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Dear Men Who Hate Ladies: How do I make my boner go away?

Women -- don't let them tempt you with their witchy ways!

Consider the plight of the poor, horny Man Going His Own Way. He may have convinced himself that women are icky monsters out to highjack his sperm and steal his money. He may have convinced himself we live in a femi-fascist gynocracy out to destroy men and civilization generally. Yet his disobedient penis can’t stop thinking about sex with these evil, filthy women.

And so he turns to his fellow MGTOWers to ask for help: what can I do, my brethren, to stop popping so many boners? Ed1974, a newbie on MGTOWforums.com, puts it this way in a plaintive recent post:

[M]ore than almost anything I want to be woman-free and contentment to live a woman-free life. For more or less all of my adult life I’ve played in to society’s demands that I have to have a woman, and preferably a pretty woman, in my life. I’ve done a lot of Internet dating and every friggin time I get involved with a woman I regret it. Either I just want to get some ass and the woman wants a lot more than that and makes a mess out of my life when I leave, or I end up spending way more money than I ever wanted to spend just to have her grace my life with her presence, or something else that fucks up my life. The bottom line is I sincerely want to live a life without the desire to have a woman in my life.

So Ed is taking steps to quell his desire:

1. I downloaded a firewall blocking all dating sites.

2. I’m going to read as many books on misandry that I can.

3. I’m going to take myself out of situations where I can get in trouble, such as bars.

4. I’m going to fill free time that I would normally spend out with some woman with something productive.

I also want to remember the bad times where I’ve had women who I’ve tried to get out of my life end up stalking me for months on end. And to be perfectly honest, I want to remember the time I got the clap from some skank. I also want to remember that I should be thankful that I’m not a baby daddy and I’ve never had any false rape charges against me.

Alas, but poor pretty Eddie is afraid that this won’t be enough, and begs the assembled MGTOWers for “other steps I should take.”

Site admin Nacho Vidal suggests he go another way entirely:

My advice would be to scrap the ‘steps’ you’ve taken and take your wanking up a notch! Also, have you looked into hiring a whore or two once a month?

Others jump in to endorse the masturbation-and-prostitute strategy, and encourage him to cultivate his hatred of women by reading from the ample selection of stories on the site about evil, depraved, disgusting women.  As fairi5fair puts it:

I go to college and still get the biochemical reactions that play into the mate-spawn-die script when I see a 20 year old with a candy apple ass and perky tits, but my growing understanding of women in general helps to make it less urgent and more negligible everyday.

A few others have more novel advice.  Our friend womanhater suggests a trip to the mall:

Sit in the food court, and spend a good three hours there. Leisurely sip on some coffee, and simply watch.

See all the soulless men being dragged around by cupcake holding her bags. You’ll see the total absence of hope in the eyes of men in this trap. You’ll see his brain calculating the immense debt being run up, and yet he knows he’s fucked.

Pay attention to the stupid whores in training aged 15 or so, and simply listen the absolute shit running out of their mouth. Watch their behavior and internalize that every twat you see aged 25 was doing the exact same shit a decade ago.

Every time I start to feel my ghosting resolve start to slip, I go to the mall for a few hours. Clears my fucking head every time.

NewWorldMan suggests a sort of mind-over-boner strategy:

Sounds like BS, I know, but telling myself (actually saying the sentence in my head at the moment of attraction): “I control my dick, my dick doesn’t control me — actually works for me.

Frederick326 suggests an anatomy lesson:

Read up on vaginas. They’re fucking disgusting.

And fairi5fair also links to the (somewhat NSFW) video below. I’m not sure what exactly it’s supposed to accomplish other than to remind us that Japan leads the world in baffling entertainment product:

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CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Given how much variation there is in the type of men that I’ve seen women go for even within my own personal circle I’m going to bet that it’s not the looks that are the issue. Contempt for women plus a raging sense of entitlement, on the other hand, can render even the most handsome man unfuckable.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
7 years ago

Got it in a nutshell!

Tim
Tim
7 years ago

“Instead of looking around for men that you, as a straight man, think women would probably physically desire, try looking around for men for whom there is empirical evidence that at least one woman physically desires them – i.e. any man who is part of a heterosexual couple. I promise, 100% guarantee, that you will not actually find those guys to be especially rare! ”

You are right. Men only ought to be desirable to one woman (the one they have ENDED UP with, most likely due to circumstance). But every average ‘girlfriend’ and ‘wife’ can be desired by millions of other men. I’ve had 2 gf’s in my life too. This topic was about *gasp* casual sex opportunities.

I will repeat, I firmly believe, that women are predisposed to find a much smaller percentage of men physically appealing, while men a much much larger percentage of women. What do I expect you to do about it? Nothing.

Wetherby
Wetherby
7 years ago

Why this obsession with physical appeal? The impression I get from talking about this at length with female friends is that this is only part of the overall attractiveness quotient, and can be quite a small part depending on the man’s other qualities – warmth, humor, intelligent conversation, interest in them as something other than a flesh-and-blood fuck-toy, that kind of thing.

But, unfortunately for some, this means that getting to first base requires actually talking to your intended partner and treating her as a human being. Which seems to be an insuperable obstacle in some cases, though I have no idea why.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
7 years ago

Halloween is the seeeeeason
for threadnecromancyyyyyyyyy

Tim
Tim
7 years ago

Wetherby

So you do agree that women find fewer men visually appealing?
and that men will have to put in more effort to attract women because it is very likely that a mans physical appeal, his body, is no where enough for a woman to base attraction upon. That men will have to ‘supplement’ themselves with other qualities like confidence, charm, intelligence, humor or bring other things to the table (status?) in order to be acceptable to women. Does that explain why there are more ‘losers’ among men who cant sexually attract women because men are held to a higher standard in these areas?

For most men, a woman visual appeal is enough to cause sexual attraction. All a man then requires is that there is nothing horribly wrong with her personality. The average womans body is enough to cause sexual attraction for most men. What was the last time a woman had to make you laugh in order to get you in bed? It didnt happen because you already want her body. She already has something you want, You dont require her to make an effort. She doesnt need to supplement herself or bring anything else to the table other than her sexuality and her body. Tell me, you dont make more effort than the women you have casual sex with?

For a woman to base sexual decision solely on looks, the guy has to be great looking…perfect body, handsome face.

It’s funny that men are often told they dont get laid because they have low self esteem and no confidence. Women with low self-esteem actually end up getting laid more.

Most men cannot expect to be sexually desired for their bodies and looks. They are only ‘desired’ for what they do and how uselful they (be it useful in making her laugh or making HER feel a particular way) They just end up getting laid because of circumstance or the other qualities they bring to the table. Men make more effort that the woman they sleep with.

There is a great article by Hugo Schwyzer on this subject

http://www.hugoschwyzer.net/2009/05/04/of-never-feeling-hot-the-missing-narrative-of-desire-in-the-lives-of-straight-men/

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

The average womans body is enough to cause sexual attraction for most men.

Just because you are a sad little man with very few standards does not mean that most other men are too.

BTW, if you want to drop links to prove a point you might want to try linking to people who haven’t confessed to attempted murder.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

@ Tulgey

Dude, I just watched 28 weeks later. Tim’s last comment had me going “oh, look, the rage virus is setting in”.

Tim
Tim
7 years ago

Cassandra

I think I have made my points without resorting to personal attacks and belittling others opinions, so I dont know about the ‘rage virus’.

“Just because you are a sad little man with very few standards does not mean that most other men are too.”

I know the fact that men are much more forgiving to women on their looks and bodies is a bit uncomfortable for you, given that you swallowed long ago that every man wants to bang a pornstar (porn is screwing mens expectations of what women should look like, remember?). Its hard to overcome core beliefs.

If you consider yourself average looking (ie you are anywhere around the 50th percentile looks) then its likely that half of the men on your facebook friend list think you are cute, pretty, appealing atleast to some extent and will have sex with you if only you made an offer. Same for your coworkers and male acquaintances.

Wetherby
Wetherby
7 years ago

So you do agree that women find fewer men visually appealing?

Even if I was a woman, I doubt I’d be able to answer this. I’ve known plenty of women for whom good looks are the be-all and end-all in a partner, and others for whom it makes no difference at all. Rather like men, in fact.

and that men will have to put in more effort to attract women because it is very likely that a mans physical appeal, his body, is no where enough for a woman to base attraction upon. That men will have to ‘supplement’ themselves with other qualities like confidence, charm, intelligence, humor or bring other things to the table (status?) in order to be acceptable to women. Does that explain why there are more ‘losers’ among men who cant sexually attract women because men are held to a higher standard in these areas?

Well, it shouldn’t do, because it really really really doesn’t take a huge amount of effort to bring things like charm, intelligence and humor to the table. It just takes a certain amount of self-awareness and an ability to empathize.

In fact, I’d say it’s rather easier to bring all that to the table than it is to spend several hours fussing over one’s appearance prior to going out.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
7 years ago

Timmy, you keep harping on about men supposedly not being physically attractive to women, ergo not getting casual sex, and totally ignoring everything that’s been said pointing out that – I’ll say this slowly –

Physical

Attractiveness

Is

Not

The

Only

Requirement

For

Having

Casual

Sex.

There’s actually being an attractive PERSON. Y’know, having personality characteristics that make you appealing? Stuff like that? Or is that just toooo much to ask?

As Cassandra said, very clearly, it doesn’t matter how handsome a man is if he’s contemptuous of women and has a raging sense of entitlement. He’ll get told to fuck off anyway.

And since you’re now claiming not to expect anything of us here, why the hell did you bother coming to this site to resurrect a dead topic? You’re just painting yourself as a whiny loser, which most MRAs who blab endlessly about how cruuuuellllllllllllll it is that they don’t get sex on demand are.

Wetherby
Wetherby
7 years ago

Sorry, I missed this gem:

For most men, a woman visual appeal is enough to cause sexual attraction. All a man then requires is that there is nothing horribly wrong with her personality. The average womans body is enough to cause sexual attraction for most men. What was the last time a woman had to make you laugh in order to get you in bed? It didnt happen because you already want her body.

I hate to burst your bubble, but the answer is “every single time”. I can’t stress how important a sense of humor is to me in a partner – far more important than “wanting her body”, which is likely to follow naturally if I’m attracted to her as a person. Even back in the days when I sought out casual sex, physical attraction on its own simply wasn’t enough.

She already has something you want, You dont require her to make an effort. She doesnt need to supplement herself or bring anything else to the table other than her sexuality and her body. Tell me, you dont make more effort than the women you have casual sex with?

Since this argument is based on a wholly false premise, you won’t be surprised to hear that I did indeed make less effort than the women that I used to have casual sex with. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that they spent more time making themselves look attractive than I did, whereas I just rolled up on the date and tried to make them laugh. And if that failed, the date was probably doomed from the start.

Wetherby
Wetherby
7 years ago

Seriously, Tim, is eye candy all you expect from a date? If that’s your attitude, it’s no wonder you’re ‘incel’.

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

Seriously, Tim, is eye candy all you expect from a date? If that’s your attitude, it’s no wonder you’re ‘incel’.

Is Tim is talking about dates? Sounds more like he’s talking of wandering up to random women on the street & suggesting sex.

Kim
Kim
7 years ago

You know something that makes it harder for men to get casual sex? The way men often talk about women they’ve had casual sex with. It can be stomach turning to realise what you thought was a bit of mutual fun has turned you into an object of mockery. Is it surprising at all to you that even women who love casual sex would prefer to find out if they can trust a guy before they shag him?

Kim
Kim
7 years ago

Is Tim is talking about dates? Sounds more like he’s talking of wandering up to random women on the street & suggesting sex.

I think guys like Tim also see casual sex as a synonym for emotionless sex. The kind where all he cares about is getting off, and not about any of the other fun/nice parts of sex.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Timmy, if all you want is a hole, buy a Fleshlight.

Wetherby
Wetherby
7 years ago

I think guys like Tim also see casual sex as a synonym for emotionless sex. The kind where all he cares about is getting off, and not about any of the other fun/nice parts of sex.

And this is the basic communication problem I have with people like that. For me, some kind of social rapport with my prospective partner is non-negotiable – if it doesn’t happen, neither does the sex. Unsurprisingly, my various partners all seem to feel the same way – I can’t think of a single exception.

The period spent getting to know them as people might seem like “effort” to the likes of Tim (and of course it’s effort expended on both sides), but not only does it significantly increase the likelihood that sex might follow, but it makes it even more likely that if sex does follow, it’ll actually be fun, and not utterly joyless and mechanical. Not to mention less likely to be followed by an acute feeling of depression and self-loathing.

Personally, I think that’s worth the effort.

titianblue
titianblue
7 years ago

I think guys like Tim also see casual sex as a synonym for emotionless sex. The kind where all he cares about is getting off, and not about any of the other fun/nice parts of sex.

We really need to make sure that Tim and CL never meet. Matter meets anti-matter and the universe could implode. Or something.

An lnconvenient Truth
An lnconvenient Truth
7 years ago

[…] men will have to put in more effort to attract women because it is very likely that a mans physical appeal, his body, is no where enough for a woman to base attraction upon.

You’re half right in that a man’s looks are only part of the equation, but that doesn’t mean women have to put in “less effort” to be attractive. There’s a reason why cosmetics represent a multi-billion dollar industry.

And really, the “effort” required by men isn’t enormous. Game = cosmetics for dudes.

Fitzy
Fitzy
7 years ago

For most men, a woman visual appeal is enough to cause sexual attraction. All a man then requires is that there is nothing horribly wrong with her personality. The average womans body is enough to cause sexual attraction for most men. What was the last time a woman had to make you laugh in order to get you in bed? It didnt happen because you already want her body.

This kind of set-up, where all you have to do is be female to get whatever fella you desire, must have happened during the last decade or so while I’ve been paired up. I got rejected MANY times when I was single, and it was usually because the guy wasn’t physically attracted to me. I have a very slim profile; my figure is pretty close to what Joey Lauren Adams’ body looked like in “Chasing Amy.” Many guys find that kind of body appealing – my husband is one – but not every guy likes a super-skinny girl. I had crushes on several who emphatically did NOT want my body. If I made my interest known (or if they found out through a third party), I’d get the kind of brush-off that a lot of Nice Guys complain about: “you’re smart and funny and really sweet and cute… but I just don’t like you that way.” I’d usually see the objects of my desire later with women who actually had breasts and hips, which made it pretty obvious why they didn’t like me “that way.”

And that’s fine. Everyone has their own list of what makes a person attractive. And that’s why it’s stupid to make blanket statements about how all a woman has to do is show up in order to get laid, while men toil and struggle. You can make the argument that I don’t have the “average woman’s” body, and therefore my experiences don’t count. But if guys were really that desperate for sex (and several of the men I wanted were not beating girls off with sticks at the time), wouldn’t every man I like have jumped my bones just because I had a vagina? Especially since these guys had obviously not put any time and effort into captivating me in the first place, so I was essentially a freebie? Does not compute.

Unless, as I said, the whole idea that women can point their fingers and command sex has happened since 2003. If that’s the case, disregard.

inurashii
inurashii
7 years ago

– Wants casual sex
– Consistently Others those who endanger his worldview (YUPIPL!!!)
– Sees sexual interaction as a marketplace that women control
– Believes this to be some kind of societal problem
– Makes up societal trends based on anecdata
– Mansplains
– Obsessed with appearance

*deadpan* why in the world could you possibly be incel.

Zanana
Zanana
7 years ago

This 80/20 “statistic” is an absurd, frustration-driven exaggeration. I think dudes who cite it are mostly trying to comfort themselves that it’s not their own fault that they’re lonely or horny or whatever.
I wanna second Fitzy here: Tim, if you were a woman of average attractiveness seeking casual sex, you would see that it doesn’t actually work very well to go up to strange men and proposition them point blank. When I was in highschool and college, you heard all these jokes about how guys would fuck anything that moved, but that was mostly posturing. I was honestly surprised at first to learn that most guys wanted to get to know me first. It took me even longer to admit that I was more comfortable getting to know them first, too.
This links in to Cassandra’s point about the common understanding of casual sex and how it’s mechanically easier for guys. If you ask somebody, ‘wanna have sex?’ they think you mean penis-in-vagina, not tongue-on-clitoris. A lot of why I want to know when I’m getting to know a guy is how likely it is that they’re going to regard tongue-on-clitoris as equally important.

Zanana
Zanana
7 years ago

*what I want to know, not /why/ I want to know, eesh.

Polliwog
7 years ago

It’s funny that men are often told they dont get laid because they have low self esteem and no confidence. Women with low self-esteem actually end up getting laid more.

This is perhaps the best evidence you’ve offered yet as to why you have trouble getting laid. I’m not sure I could come up with a more obvious red flag than “thinks partners who hate themselves are more desirable.” Ick.

inurashii
inurashii
7 years ago

C’mon polliwog, be fair, what he was actually saying is that women who hate themselves will sell their sex treats for fewer attention dollars.

Which, y’know, is also disgusting, but what are you gonna do.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Oh, Tim, you poor deluded little man. I don’t believe that all men only want to fuck porn stars. I believe that men, like women, have individual preferences that vary quite a bit, and that they will turn down sex with women who other men consider attractive but who just don’t do it for them. I believe this because I’ve seen it happen, many times.

As I said before, just because you have very few standards about who you’ll have sex with doesn’t mean that most other men are the same.

(I’m also curious about why the idea that most men will fuck almost any woman if asked would be “uncomfortable” for me, or for women in general. That idea isn’t disturbing or upsetting, it’s just not true, so the only discomfort I feel when I encounter men like Tim comes from the fact that it feels odd to feel sorry for someone who’s so creepy.)

@ Polliwog

I’ve actually seen the study he’s talking about, and the way he’s misusing that data point isn’t so much a red flag as a giant neon sign that’s firing flaming arrows everywhere.

Wetherby
Wetherby
7 years ago

Oh, Tim, you poor deluded little man. I don’t believe that all men only want to fuck porn stars. I believe that men, like women, have individual preferences that vary quite a bit, and that they will turn down sex with women who other men consider attractive but who just don’t do it for them. I believe this because I’ve seen it happen, many times.

And I believe it because it absolutely fits my experience too. There are many, many women in my life whom I love dearly as individuals but absolutely can’t imagine having a sexual relationship with – my wife’s best friend, for instance.

I actually think that if the two of them were to go out with the specific aim of getting casual sex, the friend would get hit on more often – she’s more conventionally attractive, and probably easier company socially. And yet, for some reason that is clearly completely beyond either of our control, she just doesn’t do it for me.

(I very much hope the feeling’s mutual, and suspect that it probably is, although obviously we’ve never discussed the subject and are never likely to).

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Also! What does a “pornstar” look like, in Timmy’s mind? The most famous female porn stars who I can think of are Jenna Jameson and Sasha Grey, and they look nothing like each other.

starskita
7 years ago

Necrothread on personal sex problems!

I am so tired of the okcupid thing. People keep saying that it means women have unrealistic expectations. I think it just means that they are misinterpreting the scale.

If 1 is the ugliest person you know, and 5 is the hottest person you know, if the divisions are even, there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON why it should cluster around the middle. My personal chart would be similar. There are a few really hot guys, and most just don’t do anything. I’d say out of 10 people, there’s one ‘5’, two ‘4’s, one ‘3’, three ‘2’s and three ‘1’s of the guys I know. Most are unattractive, and a few are attractive. voila.

Personally, I think this is due to the difference in minimum acceptable level of personal upkeep expected of women and men. Women basically have to continuously maintain their attractiveness level, just to do normal, non-sexual things like have a job, and men don’t give a flying fuck. Thus, the few that do something can really stand out. I hypothesize that if men overall spent the same amount of effort on their appearance as women, the attractiveness graphs would be similar.

RANTYRANTYZOMBIERANT

princessbonbon
7 years ago

I think guys like Tim also see casual sex as a synonym for emotionless sex. The kind where all he cares about is getting off, and not about any of the other fun/nice parts of sex.

I once pointed out that even at a sex (or swingers) club, a person still has to say “hi” before having intimate contact of any type. The second thing is of course “May I do XYZ?”

Maybe Tim just wants to have a Bonobo society.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Now we’re probably going to get “a man of average looks at the swingers club – a tale of woe”.

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
7 years ago

For most men, a woman visual appeal is enough to cause sexual attraction. All a man then requires is that there is nothing horribly wrong with her personality. The average womans body is enough to cause sexual attraction for most men. What was the last time a woman had to make you laugh in order to get you in bed? It didnt happen because you already want her body. She already has something you want, You dont require her to make an effort. She doesnt need to supplement herself or bring anything else to the table other than her sexuality and her body. Tell me, you dont make more effort than the women you have casual sex with?

Most men cannot expect to be sexually desired for their bodies and looks. They are only ‘desired’ for what they do and how uselful they (be it useful in making her laugh or making HER feel a particular way) They just end up getting laid because of circumstance or the other qualities they bring to the table. Men make more effort that the woman they sleep with.

Guy whose ideas and attitude about sex, sexual attraction, and sexual chemistry basically scream “I suck in bed!” is upset that women won’t have casual sex with him.

In other news, water is surprisingly wet.

princessbonbon
7 years ago

That might be funny…key word “might”.

Zanana
Zanana
7 years ago

@starskita – you’re right, that’s a huge factor! anyone who’s done any online dating can tell you how much more effort the majority of women put into their profile pictures, and of course it’s because they’re expected to. so many straight men think it’s unmanly to make any discernable effort to look more attractive.

Fitzy
Fitzy
7 years ago

@starskita – Agreed on the OkCupid data. I’m so sick of those stats that I could kick something. I’m about to the point where the next time a troll throws that particular tidbit into the mix, I’m going to reply with the Monty Python Spam song. Or maybe that Meow Mix video that the second-to-last incarnation of Pell loved so much.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
7 years ago

So much THIS about emotionless sex, and the scorn too many men show for women afterward – not seeing women as people, in other words. Tim sounds like he thinks even talking to women is too much to ask of him. It’s like he should just be able to gesture and the woman-of-choice should drop everything she’s doing and shag him.

As has been said before: Timmy, if you don’t even want to talk, to get to know someone as a person, get a fleshlight and keep away from living women. Though by the sound of it, you send off enough warning signals that women keep away from you.

Nepenthe
Nepenthe
7 years ago

The reason that the OKCupid data busts my chops is that the ratings aren’t of physical attractiveness, just general attractiveness. There’s no note under the bar of stars that says “Evaluate these people based on face/body only so our data doesn’t suck, m’kay”.

When I’m rating, anyone with a machine gun, a dead animal, or their shirt off in a mirror photo as their main pic gets a one, even if they’re the sort of guy I would otherwise put up a poster of on my bedroom wall. No fat chicks? That also gets a one.

howardbann1ster
7 years ago

@Nepenthe: which is not to mention the programmatic reasons you might not want to rate many of them high.

howardbann1ster
7 years ago

(dammit, where are my links? I cannot find them! I just had this conversation…)

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

@ Nepenthe

Exactly. I once gave someone the lowest possible rating even though he was very good looking because he was sitting on the roof of a sports car preening smugly in his pic, and his profile was all about how women WILL submit to him and he WILL pull your hair till it hurts during sex and if you don’t like it too bad, because a real woman would like it.

At that point if -5 stars was an option, that’s what I would have rated him, in spite of the pretty face and nice abs.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Hood, not roof. The roof might at least have been funny, which would have been a plus since the dude in question seemed to have had his sense of humor surgically removed.

Nepenthe
Nepenthe
7 years ago

OKCupid makes me weep for the future of humanity, mostly because there’s no way to give negative stars to someone whose picture is of them holding a machine gun and a dead animal with their shirt off, and whose first sentence includes the phrase “I like to have fun”.

4 stars is just not enough distance between these gents and people who I would like to date.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

On the plus side, giving them lots of space to talk about themselves does make it easier to weed out people like our friend the wannabe dom. I’ve yet to encounter a gun lover of the NRA membership type here – that’s such a fundamental area of disagreement there should probably a way for people to preemptively.block each other for that reason.

They should simply the system using the following options – Yes, Maybe, Not Sure. No, Oh Hell No, and This Person Scares Me.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Simplify, not simply. Apparently just thinking about dating sites makes my grammar go to shit.

tigtog
7 years ago

Hm, my comment disappeared. Please delete any duplicate, Dave.
~~
Yay, zombie thread is so much fun!

Tim, you really have got it totally arse about. Casual sex evaluations are generally made on how good the sex is predicted to be, for both sexes (and for same-sex-attracted folks as well as the opposite-sex-attracted, too, but let’s stick to your heteronormative model for now).

For selfish men such as you give every indication of being, Tim, any woman who looks good enough to make his boner hard is a woman he predicts that he will have an orgasm with if she agrees to PIV sex, so that’s all that he cares about. Her personality is irrelevant because it’s only his own satisfaction that he cares about. A selfish man may as well pay a sex worker to pretend that she’s having the best orgasm of her life, because he really only cares about what’s happening on his end of the interaction anyway.

For women looking for no-strings-attached sex, it is far more crucial to know whether the man cares about her having an orgasm as well as him having one. This cannot be done just by rating a man on his looks, because looks are not closely correlated with generosity/sensitivity in sex-making.

It doesn’t take much experience (one’s own and one’s friends) to learn that super-gorgeous men often don’t think they have to make any effort in the sack, and therefore are dud roots no matter how hot their arse is or how hard their abs are. However, many many men will tick the “attractive enough to root” box if they simply show that they are interested in getting to know a woman’s personality and preferences, because it shows that they maybe just might also be interested in getting to know what makes your body’s preferences too.

There’s also the issues of getting to know a chap well enough to make a more informed judgement about his general trustworthiness, due to the fact that on average he will be heavier/stronger and have the ability to overpower and coerce a female partner should he decide to do so, thus it’s simple common-sense risk assessment to evaluate whether one feels that basic level of trust or not. The consequences of being wrong here are, sadly, enough that many women simply won’t sleep with any man without knowing his full name and place of employment, and judging that they haven’t been lied to about this, because they write it down and give it to a friend in case they go missing.

This does all tend to take more time than the basic “Does she give me a boner? That’ll do then.” evaluation does, true. But the basic question still comes down to “Will I enjoy having sex with this person or not?”. If you don’t care to get to know women well enough for them to make an informed guesstimate on whether *they* will enjoy having sex with *you* that comes out in your favour, then you only have yourself to blame.

magpie
7 years ago

Wot tigtog said.

You know what I love about the internet (besides cat pics)? All the awesome articulate people who put things I feel into words.

lol – cockies are better talkers than magpies 😉

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