Consider the plight of the poor, horny Man Going His Own Way. He may have convinced himself that women are icky monsters out to highjack his sperm and steal his money. He may have convinced himself we live in a femi-fascist gynocracy out to destroy men and civilization generally. Yet his disobedient penis can’t stop thinking about sex with these evil, filthy women.
And so he turns to his fellow MGTOWers to ask for help: what can I do, my brethren, to stop popping so many boners? Ed1974, a newbie on MGTOWforums.com, puts it this way in a plaintive recent post:
[M]ore than almost anything I want to be woman-free and contentment to live a woman-free life. For more or less all of my adult life I’ve played in to society’s demands that I have to have a woman, and preferably a pretty woman, in my life. I’ve done a lot of Internet dating and every friggin time I get involved with a woman I regret it. Either I just want to get some ass and the woman wants a lot more than that and makes a mess out of my life when I leave, or I end up spending way more money than I ever wanted to spend just to have her grace my life with her presence, or something else that fucks up my life. The bottom line is I sincerely want to live a life without the desire to have a woman in my life.
So Ed is taking steps to quell his desire:
1. I downloaded a firewall blocking all dating sites.
2. I’m going to read as many books on misandry that I can.
3. I’m going to take myself out of situations where I can get in trouble, such as bars.
4. I’m going to fill free time that I would normally spend out with some woman with something productive.
I also want to remember the bad times where I’ve had women who I’ve tried to get out of my life end up stalking me for months on end. And to be perfectly honest, I want to remember the time I got the clap from some skank. I also want to remember that I should be thankful that I’m not a baby daddy and I’ve never had any false rape charges against me.
Alas, but poor pretty Eddie is afraid that this won’t be enough, and begs the assembled MGTOWers for “other steps I should take.”
Site admin Nacho Vidal suggests he go another way entirely:
My advice would be to scrap the ‘steps’ you’ve taken and take your wanking up a notch! Also, have you looked into hiring a whore or two once a month?
Others jump in to endorse the masturbation-and-prostitute strategy, and encourage him to cultivate his hatred of women by reading from the ample selection of stories on the site about evil, depraved, disgusting women. As fairi5fair puts it:
I go to college and still get the biochemical reactions that play into the mate-spawn-die script when I see a 20 year old with a candy apple ass and perky tits, but my growing understanding of women in general helps to make it less urgent and more negligible everyday.
A few others have more novel advice. Our friend womanhater suggests a trip to the mall:
Sit in the food court, and spend a good three hours there. Leisurely sip on some coffee, and simply watch.
See all the soulless men being dragged around by cupcake holding her bags. You’ll see the total absence of hope in the eyes of men in this trap. You’ll see his brain calculating the immense debt being run up, and yet he knows he’s fucked.
Pay attention to the stupid whores in training aged 15 or so, and simply listen the absolute shit running out of their mouth. Watch their behavior and internalize that every twat you see aged 25 was doing the exact same shit a decade ago.
Every time I start to feel my ghosting resolve start to slip, I go to the mall for a few hours. Clears my fucking head every time.
NewWorldMan suggests a sort of mind-over-boner strategy:
Sounds like BS, I know, but telling myself (actually saying the sentence in my head at the moment of attraction): “I control my dick, my dick doesn’t control me — actually works for me.
Frederick326 suggests an anatomy lesson:
Read up on vaginas. They’re fucking disgusting.
And fairi5fair also links to the (somewhat NSFW) video below. I’m not sure what exactly it’s supposed to accomplish other than to remind us that Japan leads the world in baffling entertainment product:
Dear Hard One (btw, you could deal with that problem yourself – that’s why nature gave you hands).
Here’s the thing – I don’t care if it’s harder for men to get casual sex than it is for women. Everyone has already covered some of the reasons why that might be the case (and I’d take “fear of the possibility of rape” “double standards and slut shaming” and add “the way in which our culture typically understands casual sex to work is much less likely to result in orgasm for women than for men”), you know what? I still don’t care if it’s hard for person X to get laid, regardless of person X’s gender. Not being able to get lots of casual sex is not in fact the greatest tragedy in the history of humanity.
So, you’re right that it’s pointless bringing your specific whinge to this site, but not because of the reasons you think. Honestly, it’s because we don’t care. Not just the women – the dudes here don’t care either.
I see men who I find physically attractive all the time. I’m not going to offer any of them casual sex, because I don’t particularly like casual sex, but if I was into that kind of thing? Sure, I can think of multiple guys who work within 15 blocks of my apartment who’re hot enough.
Steele never makes a friend, they all blow him off.
Well there is the problem.
Also, I have to agree with the others, I am constantly seeing men I am attracted to in my day to day life.
I just ran to the ATM, which is just across the street, and saw 3 guys that I found attractive — now I am actually counting. Later I have to take the bus to visit my mother in the hospital; I’ll count how many I see on that journey, and at the hospital itself. Maybe I should start a tumblr that just logs how many attractive men I see every day and where they were. Wouldn’t that be fascinating to exactly zero other people on the internet?
So far today I have not seen any males that attracted me but then I have only seen about five of them (and of those, they are all ones I see nearly every other day so why would I?)
Yesterday I was drooling over a particular fellow though and probably will have the same experience tomorrow.
Nobinaninjad.
The thing is Cassandra, I really don’t understand why anyone is supposed to give a shit. I mean, I’m assuming that this guy is defining casual sex, fairly narrowly, as two people meeting and engaging in some sort of sexual activity within hours of meeting each other.
So there’s this one really specific type of sexual experience that some men don’t engage in very frequently or as frequently as they’d like… And?
@ Nobinayamu
That was my point too. Even if his points were all 100% true, so what?
I would love to eat high-grade tuna every day. I don’t get to do that, both because I can’t afford it and because it would give me mercury poisoning/be bad for the environment. So what? I’ll live, and so will he.
And the little toad thinks that finding someone physically desirable means you automatically throw sex at them. No. No matter how much they wish that were true, just… NO.
I am definitely not in the top 20% for physical attractiveness. I might just scrape the top 50%, but even that’s debatable.
And yet I don’t seem to have had any problems getting laid. Very odd.
@ Cassandra and hellkell (also, I’m happy to see you’re cancer free)
I love this whole “…But can you empathize with the male perspective, being a male?” thing too. Um, yeah, dipshit. I also don’t always get what I want.
I know lots of women who don’t have casual sex because they worry about being slut-shamed, or because they’re naturally introverted and don’t meet many men outside of their direct social circle which includes a lot of men who are already in monogamous relationships. I don’t shed tears for them either. I understand their frustration and sympathize. If asked I can offer advice.
But, in the end, they just have to figure out how to deal with it.
Does this mean attractive as in “yeah he’s nice looking/geez he’s got nice hair/gosh he looks like a young Springsteen etc” in a purely aesthetic way, or “yeah I’d probably have sex with him given the right circumstances”? I’m curious because while I see blokes who fit the former often enough, I’ve never, never felt the second way about any guy I’ve set eyes on, except Mr Kitteh. (I don’t know if I’m straight or grey-a, lol.) Dunno what percentage that is, when it’s one man out of all the world ever who falls into the “attractive enough to have sex with” category! 😀
But even if I did feel the second way, casual sex? Sex with someone I don’t know, with all its attendant risks? Not a chance. Frustration isn’t worth that sort of thing, and for me it’d likely just swap one type of frustration for another – better no sex than bad sex for me.
And, Timmy old son, that doesn’t mean anyone else is obliged to do a single thing about it. I’m not entitled to be serviced by anyone just because I fancy it. AND NEITHER ARE YOU. I don’t give a shit if you have trouble getting casual sex. Maybe you could try, I dunno, actually getting to know a woman as a human being first. Maybe she might be more inclined to share a sexual experience if it’s apparent you like her and are likeable. Or maybe, as has already been suggested, if your boner is so baaaaaaad you’re gonna diiiiiiiiiiie you could just use your hands, like other people do. Because what is it you’re whining about anyway – lack of orgasm or lack of companionship? The former doesn’t need the latter and if it’s the latter you’re upset about, stop talking like women owe you sex.
Oh, and you actually bother mentioning the fear of rape women live with and still whine about not getting casual sex? You’re saying women should ignore fear or caution (or EXPERIENCE) so supposedly-deprived men can get more casual sex? Fuck off with that creepy shit.
Oh, man, I wonder what the solution is to Hard One’s “not enough casual sex” problem.
(Hint: the answer is “more feminism.”)
Nobinayamu: thanks. I know it’s common enough, but getting the “yeah… we need to take more pics of the left one” call was SCARY.
No matter how common it is in a general sense, it’s (hopefully) not common for you, so yeah, hearing that you might have cancer is always terrifying.
The fact that you don’t get as much casual sex as you want, however, is merely frustrating, which once again is why we don’t care.
I dont want you to ‘care’
I am giving you an explanation why there is a demand for paid sex.
Its funny how you overlook this point and get defensive as if I’m expecting you to make my boner go away.
Nobody asked for an explanation about why there’s a “demand” for paid sex either. I guess it’s good that you find your own mental masturbation interesting, but you appear to be the only one.
Cassandra
mental masturbation is when the you people get together and speculate why men pay for sex.
I read that Pandagone article by Amanda Marcotti and she asks “why do men pay for sex, if they want No strings Attached, there are plenty of horny women hanging out in bars and on websites looking for some…it must be because they want to ‘control’ and abuse women”
In the comments section when men argue that its not easy for them to obtain casual sex that way, as she claims, and that is why a lot of men consider paying for it, suddenly her minions get defensive and a barrage of comments along the lines of “why do you think we care if you are not getting laid” ensues.
So, you have an issue with something that Amanda wrote on Pandagon, and with the responses there. Why did you think that the best way to address that issue was commenting at great length over here?
Insomnia
Seriously, Timmy, why are you here? What do you hope to accomplish? Why should anyone care that you can’t have casual sex whenever you want (just like most women)?
Now, you and your boner should just go away. You contribute nothing, and aren’t even amusing.
/Insomnia*
*I wish I could end insomnia that easily.
If there was a ban button for insomnia that would be pretty awesome.
I bet nobody around Steelybutthurt or Timmyboy suffers insomnia. Listening to them drone on would be a sure-fire cure.
Okay, seriously, manosphere dudes, I know it’s really, really hard for you schmucks to get outside your own boner-obsessed heads for even a moment, but I really want you to try to do so the next time you go outside. Instead of looking around for men that you, as a straight man, think women would probably physically desire, try looking around for men for whom there is empirical evidence that at least one woman physically desires them – i.e. any man who is part of a heterosexual couple. I promise, 100% guarantee, that you will not actually find those guys to be especially rare! They will, in fact, make up a huge proportion of the guys you see every day! Furthermore, the overwhelming majority of those men will not particularly resemble Brad Pitt/Ryan Gosling/whatever movie star you are pretending every woman wants to fuck this week. Many of them will be overweight, hairy, balding, short, scrawny, unfashionable, elderly, or otherwise not-super-conventionally-hot – and yet they will still, empirically and obviously, be physically desirable to the women who physically desire them.
Polliwog wins an internet!
That just makes me think how surprised I was when friends said they think Mr Kitteh is handsome. He’s always been beautiful to me but I never thought for a minute he’d be considered so by others; he’s not conventionally handsome at all.
Snerk … makes you wonder how many times the douchebrigade have actually been looked at by women thinking “He’s cute” or whatever. What’s the bet it isn’t these blokes’ looks that put women off?