He’s an MRA, and a marmoset! And he’s the brainstorm of someone called Izy Day.
Check out the Tumblr blog, with many more examples.
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We Hunted The MammothBucking the Backlash
We Hunted The MammothHe’s an MRA, and a marmoset! And he’s the brainstorm of someone called Izy Day.
Check out the Tumblr blog, with many more examples.
Eh, great minds think alike and all that.
Whatever Brandon says he means, that’s what he means. It’s not a slur if he says it isn’t, ’cause he’s just that good.
http://genderbitch.wordpress.com/2010/01/23/intent-its-fucking-magic/
Also, Brandon? How’s that “passion” working out for you? I guess anger just turns you on, so much better than the eyes-glazed-over boredom reaction you usually get in response to your conversational sallies.
Also, the SlutWalks weren’t about “reclaiming” the word so much as they were about saying that no matter how a woman dresses she doesn’t deserve to be raped.
@Brandon: “When society makes it so men and women approach each other equally, then I will change my tactics of meeting women.”
Well, thanks to feminism, women are approaching men more. They no longer have to be the shy, demure ladies waiting for a man to “make the first move.” I can’t say that it’s an equal split, but it’s better than it was before.
“When society tells women that ‘men approach’, men will come up with ‘shortcuts’ to prioritize and use their time effectively.”
“Shortcuts?” Yeah, I guess it is easier to just outright disrespect people than to take the time to treat them like human beings. Anyway, that’s no excuse to call them “sluts.” You’re not “prioritizing” or “using time effectively” by being an asshole. I also find it laughable that you complain about a double-standard men face (*some* of the time), then you perpetuate and defend a double-standard that women face.
Wow. Just… wow. So Brandon, any thoughts on the correlation between men like you and your friends calling women sluts -not to their faces of course, unless you want to illicit a passionate response- and your belief that most women are interested in commitment? Any? Thoughts? At all? Bueller?
Ashley, if you’re actually this dude’s girlfriend: Run bitch. Run for your life!*
*This is a Dave Chappelle quote from the infamous Wayne Brady sketch. I hate having to explain a joke but this is a feminist space. And I am a feminist.
But seriously, run bitch.
Luckily for him, Real Dolls are not noted for their speed. That would probably be a very expensive after-market modification.
Lovely. I can already feel myself lighting up with passion.
Brandon, you’re an arrogant, ignorant, asshole, but don’t worry, in the private universe inside my head those are entirely appropriate ways to address a person.
I don’t bow to social pressure, you see, so whatever meanings I make up in my head–even if they’re strikingly close to the offensive meanings!–are beyond reproach, trust me.
If you’re a man, and you’re using the word “slut” in the Ethical Slut sense, then of course you can use it. But somehow I doubt you are, given you made “easy” a synonym. Guys who use slut in a reclamatory sense know that very few women, even the most promiscuous, don’t have any standards for whom they fuck at all, and most of those that do could safely be said to have problems. Removing the standard “must be in a committed relationship” is not the same thing as removing all standards.
So Brandon, the conclusion then is that men and women both should just assume that ALL exchanges, from first dates through short-term-relationships to long-term relationships are POLYAMOROUS by default, until one of the pair suggests otherwise?
That makes sense and its also how I’ve always approached my dealings with “suitors”.
And I’ve also been “dumped” numerous times when they thought I was “cheating” merely because I would go out on dates with other men.
@Brandon My typing ability is all but exhausted from editing a dissertation. Sorry my typo seems to have all but obscured the meaning of my post for you. In case anyone else was thoroughly stymied and simply can’t suss (by choice or design) what I actually meant to type it was “lovely”. I hereby make a disclaimer that the following will probably be riddled with typing errors. That’s what you get for reading things on the webbernetz. Would that we could have the five minute edit feature on comments like they do at The Awl.
Do you and your friends use “promiscuous, easy, slutty, whorish, fast, wild, loose, indiscriminate and a few others” to talk about your own behaviour? If not then you’re perpetuating an ugly, sexist double standard.
“You also seem to be conflating calling a woman a slut and shaming. While certain men use slut as a way to insult women, my friends and I don’t look at women that like sex in a negative light.” It’s great that you and your friends support a women’s right to have and enjoy lots of sex. However your choice of a shaming word to describe such women remains problematic. I am not conflating the two; they have been conflated since long before I was a glimmer in an eye. Interestingly the origin of the word ‘slut’ was more to do with being untidy, dirty, and unkempt than with specifically sexual misconduct — check the OED if you don’t believe me — so that’s the basis of this supposedly non-judgmental word that was always about calling women dirty. Anyway, since you go on to mention that it’s a word that elicits emotion you have a hard time convincing me that it isn’t a shaming word even in your own understanding. You’re unclear about what emotion it elicits but the fact that it does demonstrates that it’s some loaded terminology. Using it, even with you male friends, still perpetuates that damage of the word and all that baggage about women who have lots of enthusiastic sex. The other problem is that while you say ‘slut’ “describes women who have sex frequently and with little regard to who they are with” you have the problem of not really knowing the intimate details of another person’s sex life. Who are you or your friends to judge what is enough regard in choosing a partner or how often is frequent? You can, of course, use whatever language you like with your friends or elsewhere but that doesn’t make it neutral or very nice.
Anyway, just as an exercise I wonder if you might try replacing ‘slut’ with something more neutral such as “likes sex”. For instance, “Dude, you might not be a total no-hoper; I hear that waitress really likes sex”. It’s not that much more difficult to say, if ease is your concern.
@Ozy I’m not sure I agree about “slut” being okay for men to use as long as it’s in the “Ethical Slut” sense. I’m not keen on women using it either, really. If someone called me a slut and added that they meant it in the spirit of “Ethical Slut” I’d still tell them to stop perpetuating a gendered discourse of sexual policing (and also suggest they didn’t know very much about me). Just because the book posits that a slut is a person of any gender doesn’t make it so, just as Brandon’s assertions about his alternate meaning of the word as non-judgmental are immaterial because word meanings are decided by consensus. The consensus on slut isn’t a nice one. Using the word toward a woman only reinforces its position as a gendered word. Even using it just to talk about men to destabilise the discourse seems less than ideal; what does it achieve that poly or non-monogamous doesn’t? And doesn’t having a special word to describe someone who isn’t monogamous only reinforcing monogamy as the norm? Anyway, that’s a story for another day.
@Societal Contract Possibly a fair assumption re: poly until proven otherwise (for ease, PUPO) but ideally people would talk about this from the beginning of a relationship. Not dates, mind, but an actual relationship. PUPO wouldn’t be my assumption in a relationship and I would want to be told if it were my partner’s.
Okay, going back to work now.
Also, I don’t call women sluts…I refer to them as sluts within my male social group. It is counter-productive to walk up to a woman and call her a slut. Is there really a “lovingly word” that describes women who have sex frequently and with little regard to who they are with?
THEY “have sex…with little regard to [whom] you are with.” So much so that you know they shouldn’t hear what you call them behind their backs.
YOU, on the other hand, are “poly.” So “poly” that you don’t tell your girlfriends that you’re poly.
(1) You really are pretty fucking thick; if I told you not to conspire under the table you’d look around for furniture
(2) You’re a slut too; Deal With It
(3) Better a selfless slut than a man who refers to sleeping with his girlfriend as “getting my sexual needs met.”
Donsie: I wouldn’t mind if a guy called me a slut, in the Ethical Slut sex or simply in the denotational “has a lot of casual sex” sense, as long as I was otherwise convinced of his sex-positive bona fides. Obviously, since you do mind, people shouldn’t call you a slut. 🙂 The people involved get to decide whether they reclaim the insult, you know?
Donsie: I tried the, “She likes sex”, he said it was too boring, and lacked passion. He then attempted to insult me for using it.
Donsie: Of course I wonder why the, “lack of passion” really matters, since he admits that he, and his friends, don’t use it to/with the women; just among themselves.
@Pecunium I guess he likes to stir up a lot of passion among his friends. Lots and lots slutty passion.
@Ozy Yeah, whatever works for you, of course! It, like so many things, is about people knowing their audience and reading the situation.
The S word is like the N word, depends on the context and who’s using it.
Donsie: And, you know, not being Brandon. That is also a part of it.
@Donsie: It is unfortunate that you have a negative connotation with slut however I don’t. I also don’t feel the need to change my behavior because some people might get offended by it. If that was my mentality, I would be always “walking on eggshells” around people. The things that offend you or make you uncomfortable are your problems…not mine. There is a lot of behavior I don’t like…but I don’t try and make other people cater to those sensibilities.
Have you ever started talking to a woman and she wanted you to buy her a drink? Ya, I usually play it off by playfully calling her a “drink whore”. Most of the time they get this big smile on their face and playfully punch my shoulder and say “I can’t believe you just said that to me!”
@Pecunium: Bigot? Ya…no. We aren’t talking about a skin color, gender or any other inborn trait of people. Slut is used across the board to describe a particular behavior. One in which someone sleeps around with lots of people without a deep relationship.
Also, black people can’t change their skin color (well…Michael Jackson I guess), people can’t change their gender or their sexual orientation…but they can change their behaviors. People choose to act in a promiscuous way. You can’t choose to not be black/white/any other skin color.
@Nobinayamu: How I talk is one of the reasons Ashley is with me. She likes it when I call her “a dirty whore” as I pick her up and throw her on the bed…she gets all giddy. So no…not all women react the way you would react when called a whore or slut. Some get offended and others get excited.
When using “slut” or “whore” tone does matter. There is a big difference between calling a girl a “slut” with a smirk on your face and flat out walking up to her and saying “You are a filthy dirty slut”. The word is irrelevant…it’s the emotion behind it.
@Societal: In no way shape or form is “slut” even in the same universe as the N-word. I can’t think of the last time when someone traveled to another country, gathered up a group of “sluts”, crammed them into a ship like it was a floating concentration camp then sold them into slavery as soon as the ship docked.
It is unfortunate that you have a negative connotation with arrogant asshole however I don’t.
Well, actually I do. But if I say I don’t, free insult privileges, right? You arrogant asshole.
Wow he really did go humpty dumpty on us.
@Holly: At the end of the day, you thinking badly of me doesn’t change a thing in my life.
Back at you, you arrogant asshole.
I like to put all troll logic to one simple test: “Could this be used to justify taking a shit in the aisle at the supermarket during the dinner rush?” It’s crude, but it amuses me. And it helps me define for myself whether you’re actually saying something, or just using logic that could justify freakin’ anything, no matter how pointless or obnoxious.
“I don’t care what anyone thinks of me” passes the supermarket-shitting test with flying colors.
@Holly: Some light reading:
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/why-you-shouldnt-care-what-others-think-about-you/
Brandon, you’re so absurdly disingenuous. It would be funny if it weren’t so stupid. Is this how you act in real life? You get called on your points so you change the argument retroactively, attempting to gaslight the other person and deflect from the fact that you’re kind of a shallow, hypocrite?
Ashley? You in danger girl.
Brandon, no one here has talked about your sex life. And I can assure you almost no one cares. You really do just cherry pick what people say don’t you? Listen, your dirty talk is utterly beside the point and injecting it into this conversation not only skeeves me right the fuck out (because as far as I know: 1) that’s your lady’s real name and 2) I have no idea if she knows you’re providing this much detail about her sex life to strangers, anonymously or no) but has no bearing on anything that’s been discussed. And, please, I haven’t shared any significant details about my sex life so please don’t project your bullshit into it.
No one is talking about “dirty talk”. Unless you and your guy friends are trying to arouse one another when you’re calling women “sluts” as short-hand for “girl who’s interested in sex outside of a committed relationship.” I mean, look at what you’ve written and stop pretending like we can’t read.
You said that you didn’t call women sluts to their faces because it was counterproductive. It’s just, you know, how you and your buddies refer to “easy…promiscuous” women behind their backs. Then you argued that women call each other sluts. And now this bullshit about how you talk to your girl… For what? To what end?
Because you can’t/won’t respond to the salient points that multiple posters have made. You whine about women wanting to be in committed relationships before they have sex, but you want to call women who have sex outside of committed relationships “sluts.”
Address the relevant points or just ignore me from now on. Pecunium, Molly Ren, Rutee and others have a lot of patience with folks like you. They’re really good people. But I’m not and I don’t. I will say this though, right now I’m getting a much greater understanding of why seemingly every time I”m working with some new 501 c(3) their IT guy is an imbecile with a wildly overrated opinion of himself, his skills, and his intelligence. I mean, it can’t just be a coincidence.