Categories
douchebaggery idiocy kitties misogyny patriarchy pedophiles oh sorry ephebophiles rape reactionary bullshit the spearhead we hunted the mammoth

Men Who Hate Women and the Women They Try to Date: Another visit to the Annals of Online Dating

What is this fucking shit?

A lot of guys who try online dating (of the heterosexual kind) complain that they send out message after message to the ladies and get no responses. Now, I’m no dating expert, but I would like to offer these gentlemen a piece of advice that I feel could dramatically improve their chances. Here it is:

If the message you are sending the lass you fancy would get upvotes on The Spearhead, do not send it.

This seems like a fairly self-evident point, but it’s one that a lot of guys don’t seem to understand, at least judging from some of the awful online come-ons posted at the always fabulous A(n)nals of Online Dating. Take this fella:

 [M]en have an obligation to rescue kittens from burning buildings, pay for your drinks, hold the door open for you, keep their hair neat, go to war and many other things. I’m just saying… Society worldwide really does put more obligations on men than women all around. There are few things women have to do… Shaving your legs is one of them.

I’m not sure how exactly this topic came up in conversation, but I’m pretty sure that Mr. Mammoth-Hunting Kitten-Rescuing Door-Holder-Opener and Lady Who Doesn’t Shave Her Legs are probably not a match made in Internet heaven.

This guy’s strategy is also somewhat problematic:

A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.

Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to open with a joke about raping underage girls. Assuming it is a joke.

This message would be a bad idea regardless of gender:

RON PAUL REVOLUTION!! GIVE US BACK OUR CONSTITUTION!!!! lol sorry

Sorry indeed.

This next fellow is a bit of a Stealth Misogynist, in that he starts out with some actual compliments directed toward an actual women. Really creepy compliments, but complements nonetheless. Then we get a plot twist that’s about as shocking as the big reveal in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village. Which is to say, so obvious that it could probably be spotted from space.

When I look at you I see very happy, fun loving, sexy, good girl. I love looking through your photos, I only wish there were more. Do you enjoy being obedient to the male figures in your life?

David K. Meller, is that you?

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

339 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

……………………………………..________
………………………………,.-‘”……………….“~.,
………………………..,.-”……………………………..“-.,
…………………….,/………………………………………..”:,
…………………,?………………………………………………,
………………./…………………………………………………..,}
……………../………………………………………………,:`^`..}
……………/……………………………………………,:”………/
…………..?…..__…………………………………..:`………../
…………./__.(…..“~-,_…………………………,:`………./
………../(_….”~,_……..“~,_………………..,:`…….._/
……….{.._$;_……”=,_…….“-,_…….,.-~-,},.~”;/….}
………..((…..*~_…….”=-._……“;,,./`…./”…………../
…,,,___.`~,……“~.,………………..`…..}…………../
…………(….`=-,,…….`……………………(……;_,,-”
…………/.`~,……`-………………………………./
………….`~.*-,……………………………….|,./…..,__
,,_……….}.>-._……………………………..|…………..`=~-,
…..`=~-,__……`,……………………………
……………….`=~-,,.,………………………….
…………………………..`:,,………………………`…………..__
……………………………….`=-,……………….,%`>–==“
…………………………………._……….._,-%…….`
……………………………..,<`.._|_,-&“…………….`

especially to the last quote.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Quackers: *applause*

FactFinder
9 years ago

So nothing about politics or philosophy or anything? Nothing about how the people stood up and crushed your legislation?

Kyso K
Kyso K
9 years ago

Annalsofonlinedating tricked me. My OK Cupid profile didn’t get me too many dates, which I expected. But it also completely failed to deliver the crazy. I was so sad…eight months and not a single message worth submitting. Obviously I have taken down my profile for rennovations 🙂

FactFinder
9 years ago

“Stealth Spearheader?” Do you have proof that this individual is related to the Spearhead or even the Men’s Rights Movement in general?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Did you post that in the wrong thread by accident, FactFinder? Because if not I’m not seeing how it’s in any way relevent to the post.

The weirdest message I ever got on a dating site was from a dude who sent a very very long email about how he wanted to draw me. First we would become friends, apparently, and then as we got to know each other better and I grew to trust him I would be comfortable with him drawing me in more intimate settings.

This was the very first point of contact between us. And then, when I didn’t respond but did look at his profile to try to figure out what sort of deranged person would send such a thing, I got another message saying “I see that you viewed my profile, therefore clearly you must be intrigued by my offer”.

Not so much, actually.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

You see, FactFinder, the “stealth Spearheader” comment was what is called a “joke”.

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/joke

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Back when I was single, I got a lot of messages that seemed totally boilerplate and not even tangentially related to my ad. Those got no response.

And then there were the charmers who (after at least showing they read the ad)–if I thanked them and said I didn’t think we’d be a good match–responded with some of the nastiest shit. Hmm, I wonder you’re having no luck?

Lauralot
Lauralot
9 years ago

It can’t be a DKM post. There aren’t any exclamation points or references to fluffy kitties.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

Hmm, you know, I’ve been curious recently as to how well I’d do on a dating website… If these guys are my competition, I think I could do rather well for myself.

*goes to a(n)nals website*

Ooh, fun things to read. ^_^

Ms. Crazy Pants
Ms. Crazy Pants
9 years ago

“Do you enjoy being obedient to the male figures in your life?”
–EWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Back when I was trying online dating, one guy had the gall to say during the first phone call (he really wanted to jump to a phone call after a few emails, so I agreed…bad idea) that I’d have to quit birth control of any sort, quit riding my motorcycle, and put all my energy into a marriage. When I said (without a bad tone) that I didn’t think we’d be a good match, he became angry and said I was greedy and self-centered in a very loud, angry, yelling tone.

FactFinder
9 years ago

It may be my pesky liberal-mindedness here, but I don’t see where this:
A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.
Equates to joking about raping underage girls. I’m just saying, people tend to get a bit boobish when you tell lies about them. Again, I apologize for being so darn liberal-minded, I know feminists can take a little defamation and just laugh it off.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

You really don’t see it, FactFinder? Then you are dumber than previously thought.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

You’re right there, David. Sorry if I was stepping on your toes, as it were.

No Cuntry 4 Old Men!
No Cuntry 4 Old Men!
9 years ago

“keep their hair neat”

Like Whore Mary?

Rutee Katreya
9 years ago

Equates to joking about raping underage girls. I’m just saying, people tend to get a bit boobish when you tell lies about them. Again, I apologize for being so darn liberal-minded, I know feminists can take a little defamation and just laugh it off.

A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.

Snowy
Snowy
9 years ago

It may be my pesky liberal-mindedness here, but I don’t see where this:
A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.
Equates to joking about raping underage girls.

There you go. Or did you read that as him being serious?

Snowy
Snowy
9 years ago

haha ninja’d!

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

So, FactFinder, what you’re saying is that he wasn’t joking about raping underage girls, he was confessing to doing so.

I’m curious as to how this is supposed to be an improvement over what David assumed.

no more mr nice guy
9 years ago

There was a guy in a shyness forum a few years ago that was using online dating. His schtick was to send inflammatory messages to women and then come back to the forum and tell the others that these women bitches because they were angry. What’s incredible is that he was popular with some women and they were sending him messages but he was constantly finding reasons to reject them. He was essentially trying to find a reason to hate women. I think it can explain some of the messages we see here.

FactFinder
9 years ago

You really don’t see it, FactFinder? Then you are dumber than previously thought.
Again with the “you’re dumb” nonsense? So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults. I have a feeling you won’t win on that one either.

If you think I’m wrong, you might want to just correct the error.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

You know, for all the creepyness of his rape joke, that guy has got to have some fortitude. He smiles at dogs and babies every day! I mean really, that is some phenomenal dedication. Through rainy days, depression and anger, wiping that bit of mud off your shoe only to find that it isn’t exactly mud, this guy still finds it in him to bring out a smile. Even if all three happen at the same time, he’ll still give that dog a show of teeth.

Must be pretty draining though… I’ll bet he’d be horrible to date. He spends so much time smiling when he doesn’t want to that he’ll have no energy left for things he likes! The key would be to have children as soon as possible, then at least, through sheer force of habit, he’ll let you see his pearly whites.

[hoping to break FactFinder’s sarcasm meter, if he ever had one in the first place]

Hershele Ostropoler
9 years ago

Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to open with a joke about raping underage girls. Assuming it is a joke.

… I once had a dating profile* in which I had an offensive joke intended to convey the message “I don’t take this seriously.”

*on a site where it turned out every woman I encountered had values fundamentally different from mine, and funadamentally different in the same way.

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

@Dracula

A facepalm is best when confronted with such blinding stupidity 😀

blitzgal
9 years ago

FactFinder does not know the definition of “statutory rape” … unless s/he is trying to make some pathetic point about how age of consent laws shouldn’t exist because have you SEEN how these girls dress today???

Rutee Katreya
9 years ago

Again with the “you’re dumb” nonsense?

Well you’re either stupid or evil, and I think stupid is less insulting an assumption.

So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults.

Not compared to basic literacy!

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

@FactFinder:

“Again with the “you’re dumb” nonsense? So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults. I have a feeling you won’t win on that one either.

If you think I’m wrong, you might want to just correct the error.”

I dunno, FactFinder, you might be right. Your blog and its 61 or less commenters might be able to give any one of us a run for our money. At least until I get back to my internship/job over the summer, anyway.

Hershele Ostropoler
9 years ago

Dammit, left all the important words out: the problem with my joke wasn’t the offensive content, it was the “not taking dating sites seriously” on a dating site. So it’s certainly possible for it to be both/and with that.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

By the way Quackers, is that Captain Picard?

Sharculese
9 years ago

everyone knows the proper response to seeing a dog in the street is to make faces and funny noises at it. i dont know what this guys problem is.

FactFinder
9 years ago

“[…]they could also include non-sexual crimes such as a violent attack that was part of the incident, although the Crown Prosecution Service said this was highly unlikely to occur.”
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/mar/20/rape-convictions-lady-stern-cps

You can read up on plea bargains and rape in the link above. I’m surprised you aren’t familiar with that sort of thing.

Sharculese
9 years ago

So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults.

that is like the most insane way of measuring intelligence ever

Sharculese
9 years ago

factfinder what do you think that link actually proves?

FactFinder
9 years ago

Statutory rape can also apply to mentally handicapped or otherwise incapacitated individuals. It’s not just about age of consent.
You may apologize for your abuse now, if you wish.

Rutee Katreya
9 years ago

Statutory rape can also apply to mentally handicapped or otherwise incapacitated individuals. It’s not just about age of consent.

So you would like to argue that it’s wrong to insult him for joking about raping children, because he may have *actually raped* a disabled person, which is an improvement? Because if he was joking, that wasn’t the joke. Statutory generally refers to kids.

FactFinder
9 years ago

that is like the most insane way of measuring intelligence ever
So schoolyard insults or how well a person conforms to your political views are a better measure?

katz
9 years ago

kirby: Perhaps he’s Gwynplaine?

Hershele Ostropoler
9 years ago

Shorter “Fact”Finder: THERE IS NO SUBTEXT!

Sharculese
9 years ago

Statutory rape can also apply to mentally handicapped or otherwise incapacitated individuals. It’s not just about age of consent.
You may apologize for your abuse now, if you wish.

im deeply sorry your poor communication skills prevented us from figuring exactly which disingenuous equivocation game you were playing.

zhinxy
9 years ago

“So do you really want to compare how much society values my work compared to yours? Because that’s a more generalized measure of intelligence than schoolyard insults.”

“that is like the most insane way of measuring intelligence ever”

This could revolutionize smartitude quantification! Don’t be so quick to dismiss it! :p

FactFinder
9 years ago

Actually, I believe that mentally handicapped men and women are capable of forming consensual relationships with people who are not handicapped. The law, however, says the mentally disabled have to stick to their own kind, or however the feminist legislation is worded.
I don’t really think having sex with a mentally handicapped person is the same as having sex with a child, but that’s just me.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

@katz:

That… was… O_O

@FactFinder:

Do you have anything remotely interesting to contribute, or are you just going around accusing everyone of abuse? I kinda want to get into an actual discussion with you, see what makes you tick, but you never seem to want to talk about anything substantial.

Also, still waiting for you to change the pronoun on your post. You’ve admitted you were wrong in labeling me “she,” but yet you keep the mistake… Bad form.

Sharculese
9 years ago

fact finder, is it hard being the bearer of truth on the cold, cruel internet?

kladle
kladle
9 years ago

FactFinder, what does that link have to do with anything we’re discussing? You have an odd tendency to skip around on topics and it is very difficult for us to follow you. I am trying to be charitable here, so I won’t call you “stupid”. But the reason why people here are calling you “stupid” is because you are not very coherent, and seem to be lacking in reading comprehension skills.

For example, it is hard for me to believe that you can’t see why mentioning rape on a dating site is not a good thing. Neither seriously confessing to having statutory rape charges filed against you, nor making a joke about it, is very attractive to anyone. It’s actually pretty frightening. It doesn’t matter that it is a common thing for people to make plea deals and plead guilty to lesser charges in the case of rape charges. The thing that matters is that this person mentioned it in a message to a potential date. That is creepy and upsetting. A person who does that is not somebody most people would want to date. THAT is the point of this post, to make fun of somebody who would think that rape charges are appropriate to mention to a potential date. Not to say that plea deals never happen. Ok?

Sharculese
9 years ago

Actually, I believe that mentally handicapped men and women are capable of forming consensual relationships with people who are not handicapped. The law, however, says the mentally disabled have to stick to their own kind, or however the feminist legislation is worded.
I don’t really think having sex with a mentally handicapped person is the same as having sex with a child, but that’s just me.

oh, good, were back to ‘only i get to define what consent is’. why bother saying something interesting when you can just declare yourself king and move on to the next chip on your shoulder?

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

@Dracula

Yep. Its an internet meme called facepalm http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/facepalm#.TsMT8MMk6so

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

FactFinder: so you’re telling me society values blogs with no appreciable content and no commenters? Good to know.

FactFinder
9 years ago

im deeply sorry your poor communication skills prevented us from figuring exactly which disingenuous equivocation game you were playing.
You seem very employable right now.
On second thought, a lot of the greeters at Walmart do have similar dispositions.

1 2 3 7