A lot of guys who try online dating (of the heterosexual kind) complain that they send out message after message to the ladies and get no responses. Now, I’m no dating expert, but I would like to offer these gentlemen a piece of advice that I feel could dramatically improve their chances. Here it is:
If the message you are sending the lass you fancy would get upvotes on The Spearhead, do not send it.
This seems like a fairly self-evident point, but it’s one that a lot of guys don’t seem to understand, at least judging from some of the awful online come-ons posted at the always fabulous A(n)nals of Online Dating. Take this fella:
[M]en have an obligation to rescue kittens from burning buildings, pay for your drinks, hold the door open for you, keep their hair neat, go to war and many other things. I’m just saying… Society worldwide really does put more obligations on men than women all around. There are few things women have to do… Shaving your legs is one of them.
I’m not sure how exactly this topic came up in conversation, but I’m pretty sure that Mr. Mammoth-Hunting Kitten-Rescuing Door-Holder-Opener and Lady Who Doesn’t Shave Her Legs are probably not a match made in Internet heaven.
This guy’s strategy is also somewhat problematic:
A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.
Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to open with a joke about raping underage girls. Assuming it is a joke.
This message would be a bad idea regardless of gender:
RON PAUL REVOLUTION!! GIVE US BACK OUR CONSTITUTION!!!! lol sorry
Sorry indeed.
This next fellow is a bit of a Stealth Misogynist, in that he starts out with some actual compliments directed toward an actual women. Really creepy compliments, but complements nonetheless. Then we get a plot twist that’s about as shocking as the big reveal in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village. Which is to say, so obvious that it could probably be spotted from space.
When I look at you I see very happy, fun loving, sexy, good girl. I love looking through your photos, I only wish there were more. Do you enjoy being obedient to the male figures in your life?
David K. Meller, is that you?
@Dracula
A facepalm is best when confronted with such blinding stupidity 😀
FactFinder does not know the definition of “statutory rape” … unless s/he is trying to make some pathetic point about how age of consent laws shouldn’t exist because have you SEEN how these girls dress today???
Well you’re either stupid or evil, and I think stupid is less insulting an assumption.
Not compared to basic literacy!
@FactFinder:
“Again with the “you’re dumb” nonsense? So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults. I have a feeling you won’t win on that one either.
If you think I’m wrong, you might want to just correct the error.”
I dunno, FactFinder, you might be right. Your blog and its 61 or less commenters might be able to give any one of us a run for our money. At least until I get back to my internship/job over the summer, anyway.
Dammit, left all the important words out: the problem with my joke wasn’t the offensive content, it was the “not taking dating sites seriously” on a dating site. So it’s certainly possible for it to be both/and with that.
By the way Quackers, is that Captain Picard?
everyone knows the proper response to seeing a dog in the street is to make faces and funny noises at it. i dont know what this guys problem is.
“[…]they could also include non-sexual crimes such as a violent attack that was part of the incident, although the Crown Prosecution Service said this was highly unlikely to occur.”
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/mar/20/rape-convictions-lady-stern-cps
You can read up on plea bargains and rape in the link above. I’m surprised you aren’t familiar with that sort of thing.
So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults.
that is like the most insane way of measuring intelligence ever
factfinder what do you think that link actually proves?
Statutory rape can also apply to mentally handicapped or otherwise incapacitated individuals. It’s not just about age of consent.
You may apologize for your abuse now, if you wish.
So you would like to argue that it’s wrong to insult him for joking about raping children, because he may have *actually raped* a disabled person, which is an improvement? Because if he was joking, that wasn’t the joke. Statutory generally refers to kids.
that is like the most insane way of measuring intelligence ever
So schoolyard insults or how well a person conforms to your political views are a better measure?
kirby: Perhaps he’s Gwynplaine?
Shorter “Fact”Finder: THERE IS NO SUBTEXT!
Statutory rape can also apply to mentally handicapped or otherwise incapacitated individuals. It’s not just about age of consent.
You may apologize for your abuse now, if you wish.
im deeply sorry your poor communication skills prevented us from figuring exactly which disingenuous equivocation game you were playing.
“So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults.”
“that is like the most insane way of measuring intelligence ever”
This could revolutionize smartitude quantification! Don’t be so quick to dismiss it! :p
Actually, I believe that mentally handicapped men and women are capable of forming consensual relationships with people who are not handicapped. The law, however, says the mentally disabled have to stick to their own kind, or however the feminist legislation is worded.
I don’t really think having sex with a mentally handicapped person is the same as having sex with a child, but that’s just me.
@katz:
That… was… O_O
@FactFinder:
Do you have anything remotely interesting to contribute, or are you just going around accusing everyone of abuse? I kinda want to get into an actual discussion with you, see what makes you tick, but you never seem to want to talk about anything substantial.
Also, still waiting for you to change the pronoun on your post. You’ve admitted you were wrong in labeling me “she,” but yet you keep the mistake… Bad form.
fact finder, is it hard being the bearer of truth on the cold, cruel internet?
FactFinder, what does that link have to do with anything we’re discussing? You have an odd tendency to skip around on topics and it is very difficult for us to follow you. I am trying to be charitable here, so I won’t call you “stupid”. But the reason why people here are calling you “stupid” is because you are not very coherent, and seem to be lacking in reading comprehension skills.
For example, it is hard for me to believe that you can’t see why mentioning rape on a dating site is not a good thing. Neither seriously confessing to having statutory rape charges filed against you, nor making a joke about it, is very attractive to anyone. It’s actually pretty frightening. It doesn’t matter that it is a common thing for people to make plea deals and plead guilty to lesser charges in the case of rape charges. The thing that matters is that this person mentioned it in a message to a potential date. That is creepy and upsetting. A person who does that is not somebody most people would want to date. THAT is the point of this post, to make fun of somebody who would think that rape charges are appropriate to mention to a potential date. Not to say that plea deals never happen. Ok?
Actually, I believe that mentally handicapped men and women are capable of forming consensual relationships with people who are not handicapped. The law, however, says the mentally disabled have to stick to their own kind, or however the feminist legislation is worded.
I don’t really think having sex with a mentally handicapped person is the same as having sex with a child, but that’s just me.
oh, good, were back to ‘only i get to define what consent is’. why bother saying something interesting when you can just declare yourself king and move on to the next chip on your shoulder?
@Dracula
Yep. Its an internet meme called facepalm http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/facepalm#.TsMT8MMk6so
FactFinder: so you’re telling me society values blogs with no appreciable content and no commenters? Good to know.
im deeply sorry your poor communication skills prevented us from figuring exactly which disingenuous equivocation game you were playing.
You seem very employable right now.
On second thought, a lot of the greeters at Walmart do have similar dispositions.