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alpha males bad boys I am making a joke I'm totally being sarcastic MGTOW misogyny sex

MGOTWers in Space

Women always go for the alien alpha assholes.

So a six man crew has just touched down on Earth after a nearly two-year Russian expedition to mars. Well, that’s not quite true. The five men have returned from an imaginary trip to a fake mars; in reality, they spent the entirety of the “mission” sitting in some trailers in a parking garage in Moscow. Except for a brief interlude in which several of the fake marsonauts took a brief stroll on the surface of fake mars – also inside a trailer in the parking lot.

The idea behind all this? To see if six dudes could manage to stay sane while stuck in cramped quarters together for the length of time it would take to go to mars and back.

One of the many weird details about this weird faux-mission is that it was an all-dude affair. None of the marsonauts were women. Not, evidently, because the mission planners thought that women would be less capable than men of handing the pressure of a fake (or even a real) mission to mars. But because if they sent any ladies along, the men would want to have sex with them. As one news account explains:

Controversially, the experiment did not include a woman, with researchers clearly wanting to avoid it degenerating into a scientific version of television’s sexual tension-filled “Big Brother”.

When the “returning” marsonauts stepped out of their “spaceship” at the end of the experiment, the same news account notes,

They were each presented with a flower by young female researchers in white coats as a reward for their endeavours.

It has not been confirmed if the marsonauts popped boners at the sight.

I for one support the notion of male-only spaceflights, real or phony. And not just because the ladies would turn our space capsules into deep space slutmobiles. Just imagine what would happen if a female-infested space crew had an encounter of the third kind with some really handsome space alien dudes – the interstellar equivalents of Brad Pitt. You know what would happen next: those dirty sluts would sell out our planet for a ride on the little green cock carousel.

Ah, who am I kidding, those sluts would sneer at the little green men, holding out for the tall greys.

Audiovidual supplement: Three videos. One, Rachel Maddow talking about the mission at its halfway point. Two, a brief look at everyday life on the “spaceship.” And last but definitely not least: a video of the fake-mars walk. Inside a trailer. You have to watch at least a few seconds of that one.

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shaenon
9 years ago

I’m a comic-book editor. There’s a special circle of Hell reserved for me.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

I’m not in tech any more, but I used to sell hardware. Design stations and supercomputers, specifically – I sold a whole lot of design stations to Lockheed Martin and Boeing (as a result I am now much more afraid to fly than I used to be – Boeing is kind of a mess, organizationally speaking), and most of the supercomputers I was selling were destined for use in the Human Genome Project. So I guess I’m half evil castrating witch because of the design part, and half fulfilling my proper role as a lady by helping people to better understand human biology?

Ami Angelwings
9 years ago

Well I WAS in computer science, and I used to work in a research lab doing computer analysis XD But then the feminist conspiracy re-assigned me to social work where I could better destroy the lives of men xD

@Cassandra you’re right xD they are all professional victims.. .esp NWO and Meller, as far as I can tell that’s their entire lives (and job, does NWO even work nemore? xD )

There are others who are also studying to be journalists, so soon we will control the media … even more than we do now! 😀

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

It seems like Meller occasionally pauses to pet some kittens and listen to some (really old) music. NWO otoh seems to have a life that consists of nothing but anger, with perhaps the occasional break to milk some cows.

Actually now that I think about it I’m a bit concerned about the cows. Given his loathing of all female creatures, perhaps he shouldn’t be allowed to be around the cattle without supervision. Let’s have Ami do it! She can assign him to say “not all female creatures are trying to kill me” while he milks, and provide the feminist conspiracy with status updates on his progress.

Moewicus
Moewicus
9 years ago

I think this is an important connection to make. NWO has clearly been spending too much time trying to get milk out of cows: he now sees humanity from the perspective of an engineer trying to wrest desirables away from females. Female slavery? How else we going to get them to wear those things? Women outside the home are just cutting into the income he could be making fixing their milking machines! Halp! Oppression!

Comet
Comet
9 years ago

Oh… and I’m a commis chef. Cooking = traditionally female, but chef-ing is pretty male-dominated. *shrug*

Which way would MRAs twist this I wonder? Cooking is an acceptable female activity but only if you’re doing it at home as part of Stepford-wifely duties and not in any professional capacity, which is reserved for the men who are inherently better at everything, even wimminz jobs like this, amirite?

ithiliana
9 years ago

@NWO: But I like providing evidence, something that “women” are inherently better at doing than men, although all the men we have seduced over to our side have clearly picked up a lick or two of that talent.

And really, it’s amazing at how clever we are at running the world without ever having any obvious control of any of the institutions of power.

Oh, wait, that’s your paranoid fantasy which has been presented ad infinitum without any evidence whatsoever.

My proof against women running the world: the fact that you’re still walking around and not in the sooper sekrit underground prison for men.

Myoo
Myoo
9 years ago

I think NWOslave not being in jail could be seen as proof of a feminist conspiracy. His views on things are so incoherent that it causes any man with any amount of sense to not want to be associated with those views.

It’s like Wimp Lo in Kung Pow: “Pay no attention to Wimp Lo, we purposely trained him wrong… as a joke.”

Wetherby
Wetherby
9 years ago

There are others who are also studying to be journalists, so soon we will control the media … even more than we do now!

I am a journalist, and I’d love to see certain commenters try to deal with some of my more pernickety editors.

In fact, I had to have a piece legally fact-checked once as my editor wanted to make sure that there wasn’t the tiniest risk of the magazine being sued. This involved a lawyer going over what I’d written literally syllable by syllable and then requesting me to provide documentary evidence (of a quality that would stand up in court) in support of every single assertion that I’d made.

It wasn’t fun, and I’m not entirely convinced that NWOSlave has ever undergone anything similar.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

I’m in the music business. What level of hell is reserved for me?

amandajane5
9 years ago

At my last job, I worked in IT. And I taught manly-man-men who crawl down sewer pipes all day how to use their computers. They didn’t seem to have a problem with it.

ozymandias42
9 years ago

I’m a sociology student and freelance writer and I’m going to become a sex therapist. I am a pretty cliche sex-pozzie feminist, you guys.

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
9 years ago

I saw a Twilight Zone episode once where an astronaut lost his mind during an experiment where he had to live in a tiny space shuttle with no real human contact for a few years. During the episode, he wandered around an empty town trying to find people to figure out what was going on. Finally, at the end, he was released from his shuttle and the scientists explained that they wanted to know if astronauts could handle extreme isolation on a long mission to Mars. The empty town was all a hallucination. I hope that’s not too far off topic. The OP made me think of that show.

Anyway, I think the researchers are underestimating people if they think that having both men and women on a space flight would inevitably lead to sex. Astronauts are professionals and can focus on their job instead of personal matters. The one incident where the cosmonaut harassed the Canadian astronaut was an exception rather than a rule. Even if two astronauts had consensual sex in space, I don’t think that’s a big deal. The important thing would be that they use birth control, because it wouldn’t be safe to be pregnant without access to good medical care.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

Here’s an article about two male astronauts losing tools in space:

http://www.space.com/8831-losing-tools-cosmonauts-complete-spacewalk.html

Unfortunately, this doesn’t confirm any smug preconceptions of mind other than “It’s probably pretty hard to work in freefall in a vacuum 250 miles above the ground while wearing a spacesuit.” So I’m not about to go “seems like we shouldn’t have men in space.” That would be absurd.

…And this is why hard as MRAs want us to be as bad as they are, feminism and the MRM will never be opposites.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

*of mine.

See, women, always making mistakes.

filetofswedishfish
9 years ago

I’ve been training for years now to be a translator. I speak German pretty damn well, and I have some background in Russian (which I may or may not go back to, depending on the job market). Next semester, I plan on taking some German linguistic classes to better my chances of someday being a translator. But chicks, man. All we wanna do is talk, amirite? I bet I just learned these languages the better to nag some poor beta in another country, as well as these poor American saps.

MirakeshIsAToon
MirakeshIsAToon
9 years ago

I’ve been reading this blog for awhile, but (obviously) haven’t responded to anything before. Now I’m curious, would an economist be a man or a woman, stereotypically?

Hershele Ostropoler
9 years ago

Holly:

It’s very exciting to know something that other people don’t.

It’s not just the excitement. If you already have a shaky grasp on the concept of “facts” (and most strongly ideological people do) you start to regard the who notion of “knowing something others don’t” as a weapon, and you figure that if the other side gets to deploy it, so do you. And on one level there’s subjectively no actual difference between something you simply don’t know and something the other person made up, between the other person following method 1 or method 2

zhinxy:

It’s the idea that science and engineering and tech careers are still mostly white male, and such, but this is all because they are meritocracies, with all the smart people, and hard numbers, and this and that, unlike all them dang soft stupid humanites and medicine and law.

That’s an interesting way of reconciling that worldview with reality. It’s not just about male and not-male people, it’s about male and not-male professions. So a(n ostensibly) male person in a not-male profession is feminized, and no more to be trusted than the (echt) not-men in that profession; a not-man in a male profession who comes to the “correct” conclusion has overcome zir not-maleness, one who doesn’t is only there because of affirmative action and so being in a male profession doesn’t mean anything.

shaenon:

I’m a comic-book editor. There’s a special circle of Hell reserved for me.

But you have a STEM connection.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

Good thing men never have sex with men, otherwise this cunning plan might not have worked. And they couldn’t possibly have made it a female-only mission, because it wouldn’t be fair to ground them just because women are such vile temptresses.

I’m a psychology and linguistics student (psych is my major, but I’ve been working on my ling minor for the last couple of years). I think it’s okay, because social science isn’t real science that men do. It’s all about feelings and junk that isn’t important in the real world.

But I saw that you’re an engineer, firebee. As I understand it, that’s okay, as long as a) you meet certain criteria for conventional attractiveness and b) you made yourself sexually available to all of your interested male counterparts back when you were a student. Because I’m told it is silly for women to complain about a chilly climate in engineering when male eng students would just love more females in their classes! To expand their dating pool! What more do you ladies want??

Seriously though, my mom and my dad and my stepdad are all engineers. Mom was one of 3 women graduating with her class, and she’s sort of my hero for it.

Victoria Tantyr
9 years ago

If they are all going to Mars, I will pay cab fare. The sooner the better.

JohnnyBB
JohnnyBB
9 years ago

@Holly

Don’t you know? When a woman messes up at something, it means all women are bad at that thing. When a man messes up at something, it means that that man messed up.

zhinxy
9 years ago

Also, my military electrician’s mate class, in which I was the only girl, were a truly great, accepting, fabulously awesome bunch, (Except for the ones who got kicked out, one for child porn… eww) who probably either wanted to sleep with me or resented my awfulness at everything and cursed affirmative action, underneath it all, and I was too stupid to notice.

Sharculese
9 years ago

In fact, I had to have a piece legally fact-checked once as my editor wanted to make sure that there wasn’t the tiniest risk of the magazine being sued. This involved a lawyer going over what I’d written literally syllable by syllable and then requesting me to provide documentary evidence (of a quality that would stand up in court) in support of every single assertion that I’d made.

but arent you british?

Wetherby
Wetherby
9 years ago

We have lawyers in Britain too. In fact, we’ve had them for several centuries longer, though I agree the US seems to make more use of them.

Sharculese
9 years ago

no, i meant we dont have to do that in the us because, if youre writing about a public figure, its semi-protected speech, and your liability for defamation is extremely limited.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_york_times_v._sullivan

Wetherby
Wetherby
9 years ago

Conversely, we have rather notoriously draconian libel laws, so I suspect the process I underwent is more common on my side of the pond.

But there are similarly rigorous (if less legally essential) fact-checking systems in the US – the New Yorker is the most famous, but probably not the only one.

Rabbit
Rabbit
9 years ago

But… but… Mars needs moms!

-slinks away-

Sharculese
9 years ago

oh yeah, we still have fact-checking, but its more about the integrity of the publication and lawyers dont get involved. to sue an american publication, you pretty much have to catch the writer on tape admitting he made the whole thing up.

kiki
kiki
9 years ago

One of my favourite fact-checking stories was when I was editing a piece about a restaurant which apparently served ‘lung moose’. Given that it was a Nordic restaurant it was entirely possible that it actually served moose, so I had to find out whether they meant ‘lung mousse’ or ‘moose lung’. When I phoned up the restaurant the owner chuckled and said that it was in fact moose lung mousse.

Naira
Naira
9 years ago

Lung mousse? Moose lung? Why not both!

kiki
kiki
9 years ago

(Why is sexy saucer person holding a beaker of piss? Is it earth hottie urine for testing and experimentation, or does he just like looking at his own? I’m sure Slavey has some insights.)

katz
9 years ago

Viscaria: You may have found a critical flaw in their plan! We all know what happens when you leave guys alone on a space station.

JohnnyBB: Yep.

katz
9 years ago

Dammit! Here. I dare you to hit the “Last” button.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

Seriously though, my mom and my dad and my stepdad are all engineers. Mom was one of 3 women graduating with her class, and she’s sort of my hero for it.

My mom and dad met in grad school for engineering, and my mom was one of two women in their class. (It wasn’t all bad, though; her female friend wasn’t the monogamous type at that age and kinda had the pick of the litter for dating. ;p) But I’d still rather be able to take a class where everyone around me wasn’t obsessing about my genital configuration, yanno?

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

@katz: I didn’t bother reading the text on the “last” page (let’s be honest; who would?) but I am mildly disappointed that they seem to have artificial gravity there. Gay sex in zero G would be equal parts sexy and fucking hilarious. ;D

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
9 years ago

Gay sex in zero G would be equal parts sexy and fucking hilarious. ;D

I think any sex without gravity would be challenging. How would you keep the people from floating apart? Now I will spend entirely too much time trying to think of gadgets to make it work, all in the name of science.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

I think their sleeping bags (which are bungie-corded or million-dollar-gadget-that’s-basically-a-bungie-cord-ed to the wall) would provide enough, ehm, containment for sexual activity.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

Katz: dare accepted, sexy fun enjoyed!

Bagelsan: I chose what I wanted to study because it was what I was interested in, but I am sometimes grateful that it is female dominated and I don’t have to deal with some of the STEM bullshit many (but of course not all) women experience. Although, like biology, you can watch its credibility as a discipline decrease as its percentage of female participation increases. And of course, it’s funny to sit in the big psych conference room in a class of 20 with 2 or 3 men, and glance around at all the Deans and Associate Deans of the last 20 years or so. That’s a lot of bearded old dudes!

Naira
Naira
9 years ago

“I think any sex without gravity would be challenging. How would you keep the people from floating apart? Now I will spend entirely too much time trying to think of gadgets to make it work, all in the name of science.”

There’s a series that was on the History Channel that examined a lot of the issues of long-term space travel. A couple invented a suit with a velcroed flap that you could then stick to your partner. So, the heavy duty velcro held the couple together on the vomit comet, which was demonstrated on TV.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

@Viscaria: I hear you about the generational differences! Even in biology the professors skew male; I had a slightly surreal class a while ago where 2 middle-aged/old male professors were explaining the female reproductive system to a bunch of 20-something female grad students. At least they were aware enough to shush when one of us pulled rank on how exactly birth control functions on the user end, though that didn’t stop them from giggling like little boys while looking at the histological slides of the uterus and whatnot. :p

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

Sure, any sex in space would look adorkable, I just specified “gay” sex because I was imagining twice as many dicks floating around willy-nilly. Float, float. Waggle. XD

…I may or may not be super immature right now.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

I’m held to a higher standard of accuracy than any of the usual MRA suspects could meet even in the US, and all I’m writing about is music/art/fashion. Granted that this is more about credibility than it is about being sued (libel laws here being rather weak). but still, I can’t imagine any journalist reading, say, Slavey’s rants and not laughing at the sources he attempts to use as cites.

(The Daily Mail? Really?)

katz
9 years ago

It’s three-ways in zero G that are really challenging, because no one likes to solve the three-body problem.

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
9 years ago

If people have sex in space, do they call that joining the half a million miles high club?

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

If you’re in orbit, then I guess so, but if you’re actually far enough away from Earth at some point you’re not really “high” anymore on account of so little gravity, right? Hm. …Yeesh, sex in space is complicated!

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

@katz: Be that as it may, I at least like watching them try to solve it… 😀

Polliwog
Polliwog
9 years ago

katz: Grooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooan. (I approve.)

Pecunium
9 years ago

Ami: I’ve been a soldier (interrogator), a machinist, a film projectionist, a security guard, as well as reporter, photographer and author.

So… what does that make me… man, or feminist?

Pecunium
9 years ago

thebionicmommy: I think any sex without gravity would be challenging. How would you keep the people from floating apart? Now I will spend entirely too much time trying to think of gadgets to make it work, all in the name of science.

You are too late. There is a woman who has been working on this for years. She rents time on the Vomit Comet to test the efficacy of her various ideas. The most successful of her devices I know of is a sort of fitted snuggle-sack, for two, but she’s made dozens.

Molly Ren
9 years ago

“You are too late. There is a woman who has been working on this for years. She rents time on the Vomit Comet to test the efficacy of her various ideas.”

WHO IS THIS AWESOME LADY?