A lot of guys who try online dating (of the heterosexual kind) complain that they send out message after message to the ladies and get no responses. Now, I’m no dating expert, but I would like to offer these gentlemen a piece of advice that I feel could dramatically improve their chances. Here it is:
If the message you are sending the lass you fancy would get upvotes on The Spearhead, do not send it.
This seems like a fairly self-evident point, but it’s one that a lot of guys don’t seem to understand, at least judging from some of the awful online come-ons posted at the always fabulous A(n)nals of Online Dating. Take this fella:
[M]en have an obligation to rescue kittens from burning buildings, pay for your drinks, hold the door open for you, keep their hair neat, go to war and many other things. I’m just saying… Society worldwide really does put more obligations on men than women all around. There are few things women have to do… Shaving your legs is one of them.
I’m not sure how exactly this topic came up in conversation, but I’m pretty sure that Mr. Mammoth-Hunting Kitten-Rescuing Door-Holder-Opener and Lady Who Doesn’t Shave Her Legs are probably not a match made in Internet heaven.
This guy’s strategy is also somewhat problematic:
A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.
Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to open with a joke about raping underage girls. Assuming it is a joke.
This message would be a bad idea regardless of gender:
RON PAUL REVOLUTION!! GIVE US BACK OUR CONSTITUTION!!!! lol sorry
Sorry indeed.
This next fellow is a bit of a Stealth Misogynist, in that he starts out with some actual compliments directed toward an actual women. Really creepy compliments, but complements nonetheless. Then we get a plot twist that’s about as shocking as the big reveal in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village. Which is to say, so obvious that it could probably be spotted from space.
When I look at you I see very happy, fun loving, sexy, good girl. I love looking through your photos, I only wish there were more. Do you enjoy being obedient to the male figures in your life?
David K. Meller, is that you?
Visited FF’s deviantArt profile. Ewwwwwwww…
Case closed.
David Futrelle said:
“Check out the 3D gaming project he claims to be working on, something called “”Preggo Punchout.”
WTF? Battle Royale with pregnant women? And then he has the gall to think that he can buy his way out by making donations to DV charities. Tasteless and stupid.
Sharculese:
” That’s basically it, yes.”
*Head meets desk*
They must be hard up for something to celebrate if they’re gloating over that.
Haha, love it. I’m doing the internet dating thing at the moment (and yeah, blogging it) and one of the profiles I’m deciding whether to respond to just for blog fodder has the following line in it:
“Most of the women on here are fakes and just want your money and the others are stuck up bitches so if you think your [sic] too good for me don’t bother to contact me.”
Awesome display of both mysogyny, loserdom and awesome logic!
So, a college drama class making some horror film inspired violent movie for their final class project is proof that ALL feminists are violent and evil — even though just about every American film studies doofus makes some kind of Tarantino rip off for his final project. But on the other hand, an MRA doing the exact same thing is….what? Speaking truth to power? Exposing the evil materialism of women by showing them smashing at each other with sledgehammers? So trite.
“DNA AND SCIENCE”
I’m getting fucking tired of NC4OM waving the flag of “DNA and science” to prove rape.
First: not all rape involves a penis (i.e. even when the rapist is not a woman, men can use other things to rape women and men).
Second: rape that involves a penis does not always involve ejaculate.
Third: CONDONS YOU BLOODY MORON.
Fourth: The horrific rate of backed up untested rape kits: http://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1ARAB_enUS452US452&gcx=c&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=untested+rape+its#hl=en&rlz=1C1ARAB_enUS452US452&sa=X&ei=xKbDTr-vH5PMtgeIp_W6DQ&ved=0CCAQvwUoAQ&q=untested+rape+kits&spell=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&fp=308ac1438cec8962&biw=1024&bih=499
And i’m still trying to work out why DNA is seen as the gold standard of rape–i.e. if there is semen, and DNA, and she says it was rape, and he says not, then WTF you bloody pig ignorant arsehole?
Will you stop trying to pretend there are SIMPLE answer to the structural oppressions of the kyriarchy?
Back to online dating, I have had a couple of interesting experiences, one in particular stands out.
One guy sent me a wink, so I checked out his profile and it listed such things as his hatred of western women and his love of trips to Thailand for sex.
Yeah, thanks, but no thanks.
I think that FactFinder is a programmer like George Sodini.
Okay, I may not be entirely awake, but wow…that “preggo punching” game seems awful. Two pregnant “hookers” trying to cause each other to miscarry so that the “perverse millionaire” gives them money? I don’t care if all of the profits were going to DV shelters, that’s just plain wrong.
I really don’t want to know anyone who would find that game amusing or funny.
Most of the computer programmers I know (men and women) are kind and intelligent people (though some of them are also a little shy). I don’t think the same can be said of Fact Finder, though.
Assholes are assholes, no matter what their profession.
Jesus, FF, Preggo Punchout?
Fuck you!
(27 weeks pregnant over here. Christ, what an asshole.)
Let us all anticipate tomorrow’s response from FF.
“I see. So that’s how it is. Feminists are so steeped in female privilege that they think women have some sort of right not to be punched in the stomach just because they’re pregnant. Feminists are the threatening ones, telling men to fuck off just because they make games about punching pregnant women.
Be aware that your words will be posted elsewhere so that the world can see what feminists truly are.”
No, see, you guys don’t GET IT. It’s social commentary. Bitches will do anything for money, amirite?? And all these whores get tons of abortions anyway, therefore it’s not violent to show them hitting each other with hammers. /sarcasm
There you go again with the shaming language. How very typical. Have you no respect for the feelings of men who may be hurt by your vile mockery?
You are the reason why I, FF, support the MRM. You forced me into this.
PS – I’m telling my mommy on you. Or I would if she wasn’t evil, just like all other women. Imma go tell the guys on Spearhead instead.
OK, so I’m not going to comment on the usual troll derails. I just want to point out that David has helpfully included a picture of a literal facepalm in the OP, with an appropriate caption.
That pretty much says it all.
AACC: Your username inspired me to find this picture:
http://indianapolis-indiana.funcityfinder.com/files/2010/03/Carousel-at-Indianapolis-Civic-Theatre-Indiana1.jpg
In regards to Preggo Punchout: stay classy, FactFinder.
In order for someone to stay classy wouldn’t they have needed to be classy at some point in the past? I’m finding that difficult to picture in this case.
From the “Preggo Punchout”:
“grabs an jar resembling a dimensionally challenged African-American woman. She opens it, dips her hand in the enchanted syrup, and morphs into an anthro gorilla. She then ravages her opponent. This is to be rendered as sensitively as possible.”
WTF?! I’m not sure what is more disgusting to me: the description of the scene that is to happen or the addition of the “rendering as sensitively as possible.”
No, don’t tell me that I’m being “too PC” or some shit like that for thinking that is offensive, FactFinder. Don’t tell me that if race/sex/gender really didn’t matter, I’d be okay with this shit.
>>This will seem ridiculous, but there are actually luddites on the internet.
http://www.primitivism.com
lolwut?
Can we also critique his writing skills, as well as the overall offensiveness of the theme? Because the bit that Naira just posted reads like plot mad libs. Either he was high as a kite when he wrote that or he’s an incredibly bad writer.
Stick to your day job, angry man.
I noticed that part, too. And that the hooker morphs into a gorilla after touching the syrup held in a jar shaped like a black woman. There’s layers of racism in THAT shit, especially considering that he doesn’t even have his breakfast products straight. He’s got Mrs. Butterworth confused with Aunt Jemima.
@Cassandra: I wish there was a font called Sarcastia.
OK, after all the racism and general disgustingness of the concept, he’s going to tiptoe around calling someone fat? What the fuck.