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Maxim explains “How to Cure a Feminist”

Given that we live in a feminazi gynocracy, with evil feminasties controlling all that we see and hear, it’s amazing that something like this ever found its way into print. This is from Maxim, in 2003. I found it here. Click on it to see it full size.

In the interest of accuracy, I would like to note that the woman pictured below might not be an actual feminist, as her armpit hair appears to be fake.

 

From Maxim, 2003.

 

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John
John
8 years ago

THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!!

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

“What must women do to earn equal pay for equal work?”
Equal work.

“Has Gloria Steinem’s marriage hurt the feminist agenda?”
No, because it never was the nobody-can-get-married agenda.

“Did you see Cagney & Lacey on Lifetime last night?”
No, that show’s like a million years old. If you want a slightly more recent feminist shibboleth, try Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

But this isn’t really about feminism. Really it’s about “how to pressure a butch girl into being femme for you,” and the answer is you can’t, fuck off, I’m butch and I’m awesome and I love boys and you could’ve been one of them if you didn’t keep doing shit like buying me tight tank tops when you know I wear flannels and t-shirts.

John
John
8 years ago

FUCKING lvoe the feminist gynocracy destroyed and the cbitches pwned.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

John, honey, you’re just as dull as MRAL. No one here’s getting “pwned” but you.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

At least the “bitches” can type through our rage-spittle. Maybe you’d feel better if you went for a run, or watched a movie you like?

John
John
8 years ago

I have work to do, so I can’t run or watch movies I like. I am just saying, that chick was pwned.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

Yes, because being turned from butch to femme is “pwnage.”

There’s so many things wrong with that I don’t even know where to start.

John
John
8 years ago

IMO, Stage #2 is the best stage.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

Maxim mag is the anus of menz magazines.

blitzgal
8 years ago

Since John is MRAL and MRAL is banned, it’s time to ban John and any other alter ego he chooses to create here.

Regarding the article, I find it hilarious that the “cured” feminist is embodying one of the evil female traits that MRAs scream about — namely, being shallow and only interested in the material goods a man can give them (“Your camaro makes me so hot!”) So just like your basic MRA, Maxim clearly believes that women are terrible, no matter what they do.

Also, penisocracy? Have the guts to use the real P word. It exists.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

I have work to do, so I can’t run or watch movies I like. I am just saying, that chick was pwned.

Um, MRAL, you know that “chick” was fictional, yes?

John
John
8 years ago

Stages #3 and #4 are veering dangerously close to alpha fuck territory, and also they look fucking stupid. Stage #1, obviously, is misandric. But Stage #2 is optimal.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

Things Wrong With That, An Incomplete List
1. The idea that femme is less dignified than butch, so she’s been “lowered.”

2. The idea that it is desirable to “pwn” someone you’re in a relationship with.

3. The idea that it is justifiable to “pwn” someone for not being the type you’re attracted to.

4. The idea that it’s okay to make someone change their identity for a relationship.

5. The idea that if someone makes sacrifices for a relationship, you have “pwned” them.

6. The idea that any actual woman not a paid model would fall for this anyway, seriously.

John
John
8 years ago

Blitzgal, I assume Maxim was utilizing clever satire; the term “penisocracy” is a Swiftian response to the hysterical feminist buzzword “patriarchy”, which does not exist in any meaningful form.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

Stages #3 and #4 are veering dangerously close to alpha fuck territory,

…You know they’re all the same woman, right?

John
John
8 years ago

Yea, but they’ve been altered is the idea, I think that #2 is the best alteration while Maxim seems to think #4 is. IMO, though, #4 looks like an alpha bitch.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

She doesn’t know you think that, though, MRALJohn. She thinks she’s doing men a favor by looking as attractive as she possibly can. She’s working harder–wearing more makeup, putting more work into her hair, wearing much socially riskier and less comfortable clothing–in order to make men like her appearance as much as possible.

She’s not looking down on you–she’s busting her ass to suck up to you. To be good enough for you.

And this is the thanks she gets?

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

If it makes you feel better, #2 also probably isn’t attracted to a man who might randomly scream at her and who secretly hates her vagina and the fact that she has rights. So it’s not like she’s any less picky just because she’s a little plainer.

Rachel
8 years ago

I have a question – when was MRAL banned? I have been negligent about reading the comments lately, so just curious? Also, why?

Oh, and John – I know someone already mentioned this, but the girl pictured above is a paid model, not someone who actually began as a feminist and was magically transformed due the the “techniques” described in Maxim. So she really wasn’t “pwned” by anyone.

John
John
8 years ago

Are you fucking with me? She’s not busting her ass to suck up to ME, she’s busting her ass to suck up to the alpha assholes (ie, 10% of men) and hop on the Carousel.

That’s what gets me. Arrogant women put makeup or whatever on to appeal to a tiny slice of men, and then fyms bitch and blame about how they “make themselves pleasing to men”, yeah, er, no they don’t. They make themselves pleasing to 5% of men, the alphas, those VERY VERY few men who rule the goddamn planet. They are quite distinct from “men” as a gender. If you’re not an AA, you get sneered at.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

MRAL, I have dated men shorter than you and I guarantee I’ve dated uglier.

What I haven’t dated is nastier.

If you’re determined to think of yourself as a poor little Beta, put some work into your fucking hideous personality.

(Hell, even in MRAL delusionland–WHICH IS A DELUSION IT IS NOT TRUE I HAVE SUCKED A FIVE FOOT FOUR UNEMPLOYED MAN’S COCK BECAUSE HE WAS NICE AND FUNNY–you can’t really do anything about it. You can’t make women attracted to non-Alpha-Assholes. So you might as well get a hobby or something.)

John
John
8 years ago

#2 is NOT plainer, she’s just less of a fucking bitch.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

Are you parodying yourself? She’s a photograph. A photograph of the same woman.

Are there “bitch clothes”? Then you’d better make like NWO and explain to us which ones are the bitch clothes so we can all make sure not to dress like a bitch.

We’re still not fucking you, though, not because of how you look or how rich you are but because your personality is frightening and off-putting.

John
John
8 years ago

Probably Stage #4 got buttfucked by a callous Alpha Asshole right after that Photoshoot.

Caraz
Caraz
8 years ago

MRAL, the whole ‘greek system’ of alphas and betas the MRAs have put in your head is a load of nonsense. That’s all there really is to it, but fine. I hope your happy now that you’ve convinced yourself that a non-existent social class system is the source of all your woes.

John
John
8 years ago

Hey, I’m not talking about me. I am discussing wider societal implications.

John
John
8 years ago

And they have little thought bubbles displaying their true colors, Holly.

Stage #1: Misandric, obviously.
Stage #3: TRANSLATION: “Maybe I need an Alpha Alpha Alpha Prime to complete me.”
Stage #4: TRANSLATION: “Your Camaro makes me so hot (as long as you’re an Alpha Alpha Alpha Prime)”

Stage #2: Nothing objectionable.

That’s my reasoning.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

Probably Stage #4 got buttfucked by a callous Alpha Asshole right after that Photoshoot.

Probably she got dressed and went home because she’s actually an ordinary person who has a job as a magazine editorial model.

I have no idea what kind of relationship she’s in but it’s probably one with a guy she likes.

Serious question, MRAL: have you heard of marriage? That thing where two people get together and only fuck each other? How does this fit into your “women are all sluts for assholes who all throw them away after one fuck” cosmology? People still do get married!

There is such a thing as a couple. Don’t you realize what a hole that simple human fact punches in your delusion?

criticalwat
8 years ago

Both idiotic and emotionally manipulative. Only upside is that anyone who seriously believes this shite might actually learn something when they are attempting step #1 and maybe pick up some actual feminist beliefs

Joanna
8 years ago

“Arrogant women put makeup or whatever on to appeal to a tiny slice of men”

I agree. You don’t have to date these women you know. I do dislike it when women try too hard to get a guys attention. It’s pretty desperate and shows low self esteem.

“She won’t object to you opening the occasional door or picking up the check”

But that’s misandry! This magazine is full of shit.

BlackBloc
BlackBloc
8 years ago

>>>Maxim mag is the anus of menz magazines.

Failed analogy. I don’t like to have my Maxim magazine licked when I’m really horny.

(To be fair, I don’t have a Maxim mag, because… well, do I really need a reason?)

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

And they have little thought bubbles displaying their true colors, Holly.

Those thought bubbles were written by a male editor and he was exaggerating. I’m not going to defend an imaginary woman to you, especially not one from a man’s imagination.

But I have a homework assignment for you. I want you to go to the mall. (It’s hell right now, I know. I’m sorry.) And I want you to look at the couples there. All of the couples, not the ones that catch your eye and boil your blood. Just the sort of men and women who go together to pick up some Yankee Candles or golf clubs or whateverthehell. Notice the sort of people they are.

Every sort.

Notice how some of the men in couples will look a bit like you, or at least nothing whatsoever like Brad Pitt. I can’t promise they’ll be with gorgeous women but you never said that you demanded that; they’ll be with women.

Realize that you’re not all wrong–there is something about you that repels women. But it’s something extremely changeable. It’s the way you talk to us and about us. You can fix that. You can be an Alpha Of Treating Women Like People.

neverdidlikeyou
neverdidlikeyou
8 years ago

Nope, no “bitch clothes” but that totally is some bitch hair. I mean look at it, it’s like she blowdried that shit and everything!

Joanna
8 years ago

@Holly: I’ve actually noticed that it’s the generally the prettier couples that don’t get along very well. You can totally tell when it’s a superficial relationship.

John
John
8 years ago

Look, Holly, I don’t know. Maybe things change when you get older. I just go by my experiences.

So, the other day I was on Youtube, and I was watching the video for that Starstrukk song by 3OH!3 and Katy Perry, and I happened to look at one of the comments. This girl says “that blond guy is kind of cute”. (She was referring to Sean Foreman.)

KIND OF CUTE?!? Even as a very straight guy I can see that Sean is maybe even hotter than Pitt. He’s like a perfect physical specimen. What the FUCK? I got so fucking mad it ruined my whole goddamn day. If someone like Sean is only “kind of cute”, what the fuck does that say about how Alpha Bitches view the other 3.5 billion men on the planet? That girl is a fucking elitist arrogant bitch.

Captain Bathrobe
Captain Bathrobe
8 years ago

Oooo, it looks like John/MRAL just got pwned.

blitzgal
8 years ago

Dammit, I thought I had put John/MRAL’s newest info in the moderation filter. Well, I have now.

Good. I’m sick of seeing him constantly wishing anal rape on people.

blitzgal
8 years ago

And Holly is exactly right. People like MRAL who seethe with rage at the tiny percent of women they want to fuck and can’t simply DO NOT SEE the majority of humanity.

Boadie
8 years ago

This is turning out to be one of my favorite blogs. I’m a lesbian feminist, but I think I have a crush on you. <3 Look at that! You cured me! Lol! Just kidding, I'm only half-lesbian, but I do consider most men to be vile. Love your blog though. 😉

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

I do consider most men to be vile.

Well then you can fuck right off, because that’s not what we’re about here. 🙂

filetofswedishfish
8 years ago

How to make a feminist woman dateable:

-Be a feminist man.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

Bust is not a feminist-lite magazine. It’s a sex-positive feminist magazine. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. Sex-positive feminism is not the tastes-great-less-filling of feminism.

For the advanced class, we will discuss how butches, virgins, queers, the hairy-armpitted and other undesirables can still be sex-positive feminists.

Joanna
8 years ago

” If someone like Sean is only “kind of cute”, what the fuck does that say about how Alpha Bitches view the other 3.5 billion men on the planet?”

People have different tastes you big silly. Personally he’s not to my taste. I prefer someone kinda nerdier.

neverdidlikeyou
neverdidlikeyou
8 years ago

@ozymandias, I’m hairy pitted AND wearing a dress and heels right now (and don’t find Brad Pitt particularly hot, to reference John’s most recent tirade)… which class do I get to go to?

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

Personally, I think Sean Foreman is kind of cute.

I think my boyfriend–who is fatter and nerdier and less famous and goofier-looking than Sean Foreman–is super cute. Even though he’s less Pittlike than Sean Foreman, I like him more.

It can work like that.

filetofswedishfish
8 years ago

Also, WTF to “Turn an unshaven, militant, protesting vegan into a real girl!”

There’s so much wrong with it.

Caraz
Caraz
8 years ago

Really? One woman on a comment section of a youtube video saying a man was ‘kind of cute’ sent you into spasms of rage?

That’s a pretty big hint you might have issues. People have different tastes. People have different ways of expressing their taste. This should not ruin anyone’s day.

neverdidlikeyou
neverdidlikeyou
8 years ago

People have different tastes you big silly. Personally he’s not to my taste. I prefer someone kinda nerdier.

Ha! exactly. I tend not to find most stereotypically “pretty boys” hot and instead go wild for…. well actually I don’t really have a physical type, I tend to find whoever I’m attracted to emotionally/intellectually/socially as the hottest person then and there, no matter what they look like.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

Funny thing is, “kind of cute” can be a turn of phrase meaning “super hot, but I’m understating it to be cutesy.”

Even though I think my boyfriend is super cute, sometimes I tell him “you’re kinda cute,” and he blushes and is flattered because he knows how I mean it.

If you don’t have that kind of flexibility in how you interpret people saying positive things, well, you need to understand that the problem is on your end.

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