The most common “critique” of the #mencallmethings hashtag that blew up on Twitter last week was that the women posting examples of misogynistic shit they got called online were making a big deal out of nothing. As the always-charming Ferdinand Bardamu so memorably put it:
It’s funny, then, that when MRAs find themselves described with less-than-flattering language they have a strange tendency to act like they’ve suddenly been struck with a case of the vapors. Witness the reaction of MRAs when someone calls them the “c-word.” No, not “cunt” – “creep.” As one outraged Men’s Rights Redditor recently put it, in a comment with 30+ net upvotes:
Creep shaming is probably one of the most insidious and anti-equality things you can do. The ability to label men as “creepy” is just one privilege that women enjoy, and a constant source of fear of ostracizing that all men must fear in our society.
When MRAs feel themselves being oppressed by such clearly man-hating language, they often refer to something called the Catalogue of Anti-Male Shaming Tactics, which, well, catalogues their language grievances in detail. According to the author of the Catalogue,
Shaming tactics are emotional devices meant to play on a man’s insecurities and shut down debate. They are meant to elicit sympathy for women and to demonize men who ask hard questions. Most, if not all, shaming tactics are basically ad homimem attacks.
Such shaming tactics, the author of the Catalogue says, with no evident awareness of the irony, are often used by “histrionic … female detractors who refuse to argue their points with logic” and the male “gynocentrists” who ally with them.
Here are some of the awful “shaming” remarks that get directed at MRAs, according to the Catalogue of Shaming Tactics:
“Stop whining!”
“Suck it up like a man!”
“You need to get over your anger at women.”
“You’re afraid of a strong woman!”
“You are so immature!”
“You are just bitter because you can’t get laid.”
“Are you gay?”
“That’s a sexist stereotype!”
“You need therapy.”
“You make me feel afraid.”
“Weirdo!”
“Loser!”
“You are so materialistic.”
“No woman will marry you with that attitude.”
“You are insensitive to the plight of women.”
Is that last one even an insult? It’s a fairly accurate description of a lot of MRAs, who take a certain pride in being “insensitive to the plight of women.”
So now that we’ve seen the horrible abuse that MRAs have to put up with on a daily basis, let’s take a quick look at some of the things that women and feminists regularly get from their detractors, as posted to the #mencallmethings hashtag and sent to Sady Doyle, who originated the hashtag. (These are all taken from a great post she did in the aftermath of #mencallmethings’ big blowup.) I think you will find the comparison instructive. Let’s start with the more straightforward slurs. (TRIGGER WARNING for, well, just about everything in the quotes that follow.)
Slut, cunt, bitch, whore, ugly, dyke, lesbo, unfuckable, crazy, delusional, liar, hysterical, autistic bitch child, feminazi, ballbuster, humorless, heartless whore, man hater, misandrist, stupid little girl, shrieky hysterical moron, airhead, spoiled little princess, stupid bitch, stupid fucking cunt, stupid feminazi cunt, an ugly bitter little woman, cumm guzzling closet lesbian, a pseudo-intellectual Insane Oversensitive Humourless Female supremacist.
Now let’s move on to complete sentences:
“You’re an ugly fucking cunt.”
“That sort of smirk is why God invented anal sex.”
“you’re so ugly you look like you have downs syndrome, you’d be thankful to be raped.”
“hope you catch a sexually transmitted disease or vagina cancer, cuntwit.”
”Stick a dildo up your dry vagina.”
“the only time your mouth should be open is when i’m putting my d–k in it”
“Your just a gay cunt who deserves to be punished.”
“A firm backhand to her whore face would provide her with a much needed attitude adjustment.”
“Fuck you bitch….ya need to get beat like ur pops use to do to u.”
“I hope you never have children, your daughters would be such sluts and end up murdered in a gutter by someone like me.”
You’re “not worth the effort to murder.”
“[The] only tragedy is that a bullet didn’t rip through ur brainstem after u were used 4 ur 1 & only purpose in this world.”
“what a long winded bitch. You certainly do need to be gagged.”
“You’re an annoying bitch with no friends.I’d love to run you over with my truck.”
“you stupid bitch, I should fuck the crazy right out of you.”
”i surely hope that one day you get raped.”
“[You] can’t be a female scientist, that phrase is an oxymoron,”
“it’s painfully obvious you’re a woman, get off the internet.”
“I will fuck your ass to death you filthy fucking whore. Your only worth on this planet is as a warm hole.”
“Do you need to file a hurt feelings report?”
As I noted before, despite my general unpopularity in the MRA world, I tend to get fewer of these things than, for example, most feminist bloggers with a similar degree of internet notoriety. But I get them. Here, for example, is the latest comment I’ve gotten from the guy who calls himself Nugganu, a sort of follow-up to a previous comment I quoted earlier in which he imagined me raped by ten black men:
He certainly does have a vivid imagination.
But, yeah, somehow it’s a little hard for me to feel a ton of sympathy for MRAs who so regularly work themselves into a lather over “shaming language” like “creep” and “loser” and “you are insensitive to the plight of women.”
@Joanna what i am trying to say is i have neither the right or ability to just jump like that with out knowing you to some degree .and i dont think its right you have to apologize to me in that situation i dont know you .a lot of people take there opinion and walk around like it is gospel .
heero, not in a conversation you are not involved in no. If you were offended, I would feel obliged to apologize. It’s the polite thing to do.
I guess heero thinks that being expected to be polite to people is somehow unfair and unjust?
Which is a choice that he is free to make, to walk around paying no attention to whether or not he’s offending people. It’s just that he then needs to accept that some people will in fact be offended, and will tell him so.
Kids today. No manners. No punctuation.
No capitalization, except for names.
No logic, no empathy, no common sense.
Meh. This is too hard.
It’s ok Spearhafoc. Have some kittens.
Speaking of kittens, the cat that the ex and I rescued from the side of the highway is now his, and she just got spayed. She’s wearing the cone of shame, and apparently he caught her trying to clean/groom the cone.
I keep demanding pictures, but he has yet to provide me with one.
When my cat lost some of her tail, she had to get her tail shaved so that the end of it could be sewn up. She came home with the cone of shame. She looked like a fluffy lamp.
Holy shit kittens!!!! *dies of cute*
“That doesn’t mean that, in terms of physical attributes, having a preference is sexist, mind you. But if the only positive thing you think a woman can offer is her sexual attributes, (Or if you lead others to this conclusion), there is a reason you are being called a sexist.”
Then I’m a female chauvinist pig. For me, unless a guy is physically attractive, I no use for as a boyfriend or lover. A friend? Sure. But unless he’s physically my type (and I’m picky) then I can’t get turned on or have any romantic feelings towards him whatsoever, no matter how smart, nice, charming, etc.
Smart nice and charming is friend material. Smart nice charming and sexy hot good looking is boyfriend material.
And once again the point sails right over NC4OMs head. Do you think she feels a gentle breeze as it passes by?
No, she probably thinks ceiling fans are EVERYWHERE.
“Smart nice charming and sexy hot good looking is boyfriend material.”
So, those “alpha males” we keep hearing about then…
Entirely possible.
Okay. And if you actually read what I wrote, it isn’t just about boyfriends or lovers. Or even friends. I said “If the only thing you think a woman can offer is her sexual attributes, you are being sexist”. Because if the only thing you think a woman (Not even getting to girlfriends or friends, any woman ever) can offer you is sex, you are objectifying women and reducing them to sexual gratification providers, and that is sexist.
Ugh, ceiling fans. Those things have given me nightmares ever since I read about the woman who had one fall on her head and lost all her long term memory.
I am just about as look-focused in terms of sexual partners as a person can get, and yet I am quite capable of seeing people as people, and seeing value in people who I don’t want to fuck.
I always wonder about the people who make the kind of arguments both NC4OM and heero are making. Are they being disengenous, or do they literally just not understand what objectification means?
That’s why I never put mine on the high settings.
NC4OM isn’t making the same argument as heero. She is only saying “I will only fuck or date people I find physically attractive”. That isn’t unreasonable, provided she doesn’t do body shaming of folks she finds unattractive. She’s is, on this point, merely an illiterate who thought I meant that.
How does she even get “only wanting to fuck people you find attractive is sexist/bad/whatever” from what anyone here has written?
“Smart nice charming and sexy hot good looking is boyfriend material.”
“So, those “alpha males” we keep hearing about then…”
No Joanna, the Manosphere’s idea of “alpha” is “bad boys” and dominant men who will treat women like shit, not nice guys. They think women LURVE abusive “alpha males”.
I like nice guys who are really, really good looking and physically fit. Like that one dude on that TV show about profiling seriel killers. Yummy!
” Like that one dude on that TV show about profiling seriel killers.”
There are many of these shows, but if you’re talking about Criminal Minds and it’s nerdy criminal psychiatrist then yummy indeed.
Yes, Criminal Minds. The nerdy guy is “cute” and I’d bang him too – but he’s not muscle toned and sexy like the hot one.
NC4OM: Clearly you’re not familiar with the “facial alpha.”
I still haven’t seen the famous “facial alpha” comments.