So a six man crew has just touched down on Earth after a nearly two-year Russian expedition to mars. Well, that’s not quite true. The five men have returned from an imaginary trip to a fake mars; in reality, they spent the entirety of the “mission” sitting in some trailers in a parking garage in Moscow. Except for a brief interlude in which several of the fake marsonauts took a brief stroll on the surface of fake mars – also inside a trailer in the parking lot.
The idea behind all this? To see if six dudes could manage to stay sane while stuck in cramped quarters together for the length of time it would take to go to mars and back.
One of the many weird details about this weird faux-mission is that it was an all-dude affair. None of the marsonauts were women. Not, evidently, because the mission planners thought that women would be less capable than men of handing the pressure of a fake (or even a real) mission to mars. But because if they sent any ladies along, the men would want to have sex with them. As one news account explains:
Controversially, the experiment did not include a woman, with researchers clearly wanting to avoid it degenerating into a scientific version of television’s sexual tension-filled “Big Brother”.
When the “returning” marsonauts stepped out of their “spaceship” at the end of the experiment, the same news account notes,
They were each presented with a flower by young female researchers in white coats as a reward for their endeavours.
It has not been confirmed if the marsonauts popped boners at the sight.
I for one support the notion of male-only spaceflights, real or phony. And not just because the ladies would turn our space capsules into deep space slutmobiles. Just imagine what would happen if a female-infested space crew had an encounter of the third kind with some really handsome space alien dudes – the interstellar equivalents of Brad Pitt. You know what would happen next: those dirty sluts would sell out our planet for a ride on the little green cock carousel.
Ah, who am I kidding, those sluts would sneer at the little green men, holding out for the tall greys.
Audiovidual supplement: Three videos. One, Rachel Maddow talking about the mission at its halfway point. Two, a brief look at everyday life on the “spaceship.” And last but definitely not least: a video of the fake-mars walk. Inside a trailer. You have to watch at least a few seconds of that one.
I wonder if the choice to go all-male had to do with an incident on a previous simulated space mission. From Mary Roach’s (awesome) Packing For Mars:
On the other hand, the actual non-simulated International Space Station and many shuttle missions have had co-ed crews with no (public) incidents. But I wonder if this had something to do with the decision to exclude women from this simulation.
Holly, so one man couldn’t behave himself and thus no women get to go on the next one? Sounds about right.
Sex happens in all male environments all of the time. Often consensually.
Yep! It’d make more sense if they said “okay, guess the next mission is all women,” and more sense still if they said “okay, guess the next mission is all people who have proven themselves capable of acting like goddamn grownups and will be held seriously accountable if they don’t,” but neither of those is The Way Things Work Around Here.
Sigh.
Wow, are they behind the times!
Studies done back in the 1950s showed women would be better suited to space!
http://www.the-aps.org/press/releases/09/42.htm
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2 more links in separate post to avoid moderation
http://history.nasa.gov/SP-4411.pdf
http://lostwomynsspace.blogspot.com/2011/07/all-women-mission-to-mars.htm
“Controversially, the experiment did not include a woman, with researchers clearly wanting to avoid it degenerating into a scientific version of television’s sexual tension-filled “Big Brother”.
In Mary Roach’s book, Packing for Mars, she discusses a similar “fake mission to Mars” that was both co-ed and international… It didn’t go the full term because of the male Cosmonauts sexually harassing the female (Canadian, I believe) astronaut to the point that it made both her and others (male and female) uncomfortable.
Another name for the Tall Greys is the Large-Nosed Greys. You know what they say about Greys with big noses, don’t you?
Whatever, all the chicks are after Nordics anyway: tall, blond, walking around in their shiny jumpsuits like they own the place. And if they’re not into Nordics, they’re all about the Reptilians. “Bad boys” nothing; what really gets the ladies wet are the semi-physical manifestations of every negative impulse in the known universe.
Proof that there’s no substantive difference between space missions and LAN parties. Additional evidence: Bad food, no showers.
Additional additional evidence: Rock Band.
Which I hope they have on the real Mars mission. That would be awesome.
(Best/worst song choice: “Major Tom.”)
All I can say is XD
Am I the only person who heard the Odd Couple theme when reading this?
I heard there was an incident when a cosmonaut sexuallly assaulted a Canadian astronaut. Has anyone mentioned this in the comments yet?
I can’t wait for NWO to log on and tell us all she must have been wearing a really alluring spacesuit.
I’d love it if we could ship MRAs and MGTOWS to another planet, namely Mars seeing as men are from there anyway (ain’t in funny that Venus is the one that rhymes with a very important manly part though?) Anyway, they’d be happy, we’d be happy…wooo everyone is happy!!!
aww crap but what about the PUAs?
also slutmobile is my new favorite word
Wait…what?
@ithiliana
“Studies done back in the 1950s showed women would be better suited to space!”
Since there is nothing under heaven or earth that a woman can’t do better according to, “a study,” or from personal experience by the gang, why bother even saying it? Let’s just save a whole lot of time and go under the assumption there is nothing women can’t do better, are more honest, caring, loving, Ad infinitum.
Done! 😀
NWO has spoken! :3
NWO – or it could have been a recommendation to the space program based on our muscle mass, bone density, fat level…
or..
No, men just suck
and government scientists in the 1950’s believed that more than anybody!
For the record, I don’t think either sex is “better suited to space,” whatever the hell that would actually mean, But I do understand the reasoning the NASA scientists used.
I dunno about ALLL women vs ALLLLL men… but let’s just compare Ami vs NWO for 1 woman vs 1 man 😀
Better in space: Ami
Better on Earth: Ami
More caring: Ami
More compassionate: Ami
More paranoid: NWO
More angry: NWO
More cute: Ami
More awesome: Ami
More catlicious: Ami
More hateful: NWO
More hatful: Ami
Better at pretending to be NWO: Ami
😀
zhinxy | November 6, 2011 at 11:21 pm
NWO – or it could have been a recommendation to the space program based on our muscle mass, bone density, fat level…
Nope XD b/c all female physicality that has ANY practical use is inferior to men’s… XD
Remember the NWO mantra:
Men = good
women = maximum suckage xD
If they do Major Tom they also have to do Rocket Man.
Hey NWO, it’s mostly you and me and Zhinxy on again 😀
I know you had your 28 hour church this morning, but now you don’t, sooooo….. 😀
Time for NWO vs Zhinxy re: Libertarianism w/ Ami as the referee/roundcardgirl/mascot 😀
Sometimes I think many of NWO’s problems would be solved with a thorough understanding of the scientific method, and more generally of just the philosophy of knowledge. Like if he actually understood how you can go from not knowing a thing to knowing a thing, he’d understand the significance of evidence and the difference between questioning and denial. He’d learn the humility inherent in the search for truth, the difference between a conjecture and a theory, the difference between a biased result and a result that challenges your own biases.
Okay, that’s probably not the real problem here. But it’s fun to think about.
I’ve wondered for a while HOW NWO knows things and comes to conclusions and if he started with a narrative and desperately googles when we ask him (which would explain a LOT… and he admitted as much w/ his hilarious holocaust denial website mistake xD ) or if he actually came to his conclusions by coming upon facts and evidence…
so I always ask him to lay out how he got from A to B to C and where’s the evidence he saw that convinced him, or where the evidence is of all his conspiracy theories that convinced him they were true…
so far.. nothing xD