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douchebaggery idiocy kitties misogyny patriarchy pedophiles oh sorry ephebophiles rape reactionary bullshit the spearhead we hunted the mammoth

Men Who Hate Women and the Women They Try to Date: Another visit to the Annals of Online Dating

What is this fucking shit?

A lot of guys who try online dating (of the heterosexual kind) complain that they send out message after message to the ladies and get no responses. Now, I’m no dating expert, but I would like to offer these gentlemen a piece of advice that I feel could dramatically improve their chances. Here it is:

If the message you are sending the lass you fancy would get upvotes on The Spearhead, do not send it.

This seems like a fairly self-evident point, but it’s one that a lot of guys don’t seem to understand, at least judging from some of the awful online come-ons posted at the always fabulous A(n)nals of Online Dating. Take this fella:

 [M]en have an obligation to rescue kittens from burning buildings, pay for your drinks, hold the door open for you, keep their hair neat, go to war and many other things. I’m just saying… Society worldwide really does put more obligations on men than women all around. There are few things women have to do… Shaving your legs is one of them.

I’m not sure how exactly this topic came up in conversation, but I’m pretty sure that Mr. Mammoth-Hunting Kitten-Rescuing Door-Holder-Opener and Lady Who Doesn’t Shave Her Legs are probably not a match made in Internet heaven.

This guy’s strategy is also somewhat problematic:

A so-cal Brooklyn transplant who believes in grammar, manners, music, and humor. I’m nice to my mother, always smile at dogs and babies, and am in the process of pleading that statutory rape charge down to a misdemeanor.

Yeah, it’s probably not a good idea to open with a joke about raping underage girls. Assuming it is a joke.

This message would be a bad idea regardless of gender:

RON PAUL REVOLUTION!! GIVE US BACK OUR CONSTITUTION!!!! lol sorry

Sorry indeed.

This next fellow is a bit of a Stealth Misogynist, in that he starts out with some actual compliments directed toward an actual women. Really creepy compliments, but complements nonetheless. Then we get a plot twist that’s about as shocking as the big reveal in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village. Which is to say, so obvious that it could probably be spotted from space.

When I look at you I see very happy, fun loving, sexy, good girl. I love looking through your photos, I only wish there were more. Do you enjoy being obedient to the male figures in your life?

David K. Meller, is that you?

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zhinxy
8 years ago

If somebody is using their email address all over the net to identify themselves, how is it a breach of confidence to tell people to google it to find what they’ve said?

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Factfinder, go find you some facts. You are pointless.

Xardoz
Xardoz
8 years ago

A guy who has a miscarriage fetish decides to troll a feminist site. Now he’s complaining about breach of confidence. It’s obviously time you go back to pretending to breach wombs in your perverted internet hole.

I bet this is just the tip of the iceberg of depravity, he’s got a bunch of sicker shit on hentaifoundation or wherever.

Snowy
Snowy
8 years ago

@Snowy – That is a possibility.

Factfinder, are there other possibilities that I’m not aware of? Did a program you were compiling become sentient and pose as you online maybe? I’m just trying to find the facts you know.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

Did a program you were compiling become sentient and pose as you online maybe?

Let’s be honest; any program involving FF would be too busy begging for death to do that. 😀

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

FF:

So you’re saying that you’re not impersonating them because that is your email address and you are that same person?
@Snowy – That is a possibility.

That’s not the question asked, the question asked wasn’t “Is there a possibility…?” The question was “Do you claim to be the same person that the owner of the e-mail address and the inventor of this sick game?”
You claim you like facts and logic, but you can’t answer the most basic and straight-forward ones? On internet, you basically are what you write. For now, you’re a dishonest person.

KathleenB
KathleenB
8 years ago

cynickal: Thanks ever so much! I’ve had that damn song in my head all day, and the earworm just burrowed deeper.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

FactFinder, you know this “it is a mystery that I may or may not choose to reveal” thing that you’re doing? It’s kind of pathetic. You’re not the Dos Equis guy, or Austin Powers. No one really cares who you are irl, it’s simply amusing that you’ve shown yourself to, at the very least, have a kink for creepy awful racist and sexist stuff. This came as no real surprise to anyone – it fits with the rest of what we’ve seen of your character.

Getting all pseudo-mysterious and trying to distract people with “but see this other thing that feminism did – that makes my icky comic totally OK, amirite?” just adds to the overall image of you as a pathetic person with a comically inappropriate screename.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Also, every time someone makes the “I’m just not PC/you guys are too PC for me” argument this song gets stuck in my head. Let us all sing it together, in honor of FactFinder and NC4COM.

SaruGoku
SaruGoku
8 years ago

FactFinder said:

““Breach of confidence?” If it’s a breach of confidence, it is a pretty harmless one. A more feminist strain of a breach of confidence can be found below:
http://funnyhatemail.blogspot.com/2008/02/feminist-propaganda.html

No, I can’t figure it out. I has a confused. What has this link to do with this conversation? Oh I see, it was just a derail.

Is the Deviant Art website that you linked to yours? If not does the person who owns it know that you are linking to it in a manner that would deliberately lead other people to believe it was yours? Did you actually write that creepy, tasteless and stupid game?

katz
8 years ago

It’s hilarious how, when presented with actual facts about himself, FactFinder has no clue what to do.

Hershele Ostropoler
8 years ago

Cassandra:

you’ve shown yourself to, at the very least, have a kink for creepy awful racist and sexist stuff.

All we really know is that someone who put his e-mail address on a page his name here linked to has a kink for creepy awful racist and sexist stuff.

kristinmh
kristinmh
8 years ago

I googled “miscarriage fetish” and was pleasantly surprised to not get any relevant results.

Though the title of the 10th result began “Nancy Grace Fart Fetish” which is…something.

Factfinder, just admit that you’re behind Preggo Punchout. No one is buying the coy routine. Then call your mother and apologize to her for being such a worthless sack of shit that you find the idea of pregnant women getting punched in the stomach FUCKING HILARIOUS.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
8 years ago

Then call your mother and apologize to her for being such a worthless sack of shit that you find the idea of pregnant women getting punched in the stomach FUCKING HILARIOUS.

At which point his mother will sadly wish she’d thought of that, too…

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

Pregnancy fetishism, on the other hand, has a Wikipedia page and everything (even a scientific term, maiesiophilia). FF, if you do have this form of fetishism, then you’re doing it wrong.

Liverpool2005
Liverpool2005
8 years ago

Surely it’s time to bring the banhammer down on this clown. For the stupid ego-wanking if not for the deception and misogyny.

cynickal
cynickal
8 years ago

@Leely

(Psst, cynical, it’s “duly noted.”)

Thanks! 😀 Err… I mean… Duly noted.

Magnolia
8 years ago

As the recipient of the last quote I was laughing and surprised to see it on here, also..baffled at the conversation that sprung from this post.

The best part though of Mr ‘Do you like to be obedient’ was the subsequent conversation in which he offered to be my Daddy and wanted to show me his fat throbbing cock.

*rolls eyes*

Snowy
Snowy
8 years ago

You have my deepest sympathy Magnolia.

zhinxy
8 years ago

Magnolia – My sympathies as well!

Conversations do get baffling around here. 😉

Magnolia
8 years ago

It is absolutely amazing to me how many guys on these sites seem to think a picture of their genitals will make their offers irresistible.

And not even in that ‘I like you, you like me, here’s something else you might like’ kind of way but in that ‘oh no the conversation isn’t going well..HERE’S MY PENIS’ kind of way.

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

Magnolia, like Snowy and zhinxy I offer my bafflement and sympathies. The conversation here did take several unusual twists – but thank you especially for the lolworthy follow-up on the tactless tactics of Mr. Fat Throbbing Obedience.

Speaking of lack of tact and ffact, the silence ffrom a certain ffail-worthy ffellow who quote-mines ffeminists is deaffening:

Factfinder, just admit that you’re behind Preggo Punchout. No one is buying the coy routine.

No need to be shy now? It’s not as if you should be careful about choosing your words or something, lest they appear all over the Internet (as opposed to being buried in a multi-page thread of a mere 300 comments). Oh, and how many comments are there on your blog again?

Simple answer is all that’s needed sweetums.

Xanthe xox

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

(The quote re: FactFinder’s coyness was thanks to kristinmh.)

Perhaps as the totally awesome Holly has provided an indispensable resource to men in the form of a Gentleman’s Guide to Sending Dick Photos to Random Women on the Internet, maybe a follow-up on the finer points of what not to do might be in order? -_-

Hershele Ostropoler
8 years ago

Factfinder, I asked you some questions the other day and I’m waiting on your answers.

In case you’ve forgotten:

FactFinder:

I remember several conversations I had with feminists where they called me “gay.”

Who were these feminists? How do you know they were feminists? Did they generally express views in accordance with mainstream feminism? When and under what circumstances did you have these conversations (roughly)? What does that have to do with the behavior of people on Manboobz?

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

* crickets chirping *

SaruGoku
SaruGoku
8 years ago

Still waiting for an answer, FF. Are you hiding?

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

I think FF is like Batman and Zorro, he can’t fight effectively if people know his real identity, (or his creepy identity, in this case) and since he can’t kill us through the internet he ran away.

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

<Monty Python>Brave FactFinder ran away,
Bravely ran away, away;
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled;
Brave FactFinder turned about —
Apparently he chickened out:
Bravely taking to his feet
He made a very brave retreat;
Bravely bold FactFinder
Is throwing in the sponge!

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago


Women are stupid, and I don’t respect them!
That’s right, I just have sex with em

Show me your genitals, your genitals(wut!)
Show me your genitals(yer gen-i-tay-lee-uh!)

You’re talkin to me about stuff, why?
I’d rather see your titties!
Now you’re talkin ’bout other stuff, why?
I’d much rather see your titties!

I can’t have sex with your personality
and a I can’t put my penis in your college degree
and I can’t shove my fist in your childhood dreams
so why you sharin’ all this information with me?
it’s not sexist cuz I’m sayin it, in a song
that’s right bitch, now take off your thong! and

Show me your genitals, your genitals(wut?)
Show me your genitals(yer gen-i-tay-li-uh!)

knock knock, who’s there? It’s me!
wonderin’ why you’re not naked
knock knock, who’s there? It’s me again,
still wonderin’ why you’re not naked

I wanna see your bum, I don’t care what you say
no I don’t have feelings, cuz feelings are gay
something-something in the month of may
bitches love my penis cuz it’s really big!

girls brains are much stupider than mens are
so they should always listen to us, cuz we’re smart
women are only good for 3 things:
cooking, cleaning……and vaginas!

Show me your genitals, your genitals(wut?)
Show me your genitals(yer gen-i-tay-li-uh!)
Show me your genitals, your genitals(wut?)
Show me your genitals(yer gen-i-tay-li-uh!)

I can give good sex to you, cuz I’m really good at sex
I can give good sex to you cuz I’m really good at sex

Aw yeeah, that’s right! Share your, uh-bums!
I’m outta here, I gotta go have sex with a-lot of girls!

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

So, I revisited this old thread to see if FactFinder the coward had skulked back, only to find the above piece of excrement smeared over the end of the thread.

Sir, your name is wrong: you are Monsieur sans Cerveau.

havebookswilltravel
8 years ago

Is that…a joke? Like an “on purpose” joke?

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

No. Monsieur Merde pour Cerveau’s modus operandi is to turn up on nearly exhausted threads where his posts may go uncriticised.

Feyline
Feyline
8 years ago

Those lyrics are actually from an existing parody song. At least, I hope to FSM that it’s a parody. I’m wary of it now that some random known-to-be-douchey troll is posting them, but the original had me snickering because of how (deliberately, I believe) juvenile it -and, by extension, the songs it was mocking- was.

KathleenB
KathleenB
8 years ago

Well, if we’re posting random bits of song lyrics, I might go hunt up the ‘Hedgehog Song’ from Discworld. Though it is a bit naughty… well, okay, a lot naughty.

Hershele Ostropoler
8 years ago

Rapping this bad can only be deliberate parody.

ozymandias42
8 years ago

As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?

Ah, you’re drunk,
you’re drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That’s a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be

Ah, you’re drunk,
you’re drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That’s a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be

Ah, you’re drunk,
you’re drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That’s a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be

Ah, you’re drunk,
you’re drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
They’re two lovely Geranium pots me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But laces in Geranium pots I never saw before

And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be

Ah, you’re drunk,
you’re drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That’s a baby boy that me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with his whiskers on sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw two mitts upon her tits where my old mitts should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them mitts upon your tits where my old mitts should be
Ah, you’re drunk,
you’re drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That’s a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before

As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a man running out the door a quarter after three
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who is that man running out the door a quarter after three
Ah, you’re drunk,
you’re drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That’s a tax collector that the Queen sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But an Englishman who can last till three I never saw before!

Polliwog
Polliwog
8 years ago

It’s definitely meant to be comedy. I recommend the same guy’s song “Everyday Normal Guy” – my friends and I tend to quote it often.

Hershele Ostropoler
8 years ago

Thing is, I’m not sure Mr. Nameless realizes it’s parody.

Pecunium
8 years ago

Hershele: It’s a common trick. More common when someone has gotten the worse of several exchanges. They wait until another thread is going great guns,and slip in a response, hoping it won’t get noticed in the “recent comments” window and so get in the last word.

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