from witchcraft, to divorce, to getting themselves raped, battered or killed. They’ve been blamed for earthquakes, for “inciting” male lust, for killing chivalry and “killing off real men,” for “taking roles intended by God only for men.” Heck, some inventive sorts have even figured out how to blame women for men who are assholes. And this guy has decided that “Black Women are to blame for the disrespect Black Men show towards Black Women.” For endless additional examples, scroll back through the posts and comments here, visit any of the blogs on my “boob roll,” or simply continue living on planet earth.

Back to Matlack, whose generalizations get more surreal by the sentence:

In the locker room, in the bathroom, on the walk out of the board room, in my conversations with men of all kinds, that’s what I hear more than anything. The resignation that to be a man is to be unacceptable at some level to the woman in your life.

Really? Who on earth are you hanging out with? And what women are they hanging out with? Are men other than Tom Matlack and his possibly apocryphal conversational partners actually having conversations like this on a regular basis? If the “woman in your life” basically hates men, what is she doing with you, and what are you doing with her?

One close friend jokes, “When speaking to my wife I always make sure to look at the ground in deference. And I make sure not to make any sudden movements.”

Um, what?

I’ve watched him. He loves his wife.

He’s a very competent human being. But with her he’s decided the only way to survive is to submit. The female view is the right view. The male view just gets you into trouble.

You see what I meant before about the hallucinations, right?

But Matlack suggests there is hope for the poor demure, never-before-heard-from men of the world. Apparently they are starting to open their mouths at last.

It seems that the blame game in the mainstream, whether through the minimization of male life in pop culture or on television or through the continued obsession with men behaving badly, has finally struck a chord with the average guy.

Let’s just pause a moment to reflect on this whole “minimization of male life in pop culture or on television.” Mr. Matlack, do you actually watch movies or television, or visit libraries or anything like that? Most movies revolve around men as the main characters, with women in many cases serving as little more than a love interest or simply as scenery. Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test? Read up on it, run the test on some of your favorite films, and then get back to us on the “minimization of male life in pop culture.”

Now back to Matlack’s manifesto:

We are no longer willing to be blamed for being men. We are no longer willing to avert our gazes and stay silent about our feelings. We are raising our voices and telling our stories in our own male vocabulary.

Yeah, because men have been so utterly silent about their feelings, their opinons, and pretty much everything, up until now.

To women, I assume the response is, “well, it’s about time.” But just remember when we talk it’s not going to sound like a women in a man’s body. It’s gonna be all dude. And you are just going to have to deal with that.

Ladies, prepare yourselves for a lot more Dudesplaining in the near future.  Dudes will be ignored no longer! Dudes!!! DUUUUUDESSS!!!!!!

EDITED TO ADD: Matlack’s gotten some responses on Twitter to his dudely roar; he’s posted a bunch of them here. Guest appearances by Amanda Marcotte and (seriously) Roseanne Barr.

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BigKitty
BigKitty
9 years ago

Oh holy shit, when I in awesome wonder, consider all the shit that no-one can explain. . . Then sings the soul of Crazy Dude to me, how fucked thou art, how fucked thou art!

vacuumslayer
9 years ago

Made up story is made up.

Kyrie
Kyrie
9 years ago

The only thing that made sense in this OP is the kitten.

Frankly, I believe it’s a sort of bet with MGTOW, a sort of private joke. The question is who can do the least and still pretend it’s a revolution.
I think Matlack won with this “look at me, I’m gonna be a male!!!!”

So, dude is not an hateful slur anymore I guess. ^_^

Damsel in de Tech (@damselindetech)

Ok, we’re listening. What? Or, was that it? Feel better? K.

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

Wow! I totally didn’t know that men have been silent this entire time. Who’s voices makes up the majority of religion, politics, history, philosophy, the military, science, and literature again? which sex is more regarded as the one true voice of everything except sammich making and housecleaning?

Yea. It seems to me here in reality land that it was women who have been silenced up until recently. It seems that this rubs some men the wrong way.

Damsel in de Tech (@damselindetech)

Quackers – how dare you try to silence the likes of Gordon Ramsey in his domination of the art of sammich making? Sorry to tell you, Quackers, if that is your real name, that DUDE is no longer a slur!!!!

Moewicus
Moewicus
9 years ago

It seems to me that stuff like “it’s gonna be all dude, deal.” is exactly the kind of thing that gets in the way of communication, not helps it.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Has anyone informed B…don that he was supposed to be being silent all this time? Because for a silenced person he sure talks a lot.

Grinner
Grinner
9 years ago

@Cassandra

Or Slavey? Or DKM? Or, you know, any of the other very-not-silent guys? Or are they not dudes? What makes a dude? Who is really a dude? What definition? Are we going by city slicker who doesn’t know how to cut it in the west? Surfer dudes? I NEED DEFINITIONS!!!!11!

tl:dr I want to know if I’m a dude

Spearhafoc
9 years ago

I tried to be silent, but it’s too hard playing charades to express every little thing.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

The resignation that to be a man is to be unacceptable at some level to the woman in your life sometimes, just as she will be unacceptable to you sometimes.

Fixed that for him.

No one who has ever been in a fight would probably say that the person they are fighting with is acceptable at that time to them on all levels. When I am livid at my best friend, he is still my best friend but his behavior has been unacceptable.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

I think that if I had to guess, Matlack is trying to provide an alternative to Hugo’s recent torrent of male-negative articles.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Ah, more dudely wisdom. Just what the world needs more of.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Also, I would like to play with that kitten, please.

ozymandias42
9 years ago

As the resident Misandry Cop, I have to wonder what the fuck “communicating like a dude” means. I’m pretty sure dudes communicate in every way chicks do, from “FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS” to “I sometimes feel angry when you disrespect my boundaries.”

What would a woman in a man’s body even sound like? o.o

Moewicus
Moewicus
9 years ago

Here is a twitter discussion between Matlack and some feminists on this very topic.

http://goodmenproject.com/good-feed-blog/the-wrath-of-the-feminists-a-discussion-of-masculinity-gender-and-feminism/

I’m only part way through but he doesn’t come off well.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

I think that if I had to guess, Matlack is trying to provide an alternative to Hugo’s recent torrent of male-negative articles.

*pushes MRAL back out the door* No, you are out healing. Go do that instead.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

MRAL, it’s Friday night in Boston. Surely there’s more fun to be had elsewhere?

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

Well, it’s finals week.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Study now, then bed, and you’ll be in a better mood in the morning.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Good luck on your exams. Now go get some coffee or something.

I read part of that twitter exchange. Dude’s not doing too well.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

I’m so unaccustomed to good, almost straight-edge kids that I don’t think I have any useful life advice to give here other than “sleep is nice”. I’m all, yeah, go get some…oh, that’s not appropriate, never mind. Um, Red Bull?

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

I mean I’m not saying I totally agree with him. But. This is nowhere near the bizarro level of most of the regular manosphere stuff. I think a lot of women do probably dominate micro level conversations.. Not that I would know. Maybe he’s off base.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

*hands MRAL a set of her A. Lee Martinez books* Here read this instead of posting here. It will make you laugh.

(seriously though, how do I email books to a person so you CAN read them?)

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

PfkE, if you both have Kindles and the publisher has allowed sharing, that’s one way.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

13 strips all DRM thingies from the books I buy him so we can split them so I do not think we can do it that way.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

@Cassandra: I sure as shit wouldn’t have been studying on a Friday night, finals week or not.

ozymandias42
9 years ago

…sometimes I study on Friday night…

But mostly I play board games! XDDDDD

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Old person is old-I am working.

half assedly but I am still working.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

This is what I love about Ozy, zie manages to shock and scandalize so many MRAs while actually being sort of a geeky good kid. It’s funny – they’re just way too easy to freak out.

ozymandias42
9 years ago

Actually, I did math, for fun, on a Friday night. I think I’m officially a dork.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

I’m home working on a Friday! It’s much too cold to go out, and I am a wimp about the cold.

VoiP
VoiP
9 years ago

Good luck with your finals, finals-having people.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
9 years ago

So he has one friend with a domineering wife, and the solution for that is for all women everywhere to be quiet and let the him and other dudes talk more? I also wonder if he knows any straight couples where both people are equal partners, and nobody is submissive to the other.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

I am staying home tonight. My work x-mas party is tonight, but after the day I had, I need to forget I have a job for the next couple days.

Ozy, what board games? XD

amandajane5
9 years ago

Quackers, you are incorrect, when a man makes a sandwich, he is a CHEF! And should be rewarded as such for his sandwich-making abilities. Because penis + sandwich = hard.

I am also not a real woman, because I both hate and suck at vacuuming. Forcing, nay FORCING my husband and father to occasionally do it for me (did I mention I have severe dust allergies?) wherein they complain for weeks/months before doing it themselves, because I’m happier without, don’t notice or give a shit, but oh the agony and why don’t I do it? Can’t I clearly see it needs to be vacuumed?

Dust that lies down is less toxic than the kind stirred up in the air.

Still waiting for Ami to make my anti-vacuum Magyc card. 😉 Yes, I PM’d you.

Damsel in de Tech (@damselindetech)

omfg, I’m killing myself laughing at the twitter feed. He’s even gone into “I grew up poor! I have no privilege!” Man, my bingo sheet is filling up fast!

So… this is what my Friday night looks like.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

I am also trying to figure out why my @!#@@!ing microphone stopped working. My cat has knocked it off the desk a few times, could that break it? I need it to do an interview via Skype.

kladle
kladle
9 years ago
Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
9 years ago

Yeah, the Twitter feed is something to behold. He is so defensive. If feminists criticize his views, they are “wrathful”, and he compares his feminist critics to MRA’s.

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

oh wow, now the dumbfuck thinks all women are meanies for apparently assuming all men are rapists…

bethhicks0518 summed it up nicely:

Instead of blaming women for being scared in a world that tells them they have to be, hold men accountable. In a real way.

Do these assholes realize how SELFISH they are when they claim hurt fee fees that women are afraid of men, when the reality is that women do get raped and harrassed? that they are told not do dress like sluts or not walk at night, and when they do get raped they get blamed for not being careful enough?

People like Matlack are so selfish, so entitled and so privileged it makes me sick. DO SOMETHING ABOUT RAPISTS INSTEAD OF BLAMING WOMEN FOR BEING RAPED AND SCARED. Everyone knows not all men are rapists. But there are some that are and of course you’re going to be scared or take precautions. Just like you’d be scared of having your house broken into if you didn’t lock to door. Or that you’d get mugged walking down the street in a shady part of town.

No matter what women do, we are blamed. You aren’t careful enough? out come the faux concerned victim blamers with their “oh you should have known better!” “why would you accept that drink?” “why would you wear that, you’ll give him the wrong idea” “why did you go out alone with him?”

But if you do act scared or overly cautious, out come the shrieks and accusations of being a man hater.

What do they want from us? should women just stop everything and just accept rape? is that what they want? because no matter what we do, our actions and reactions are wrong.

Matlack and MRAs- pull your heads out of your ass and realize this is not about YOU PERSONALLY. This is not about hating men. This is the symptom of a worldwide societal problem that affects billions of women and more men as well. Punish the rapists for raping. Don’t blame women for being scared or cautious.

Just look at how many of the trolls we have here that don’t even understand consent, or how many PUAs teach not to respect women’s boundaries. And then we’re the bad guys? ugh.

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

Lol, I doubt if there’s too much masculinity over at the castrated eunichs pagoda. Here’s exerpt from a few of the comments.

“(For the record: I am a cis man. My in-person communication style is coded feminine about half of the time. I thus often have trouble fitting in with any group, and it would really help if people would just listen to what I have to say instead of constantly trying to gender it.)”
————–
“My son, however, can’t wear pink, or a dress, or flowers, or braid his hair, because to identify with anything traditionally female is bad, wrong, deviant, and disgusting.”
————-
“When men, whether gay or bi, ‘crossdresser’ or not, masculine or feminine, see me they go – they go head down, arse up in short order( eg. 2 emails, a quick facetoface chat for 10 to 20 mins to check that theyre not a lunatic – and then BANG, Im in their behind).”
————-
“My husband looks delicious in makeup, and is no less “manly” thereby. He claims he’s straight because he’s never met the right man. I told him that if I make the change to transman, I had better be his type or he’s dead meat.”
————

It just drones on in this emasculated, slightly androgenous, heavily gay/femme tone. I doubt you could gather up a quark of testosterone amongst every gay/bi (haha)-man there, as they discuss the horrors of toxic masculinity. Maybe you might get a gibblet of testosterone from the women who are the majority of commenters there, who the pathetic excuse for men fall all over themselves to agree with.

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

Quackers – how dare you try to silence the likes of Gordon Ramsey in his domination of the art of sammich making? Sorry to tell you, Quackers, if that is your real name, that DUDE is no longer a slur!!!!

Well excuuuuuse me xD

Quackers, you are incorrect, when a man makes a sandwich, he is a CHEF! And should be rewarded as such for his sandwich-making abilities. Because penis + sandwich = hard.

Well then it would be a manwich. Which takes more effort and is deserving of money unlike silly lady sammiches.

also long rant is wrong. Sorry but that part in the convo really ticked me off.

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@Quackers
“Instead of blaming women for being scared in a world that tells them they have to be, hold men accountable.”

A woman talking about accountability. That’s as cute as your ducky gravitar!

Moewicus
Moewicus
9 years ago

Shorter Owly: men being feminine and women being masculine! WHAT?!

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

I mean I think this is far less extreme and insulting than Hugo’s recent article, which I really didn’t like. I don’t think Matlack is obligated to acknowledge anything not immediately relevant to his topic. And he’s talking about how women often dominate the emotional climate in relationships. I don’t know if that’s actually true or not because I’ve never been in a relationship, but all this stuff about how he needs to focus on rape statistics or women being cautious or whatever is kind of irrelevant, and reminds me of the “what about the men” thing that MRAs do.

Bostonian
9 years ago

Only men should talk about accountability! Like this:

“I wonder if those future, or presently model feminists stripped the boy
to expose his lack of control? I noticed the one in the green shoes was
wearing very little for such a little girl. And the other has on skin
tight half pants and a skin tight shirt. I don’t know what the
camera-girl is wearing”

http://manboobz.com/2011/12/15/the-false-rape-society-is-shocked-shocked-by-a-fraternitys-who-would-you-rape-survey/comment-page-6/#comment-98570

(the girls in question were about 11)

Guess who that was?

Bostonian
9 years ago

Hugo is weird at times. I have quit reading his stuff. There are better feminists to read.

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@Moewicus

They were the good (men?) at the projects comments.

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

@NWO

I would have prefered it she said “hold the men who rape and harrass” accountable since it implies that only some men do that, not all. Because I’m such a horrible man hater you see!

But really NWO, you are the perfect example of what I was talking about. You’ve frequently said women dressing sexually is done on purpose to entice men, even in the case of female children, so when they get raped it their own fault. Yet you also claim feminists and women all hate men and think they are rapists. So do many other MRAs

So no matter what we do, we’re blamed for being raped, or accused of being man haters. Tell me, how DO women avoid getting raped without hurting your fee fees? should they wear a burqa? should they refuse to be alone with a man? wouldn’t that imply suspicion of men?

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