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When 5 is 7: Advanced Facebook dating math, according to the dude who actually calls himself “Heartiste”

Cats also think they're all that.

Today, a lesson in advanced Facebook dating mathematics, courtesy of our friend Roissy/Heartiste.

First: fellas, remember that online dating is stacked against us, due to the ability of the ladies to post pictures of themselves looking cute on Facebook – one of the gravest injustices of the modern world. As Heartiste explains, in a post with the bracing title You’ll Need Hard Negs For Facebook Game:

So you’ve got millions of women posting flattering pics of themselves and personal details that are uniformly positive on their FB walls, and you’ve got a bunch of cloying betas feeding the egos of these women even further with painstakingly crafted supportive comments, and you expect to make any headway with tepid game? That is a bitch shield too strong to breach.

But if you must engage the ladies on this unfavorable terrain, remember to adjust your calculations accordingly. As Heartiste explains this new math:

The combination of self-selected profiles and nonstop beta adulation will boost a 5′s self-conception to a 7. Since 5s already have a self-conception of 6 thanks to the phenomenon of female upward dating momentum and the alpha cock carousel, you now have a double-strength bitch shield to bust instead of a single strength.

I’ve prepared a simple chart to illustrate this point:

How to date on Facebook

But wait! There’s more:

Remember, if a 5 believes she’s a 7 (“But I *feel* like a 7!”) she is also going to believe that male 7s are not high enough status for her. Women are not truly happy unless they are dating men 0.5 to 2 sexual market value points higher than themselves.

Five thinks it’s seven. But seven is five. SEVEN IS FIVE!

The reality, of course, is that the male 7 is two full points higher than the female 5. But the Facebook wall has meddled with the primal forces of nature. An unbridgeable chasm brought about by the advance of technology has severed the organically emergent hierarchy of the dating market where there is no escape from soul withering judgments made in mere seconds.

So, as always, the best bet for the modern man is to find some lady in the real world who actually thinks she’s the number she is. Then, simply neg her until she hates herself. That’s how the math is supposed to work.

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Viscaria
Viscaria
13 years ago

Arks, isn’t wanting to fill our slobbering crotch maws with the Mighty Phallus a passion? My vagina, it is so hungry OM NOM NOM.

blitzgal
13 years ago

Between “women don’t have any thoughts of their own, passions or interests” and his charming “wake up and smell the rancid yeasty vagina” I’m not sure Arks actually wants to have anything to do with women, let alone fuck them. He just wants to Go his Own Way. I’m not exactly sure what’s stopping him, but there you are.

These guys go their own way because they despise women for not giving them access to the sex they feel they are entitled to. If they truly wanted nothing to do with women, they wouldn’t waste so much time waving their hands in the air to let us know they just how much they want nothing to do with us.

Alphalady
Alphalady
13 years ago

It’s okay to feed your vagina, but I would suggest you avoid feeding the troll.

Polliwog
Polliwog
13 years ago

I think it was an older claim, since shaved pubic hair is more mainstream in the past 15 years or so but some women said that it was creepy and kind of pedo that guys liked shaved pubic areas on women.

I’d say that it is creepy (and could possibly suggest some underlying pedophilic desires, I suppose) to demand shaved pubes on women, and to find the alternative somehow terribly horrific rather than just “not my preference.” To go back to the beard example, as a woman who doesn’t generally find beards attractive, it is totally fine for me to say, “Personally, I don’t generally find beards attractive.” It would be pretty creepy, however, if every time I saw a guy with a beard I reacted by saying, “Oh my god, GROOOOOOOOSS, there is HAIR on your FACE! That’s just UNNATURAL! Ew ew EW!” Everyone is allowed their preferences – it’s when you try to universalize them and cast the alternative as objectively inferior that there’s a problem.

Sharculese
13 years ago

Having worked in the geekly arts for over ten years, I have encountered creepy people of all possible genders.

as a fellow alum of the geeky arts (i was a scenic carpenter before i went to law school) i want to confirm shaenon’s observation

Hershele Ostropoler
13 years ago

stoner:

In my personal life I operate by a you scratch my back I’ll scratch yours and lets leave it there….

Eh. I’m not a big fan of sexual quid pro quo arrangements. If you don’t like going down, you don’t like going down (or whatever); better to find someone willing (or prefering) to forgo it than metaphorically grit your teeth and do it as payment for something you do like.

tatjna
tatjna
13 years ago

What is it with these people who continue to proclaim their bizarre opinions as fact in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary? And why do they do it in the place where their opinions are most likely to be demonstrated wrong?

Seems to me these people don’t believe their own bullshit either, and get some kind of kick out of pissing into the wind.

Wetherby
Wetherby
13 years ago

I’m not a big fan of sexual quid pro quo arrangements. If you don’t like going down, you don’t like going down (or whatever); better to find someone willing (or prefering) to forgo it than metaphorically grit your teeth and do it as payment for something you do like.

And also, someone might be a huge fan of giving oral sex, but fairly indifferent about receiving it – and I’m speaking very much from experience here. (I know, I’m obviously some kind of freak of nature).

But as a general rule, a good sexual relationship should involve doing what you both want, and what you’re both comfortable with.

Kyrie
Kyrie
13 years ago

EVERYBODY SHOULD COMPLETELY SHAVE THEIR EYEBROW! EYEBROWS ARE GROSS AND DIRTY!!!!!!!!! Also, beards. They can be nice, but they scratch when I kiss.

Kyrie
Kyrie
13 years ago

“someone might be a huge fan of giving oral sex, but fairly indifferent about receiving it”
Or once can be much more into PIV sex than the other. Their is no quid pro quo for that.

Kyrie
Kyrie
13 years ago

*Or one can be

Alphalady
Alphalady
13 years ago

tatjna: Because they are trolls, plain and simple!

tatjna
tatjna
13 years ago
Reply to  Alphalady

They aren’t very clever ones then. Most good trolls make their bullshit at least partly believable.

Sharculese
13 years ago

EVERYBODY SHOULD COMPLETELY SHAVE THEIR EYEBROW! EYEBROWS ARE GROSS AND DIRTY!!!!!!!!! Also, beards. They can be nice, but they scratch when I kiss.

facial hair needs to be taken care of just like head hair, but most dudes don’t seem to realize this. ive had girls ask why my beard doesn’t scratch them, it’s mostly because i trim and shampoo it daily.

although i did once kiss a dude who also had a beard. that was a weird experience.

Viscaria
Viscaria
13 years ago

It’s okay to feed your vagina, but I would suggest you avoid feeding the troll.

I knooooow… It’s just that Arks is so fascinatingly grotesque that sometimes I can’t help but wonder what his next outpouring of hate will look like.

ithiliana
13 years ago

http://blog.sfgate.com/hottopics/2011/12/15/study-finds-unattractive-men-most-likely-to-incorrectly-think-women-really-dig-%E2%80%98em/?tsp=1

AHAHAhAH! (now, it’s general media, study was on undergraduates, but still).

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH

Hershele Ostropoler
13 years ago

Ithiliana, so there’s a sort of sexual/romantic Dunning-Kruger effect (or at least a version of the popular understanding of the Dunning-Kruger effect)? Interesting.

Lian Li
Lian Li
13 years ago

Arks, I don’t know you, but I think I like you.
@Aeris:

These guys go their own way because they despise women for not giving them access to the sex they feel they are entitled to.

What’s so unreasonable about that? Whole political theories were built on the anger not to get what you want. Uh… Sephiroth’s here…

Holly Pervocracy
13 years ago

If women who like you aren’t worth your time, why the hell do you spend hours upon hours talking to women you don’t like?

Go your own way already! Compose a symphony or something. Seriously. I think even the average guy doesn’t spend as much time talking to women as our MGTOW trolls do.

Shora
13 years ago

Yea lian! What’s so unreasonable about telling women that they are required to give men access to their bodies on a regular basis, regardless of how they feel about it?

Bostonian
13 years ago

No one is entitled to use someone’s body without their consent.

blitzgal
13 years ago

What’s so unreasonable about that?

It’s not unreasonable to go your own way. My point is, he’s not going his own way. His life is consumed by this irrational hatred he feels for an entire gender. If he had honestly gone his own way, he wouldn’t be wasting so much of his time telling all of us that he’s going. He’d just be gone.

Lian Li
Lian Li
13 years ago

@Holly Pervocracy: Do you speak to me? Which women do like me? And why shouldn’t I like you? And why shouldn’t I talk to you? And why am I an MGTOW?

@Shora:

Yea lian! What’s so unreasonable about telling women that they are required to give men access to their bodies on a regular basis, regardless of how they feel about it?

I don’t find anything reasonable about that.

Holly Pervocracy
13 years ago

@Holly Pervocracy: Do you speak to me? Which women do like me? And why shouldn’t I like you? And why shouldn’t I talk to you? And why am I an MGTOW?

Yes. None that I know of, because you are a troll. The rest of these questions you’ll really have to answer for yourself.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
13 years ago

This is why I said I didn’t consider him worth engaging with on his very first comment. He still appears to be pouting about that. Poor little troll.