So a six man crew has just touched down on Earth after a nearly two-year Russian expedition to mars. Well, that’s not quite true. The five men have returned from an imaginary trip to a fake mars; in reality, they spent the entirety of the “mission” sitting in some trailers in a parking garage in Moscow. Except for a brief interlude in which several of the fake marsonauts took a brief stroll on the surface of fake mars – also inside a trailer in the parking lot.
The idea behind all this? To see if six dudes could manage to stay sane while stuck in cramped quarters together for the length of time it would take to go to mars and back.
One of the many weird details about this weird faux-mission is that it was an all-dude affair. None of the marsonauts were women. Not, evidently, because the mission planners thought that women would be less capable than men of handing the pressure of a fake (or even a real) mission to mars. But because if they sent any ladies along, the men would want to have sex with them. As one news account explains:
Controversially, the experiment did not include a woman, with researchers clearly wanting to avoid it degenerating into a scientific version of television’s sexual tension-filled “Big Brother”.
When the “returning” marsonauts stepped out of their “spaceship” at the end of the experiment, the same news account notes,
They were each presented with a flower by young female researchers in white coats as a reward for their endeavours.
It has not been confirmed if the marsonauts popped boners at the sight.
I for one support the notion of male-only spaceflights, real or phony. And not just because the ladies would turn our space capsules into deep space slutmobiles. Just imagine what would happen if a female-infested space crew had an encounter of the third kind with some really handsome space alien dudes – the interstellar equivalents of Brad Pitt. You know what would happen next: those dirty sluts would sell out our planet for a ride on the little green cock carousel.
Ah, who am I kidding, those sluts would sneer at the little green men, holding out for the tall greys.
Audiovidual supplement: Three videos. One, Rachel Maddow talking about the mission at its halfway point. Two, a brief look at everyday life on the “spaceship.” And last but definitely not least: a video of the fake-mars walk. Inside a trailer. You have to watch at least a few seconds of that one.
Conversely, we have rather notoriously draconian libel laws, so I suspect the process I underwent is more common on my side of the pond.
But there are similarly rigorous (if less legally essential) fact-checking systems in the US – the New Yorker is the most famous, but probably not the only one.
But… but… Mars needs moms!
-slinks away-
oh yeah, we still have fact-checking, but its more about the integrity of the publication and lawyers dont get involved. to sue an american publication, you pretty much have to catch the writer on tape admitting he made the whole thing up.
One of my favourite fact-checking stories was when I was editing a piece about a restaurant which apparently served ‘lung moose’. Given that it was a Nordic restaurant it was entirely possible that it actually served moose, so I had to find out whether they meant ‘lung mousse’ or ‘moose lung’. When I phoned up the restaurant the owner chuckled and said that it was in fact moose lung mousse.
Lung mousse? Moose lung? Why not both!
(Why is sexy saucer person holding a beaker of piss? Is it earth hottie urine for testing and experimentation, or does he just like looking at his own? I’m sure Slavey has some insights.)
Viscaria: You may have found a critical flaw in their plan! We all know what happens when you leave guys alone on a space station.
JohnnyBB: Yep.
Dammit! Here. I dare you to hit the “Last” button.
My mom and dad met in grad school for engineering, and my mom was one of two women in their class. (It wasn’t all bad, though; her female friend wasn’t the monogamous type at that age and kinda had the pick of the litter for dating. ;p) But I’d still rather be able to take a class where everyone around me wasn’t obsessing about my genital configuration, yanno?
@katz: I didn’t bother reading the text on the “last” page (let’s be honest; who would?) but I am mildly disappointed that they seem to have artificial gravity there. Gay sex in zero G would be equal parts sexy and fucking hilarious. ;D
I think any sex without gravity would be challenging. How would you keep the people from floating apart? Now I will spend entirely too much time trying to think of gadgets to make it work, all in the name of science.
I think their sleeping bags (which are bungie-corded or million-dollar-gadget-that’s-basically-a-bungie-cord-ed to the wall) would provide enough, ehm, containment for sexual activity.
Katz: dare accepted, sexy fun enjoyed!
Bagelsan: I chose what I wanted to study because it was what I was interested in, but I am sometimes grateful that it is female dominated and I don’t have to deal with some of the STEM bullshit many (but of course not all) women experience. Although, like biology, you can watch its credibility as a discipline decrease as its percentage of female participation increases. And of course, it’s funny to sit in the big psych conference room in a class of 20 with 2 or 3 men, and glance around at all the Deans and Associate Deans of the last 20 years or so. That’s a lot of bearded old dudes!
“I think any sex without gravity would be challenging. How would you keep the people from floating apart? Now I will spend entirely too much time trying to think of gadgets to make it work, all in the name of science.”
There’s a series that was on the History Channel that examined a lot of the issues of long-term space travel. A couple invented a suit with a velcroed flap that you could then stick to your partner. So, the heavy duty velcro held the couple together on the vomit comet, which was demonstrated on TV.
@Viscaria: I hear you about the generational differences! Even in biology the professors skew male; I had a slightly surreal class a while ago where 2 middle-aged/old male professors were explaining the female reproductive system to a bunch of 20-something female grad students. At least they were aware enough to shush when one of us pulled rank on how exactly birth control functions on the user end, though that didn’t stop them from giggling like little boys while looking at the histological slides of the uterus and whatnot. :p
Sure, any sex in space would look adorkable, I just specified “gay” sex because I was imagining twice as many dicks floating around willy-nilly. Float, float. Waggle. XD
…I may or may not be super immature right now.
I’m held to a higher standard of accuracy than any of the usual MRA suspects could meet even in the US, and all I’m writing about is music/art/fashion. Granted that this is more about credibility than it is about being sued (libel laws here being rather weak). but still, I can’t imagine any journalist reading, say, Slavey’s rants and not laughing at the sources he attempts to use as cites.
(The Daily Mail? Really?)
It’s three-ways in zero G that are really challenging, because no one likes to solve the three-body problem.
If people have sex in space, do they call that joining the half a million miles high club?
If you’re in orbit, then I guess so, but if you’re actually far enough away from Earth at some point you’re not really “high” anymore on account of so little gravity, right? Hm. …Yeesh, sex in space is complicated!
@katz: Be that as it may, I at least like watching them try to solve it… 😀
katz: Grooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooan. (I approve.)
Ami: I’ve been a soldier (interrogator), a machinist, a film projectionist, a security guard, as well as reporter, photographer and author.
So… what does that make me… man, or feminist?
thebionicmommy: I think any sex without gravity would be challenging. How would you keep the people from floating apart? Now I will spend entirely too much time trying to think of gadgets to make it work, all in the name of science.
You are too late. There is a woman who has been working on this for years. She rents time on the Vomit Comet to test the efficacy of her various ideas. The most successful of her devices I know of is a sort of fitted snuggle-sack, for two, but she’s made dozens.
“You are too late. There is a woman who has been working on this for years. She rents time on the Vomit Comet to test the efficacy of her various ideas.”
WHO IS THIS AWESOME LADY?