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Showdown: #MenCallMeThings versus The Catalogue of Anti-Male Shaming Tactics

The most common “critique” of the #mencallmethings hashtag  that blew up on Twitter last week was that the women posting examples of misogynistic shit they got called online were making a big deal out of nothing. As the always-charming Ferdinand Bardamu so memorably put it:

It’s funny, then, that when MRAs find themselves described with less-than-flattering language they have a strange tendency to act like they’ve suddenly been struck with a case of the vapors. Witness the reaction of MRAs when someone calls them the “c-word.” No, not “cunt” – “creep.” As one outraged Men’s Rights Redditor recently put it, in a comment with 30+ net upvotes:

Creep shaming is probably one of the most insidious and anti-equality things you can do. The ability to label men as “creepy” is just one privilege that women enjoy, and a constant source of fear of ostracizing that all men must fear in our society.

When MRAs feel themselves being oppressed by such clearly man-hating language, they often refer to something called the Catalogue of Anti-Male Shaming Tactics, which, well, catalogues their language grievances in detail. According to the author of the  Catalogue,

Shaming tactics are emotional devices meant to play on a man’s insecurities and shut down debate.  They are meant to elicit sympathy for women and to demonize men who ask hard questions.  Most, if not all, shaming tactics are basically ad homimem attacks.

Such shaming tactics, the author of the Catalogue says, with no evident awareness of the irony, are often used by “histrionic …  female detractors who refuse to argue their points with logic” and the male “gynocentrists” who ally with them.

Here are some of the awful “shaming” remarks that get directed at MRAs, according to the Catalogue of Shaming Tactics:

 “Stop whining!”

 “Suck it up like a man!”

“You need to get over your anger at women.”

“You’re afraid of a strong woman!”

“You are so immature!”

“You are just bitter because you can’t get laid.”

“Are you gay?”

 “That’s a sexist stereotype!”

 “You need therapy.”

“You make me feel afraid.”

 “Weirdo!”

 “Loser!”

“You are so materialistic.”

 “No woman will marry you with that attitude.”

“You are insensitive to the plight of women.”

Did someone just use the word "creep?"

Is that last one even an insult? It’s a fairly accurate description of a lot of MRAs, who take a certain pride in being “insensitive to the plight of women.”

So now that we’ve seen the horrible abuse that MRAs have to put up with on a daily basis, let’s take a quick look at some of the things that women and feminists regularly get from their detractors, as posted to the #mencallmethings hashtag and sent to Sady Doyle, who originated the hashtag. (These are all taken from a great post she did in the aftermath of #mencallmethings’ big blowup.) I think you will find the comparison instructive.  Let’s start with the more straightforward slurs. (TRIGGER WARNING for, well, just about everything in the quotes that follow.)

Slut, cunt, bitch, whore, ugly, dyke, lesbo, unfuckable, crazy, delusional, liar, hysterical, autistic bitch child, feminazi,  ballbuster, humorless, heartless whore, man hater, misandrist, stupid little girl, shrieky hysterical moron, airhead, spoiled little princess, stupid bitch, stupid fucking cunt, stupid feminazi cunt, an ugly bitter little woman, cumm guzzling closet lesbian, a pseudo-intellectual Insane Oversensitive Humourless Female supremacist.

Now let’s move on to complete sentences:

 “You’re an ugly fucking cunt.”

“That sort of smirk is why God invented anal sex.”  

“you’re so ugly you look like you have downs syndrome, you’d be thankful to be raped.”

“hope you catch a sexually transmitted disease or vagina cancer, cuntwit.”

”Stick a dildo up your dry vagina.”

“the only time your mouth should be open is when i’m putting my d–k in it”

“Your just a gay cunt who deserves to be punished.”

“A firm backhand to her whore face would provide her with a much needed attitude adjustment.”  

“Fuck you bitch….ya need to get beat like ur pops use to do to u.”

“I hope you never have children, your daughters would be such sluts and end up murdered in a gutter by someone like me.”

 You’re “not worth the effort to murder.”  

“[The] only tragedy is that a bullet didn’t rip through ur brainstem after u were used 4 ur 1 & only purpose in this world.”

“what a long winded bitch. You certainly do need to be gagged.”

“You’re an annoying bitch with no friends.I’d love to run you over with my truck.”

“you stupid bitch, I should fuck the crazy right out of you.”

”i surely hope that one day you get raped.”

“[You] can’t be a female scientist, that phrase is an oxymoron,”

“it’s painfully obvious you’re a woman, get off the internet.”

“I will fuck your ass to death you filthy fucking whore. Your only worth on this planet is as a warm hole.”

“Do you need to file a hurt feelings report?”

As I noted before, despite my general unpopularity in the MRA world, I tend to get fewer of these things than, for example, most feminist bloggers with a similar degree of internet notoriety. But I get them. Here, for example, is the latest comment I’ve gotten from the guy who calls himself Nugganu, a sort of follow-up to a previous comment I quoted earlier in which he imagined me raped by ten black men:

He certainly does have a vivid imagination.

But, yeah, somehow it’s a little hard for me to feel a ton of sympathy for MRAs who so regularly work themselves into a lather over “shaming language” like “creep” and “loser” and “you are insensitive to the plight of women.”

 

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CassandraSays
CassandraSays
13 years ago

But again, you’re not being told that your sexist because of the fondness for big boobs. It’s your attitude that’s the problem.

hellkell
hellkell
13 years ago

Wow. This one is special. Look, heero, take your time. It’s very difficult to grasp your meaning.

KathleenB
KathleenB
13 years ago

heero: If what you’re doing is offending someone, then it would be your responsibility to stop doing that in their presence. Not really all that difficult a concept…

Joanna
13 years ago

heero, this girl didn’t know you, and didn’t know that you were “male bonding”. How the hell can you expect a complete stranger to cop on to that? Ever hear of first impressions? Or grammar?

heero
heero
13 years ago

@Joanna a nice person genuine not a phony preferably like gaming and so forth i like anime be nice if she did too .its hard to break down what i look for to be honest but if she a decent person not off doing dum shit i am home body so probably that also . honestly kind of hard to explain what personality wise i like.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
13 years ago

OK, seriously, what prompted the sudden arrival of the anime loving dudes with lady issues? That’s 2 within 24 hours. Is there a anime-loving MRA who’s been whining about this site recently?

At least this one hasn’t mentioned wanting to have sex with children yet, so that’s a plus.

Dracula
Dracula
13 years ago

So heero, so what it boils down to is, you think it’s some sort if injustice that you should be expected to be respectful of someone you don’t know. Good luck with that.

Joanna
13 years ago

heero, plenty of anime fangirls out there =)

heero
heero
13 years ago

@ Joanna if you walk past me and said i hope all guys jumped off bridge talking to a friend of yours. and i call you male hating jerk not knowing exactly how you were saying it or if that is your joking manner. i be in the wrong i personally dont know you to say that .

Joanna
13 years ago

heero, no sane person says things like that =P

ithiliana
13 years ago

*experiences fleeting moment of gratitude to heero for making my students’ rough drafts look so.much.gorram.better*

**ignores completely otherwise because i don’t read that kind of non-grammatical mess without being paid for it**

***free advice: heero go read some of Ami’s lovely posts where she manages to make complete sense without following traditional grammatical rules on capitalization and punctuation*** You could learn much from her, young grasshopper.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
13 years ago

Apparently heero thinks that there is a non-hateful way to say that, and that it would be an OK thing to say under certain circumstances?

I’m so glad I don’t have to meet him in real life. I keep imagining him making the “cupping imaginary boobs” gesture as he nudges his buddies in the ribs and goes “yeah man, boobs, amirite?”. And then gets all pouty when someone tells him that he’s being sexist.

heero
heero
13 years ago

@Dracula at no point was i disrespectful i could have been by simply saying ma’am i dont know you and you can take your shit else where .or walk away during her talking or talk over her .man i wish i could explain my self better but take it this way you say i like guys with big dicks i cut you off and say that is sexist with you joking around with your friends.

Spearhafoc
13 years ago

Wow, we found someone who fails at language more than NWOslave and Samuel combined.

Joanna
13 years ago

“Wow, we found someone who fails at language more than NWOslave and Samuel combined.”

Can we keep him? Huh, hmm, huh?

ithiliana
13 years ago

@Joanna: Can we keep him? Huh, hmm, huh?

My vote: only if you change his paper every day, and make sure he has fresh food and water, and take him for walkies twice a day, and oh, yes, please work on his syntax.

heero
heero
13 years ago

so let me ask like this how do you fell i should have answered ? @ Joanna i said IF it was just a example .

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
13 years ago

If we keep him can his comments be opt-in only? Because the grammar is making my eyes bleed.

I have a feeling that the thoughts behind it wouldn’t make any sense even if he had excellent writing skills, though. It would just be less painful to read.

Dracula
Dracula
13 years ago

Just keep ignoring that context, heero. I’m sure it’ll go away.

Oh, and you explained yourself just fine. You’re still wrong.

kristinmh
kristinmh
13 years ago

Man, we get all the live ones around here.

When my sister was getting her PHD, she showed me one of the worst pieces of freshman writing I have ever seen. She was having a hard time marking it, that’s how bad it was. Up until now it was my standard of bad writing – even Samuel was marginally more comprehensible than the poor kid who failed my sister’s section of English 100 that year.

But Heero, I think you have surpassed even that stellar achievement. Congratulations!

Joanna
13 years ago

Ok, hypothetically:

Me (to a friend): I hope all guys jumped off a bridge

heero: You’re a male hating jerk

Me: I’m sorry. It was just a figure of speech. I don’t hate all men. I certainly don’t wish for you to jump off a bridge. It probably sounded bad considering you weren’t involved in the conversation from the start.

heero: Oh, ok then. Good day to you.

Me: Good day to you kind sir.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
13 years ago

Next day, on a blog somewhere…

Joanna – A man told me that it’s sexist of me to have conversations with my friends.

Everyone else – Um, what were you guys talking about?

Joanna – (Explains)

Everyone else – Oh. Actually that was a really rude, sexist thing to say. Maybe you should consider not talking that way.

Joanna – So what you’re saying is that I’m not allowed to talk to my friends.

Joanna
13 years ago

@Cassandra: This was his question:

“@ Joanna if you walk past me and said i hope all guys jumped off bridge talking to a friend of yours. and i call you male hating jerk not knowing exactly how you were saying it or if that is your joking manner. i be in the wrong i personally dont know you to say that .”

Joanna
13 years ago

I initially said: “heero, no sane person says things like that =P”

Dracula
Dracula
13 years ago

Honestly heero, if you refuse to accept that she was even allowed to be offended by what you said, to point where you go on the internet to complain about it to strangers, not only were you being extremely disrespectful, you still are.