Consider the plight of the poor, horny Man Going His Own Way. He may have convinced himself that women are icky monsters out to highjack his sperm and steal his money. He may have convinced himself we live in a femi-fascist gynocracy out to destroy men and civilization generally. Yet his disobedient penis can’t stop thinking about sex with these evil, filthy women.
And so he turns to his fellow MGTOWers to ask for help: what can I do, my brethren, to stop popping so many boners? Ed1974, a newbie on MGTOWforums.com, puts it this way in a plaintive recent post:
[M]ore than almost anything I want to be woman-free and contentment to live a woman-free life. For more or less all of my adult life I’ve played in to society’s demands that I have to have a woman, and preferably a pretty woman, in my life. I’ve done a lot of Internet dating and every friggin time I get involved with a woman I regret it. Either I just want to get some ass and the woman wants a lot more than that and makes a mess out of my life when I leave, or I end up spending way more money than I ever wanted to spend just to have her grace my life with her presence, or something else that fucks up my life. The bottom line is I sincerely want to live a life without the desire to have a woman in my life.
So Ed is taking steps to quell his desire:
1. I downloaded a firewall blocking all dating sites.
2. I’m going to read as many books on misandry that I can.
3. I’m going to take myself out of situations where I can get in trouble, such as bars.
4. I’m going to fill free time that I would normally spend out with some woman with something productive.
I also want to remember the bad times where I’ve had women who I’ve tried to get out of my life end up stalking me for months on end. And to be perfectly honest, I want to remember the time I got the clap from some skank. I also want to remember that I should be thankful that I’m not a baby daddy and I’ve never had any false rape charges against me.
Alas, but poor pretty Eddie is afraid that this won’t be enough, and begs the assembled MGTOWers for “other steps I should take.”
Site admin Nacho Vidal suggests he go another way entirely:
My advice would be to scrap the ‘steps’ you’ve taken and take your wanking up a notch! Also, have you looked into hiring a whore or two once a month?
Others jump in to endorse the masturbation-and-prostitute strategy, and encourage him to cultivate his hatred of women by reading from the ample selection of stories on the site about evil, depraved, disgusting women. As fairi5fair puts it:
I go to college and still get the biochemical reactions that play into the mate-spawn-die script when I see a 20 year old with a candy apple ass and perky tits, but my growing understanding of women in general helps to make it less urgent and more negligible everyday.
A few others have more novel advice. Our friend womanhater suggests a trip to the mall:
Sit in the food court, and spend a good three hours there. Leisurely sip on some coffee, and simply watch.
See all the soulless men being dragged around by cupcake holding her bags. You’ll see the total absence of hope in the eyes of men in this trap. You’ll see his brain calculating the immense debt being run up, and yet he knows he’s fucked.
Pay attention to the stupid whores in training aged 15 or so, and simply listen the absolute shit running out of their mouth. Watch their behavior and internalize that every twat you see aged 25 was doing the exact same shit a decade ago.
Every time I start to feel my ghosting resolve start to slip, I go to the mall for a few hours. Clears my fucking head every time.
NewWorldMan suggests a sort of mind-over-boner strategy:
Sounds like BS, I know, but telling myself (actually saying the sentence in my head at the moment of attraction): “I control my dick, my dick doesn’t control me — actually works for me.
Frederick326 suggests an anatomy lesson:
Read up on vaginas. They’re fucking disgusting.
And fairi5fair also links to the (somewhat NSFW) video below. I’m not sure what exactly it’s supposed to accomplish other than to remind us that Japan leads the world in baffling entertainment product:
RocketFrog,
just to clarify, I did not mean to imply that you were considering to ‘go your own way’, that was clear from your posts. I was talking very generally about why I think its a bad idea, addressed not toward you but toward other people struggling with similar issues who might be reading.
(although, sometimes I’m not so sure. If I could hate others more and myself less, would I? I still think it’s wrong, but I can see the allure)
And what I meant by my somewhat cryptic comment was that it is probably a good idea to understay your welcome. There is a particularly nasty and seductive form of misogyny that involves having an ulterior motive of romance or sex behind ones actions, and I think it’s a good idea to not signal such behavior (and of course, not to do it).
But really, the best of luck to you! Enjoy your time as good as you can, and I hope you find a place where you can share your experiences.
2011:
I think I figured out (in part) where this comes from.
One MRA response to discussions of harassment if “I’d be flattered if that happened to me.” Which is typically met with “yes, because you’re assuming you’d be in control of how, when, and by whom; the problem isn’t the interest, it’s the lack of control” (witness Slavey’s whining that women are trying to “control men” by demanding that men not crudely hit on them at will).
So what the MRAs hear is “yes, but you’re assuming it’s an attractive woman,” both because MRAs aren’t great at listening to people and because they gender-police themselves so thoroughly they can’t even admit to understanding the notion of a man not being up for sex, thus making it impossible for them to acknowledge the “how” and “when” parts. And they conclude — a logically valid conclusion from their faulty premises — that an important determinant of what isor is not harassment is the attractiveness of the alleged harasser.
(David, is this a new one? I’m not that great at sock detecting. I can think of a candidate but as far as I know that person has no need for one)
Dracula:
I think the phrase “you are responsible for your own feelings” is overused but you (generic) actually are responsible for your own lonliness, at least in the sense intended.
Pecunium:
When I read this, it occurred to me: most of my waking hours are spent on pursuits that are in no way sexual except to Freudians. I don’t want to take that all the way to 100%, but most of the time I’d be doing the same thing I’m doing anyway.
It doesnt even cross anyones mind on this forum that it is much more difficult for men to get casual sex than it is for women. Women are much more selective about sex partners, they have much higher standards and find very few men attractive enough for casual sex.
An average looking woman can easily get casual sex with men much better looking than herself. just go to any sex finder website and see. Its mind boggling how people can disregard this unmistakable and obvious reality
Tim, delighted you took the trouble of resurrecting this thread. So nice, too, that you can read everyone on the forum’s mind – you do know that there’s a $1,000,000 reward for that, don’t you? I recommend you go off and claim it immediately. And we’ll certainly all go and see the incontrovertible proof offered by sex finder websites that the sex partners of average looking women are so good-looking.
/snark
More explicit for Tim: Zombie codswallop.
What would amount to proof for you? There is an extreme reluctance on part of ppl like you to debate the dynamics of the sexual marketplace and how they are different for men and women.
If you are looking for some proof you can start by creating 2 profiles on any one of these websites – One of a young average looking male, and another of a young average looking female. Before you drop the ‘beauty in the eye of beholder’ warm fuzzy crap, you can go with your definition of whats average looking. Just Mention “looking for casual sex partners, and FWB etc” Wait for 1 week and see the amount of responses the two get.
I think the standard response to zombie thread re-animators should be goat videos.
Or perhaps Henri’s Halloween ruminations?
@Tim: FUCKING DISHONEST FRAMING.
Here, link. Yesmeansyesblog.
Boiled down, this is privilege 101. You can’t imagine why a woman would be terrified of an offer of casual sex from a guy? You really don’t understand how rape culture plays into this?
UGH.
Wait, I’ve got it! The correct response to zombie thread re-animators with confirmation bias is a video of a tiny echidna puggle:
(Howard, I’m glad you posted that link too — I was trying to find it but couldn’t remember where I had stashed it.)
Oops, I guess the Henri link was still in my clipboard. Here’s the puggle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGleaTJoy1U
@Cloudiah: Thomas and the whole YMY blog were pretty pivotal in my un-brainwashing; I can practically write those links out longhand. 😛
And then repeat the experiment this time using a picture of a very attractive male. He will get a disproportionately higher number of advances. Is the risk of being raped any less with a very good looking stranger?
I agree that rape is a gender specific issue, one that overwhelmingly heterosexual women have to worry about, But even accounting for that, women are much more selective about who they want casual sex with. Generally women find very few men physically attractive, while men find a larger number of women physically/sexually desirable.
There is a well known survey by Ok Cupid in which women rated 80% of men as physically unattractive while men rated 80% attractive at least to some extent. Its again because women find a much smaller number of men to have any physical appeal. This translates into fewer opportunities for most men.
I dont know if my opinions are even welcome here. Until now I have received too much hostility and personal attacks, but I have a lot of arguments and evidence to support my claim that it is more difficult for men to obtain casual sex.
I’d like to add here that there is nothing wrong with being selective and having higher standards. Its not immoral, its not a crime. Neither are men entitled to sex. If men have it harder, then so be it. But since it is a very basic human want, a lot of men will consider other ways to obtain it. They will either supplement themselves with qualities other than their physical attractiveness Or being something else to the table…in some cases, cash. There is no harm if we acknowledge this.
Howard, thanks for that link – I’m going to read it when I get a chance. A skim of that article is very interesting. For me, a total non-casual-sex person, the word repulsive linked to a random person offering sex sums it all up – not to mention the sort of thing that entitled whiners like Tim ignore, that a woman has little matters like her safety and her life to consider, and that they’re the messages we’re given lifelong, when it comes to casual sex.
Yeah–and don’t forget the bottom line. If you can screen out the dangers, women are just as into sex as guys.
Ridiculousness like ‘they’re picky’ means only looking at it from the male point of view, never trying to empathize with women.
Which says it all, doesn’t it?
Doesn’t it just?
I wonder if Timmyboy has that halfwitted 80-20 nonsense in his alleged mind? Otherwise, who are all the women who have such an easy time having casual sex actually having said sex with?
Mind you he also doesn’t seem to get the difference between an offer (in person or the Net) and actually taking up said offers.
Why are you people so hostile?
<blockquote?Why are you people so hostile?
Why are you showing up in a thread that’s nearly a year old to whine about how hard it is for you to get casual sex?
@The Hard One: YOU ARE WRONG. Scientific literature shows you are wrong.
Why are we hostile?
BECAUSE I AM FUCKING DONE BEING AN AGENT OF OTHER PEOPLE’S SUBJUGATION, MOTHERFUCKER.
Once you realize the actual stakes of the game, being polite just means you don’t care about people’s lives.
…ignoring that the women were much more likely to message somebody they had rated as unattractive? Thanks for playing SELECTIVE DATAMINING. Your prize will be along shortly.
There was a study done by sociological ‘Li and Kenrick’ (I dont have the link right now) . They took a sample of young people of both sexes and isolated 100 or so, who had the highest number of sex partners in a given time period, for both sexes.
They found out that the men who had the most sexual partners were very likely to be good looking. While they found no correlation between high number of partners and good looks in women.
It tells us that its more important for a man to be good looking and charming in order to attract women for casual sex. Women can be average looking and still attract a large number of women for the same purpose.
Hostile? I gave you goats, a cat, and a puggle. What did you give me? Unsupported assertions about “reality” and a misunderstood study about OK Cupid.
Ridiculousness like ‘they’re picky’ means only looking at it from the male point of view, never trying to empathize with women.
Now this is ironic!
Tell me, why should Tim extend to feminists what feminists refuse to extend to Tim?
Vile hypocrites.
Tim, I hear yo views, and I accept them. As someone new to the concept of 80/20, I have made the decision to defer to those with more experience in Incel.
@Tim: Gonna need a citation.
Also, I googled, and I see a lot of ev-psych stuff. Bad sign.
Also, this headline: Both sexes seek attractiveness in one-night stand partners–not by Li, but quotes from Li. I assume it’s the same person.
Both these facts together means I’m really gonna need links.
@Tim: Is this it?
Fuck you, Steele. Why I should I need to work hard to empathize with men? Are you denying my maleness?
Guys like you have worked hard to stomp on my maleness. Why is that?
Why are you putting that on me?