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beta males creepy douchebaggery I'm totally being sarcastic kitties men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny PUA

When 5 is 7: Advanced Facebook dating math, according to the dude who actually calls himself “Heartiste”

Cats also think they're all that.

Today, a lesson in advanced Facebook dating mathematics, courtesy of our friend Roissy/Heartiste.

First: fellas, remember that online dating is stacked against us, due to the ability of the ladies to post pictures of themselves looking cute on Facebook – one of the gravest injustices of the modern world. As Heartiste explains, in a post with the bracing title You’ll Need Hard Negs For Facebook Game:

So you’ve got millions of women posting flattering pics of themselves and personal details that are uniformly positive on their FB walls, and you’ve got a bunch of cloying betas feeding the egos of these women even further with painstakingly crafted supportive comments, and you expect to make any headway with tepid game? That is a bitch shield too strong to breach.

But if you must engage the ladies on this unfavorable terrain, remember to adjust your calculations accordingly. As Heartiste explains this new math:

The combination of self-selected profiles and nonstop beta adulation will boost a 5′s self-conception to a 7. Since 5s already have a self-conception of 6 thanks to the phenomenon of female upward dating momentum and the alpha cock carousel, you now have a double-strength bitch shield to bust instead of a single strength.

I’ve prepared a simple chart to illustrate this point:

How to date on Facebook

But wait! There’s more:

Remember, if a 5 believes she’s a 7 (“But I *feel* like a 7!”) she is also going to believe that male 7s are not high enough status for her. Women are not truly happy unless they are dating men 0.5 to 2 sexual market value points higher than themselves.

Five thinks it’s seven. But seven is five. SEVEN IS FIVE!

The reality, of course, is that the male 7 is two full points higher than the female 5. But the Facebook wall has meddled with the primal forces of nature. An unbridgeable chasm brought about by the advance of technology has severed the organically emergent hierarchy of the dating market where there is no escape from soul withering judgments made in mere seconds.

So, as always, the best bet for the modern man is to find some lady in the real world who actually thinks she’s the number she is. Then, simply neg her until she hates herself. That’s how the math is supposed to work.

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Lian Li
Lian Li
8 years ago

How can you assume that there are women who like me? And what do you mean by troll?

katz
8 years ago

ithiliana: Funny, but with a BS evo psych explanation at the end.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

By troll, Lian Li, I mean a person who comes in applauding someone who says that women are brainless monsters, then hangs around to ask completely nonsensical and annoying questions.

Lian Li
Lian Li
8 years ago

Ok, Holly, I admit I abused your attention and patience, and I feel a bit guilty now, and could even apologize but that would be troll’s remorse and so no. But be assured that you’re all extremely entertaining.

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

Arks may appear to be off his meds as one poster put it, and living with a delusional view of reality, but when he posts gems of craziness such as vaginas = “slobbering crotch maws” or women attending cons = “greasy buttered manatees” the appropriate response is not to say “I really like you” — admiration of unhinged misogyny is not itself admirable, Lian. As far as trolls go, you seem to be the boring and dense variety, which is rather lamentable, as it’s much more fun to skewer and roast the bizarre ones.

The Golden Star
The Golden Star
8 years ago

There’s just something unsettling about a human being that doesn’t really have any thoughts of its own; that goes through its life without any real passions or interests or opinions.

Most men are like that TOO, ya know! People are basically mechanical, and women of course are no exception(though some of them would us like to think so…LOL).

INB4 “ur just another misogynist!” : I don’t people in general, and last time I checked women are people. QED

Lian Li
Lian Li
8 years ago

My dear Xanthe, we’re just having fun, nobody get’s roasted here. Ok in the other thread we have a horrible, horrible troll’s remorse by MRAL, who says he was ‘demi-trolling’… ugh! So Arks, though he clearly not believes what he says, might be ‘demi-trolling’, too. Horrible! Where are the true trolls left, the true trolls in the Encyclopaedia-Dramatica-sense… that’s really depressing.

ithiliana
8 years ago

@Katz: ithiliana: Funny, but with a BS evo psych explanation at the end.

True, but I skimmed over/ignored it, because it was just so perfect–all these mras claiming women rank themselves too high, and now at least some proof that MEN DO IT TOO.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

ED is actually funny sometimes, though, as all effective trolling needs to be. When most people react to your comments with bored eye-rolling you may want to consider the possiblity that you’re just not very good at being a troll.

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

Of late Arks’ rants have gone considerably OTT, which you are right Lian in supposing that they are sufficiently incredible that even their author may not believe them, but the possibility remains that they are the unsound products of a delusional mind – hopefully the perturbation is only temporary. In the meantime, in case you hadn’t noticed we like setting a good troll or MRA on the spit, and toasting marshmallows. Or is the meme to break out the popcorn? Whatever.

Sharculese
8 years ago

My dear Xanthe, we’re just having fun, nobody get’s roasted here. Ok in the other thread we have a horrible, horrible troll’s remorse by MRAL, who says he was ‘demi-trolling’… ugh! So Arks, though he clearly not believes what he says, might be ‘demi-trolling’, too. Horrible! Where are the true trolls left, the true trolls in the Encyclopaedia-Dramatica-sense… that’s really depressing.

ooooooomiggggggggoooodd how are you this pretentious about trolling? what went lame in your life to make you think ‘of human wankage’ was an appropriate posting style?

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

The comment section of posts on this blog would be a SNORE if it weren’t for some of us menz who keep the pot stirred!

Trollz: can’t live with em, can’t live without em. 😛

Lian Li
Lian Li
8 years ago

Cassandra, I can be very funny, the point is, it’s sometimes an interesting thought that I want to elaborate, which can get tedious, especially here.

Trolling should not be funny except for the troll, I don’t want to be joked about like NWO or Arks (though he’s really damn funny, “Not in a neckbeard sense but more of an ‘uncanny valley’ sense.” <= brilliant), it's the holy grail of trolling to get a really violent hostile reaction, which I managed much better than anyone else.

ithiliana
8 years ago

LL: I can be very funny

[citation needed]

I haven’t read or followed Encyclopedia Dramatica, and so have no idea what the ‘classic’ or ‘canon’ trollishness should be like.

My experiences are limited to fan spaces or feminist spaces where there is no humor and less wit in the trolls.

So far the trolls here have not given me any evidence to the contrary.

So, well, citation needed?

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Lian Li, you won’t be joked about like NWO or Meller or even Arks, because you’re too boring.

Eventually you’ll be ignored.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

“Cassandra, I can be very funny”

I’ve seen no evidence of that. Also, as far as hostile reactions are concerned, you have utterly failed so far. “You’re boring, go away” is small fry compared to the stuff we have to say to Meller or NWO. Try harder, boring troll!

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

@ Ithiliana – I actually know people who’ve contributed to ED. Our new friend here is most definitely sub-par by their standards.

katz
8 years ago

Hey guys, check it out, I wrote a dating marked value test!

http://cboye.wordpress.com/2011/12/15/a-gender-neutral-dating-market-value-test/

Lian Li
Lian Li
8 years ago

Sharculese, sissy boy has arrived and tries to be intelligent, but he’s no match for me, I pay lumosity.com 200 bucks a year for flash games that scientifically proven enhance my brain power! They say my IQ increased to 175. Try that!

Come on, Sharculese, you loser, why can’t you be a real man, look at your avatar, embarrassing, how can I ever take you seriously? I would knock you out with one hit. Too bad the F-word is banned, you would deserve it.

And Cassandra, you don’t know nothing, if I’m boring, your counter trolls attempts are boooooooooring. As I said, I was Scott-Adams-trolling, that’s necessarily not so extreme.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

Lian Li, you gotta learn the difference between “troll” and “shitposter.”

Troll is “Spanish and Russian use the same alphabet, women should all be slaves to men, and I am in love with my collection of dolls.” (Only delivered with passion.)

Shitposter is low-effort, unfunny, excessively self-aware “look guys I’m a troll and I’m trolling you lol aren’t you offended yeah I just trolled you lol.”

You, Lian Li, are a shitposter.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Oh my gosh katz that is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Kitties indeed.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Keep going with the insults, Lian LI. Boring troll is boring.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

You also need to learn the difference between “counter troll” and “mock”.

Lian Li
Lian Li
8 years ago

@Holly:

Shitposter is low-effort, unfunny, excessively self-aware “look guys I’m a troll and I’m trolling you lol aren’t you offended yeah I just trolled you lol.”

You, Lian Li, are a shitposter.

Nah, ok, I’m just a shitposter then, but at least we know now that Bee is especially stupid, because she was very offended.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Where has Meller been for the past few days anyway? I hope something unfortunate didn’t happen when he was wanking with his dolls and/or plushy.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Cassandra, that sounds like an opening to an episode of “Six Feet Under.”

Sharculese
8 years ago

Sharculese, sissy boy has arrived and tries to be intelligent, but he’s no match for me, I pay lumosity.com 200 bucks a year for flash games that scientifically proven enhance my brain power! They say my IQ increased to 175. Try that!

Come on, Sharculese, you loser, why can’t you be a real man, look at your avatar, embarrassing, how can I ever take you seriously? I would knock you out with one hit. Too bad the F-word is banned, you would deserve it.

this is a regular, fakeposting, right? this is way too tailor-made. has david busted out the ip-ometer?

katz
8 years ago

If you take it, make sure to post your score.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Hengist? Then again, I suspect anyone who’s really boring and trying too hard of being either Hengist or Simon.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Took katz’ quiz again to get a score. I’m an 11, which I guess means I squeaked by as an alpha, yay! I’m going to go pick up random people in a bar, ttyl.

Would have got another point if I was willing to concede that The Who are the best band, but I couldn’t betray my precious Beatles.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Not that there’s anything wrong with picking people up in a bar. What I should have said is, I’m going to go pick up random people in a creepy and dehumanizing way.

Polliwog
Polliwog
8 years ago

Ooh, I get to be an alpha on Katz’s quiz! I feel so special now. 😉

Caraz
Caraz
8 years ago

It speaks volumes that the part which annoyed me most was that Fluttershy wasn’t considered the best pony.

I think I got an 11 though.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
8 years ago

Yeah, I was a -4 on Katz’s quiz, making me a classic beta. I lost a lot of points by not understanding the doctor question, and answering “General practitioner”.

katz
8 years ago

Fluttershy was originally a +1, but I didn’t want too many ponies to be worth +1.

Pam
Pam
8 years ago

In addition to being boring, Lian Li is using some sort of IP-hiding service (either that or he/she can teleport from one country to the next in seconds).

Not only that, but his nym is an insult to a damn fine line of computer cases!

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

katz: I got 9, so I went back to the last question and changed my last answer from “What? Why would you do that? [+0]” to “Who gives a crap, it’s an internet quiz [+2]”
So now I’m an alpha!! (how did you know about my personalities? Now, we’re watching you)

A few points:
Hey, when did blue eyes stopped being pretty??
What’s wrong with red hair? sigh.
You should probably add a answer for those don’t know any pony by their first name.

Pecunium
8 years ago

Brandon, it seems, has been paying attention to the PUA world. I offer into evidence his abiltity to subtley parse the qualities of a neg, as well as the times/manners in which to best use it.

Why am I not surprised.

He also sings two different tunes. On the one hand the “PUA Lifestyle” is about being independent and well groomed so you will be attractive to women, on the other it’s about making a women think so little of herself that any dude who makes a pitch can get into her pants; because women want to get laid, and making them feel like shit makes that easier.

But he likes women, think they should be treated as equals, unless of course that would impinge on Brandon.

@Julie: And how do I know if she spent hours doing her nails? For all I know, they could be kmart press ons.

Do you care? The point, per you, isn’t to actually give a damn about how her nails look but to find some way to needle her, get under her skin, and show that, “she not perfect.”

Which is, you know, insulting. About which you are, you know, bragging.

Pecunium
8 years ago

wow… Dimitri is… special.

The argument that homosexuality is a “normal variant” has been made by several homosexual special interest groups (the same ones spreading the false rumours that heterosexual men can catch HIV).

It seems he’s sort of neutral on gay men, at least in that he thinks they should be left alone, even if he also thinks some stupid shit about what they are like.

There is, of course, this shit at the end. The mind boggles:

We are proud to say that a large percentage of attendees to TORONTO REAL MEN meetings are Metropolitan Toronto Police officers. Therefore, as a show of good faith from Dimitri The Lover, there is a 25% discount afforded to all police and military personelle that pay at the door. The vast majority of female officers are carpet-munchers, so they are especially encouraged to attend. The discount will not be extended to firefighters, because most of them are closet homosexuals that spend all of their down time at the fire hall jerking off to gay porn and jealously leering at each other’s superbly cut bodies as a prelude to participating in homo-erotic activities, before grudgingly having to go back home to their respective wives and closets.

I think that so many Toronto cops attend is the scariest thing he’s said, and may explain slutwalk.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

My score was 0. Mainly because I could not answer several questions.

:/

Pecunium
8 years ago

I got a 10, but I don’t know quite what to do about the car thing. I have a BMW motorcycle, and spare gear.

I also lost points for being ginger.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Yeah, I skipped the car question as I was unsure where my cute little Mazda 2 fit. Although it doesn’t really make a difference, since I’m too terrified to drive the thing. But whatever I AM ALPHA HA HA HA ALL SHALL WORSHIP ME.

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

Hey katz, what do I score on the car question if I drive a Toyota Sienna? Keeping in mind that I am totally willing to take the back seats out and help you move.

My overall score is 15 so far.

cynickal
cynickal
8 years ago

I got a 1.
Hopefully I’ll be kept away from other fish, as apperently I’m a Siamese Fighting Fish (Betta Splendens).

Kollege Messerschmitt
8 years ago

Holy shit, I scored 19! I’m a facial Alpha!


for some reason, that makes me feel reall dirty :
BUT PINKIE PIE IS BEST PONY! I REGRET NOTHING!

That was an awesome test, though, katz 😀

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

Kollage: I need to now if you’re a male alpha or a female one. If it’s the first I will throw myself at you until you dump me for being old (like 25) to make you my baby’s daddy. If it’s the second (or other-gendered), I think it is my duty to key your car. Or your pony if you don’t have a car.

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

*Kollege. I need to sleep.

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

Ha. Depending on what day of the week it is, either Pertwee or Tom is my favourite Doctor, which means I am regularly oscillating between:

9: Classic beta. You may increase in value if kept in mint condition.
10: Alpha. You are a psychopath with as many as 50 conflicting personalities in you at once.

Nice. (And, yes, I do consider myself in good, if perhaps not mint, condition)

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