A lot of guys who try online dating (of the heterosexual kind) complain that they send out message after message to the ladies and get no responses. Now, I’m no dating expert, but I would like to offer these gentlemen a piece of advice that I feel could dramatically improve their chances. Here it is:
If the message you are sending the lass you fancy would get upvotes on The Spearhead, do not send it.
This seems like a fairly self-evident point, but it’s one that a lot of guys don’t seem to understand, at least judging from some of the awful online come-ons posted at the always fabulous A(n)nals of Online Dating. Take this fella:
[M]en have an obligation to rescue kittens from burning buildings, pay for your drinks, hold the door open for you, keep their hair neat, go to war and many other things. I’m just saying… Society worldwide really does put more obligations on men than women all around. There are few things women have to do… Shaving your legs is one of them.
I’m not sure how exactly this topic came up in conversation, but I’m pretty sure that Mr. Mammoth-Hunting Kitten-Rescuing Door-Holder-Opener and Lady Who Doesn’t Shave Her Legs are probably not a match made in Internet heaven.
This guy’s strategy is also somewhat problematic:
A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.
Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to open with a joke about raping underage girls. Assuming it is a joke.
This message would be a bad idea regardless of gender:
RON PAUL REVOLUTION!! GIVE US BACK OUR CONSTITUTION!!!! lol sorry
Sorry indeed.
This next fellow is a bit of a Stealth Misogynist, in that he starts out with some actual compliments directed toward an actual women. Really creepy compliments, but complements nonetheless. Then we get a plot twist that’s about as shocking as the big reveal in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village. Which is to say, so obvious that it could probably be spotted from space.
When I look at you I see very happy, fun loving, sexy, good girl. I love looking through your photos, I only wish there were more. Do you enjoy being obedient to the male figures in your life?
David K. Meller, is that you?
FactFinder believes that (US) society values are intelligence = pay?
Really?
I never imagined that those people on Jersey Shore were so much more intelligent than Brian Greene.
@Blitzgal
FactFinder has a liberal view of raping children and mentally disabled persons. Duely noted.
😉
OH WOW! I love this site, I always come back for the lulz. I hope you guys are screencapping “Preggo Punchout,” because once FactFinder finds himself two brain cells to rub together, he’ll do everything in his power to scrub that garbage from the internet.
Oh fuck it, here it is archived: http://imgur.com/X7hLP
As everyone can see, I got a wordpress account. Dave can compare IPs if anyone is concerned that I’m not really ‘Trollin’ MRAs.’ 😀
Wow… Now that I’ve read up on FactFinder’s little “project,” I can’t help but wonder exactly what sort of “3d simulations” he is running… I assumed they’d be scientific of some sort or another. Now I’m thinking he’s the source of all the horridly bad 3d pornography out there. -_-
What are you talking about here? Are you talking about the video you linked to, or the deviantArt page? If the latter, and you’re claiming that it isn’t your site, why did you also use the email of the deviantArt person as your email when you started posting here?
(that last comment is for factfinder, in case that’s not clear.)
Now we know that FactFinder doesn’t even have the mental discipline to be a code monkey. Duely noted.
Isn’t compiling programs the step where you don’t actually do anything?
@FactFinder
I’m not saying you’re a dishonest asshole, but…
@Bagelsan
It was back in the 90’s when I was in college. But times… they change. You’d have to ask some IT “guy”.
(Psst, cynical, it’s “duly noted.”)
If the latter, and you’re claiming that it isn’t your site, why did you also use the email of the deviantArt person as your email when you started posting here?
On, you noticed that. If it’s alright, I will wait a little longer to explain that part. To be fair, I can answer several other questions related to this recent development.
“If it’s alright, I will wait a little longer to explain that part. To be fair, I can answer several other questions related to this recent development.”
So, does the real person, whoever they may be, behind the site know you’re impersonating them?
Where do I impersonate them? It was David who released part of my email address without my consent.
So you’re saying that you’re not impersonating them because that is your email address and you are that same person?
Didn’t your name used to publicly link back to that page?
So you’re saying that you’re not impersonating them because that is your email address and you are that same person?
@Snowy – That is a possibility.
@zhinxy – Yes, my name did link back to that page.
So David isn’t really revealing anything, if you used that email address, is he?
My name links to my tumblr page. You can email me from that tumblr page. If I said that I was just trollin by linking to the tumblr page, and David pointed out I also used that pages email, I wouldn’t say he had commited some breach of confidence.
I didn’t “release” even part of your email address. You publicly linked yourself to that deviantArt page, which appears to be under the name of a real person, presumably you. Though maybe it’s a fake name; I don’t know, and I don’t care.
If you publicly link your name to a particular web site, most people are going to assume it’s your web site. Could you simply answer with a yes or no — is it your web site?
“Breach of confidence?” If it’s a breach of confidence, it is a pretty harmless one. A more feminist strain of a breach of confidence can be found below:
http://funnyhatemail.blogspot.com/2008/02/feminist-propaganda.html
Do you think there’s some obligation to keep email addresses private?
The fact that he seems to be using that name alongside his apparently real one as a handle would indicate he doesn’t consider it something to keep under wraps.