Like Chairman Mao, the MRA blogger Alcuin is a massive douchebag with intellectual pretensions far outstripping his limited brainpower. Also like Mao, Alcuin is perhaps best appreciated in tiny doses. Most of his posts are rambling, pretentious messes; yet many of them contain wonderful little nuggets of anti-wisdom that I feel compelled to share with you all.
Mao had his Little Red Book. Here’s part one of Alcuin’s Little Red-Faced Book. Click on the titles for the full posts.
[A] woman only thinks of her next meal, and which man can provide the best one for her. … Allow them to run organizations and society, and they will destroy everything. … Women are too emotional and self-centered to build civilization.
All Feminists are Doctor’s Daughters:
Feminism, the domain of doctor’s daughters, is for snobs. Men with dirty fingernails are haughtily ignored and dismissed. … Ironic, ain’t it, that feminists can be both perpetual victims and upper-class snobs at the same time, with the same remark and arrogant flick of the hair, as she puts her nose in the air and walks past. … Uppity cunts.
Dare to Struggle, Dare to Backlash:
Because feminism has attacked humans so viciously, injecting its hate-filled venom so deeply into both men and women, the “reaction” will not be a mere rainstorm. Deep, psychotic imbalance such as the type wrought by feminism and by liberals in general will necessitate a fucking shitstorm the likes of which we’ve hardly seen.
Constant rape accusations are ridiculous, given the sexless marriage epidemic. How many bored, asexual women stuck in a sexless marriage would love to be taken?
Modern miseduated western women fear their femininity, fear their natural beauty, and run away from it. … The hags we currently see in western countries resemble a clear-cut, eroded mountain. A contemporary western woman reminds one of the landscape created by the orcs in The Lord of the Rings, ugly and unnatural, a place of evil and sadness.
More to come; Alcuin’s idiocy is a renewable resource.
Hengist: Maybe you should then try to find a place full of simpering, ignorant servile airheads, who will laugh when told to do so.
See, I actually laughed at the second joke! I think Hengist just doesn’t like it when someone is funnier than he is. Which probably means he’s unhappy most of the time, because it doesn’t seem to difficult.
A woman goes into a sperm bank and walks up to the counter labelled Donations. The receptionist says “I think you’re in the wrong place, ma’am,” and she replies “mm mmm! mm mmm m mm mm mmm!”
Ah-huh. So, according to you, humor is defined as mocking those inside your little clique? In other words, YOUR “joke” DOES qualify as humor because you are a feminist mocking feminists?
Please explain that definition to me Hengist. I really want to be able to know what humor looks like, you know, just in case it bites me in the ass, ’cause that’s assault.
Keep digging, Hengist, nothing is as funny as seeing someone put down people who don’t get their crummy jokes. Grow a sense of humor and maybe next time it won’t come off as lame polemic. Speaking of teh ironiez, from the doctor’s daughters post:
“Yet in my experience of feminists at university, not an overwhelming number of them had done likewise. Hence the ease with which they could adopt theories clearly far removed from common sense. What is needed is a common sensical approach to life. Even trying to get western women to think in this regard is a challenge, with their deep faith in the “men are bums, wimmin princesses” mantra. Not to mention their naturally-occurring hysterical tendencies.”
I lol’d.
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”
Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”
The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”
The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”
“This is what I get for making a joke in a place full of self-important humorless nerds who treat internet arguing like a full-time job.”
Hengist, tell me you see the irony in this.
Hengist, is there any famous stand-up comedian whom you believe would know humor if it bit him or her in the ass? If so, I suggest you go watch what he or she does when a joke bombs. I’ll bet you pretty much anything that it is not “berate the audience about how they don’t understand humor.” It is, in fact, almost certain to be either “move on without comment” or, not infrequently, “make fun of themselves for telling a mediocre joke.”
(Also, protip: trying to insult people in the argument you’re having on the internet by scoffing at how they like to argue on the internet never, ever works as an insult. Seriously. It just makes you look really silly.)
Me and my girlfriend both laughed, Blitzgal XD
My other fave that I heard recently (Cheeseheads unite!):
A Wall Street CEO, a Union worker and a Tea Partier are sitting at a table. In the middle of the table is a plate with a dozen cookies. The Wall Street CEO takes 11 of them and then leans over to the Tea Partier and whispers, “Watch out, the union guy is trying to steal your cookie!”
Still going? I’d say you people need to have the last word, but it’s more like the last five hundred.
(BTW, color me ten shades of surprised that anything mildly funny coming from one of “the gang” is immediately acknowledged by the rest of the gang as the height of hilarity.)
“Oh, and of course if I did let it go or just stopped answering, those same people would have busted out the “flounce” accusations.”
Naw, son, you gotta announce the flounce before you fail to stick it.
I also liked Holly’s joke of “Your body is a wonderland–specifically Mordor”.
If so, I suggest you go watch what he or she does when a joke bombs. I’ll bet you pretty much anything that it is not “berate the audience about how they don’t understand humor.”
Then it’s a good thing I didn’t do that. I would be interested, though, to see what these comics do when the audience claim he’s being serious and start long arguments in response to the joke.
Gee, I don’t know, embarrass themselves?
Also, Hengist, I really do what to know — are you claiming your humor is the “real” humor because you are making fun of people inside your clique?
“I also liked Holly’s joke of “Your body is a wonderland–specifically Mordor”.
Yeah, and I’ve been told I have the body a god – specifically Buddha :p
Hey I know, I’ll prove I DON’T need to have the last word by continuing to post shit after I’ve declared myself above this kind of thing!
/Hengist
^ That should be “_of_ a god.” Dammit.
correction: want
Hey I know, I’ll prove I DON’T need to have the last word by continuing to post shit after I’ve declared myself above this kind of thing!
Nice try. Pushta!
Hengist, the key is to know your audience. We like jokes about capitalism, sperm, vampires, Star Wars, and Mordor. Work on your delivery and you’ll have us eating out of your hand!
Ew, no.
Hengist, that “body of a god” joke was funny. I hope you don’t mind, but as a fellow fat man I plan on stealing it.
This reminded me of a commercial I saw the other day. Baby Darth Vader! So cute.
Yeah, and I’ve been told I have the body a god – specifically Buddha :p
Better! I liked Holly’s Mordor joke more, but that one was at least chuckle-worthy. See how much better laughing at yourself works than yelling at other people about how they’re “self-important humorless nerds”?