A lot of guys who try online dating (of the heterosexual kind) complain that they send out message after message to the ladies and get no responses. Now, I’m no dating expert, but I would like to offer these gentlemen a piece of advice that I feel could dramatically improve their chances. Here it is:
If the message you are sending the lass you fancy would get upvotes on The Spearhead, do not send it.
This seems like a fairly self-evident point, but it’s one that a lot of guys don’t seem to understand, at least judging from some of the awful online come-ons posted at the always fabulous A(n)nals of Online Dating. Take this fella:
[M]en have an obligation to rescue kittens from burning buildings, pay for your drinks, hold the door open for you, keep their hair neat, go to war and many other things. I’m just saying… Society worldwide really does put more obligations on men than women all around. There are few things women have to do… Shaving your legs is one of them.
I’m not sure how exactly this topic came up in conversation, but I’m pretty sure that Mr. Mammoth-Hunting Kitten-Rescuing Door-Holder-Opener and Lady Who Doesn’t Shave Her Legs are probably not a match made in Internet heaven.
This guy’s strategy is also somewhat problematic:
A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.
Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to open with a joke about raping underage girls. Assuming it is a joke.
This message would be a bad idea regardless of gender:
RON PAUL REVOLUTION!! GIVE US BACK OUR CONSTITUTION!!!! lol sorry
Sorry indeed.
This next fellow is a bit of a Stealth Misogynist, in that he starts out with some actual compliments directed toward an actual women. Really creepy compliments, but complements nonetheless. Then we get a plot twist that’s about as shocking as the big reveal in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village. Which is to say, so obvious that it could probably be spotted from space.
When I look at you I see very happy, fun loving, sexy, good girl. I love looking through your photos, I only wish there were more. Do you enjoy being obedient to the male figures in your life?
David K. Meller, is that you?
FactFinder, I wish to apologize to you on behalf of the Manboobz community. You are correct, while the most commonly used definition of statutory rape refers to minors, this individual may have instead have been making a joke about raping the mentally handicapped. I do not see this as any better, but it is different.
Would you have agreed with David’s assessment had he said, “Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to open with a joke about raping underage girls, or mentally handicapped women. Assuming it is a joke.”? Was his lack of inclusion of the possibility that this individual was joking about raping the mentally handicapped what you were referring to when you accused David of lying?
You troll feminist sites on company time and you’re going to talk to us about employability? You’re not very good at this, are you?
I am sorry everyone, you move much too fast for me.
FF: … Y’know what? I have better things to do with my time than try to engage in any kind of dialogue with you. Carry on.
You know, FactFinder, you’re not terribly polite to other people yourself. I’m curious as to why you’re so obsessed with the idea that people are obliged to be polite to you while not being willing to extent the same courtesy to others. Seems a bit hypocritical, no?
Another view into their inner thought process:
Commenter says, “In the old days, being a virgin bride in a traditional patriarchal marriage may have had its downside for the woman, but it probably engendered In her fear, respect and commitment. Or, in the vernacular, continuing gina tingles.”
I comment while I wait for my programs to compile. At home.
Fear = arousal? Well isn’t that just lovely.
factfinder i do not care for a job in your non sequitur factory
@FactFinder:
What language?
About the smiling, I mean.
a computer programmer with an inflated sense of social importance? on the internet, no less? will wonders never cease?
@Sharculese:
I’ll have you know that I’ve done great things with my work in computer programming, thank you very much.
…
God dammit… *hangs head*
I reaaaaally believe a tech nerd was a yoostabee XD
But yeah, it’s irrelevant that you do it while code compiles. Company time is company time. I don’t actually care, because I’m not an idiot, but you seem to think people always behave the same all the time, so we carry our snark over into all things, including our jobs, even if that would be a bad idea, so…
NC4OM, you do realize that there’s an entire article above this thread with quotes in it, don’t you? You don’t need to add your own random unrelated ones.
I still want to know why you decided that this thread was an appropriate place to post this comment, FactFinder.
“So nothing about politics or philosophy or anything? Nothing about how the people stood up and crushed your legislation?”
An arrogant programmer, on the internet, with no sense at all of time and place and no qualms about randomly interrupting other people’s conversations to insist that they talk about what he wants to talk about, right now?
Truly, I’m astonished.
@kirby
It varies. I’m trying to specialize in 3D multithreaded simulations, which requires knowledge of several different languages unfortunately. They tend to be C++ or C derivatives, but they’re almost alien compared to one another. Sometimes I do things with C# because I’m lazy.
@others
I thought feminists wanted to end stereotypes and prejudice. This is why I am averse to the feminist movement. In the MRM, such attitudes are the exception and not the rule.
Actually, I don’t believe that it’s true that the mentally disabled are only allowed to have sex “with their own kind,” whatever that means, at least not in the States. I think it depends on whether the adult in question is considered able to meaningfully consent to sex. I’ve worked with the “mentally handicapped,” as you call them, and they were quite able to have sex with whomever they liked–provided there was consent–without legal consequences for either party. Again, the issue is whether they can meaningfully consent, which is a more complicated issue for people with mental challenges than it is for children.
Well, Cassandra, he’s trying to find facts, dontchaknow. What’s a little interruption when you’re trying to find THE TRUTH?
I didn’t prejudge you as a tech nerd, seeing as this is the first I knew about it, but when you are a faux-intellectual misogynist asshat, and then reveal you are a tech nerd, don’t expect any of us to be surprised. The simple fact is that tech culture devalues and belittles women. There’s a reason women generally don’t bother with it. ACtually there are several, and some of them are from gender policing women, but your culture is one of those reasons.
Vacuous lie of the day. I repeat: Put up or shut up. Demonstrate the MRM majority that disavows AVFM and its hate wiki, the spearhead, r/mr, and other such lovely little sites that otherwise represent you.
The MRM wants to end stereotypes and prejudice? Please, tell me another one.
@FactFinder:
Hmm, I’m more of a Java guy myself. I’ve tried repeatedly to learn C but can never get the motivation to do it… It’d be interesting to know what you plan on simulating, though. I’ve been interested in evolution-based simulators and cellular-automata for a while now, but sadly school and other things often get in the way of my programming projects.
[critical mode on]
“I thought feminists wanted to end stereotypes and prejudice. This is why I am averse to the feminist movement. In the MRM, such attitudes are the exception and not the rule.”
And again, FactFinder comes blazing in with something completely contrary to reality. The feminist movement is founded upon ending stereotypes and prejudice, you need to pick a better enemy.
As for your friends, the MRM revels in prejudice and stereotypes, and David has an entire blog as evidence to back this up. How is it that you can take the handle of Fact Finder, and yet not only fail to find facts, but find falsehoods and proclaim them as fact?
a computer programmer with an inflated sense of social importance? on the internet, no less? will wonders never cease?
The moment he started going on about his enormous importance to society, I knew he was some kind of IT guy. Truly, my genius knows no bounds.
I thought feminists wanted to end stereotypes and prejudice. This is why I am averse to the feminist movement. In the MRM, such attitudes are the exception and not the rule.
factfinder i individually and based on your own merit find you to be a blustery loudmouth with a huge martyr complex and nothing to contribute. can i go back to making fun of you now or do you need a few minutes to think up a new grave indignity youve suffered?
“[M]en have an obligation to rescue kittens from burning buildings, pay for your drinks, hold the door open for you, keep their hair neat, go to war and many other things. I’m just saying… Society worldwide really does put more obligations on men than women all around. There are few things women have to do… Shaving your legs is one of them.”
Women aren’t expected to keep their hair neat?
Also, I wonder how many kittens this guy has rescued from burning buildings? I only know one man who’s actually done that, and it was noted alpha he-man Pee-Wee Herman.