Here’s the bravely anonymous alpha blogger behind “Danger & Play ~ An online magazine for alpha males” explaining “Why You Should Cheat on Your Girlfriend.” I’ve bolded my favorite bit:
Haters will tell you to, “Man up! Break up with your girlfriend if you’re not happy.” They are missing the point. You want to have your cake, and to eat it too. Steady, reliable pussy and the occasional strange is the best of all worlds.
Cheating is a lot of fun, and it’s something I highly recommend. It’s way more exhilarating than bungee jumping, and few things feel as good as banging your girlfriend on the same day you banged some strange.
Cheating keeps your game tight. The best way to regulate your girlfriend is knowing you can bang chicks as hot or hotter than your girl. Well, when you cheat, this isn’t hypothetical. It’s reality.
Somehow I’m guessing there’s a lot more “hypothetical” than “reality” going on in this guy’s posts.
You don’t want an exclusive relationship? Fine. There’s no law saying you have to be in one. You can date casually and non-exclusively. You can have an open or polyamorous relationship. There are a lot of people out there in relationships, yet happily fucking other people outside of them. They’re just above board with it.
But that’s not what’s going on with our PUA friend here. With his talk about “regulat[ing]” girlfriends, he seems more interested in fucking over his girlfriend (assuming such a creature really exists) than he is in fucking strangers (sorry, “stranges”).
That’s not “Game.” That’s just being a dick.
But, hey, Nietzsche! He’s BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL! Or, as he puts it in a comment, “Shame and guilt are beta.”
You know, if you have to go around telling everyone what an Nietzschean ubermensch you are, you’re probably aren’t much of a Nietzschean ubermensch.
Some comments got stuck in moderation from Jennifer Frances Armstrong and Improbable Joe; they’re all on this page, if you want to scroll up and check them out.
Brandon, so you want to prove you’re Mr. Consensual by videotaping someone having sex without their consent?
And DKM, wow, that is some incredible doublethink you’ve got going on there, Mr.Women Have it Coming But I don’t Advocate Violence.
Maybe feminists should promote PUAwalks, since PUAs and sluts are the same thing.
And Matthew gets the point. Congrats. It’s cool that you don’t agree with me. But at least you can see my pov.
Brandon, you are a really creepy guy. Thanks for reinforcing my paranoia to never sleep with a guy at his place. And I thought I was being paranoid and silly…
I have to wonder, if you and all the other guys who are so scared of being falsely accused, you must know deep down that you are not decent people. I mean if you subscribe to the notion that women who do that do so out of revenge and regret, how bout just not be an ass to the women you sleep with? then you wont have anything to worry about.
Actually that’s a good point – what does Brandon do if a woman wants to have sex with him, but at her place? Does he carry a camcorder around just in case, or does he refuse because the risk of false rape accusations is just too high?
Brandon: My objection was not legal, but ethical, insofar as involving someone in a sex act without their consent is pretty much the definition of rapey. Honestly, if you’re this worried about FRAs, don’t have casual sex, or only have it with friends.
Stoner: Yes, I ask out shy guys. 🙂 All of my current male partners are shy guys I asked. How do I do it? Well, one of them I flirted with on Facebook for a while, involving an elaborate metaphor about sex and battle (lots of “flank attacks”!) and then we clarified we were actually going to have kinky sex. One of them I invited myself over to his dorm room to watch Doctor Who, sat down on his bed, told him to cuddle with me and then informed him, after the episode ended, that the awkward silences meant “kiss me now.” (He professed to be utterly dumbfounded that I was interested in him.) The third was an elaborate process involving several months, thirty bucks worth of vegan chocolate, acquiring my first Magic deck and lots of snuggles; I eventually just went for it and kissed him.
@NWO:
“A PUA is just a male version of a woman whose[sic] a slut.”
No, the male version of a woman who is a slut would be someone who is comfortable with their sexuality and seeks out others like himself, having lots of sex in the process. A PUA is in the process of trying to trick a woman into sex by insulting her… don’t ask me how this makes sense.
@Brandon:
Let’s try out a little thing called empathy (and morality, but we’ll get there in a second). Let’s say you go over to a woman’s house and have some consensual sex. Later on you happen to find out that, unbeknownst to you, she had video taped you both. Would you agree that she was perfectly justified in doing so, even against your wishes?
If this skeeves you out, congratulations! You now know why videotaping somebody without their consent is wrong.
If it doesn’t, that’s fine. Because what you have to realize is that most women DO NOT WANT YOU TAPING THEM! If taping doesn’t do it for you, try thinking of something you would not like someone doing to you, and imagine how you would feel if they did it without your knowledge.
Now some women may be fine with you taping them, they might even get a thrill out of it. You know how you can tell whether it would be ok or not? FUCKING ASK THEM! And if they say no, DON’T DO IT!
You say you want to avoid the possibility of false rape charges. In society, your rights end where another person’s begins. You are not allowed to violate another person’s rights for the sake of your own. Therefore, if you cannot have sex with a woman for fear of rape, for the love of all that is good and just in the world stay away from it.
God dammit, it’s like trying to explain something to a 5 year old. At least they have a reason for being sociopaths…
Hey thanks for the shout out NWO!! 😀
@David: I am having consensual sex but non-consensual videotaping. In court these are two different crimes: consensual sex vs rape, consensual videotaping vs illegal videotaping.
Morally speaking, I see no unethical problem with breaking videotaping laws in order to prove your innocence for the larger crime.
Also, I think that video without the audio is still legal. At least in Mass.
Brandon, how do you make sure the sex you have with Ashley is consensual? Have you known her long enough to trust her, or does that just not happen with you anymore?
@ozymandias42:
That’s why I don’t even like the word “slut” anymore, referring to anyone… people can twist it to mean whatever they want it to mean.
Otherwise, I’m with you that NWOslave is way off base with his comparison of PUAs and people who are simply promiscuous. The complaint isn’t the number of sexual partners, or the level of commitment. The complaint lies in the level of honesty, and the level of respect given to your partners. No one is saying that a man or woman can’t have casual sex. No one is saying that a man or woman can’t have multiple partners, or that the sexual relationships can’t overlap. No one is saying that a man or a woman must commit to a monogamous relationship, and remain celibate outside of that relationship.
What we’re all saying is that people have a right to only enter into consensual relationships, and you cannot give proper consent if you don’t know the whole truth about what you are agreeing to. That’s why it is cheating to sleep with someone outside of a monogamous relationship, and not cheating if you are in a casual and/or open relationship… and why it is cheating again if your open relationship has rules about who you can sleep with that you break.
The whole point of PUAs and “game” is about being dishonest with your partners, which means that it is pretty much always unethical and pretty much always violates the other person’s right to give or withhold consent.
@Quakers: I don’t really know why a woman would falsely accuse someone, nor do I care. I am only interested in covering my own ass (figuratively not literally in this case). Statistics are all over the place in regards to FRA. They go from a measly 2% to a staggering 45-50%.
I love how I am the bad guy for defending myself and not be placed in jail because I could be falsely accused…but none of you have said one word about the woman who would have falsely accused me (in this hypothetical example).
“Also, how am I violating them?”
I don’t think you’re being genuine, but for those watching at home:
Imagine, midway through sex with your date, you discover she’s been secretly videotaping you two having sex. Just for shits and giggles, let’s assume you’re at her house. Maybe her house is in a part of town you’re not super familiar with, maybe it’s late at night, maybe you’re drunk and don’t have an easy way home. You’ve hung out with her a few times, but you don’t know her super well. Maybe she’s even physically bigger and stronger than you.
And you’ve just found out she’s got video of you having sex. How do you feel?
If it were me, it would be something like “Holy shit, what the fuck?! Oh my god, she has video of me having sex, that’s so humiliating. What if she puts it on the internet? What if she sends it to her friends? What if my family/friends/employer/coworkers/partners see it? What if her computer gets hacked and it ends up on a porn site? Oh God, if she’d do that, what else would she do? Attack me? If she rapes me now, no one will ever believe me. What will she do if I get angry? What if she tries to blackmail me with this? If I get the police involved, that video will be shown at trial and everyone will know. Holy shit what the fuck?!”
Even if your motives are 100% pure and you would never do anything with that video unless she falsely accused you of rape, you’d still be putting her through that trauma if she found out, and whether she found out or not, she’d be at risk of every one of the things I listed, and lots more I didn’t think of. If you would put another person through that just in case they were going to do something horrible to you, you are a gaping, shit-covered asshole.
Or you know, guys who don’t have a problem flirting and approaching might not be using “game” but might just be -I don’t know- being themselves. Not every guy who doesn’t have a problem talking to strange women has studied a bunch of techniques or absorbed a bunch of foolishness about “negs” and escalating touch.
There are plenty of men who want to find out if a particular woman they’re attracted to is also interesting/smart/funny/likes gouda. There are men who figure out, purely through their powers of observation, that clean clothes, good hygiene and a decent haircut make dating easier.
If I were you, Quackers, I wouldn’t worry about it. That said, it’s true that if you decide to take the initiative in a man that you’re interested in you may be less worried about his motives.
Brandon: What’s your definition of rape?
Because until people know that, they can’t know what you mean by “false rape accusation” (anymore than they can know what you mean by, “impersonate”).
It is illegal in MA to record someone visually.
It is also something that allows for the person to sue you for millions. So Brandon, I hope Ashley has read this and knows enough to check your computer for any videos you made without her permission.
@Brandon:
“I love how I am the bad guy for defending myself and not be placed in jail because I could be falsely accused…but none of you have said one word about the woman who would have falsely accused me (in this hypothetical example).”
We don’t say anything about the woman because she doesn’t exist. You could make her (hypothetically) the biggest bitch in the world, hell bent on destroying men and you in particular at no cost, and we still wouldn’t comment on her actions.
She is a fiction. The false accusation does not exist. You and your video taping do.
@Matthew Cline: Yeah, I get his point, I just think he’s a horrible person.
@ozymandias42
“NWO: We disapprove of coercing people into sex and of dishonesty, because those are unethical. We do not disapprove of safe, emotionally healthy, enthusiastically consensual, honest sex, whatever form it may take, because that IS ethical”
Ozy! I can always count on your hypocracy to light the way. Tell me. What’s the difference between a slut dressed all sexy at a bar and nuzzling up to a guy whose been drinking and getting him into the sack. And a man sweet talking a girl at a bar whose been drinking to get her into the sack.
The answer of course is, nothing, nothing, nothing.
Emotionally healthy, enthusiastically consensual, honest sex. What a load of crap. Put on a pair of big girl pants and grow up.
Coercion. What a joke. What, do you need training wheels with your freedom?
Enthusiastic consent, puuuulease. There’s a loaded gun pointed at every mans head.
You don’t get any of that. Grow up. If you fuck up, it’s your fault. Oh, did a bad man talk you into the sack. Poor baby.
You wanted sexual agency, you got it. There’s no buyers remorse, There’s no you weren’t enthusiastic enough. There’s no I was drunk at the time. There’s no he promised me a rose garden. There’s no do overs. You made your feminist bed, lie in it.
I never understand how conversations about consent veer off into territory where one guy is assuming it’s basically impossible for a woman to give consent under any circumstances…
You know what the kicker is against the PUAs is? There’s a whole big giant world of women online who are willing to have casual sex with any halfway decent guy within 500 miles of them…
… and before any MRA/PUA/POS decides to comment, they come in all shapes and sizes, and from 18 years old to 80. And they aren’t generally giant snobs about looks, so if you’re close to them in hotness you have a pretty good shot.
If any of these sexually-stunted guys were really just interested in sex, there is a whole happy world of casual sex out there. The fact that they feel the need to find women that they have to lie to, that they have to hurt in some way to salve their poor bruised egos, tells you a whole lot about them.
Brandon: Hypothetical FRA Lady is a douchebag who’s fucking it up for other rape survivors and for you. You, on the other hand, are very non-hypothetically doing a very douchey thing.
Hey, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t illegally obtained evidence inadmissible in court?
Brandon, how is it that tons of other men can have sex (including casual sex) yet don’t get falsely accused? if you are that worried, make sure you both establish clear consent and be respectful. And I really don’t buy this FRA hysteria that all it takes is one person’s word to get the other person thrown in jail, an investigation would have to happen.
Also I don’t know who it was that mentioned shy guys, but personally I don’t ask guys out because I myself am very shy. Its not because I expect men to do the asking. I realize I miss out but oh well. I’ve also always paid my half on a date, unless the guy was super insistent on paying for me. Even then I feel uncomfortable with it.
@Null:
“Imagine, midway through sex with your date, you discover she’s been secretly videotaping you two having sex. Just for shits and giggles,”
The point being is the videotaping isn’t just for “shits and giggles”. It actually serves the purpose of a legal defense in case I was falsely accused.
If you are really that worried about it “falling into the wrong hands” I can put them on encrypted flashdrives and store them in my safe. Then I can dip the entire case into epoxy so that no one can even break into the case and access the chips directly.