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Are tattooed women an affront to good men?

Probably not interested in dating dudes from The Spearhead

Newsflash from the frontlines of the gender war: Apparently some of the ladies are getting tattoos!

Luckily for us, The Spearhead is on the case. In a recent post titled “Ruminations from Seat 22D,” Spearhead guest poster Lyn87 reported on an encounter with one of these ghastly creatures:

I recently took a long trip for work and spent a lot of hours in the air. One of my fellow passengers really stood out in my mind: a 20-something lass a few rows ahead of me. She is a natural-born beauty in that “launch a thousand ships” kind of way – slim, near-perfect symmetrical features, piercing blue eyes, and a shapely body. She is, simply, stunning. But there’s more to this story than a retired soldier admiring an exquisite example of female flesh young enough to be my daughter.

Well, we’re off to a really creepy start here.

It was actually her tattoo that first caught my attention.

Oh, that’s where we’re going. This is going to be one of those “women with tattoos are whores” kind of story.

She was wearing a low-slung top that revealed a HUGE eagle inked across her chest and extending down under the front of her shirt. And then I noticed her hair – what little there was of it. I’ve always kept my hair short, even by military standards, and her hair was shorter than mine.

Tattoos and a short haircut! Excuse me for a moment; I think I’m getting the vapors.

Few things de-feminize a woman more than buzzing off her hair, which is why it is considered to be shameful in many societies. She was wearing ratty, ripped jeans and far too much costume jewelry.

I can’t believe we let women leave the house in such attire.

And then I noticed the piercings.

Not the piercings!

As I stood six inches behind her for several minutes waiting to de-plane I counted seven, and that was just what was visible. I wondered what else she had done to herself. A tramp-stamp is a given, but who knows what other “body art” was hidden out of my view.

We can only imagine. Some Matisse prints? A mural in the style of Diego Rivera? A reproduction of Michelangelo’s David? One of the plates from Judy Chicago’s Dinner Party?

[M]en like me, the kind of man women say they want – responsible, courteous, masculine, respectable, upwardly mobile – [avoid] women like her even as long-term girlfriends, let alone wives.

I’m pretty sure that women like her — or like most women — are not much interested in men who are not only old enough to be their father but who also read The Spearhead.

[I]a person goes to great lengths to project a certain persona, especially in a way designed to attract attention, it says something about him/her. I asked myself what would cause the stunningly-beautiful young woman on my flight – at the height of her Sexual Market Value – to do that to herself? Women dress for us, so what does she intend for us to infer? I’m easy? I’m rebellious? I can drink you under the table?

Maybe: “If you’re the sort of misogynist creep who’s going to jump to weird conclusions about my character based on my tattoos, my piercings, and even on the length of my fucking hair, and then write about it at length on a site overflowing with similarly misogynist creeps, I’d rather not have anything to do with you?”

But Lyn87 seems unable to understand why anyone would want to send such a message:

I can think of no message that her chosen facade would convey that would be in her long-term interest. In a few years after her looks fade she is likely to be just another tatted-up skank wondering where the good men are.

Wherever these “good men” are, I’m pretty sure they aren’t reading or writing for The Spearhead.

It didn’t have to be this way. In a different social environment a woman like her would have learned to be (gasp!) feminine. She would have observed the older women in her surroundings and absorbed benevolent patriarchy in the air she grew up breathing.

Oh lord.

With her beauty she could have married above her economic station and lived a comfortable life. We can’t know if she would have been happy, but she almost certainly would have had stability, security and comfort.

Hey, who needs happiness when you’ve got patriarchy!

But she doesn’t live in that society; she lives in a “Slut Walk” society, thanks to feminism. When she chose the “Suicide Girl” look nobody stopped her.

Um, who exactly is supposed to stop her from dressing and looking how she likes?

Now she has mutilated herself with enough ink and metal trinkets to repel the kind of man most likely to give her the life she wants, because no matter what she does to the outside of her body, she will eventually want what women have always wanted on the inside – stability, security and comfort.

Hmm. Could it be that she’s not actually interested in the life a man could “give her,” and perhaps more interested in the sort of life she can, you know, give herself?

The fruits of feminism: what a waste.

Only if you’re a narcissistic misogynist who thinks the world revolves around his preferences.

Next up on The Spearhead: Airline peanuts — Tool of they Gynofascist Matriarchy?

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kristinmh
kristinmh
9 years ago

Er, does to you.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Or rather, I envy him. ‘Cause, y’know, hat.

ozymandias42
9 years ago

My girlfriend has a tattoo and piercings and she is totally sexy.

That is all.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Really? I thought that you were trying to tell us that you dream of coming back as a hat in your next life.

If you do we may be forced to use you to cover the next incarnation of NWO (as a roach). Fair warning.

Spearhafoc
9 years ago

Good bowlers are hard to find. I lucked into mine (my stepfather bought it second-hand in the 70s in Liverpool and has barely worn it since). It’s a classic black one with a stiff brim and these weird but cool ventilation holes in the top. It’s ever so slightly too big for my head, but it’s wearable.

And people, they’re spelled “fluoride” and “Rothschild”. Let’s not let NWOslave mess up our spelling too.

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

I envy hats. They get a perfect view of everything, just sitting on top of people’s heads all day 😀

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Actually I feel that my last comment was unfair to roaches. They at least are able to function as part of a cooperative society.

Sorry, my creepy little friends, I didn’t mean it.

dreamhouse
dreamhouse
9 years ago

“Women dress for us, so what does she intend for us to infer?”

Oh yuck. I have a tattoo that covers 3/4 of the outside of my right thigh. I keep it covered most of the time for work and when it’s cold. I wish it more visible so people like him wouldn’t talk to me.

Kyso K
Kyso K
9 years ago

It occurs to me that the OP clearly considers himself a provider, someone the tattoo girl could have aspired to marry up to had she only made wiser choices. But he doesn’t make the case that she is currently financially insecure, and he’s flying in the same class she is. For work, no less. We know the lady can spring for at least an economy grade seat and some costume jewelry, plus she enjoys the liberty and disposable income required for body mods. Meanwhile OP is working after retirement and sounds kind of fogeyish. He’s going to have to put more on the table if he expects people like me (my beauty is on the nanohelen scale) to bite.

Nova
Nova
9 years ago

When are MRA’s going to realize that women are not required to care what they think or take their preferences into consideration, when making highly personal decisions, like whether to get a tattoo?

However, this thread has reminded me how freaking awesome Siouxsie and the Banshees are, and that’s a definite net positive in my life!

BlackBloc
BlackBloc
9 years ago

Oh those poor tattooed and pierced women who won’t get to marry a guy who reads the Spearhead… My heart bleeds. 🙁

If you can live with that, I, in my infinite generosity, will definitely date you. I know, I know, you won’t get to go out with those super awesome MRAs, but you have to take what you can, right?

Philippa
Philippa
9 years ago

NWO:

“Would that be, “we” as in a monolithic block? Tsk, tsk. I thought women were individuals?”

No, that would be all the women here who are telling you to mind your own business and stop behaving like they’re your rebellious underage daughters. They are adults and responsible for their own personal style, if that includes tattoos and piercings what’s that to you?

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

“No, that would be all the women here who are telling you to mind your own business and stop behaving like they’re your rebellious underage daughters. They are adults and responsible for their own personal style, if that includes tattoos and piercings what’s that to you?”

Paternalistic BS isn’t it? well they might as well continue regurgitating that BS anyway, it just keeps proving feminism right over and over again 😛

katz
9 years ago

Also, you can see my engagement ring in my picture. (I wear it on my right because it isn’t a set with my wedding band.)

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
9 years ago

Speaking of flouride, Owly, I got my flu shot today!

The consent form didn’t mention flouride anywhere

Well, it’s pretty obvious that fluoride is coded right into the name of the shot, amirite?

Philippa
Philippa
9 years ago

Quackers:

“Paternalistic BS isn’t it? well they might as well continue regurgitating that BS anyway, it just keeps proving feminism right over and over again”

Truly, it really does! They make the point for us. A comment like that shows that they’re completely clueless and that they can’t even be bothered to listen, much less treat us like full, adult human beings.

Captain Bathrobe
9 years ago

NWO: I bet you sheeple believe that water is wet, like the brainwashed, indoctrinated feminazis that you are!

Everyone else: But water really is wet…

NWO: Ha! You feminists are so predictable. I totally win!

Philippa
Philippa
9 years ago

@ Captain Bathrobe

Yep, that about sums it up.

malcontent
malcontent
9 years ago

Yuck. I mean, I happen to present myself as a conventionally feminine woman, but that’s because I want to, not because I have to. I’m particularly grossed out by the notion that woman should trade their beauty for lucre. Lucky me. I’m beautiful. (Or so they say.) So, apparently I’m supposed to use that beauty to be some rich man’s whore. Just because I can? What the fuck? I don’t put a price on my face and body, nor I do respect someone who thinks I should put a price on it. I am a human being, not a goddamn product with a dispose-of-by date.

omgpie
9 years ago

I have waist length hair, only wear pants to go to the gym, and always have perfect nails. I bake all of the bread my husband and I eat, keep a tidy house, and knit all of our socks. Almost everything I own could be described as cute. I fit most of the norms that many of these MRA’s claim to want in women, but there is one key difference between me and the women who lived in a “benevolent patriarchy” like the one the OP seems nostalgic for.

I was allowed to choose.

I am a fourth generation feminist, and incredibly proud of the history my family has. Many men and women in my family have fought so that I can make my outside match my inside, without fear of reprisal.

And to all of the guys on here, who whine about how they’re alone because they’re so nice? I will tell you what my feminist grandfather told me when I was ten.

Nice is different than good.

Nice is different than kind.

Nice is different than respectful, honorable, responsible, and charitable.

In fact, nice is pretty damn worthless. If you’re denigrating a person for expressing themselves, for choosing what to do with their own body, if you’re tossing around slurs like “whore,” “slut,” and “bitch,” if you’re patronizing anyone’s intelligence or insinuating they lack ability to make their own decisions because they’re different from you, if you’re supporting the invasion of another person’s privacy and autonomy for any reason, it doesn’t matter how “nice” you are.

Because if you want to find a good woman, who isn’t shallow, who lives her life with integrity, and who does her best to be a quality person every day, you’re going to have to do a hell of a lot better than nice.

You’re going to have to match that standard yourself.

Philippa
Philippa
9 years ago

@malcontent:

We’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. If we do trade on our looks and use them in order to marry a rich man were whoring goldiggers, if we don’t we’re unnatural and subverting the status quo, perhaps even (gasp) evil feminists who think we have the right to be treated as people, with love and respect, rather than pretty objects to bear a man’s children, be his servant and give him status.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

@ Phillipa – There is no way to win that game. The fact that it’s set up to make sure that straight men win is the whole point of the game. Which is why men like the OP, Meller, etc hate feminism so much – feminism has made it at least theoretically possible to opt out of the game, and they don’t like that at all. Look at MRAL, Slavey, Meller – nothing seems to enrage them more than the idea of women having sex and not suffering for it in some way, or a woman having the option to choose not to sleep with any given man if she doesn’t feel like it. There’s a reason they keep bringing the conversation back to sex and dating regardless of what else is being discussed.

Erl
Erl
9 years ago

You regurgitated exactly what you were told to say like I said you would.

God, this is perhaps the second most obnoxious troll schtick. “Haha, you said exactly what I planned/predicted!”

Yeah! We’re predictable! Show up and say “hey, I don’t think women have rights” and we’ll tell you “YES THEY DO” in a thousand ways. That’s because we have, you know, firm and thoroughgoing convictions. It’s really not an impressive trick to predict that the feminists on a feminist site will take a feminist position and give it in response to an anti-feminist statement.

WORST MAGIC TRICK EVER.

As for the OP, the single creepiest (half-)line for me was “Women dress for us[.]” Yeah, any time a woman puts on pants she is on display for you. She’s on display for a group that includes you in particular. She’s on display for a group that includes you and excludes, implicitly, women. It’s just, like, pure crystalized entitlement.

Nova
Nova
9 years ago

I present as pretty conventional too. Long hair, relatively feminine clothes (outside of work, anyway,) etc. It’s just me and what works for me, at this point in my life. I did the short hair/ death hawk/ funny colored hair, punk rock and black bondage pants thing for quite a while, but grew into a more conventional look. Part of it is the ease of maintenance and part of it is the fact that the average person takes me more seriously now and, as a business owner, it helps me make a living. What’s never changed is me and my ideals, regardless of what I present on the outside. I think it’s kind of cute when some younger punk rockers mistake me for somebody’s mom… and then see the punk tattoos and go “wait… what?”

So, if women were banned from body mods and forced to wear “feminine” clothes, is that really going to change a thing about who they are? If you put long hair and a dress on a punk, is she magically going to stop being a punk? If you take the makeup away from a goth girl and put her in pink, is she suddenly going to turn into something from a Jane Austen novel?

MRA’s seem to think that if women are forced into looking and acting like their ideal, these wayward women are going to realize that they like it, it’s good and that it’s what they really want. Because it’s what MRA’s really want and if they want it, it must be right. Kind of like when a 5 year old wants to give their parent a toy that the 5 year old would like, because zie doesn’t understand that different people like different things. For the 100 or so MRA’s that hate women, there are millions of men who don’t have issues understanding that women are all different and are able to find one that they’re compatible with.

Once again, the MRA movement illustrates that they have the mentality of an angry 5 year old.

Erl
Erl
9 years ago

Not, um unless she wants to um, get married to a decent man before she, um turns like, um 40 and has wrinkles to go with her dermal graffiti that she, um thinks makes her an, um individual who um doesn’t care what people think of her um, until she gets older and finally does and then, um she’s got a lot to um, hide.

Shorter EWME: “I’m judging you super hard right now for making a decision that I and those like me will judge you for in the future!”

Seriously, I despise this line of argument. “Oh, tattoos are a bad idea, because people who think that they’re a bad idea will reject you.” Well, fuckin yeah, but the argument is so circular it shits itself. It’s concern-trolling someone’s life. It’s a contentless objection; it does not motivate debate, discussion, thought, or even feeling, it just grates.

I may be in a poor mood right now.

omgpie
9 years ago

Erl, I agree with you.

I’d also like to point out that a “decent man” wouldn’t reject a woman he found otherwise compatable because she looked her age or had tattoos.

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

@Erl- yea that “women dress for us” thing really bugged me too. Every single piece of clothing I’ve ever bough, I bought because I liked it and it made me feel good wearing it. Guy is living on another planet.

@CassandraSays- thinking about that entitlement really ticks me off, but continously strengthens my convictions to not play the game. I don’t owe anyone shit, and no one owes me anything either. I wont pity-date or pity-fuck some loser (and when I say loser I’m not talking about money or looks, I’m talking about revolting personalities like our trolls display) Women aren’t a charity. Do Slavey, MRAL and their ilk pity-date or pity-fuck unattractive women? fat women? old women? no? that’s what I thought, therefore they should kindly fuck off 😀 They the idea that people (usually women) owe other people (usually men) sex is disgusting and dehumanizing. I wish they would understand that.

Polliwog
Polliwog
9 years ago

If you take the makeup away from a goth girl and put her in pink, is she suddenly going to turn into something from a Jane Austen novel?

…of course, it’s not as if most MRAs would even like the women in Jane Austen novels. They’d be reading along shrieking, “How DARE that Lizzy girl not marry Mr. Collins solely because he’s incredibly boring and not remotely attractive to her?! What kind of reason is that to deprive him of his god-given right to access her vagina? This is CLEARLY proof that women are all stupid shallow bitches who only have sex with rich dudes who look like Colin Firth!”

Wetherby
Wetherby
9 years ago

“I’d also like to point out that a “decent man” wouldn’t reject a woman he found otherwise compatable because she looked her age or had tattoos.”

Absolutely not. My wife got her tattoos after escaping a stifling marriage with someone who had similar views to the OP, as part of an overall plan to rethink the person she wanted to be. She’s had no regrets (and nor should she have: they look great), aside from our six-year-old daughter wanting some of her own.

But at least we could fob her off with temporary tattoos.

firebee
9 years ago

“Oh, tattoos are a bad idea, because people who think that they’re a bad idea will reject you.”

I’m inclined to believe this. It’s just that from what I see of the people who blither about the tattoos of arbitrary people, I put it firmly in the “pro” column.

Kyrie
Kyrie
9 years ago

She is a natural-born beauty in that “launch a thousand ships” kind of way
But I thought that was the problem, women using their beauty to make men start war, like Helen of Troy did.
So by cutting her hair and having tattoos, she made sure nobody would “launch a ship” just so she can get a new dress.

@Cassandra: I think that, to win this “game” (aka be a good woman), you should grow up in a monastery (so that you don’t taunt any man) until the day you can legally have sex and marry the first nice guy that ask you out. Then you spend the rest of your life raising his kids, satisfying his sexual needs, cleaning his house and obeying him. Also, you must be very pretty.
Unless winning the game also meant being happy, there you have it, I don’t think that broke any rule of the “how to be a good old fashioned woman”

firebee
9 years ago

“Um, nobody. Not, um unless she wants to um, get married to a decent man before she, um turns like, um 40 and has wrinkles to go with her dermal graffiti that she, um thinks makes her an, um individual who um doesn’t care what people think of her um, until she gets older and finally does and then, um she’s got a lot to um, hide.”

Aside from all the other things that are pathetically stupid about this statement — am I meant to believe that if I approach 40 sans tattoo, the petulant misogynist population is suddenly going to roll out the rainbows and ponies for me? “Look at that woman who is older than 14 or even 35, she does not have a tattoo and therefore we cannot think of anything nasty to say about her”?

This seems, shall we say, improbable.

Philippa
Philippa
9 years ago

@CassandraSays:

Yes, it’s a classic double bind situation. Or they would like to construct it that way. The point to me is that we can opt out and no, they don’t like it but that doesn’t stop us. Sure it makes than mad as cut snakes but we can walk away. What frightens me is what happens if they somehow get their way (which doesn’t seem impossible considering the way women’s reproductive rights are being chipped away at and with the other consequences of the rise of the religious right) and they block the exits so we have to play their twisted games.

looks at Atwood on the shelf and shudders

Jill the Spinster
Jill the Spinster
9 years ago

I thought there was a marriage strike and a MGTOW tidal wave?

MRAs would give that all up to marry a hot young woman (with long hair and no tattoos) ?

red_locker
9 years ago

“And to all of the guys on here, who whine about how they’re alone because they’re so nice? I will tell you what my feminist grandfather told me when I was ten.

Nice is different than good.

Nice is different than kind.

Nice is different than respectful, honorable, responsible, and charitable. ”

Do I have permission to use this quote from now on? Because it’s on the fucking nose.

omgpie
9 years ago

Be my guest. 🙂

Broseidon
Broseidon
9 years ago

Personally, I must admit I have a sort of negative gut-reaction to tattoos and face piercings. To me, they really do severely take way from a woman’s attractiveness, particularly the type of chest tattoo he describes.

But so fucking what? Who gives a shit what I think about how they should look, dress or act? It’s none of my business … Except men who fasten the bottom button on single breasted jackets. Fuck those guys.

Same here. I’ve never been a fan of the tattooed, pierced punk/goth chick look or short haircuts. Maybe because I associate the whole ensemble with “militant lesbian” so my subconscious outright rejects them before they even register on the attractiveness scale. But so what? It’s their bodies and they can do whatever they want, just like anyone else. I may look at one occasionally and think “well, that’s a shame” but in the end it’s their choice and their business.

red_locker
9 years ago

I mean, seriously…when WILL some guys get it through their heads that “nice” by itself isn’t a strong standard at all when it comes to dating? Hell, it took me a while to get it through my head that being a “nice guy” wasn’t helpful at all.

Wetherby
Wetherby
9 years ago

I mean, seriously…when WILL some guys get it through their heads that “nice” by itself isn’t a strong standard at all when it comes to dating? Hell, it took me a while to get it through my head that being a “nice guy” wasn’t helpful at all.

Many years after we were safely married, my wife confessed to me that she nearly cut our first date short because while she thought I was perfectly nice, that wasn’t anything like enough for her. She couldn’t remember specifically what changed her mind, but we both agree that one of the reasons for our relationship’s success is that we both have strong opinions and that neither of us is the least bit shy about speaking out when it matters.

Obviously, being nice is broadly a positive thing (I go out of my way to be pleasant to restaurant staff, for instance, as I know how shittily they’re routinely treated by others), but a policy of constantly turning the other cheek sends out the strong message that you don’t have any opinions (or, in extremis, personality) of your own. The same goes for people who agree with me all the time.

Which is why I have no problem whatever with tattoos, provided they’re commissioned by consenting adults for the purpose of decorating themselves.

red_locker
9 years ago

“Obviously, being nice is broadly a positive thing (I go out of my way to be pleasant to restaurant staff, for instance, as I know how shittily they’re routinely treated by others), but a policy of constantly turning the other cheek sends out the strong message that you don’t have any opinions (or, in extremis, personality) of your own. The same goes for people who agree with me all the time.”

Funny thing is, the “Nice Guys” seem to be the most strongly opinionated…when they’re on the web.

And you bring up a good point: Yes, it’s cool to have similarities with the person you’re with, but if you want a mirror of yourself…just make out with your mirror. No one will judge you. Really. :p

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Why have these guys decided that nice = spineless, anyway? I know a number of men who I’d describe as exceptionally nice, and several of them are stubborn as mules. My Dad is pretty much the definion of an alpha male according to these clowns, and I’ve never in my life seen him be anything other than polite and friendly to service staff, employees, etc. I know another guy who’s so damned nice that everyone who meets him remarks on it, and he’s a rock star ffs. Nice doesn’t mean weak, submissive, or lacking in will. It doesn’t mean lacking in anything – it’s supposed to be a positive trait.

But no, in and of itself it’s not a reason to date someone. Nice should be a given, in my opinion – it’s not enough for anyone to date you or be your best friend, by itself, but the absence of niceness is a good reason to avoid someone.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Also, not to state the obvious or anything, but I have yet to encounter a single Nice Guy who anyone could describe as nice without crossing their fingers behind their back. I’m sure that MRAL, for example, could in theory be less nice, but he’d have to try pretty hard.

(MRAL – this is not a suggestion, just to be clear. Please do not kick any puppies.)

Wetherby
Wetherby
9 years ago

And you bring up a good point: Yes, it’s cool to have similarities with the person you’re with, but if you want a mirror of yourself…just make out with your mirror. No one will judge you. Really.

Friends of ours are amazed that our relationship works when we apparently have so few interests in common: I write about cultural matters for a living and she’s read barely a word that I’ve published professionally, even if I’m writing about something that she’s seen or read. Similarly, she works in the medical profession, and my expertise there stopped when I abandoned science subjects at school in my mid-teens – I just accept that she’s the one with the “proper job” and she tolerates what I do provided I bring in enough to pay the bills. We’re also from very different social and geographical backgrounds, have differing political views, and so on. Oh, and she has tattoos and I don’t.

But that’s exactly why it does work: with such marked differences, even if we agree on something, we nearly always approach it from a different perspective. And when we disagree, the reasons why we disagree often turn into a revealing discussion in its own right. Which, if nothing else, means that we rarely get bored.

I think the bottom line is that we fundamentally respect each other, not least each other’s intelligence. And because of this, we also respect the fact that our positions are mainly arrived at through intelligent reasoning rather than knee-jerk reaction. And if we are simply being reactionary, we admit it when found out!

Wetherby
Wetherby
9 years ago

Why have these guys decided that nice = spineless, anyway? I know a number of men who I’d describe as exceptionally nice, and several of them are stubborn as mules. My Dad is pretty much the definion of an alpha male according to these clowns, and I’ve never in my life seen him be anything other than polite and friendly to service staff, employees, etc. I know another guy who’s so damned nice that everyone who meets him remarks on it, and he’s a rock star ffs.

Some of the nicest people I’ve ever interviewed have been those at the absolute peak of their professions – world-class achievers with nothing to prove and, if you’re really cynical about humanity, no particular reason to be nice. One of them went on to become a good and lasting friend, especially since I introduced him to his present girlfriend. So I know for certain that even if the others were simply turning on the charm, he wasn’t.

From what I hear, this is why Keanu Reeves has never lacked gainful employment in the acting profession. Apparently he’s not just totally professional on set, but goes out of his way to be pleasant to everyone working on it, no matter what their status in the production hierarchy. He may never win an Oscar, but it’s easy enough to see why people keep hiring him – not least because the lowly production runner of today might well be the producer of tomorrow, and these people really remember unexpected niceness from people notionally above them.

On the other hand, if an actor’s career mysteriously tanks after only a mild commercial disappointment, there’s a distinct possibility that this is because they were a total bastard to work with, and as soon as their box-office lustre dims even slightly, they’re dropped like the proverbial hot potato.

Nice doesn’t mean weak, submissive, or lacking in will. It doesn’t mean lacking in anything – it’s supposed to be a positive trait. But no, in and of itself it’s not a reason to date someone. Nice should be a given, in my opinion – it’s not enough for anyone to date you or be your best friend, by itself, but the absence of niceness is a good reason to avoid someone.

I completely agree. “Nice” in my book essentially means “pleasant company”. It’s perfectly possible to be pleasant company while expressing strongly-held opinions, though it usually involves expressing these opinions in such a way that shows respect for other people present who may disagree. Which is where people who aren’t nice usually fall flat.

The trick is to balance being “nice” with “not boring”. And similarly to balance “not boring” with “not being gratuitously offensive”. It’s not actually that hard to do, but it does demand a certain self-awareness, as well as an awareness of other people’s likely feelings.

Amused
Amused
9 years ago

This is curious for me to read because I actually don’t like tattoos, would never get one, and don’t like them on men. However, the one thought that’s never occurred to me is: “Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world in which this man would be legally inferior to me and forced by the coercive power of the State to make his life revolve around catering to MY aesthetic preferences?”

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

I think the bottom line is that we fundamentally respect each other, not least each other’s intelligence. And because of this, we also respect the fact that our positions are mainly arrived at through intelligent reasoning rather than knee-jerk reaction.

Right on! Respect is a fundamental key to a successful relationship. It’s also something the MRA trolls here can’t wrap their heads around since they don’t even respect women as human beings.

Your posts were nice to read and your relationship sounds great…gives me hope 🙂

Raincitygirl
9 years ago

If you take the makeup away from a goth girl and put her in pink, is she suddenly going to turn into something from a Jane Austen novel?

…of course, it’s not as if most MRAs would even like the women in Jane Austen novels. They’d be reading along shrieking, “How DARE that Lizzy girl not marry Mr. Collins solely because he’s incredibly boring and not remotely attractive to her?! What kind of reason is that to deprive him of his god-given right to access her vagina? This is CLEARLY proof that women are all stupid shallow bitches who only have sex with rich dudes who look like Colin Firth!”

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! Polliwog, I am fangirling you so hard right now. Regardless of your tattoo status.

ScrappyB
ScrappyB
9 years ago

The idea of attracting someone also requires repelling people you don’t want to be with. Apparently this young woman has stumbled upon a method of repelling ignorant misogynistic creeps.

There were plenty of women who grew up “absorbing benevolent patriarchy” and didn’t like it. Seems all that patriarchy infused air was a bit stifling. That’s why things changed.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Spearhafoc:

And people, they’re spelled “fluoride” and “Rothschild”. Let’s not let NWOslave mess up our spelling too.

I was using the Standard NWO spelling. Wouldn’t want the poor dear to get confused.

johnnykaje
9 years ago

@Kyrie I think that, to win this “game” (aka be a good woman), you should grow up in a monastery (so that you don’t taunt any man) until the day you can legally have sex and marry the first nice guy that ask you out. Then you spend the rest of your life raising his kids, satisfying his sexual needs, cleaning his house and obeying him. Also, you must be very pretty.
Unless winning the game also meant being happy, there you have it, I don’t think that broke any rule of the “how to be a good old fashioned woman”

Only if the woman in question doesn’t age past twenty-five.