Comment of the day, from an angry antifeminist in ShitRedditSays who seems a bit obsessed with, if confused by, the sex lives of animals. Well, two comments, actually. The first:
It’s hilarious how reliably the feminist creature will resort to insulting a male’s sexuality. When cornered, it is like a vicious weasel, scratching at the only vulnerability it knows, in desperation of its wretched circumstance.
What’s even more hilarious is how likely it is that you all have the sex lives of a fucking snail.
And a followup:
I am no more concerned with a rancid female supremacist’s opinion on my sanity than I would be of a goldfish’s perspective on the world outside its bowl. You live a twisted, fucked up existence, devoid of reason and love. Your whole world is consumed by hatred of men and society, justifying your dementia by paddling about with other complete mental cases in this joke subreddit, all of you thoroughly skull fucked by evil rabid animals that pollute our universities under the guise of “professors” of various social “science” gibberish.
Um, why exactly would an evil rabid animal (even a vicious weasel) want to skull-fuck a rancid goldfish, even assuming it could? Wouldn’t it just go around biting everyone? I would, and I’m not even rabid.
Brandon, you assumed that women want commitment, by default, and then chastised Societal Contract for assuming that men are assuming that women want commitment by default. You chastised her for the very thing that you did a half hour earlier.
Your attempts to backtrack and re-frame your position are shoddy, if admirable, but c’mon. If you don’t have whiplash, you should at least be a little dizzy.
You’re asking why so many women want commitment because in your experience women talk about commitment all the time. Fine. I don’t know what kind of women you hang out with; it may be true. In my experience it isn’t true. I also offered examples of men who discuss commitment a lot. Why do they do that?
Why are so many men so interested in commitment?
“Personally, I agree with the headline of the article . Breakups suck for both parties so the idea of “Leave her better than you found her” is just PUA’s trying to justify their methods.
The subtext to this is that people get strung along. Men string women along and women string men along. The whole point is if you don’t like getting strung along, then be aware of it, then leave.”
The whole point is to make it clear from the get-go, “hey i don’t want to string anyone along so lets not commit and just enjoy each others company for now and see where it goes.”
Brandon asked me:
“Are you talking about the article or the commenters? In the article Roissy describes a situation where men reach a junction point in the relationship and have to think about what options to take:
1) Date her
2) Lie to her and sleep with other women
3) Be honest and tell her you sleep around
4) Break up with her and start dating again”
I’m talking about both the article and the comments that ensued. In my mind its a non-issue provided you tell her early on that you are not wanting to commit and the relationship, if it proceeds, will be an open one from both ends.
The reason Roissy and party are opposed to that is because they don’t want to sleep with a woman who is simultaneously sleeping with other men.
For some reason that really gets their goat.
@Societal: How am I supposed to know that…if I just met her. She could be a woman I just want to date or she could be “the one”.
You are asking men to define the relationship when there is practically no relationship to define.
Nobinayamu: No I said that women place a higher value on commitment than men not that they want a commitment “by default” from every person they are dating.
I have been apart of many conversations between men and women and women tend to bring it up and spend more time talking about it. I rarely come across men that discuss commitment in length. It’s like finding a woman that can regurgitate sports statistics…a rare find.
I can’t really answer your question because I see little value in commitment and I rarely hear men express their opinion on the matter. If they do value it…they aren’t talking about it…at least with other men.
They weren’t talking about first dates there, Brandon. The Roissyites were talking further along in the dating sequence when they were knew the woman wasn’t “the one” but they still wanted to keep dating and sexing her – while simultaneously looking for new tail.
The dilemna was:
be an ass and keep dating her while secretly seeing other women which would hurt her if she found out
OR
dump her
No option of “open relationship”
Again, what is it about open relationships that scare men so? I experienced the same in my own life. Husbands would rather risk divorce and losing their kids in cheating than have an open marriage wherein their wife is also seeing other men.
Oh for the love of little kittens and the big dogs that chase them. Really Brandon?
-Brandon, last night
-Brandon, yesterday afternoon, prior to being called on his shit
Brandon, among other things, you said “Why is commitment so important to women?” Again, your back-pedaling reframe is not going to work. Maybe you genuinely meant that women care more about commitment than men do (in your limited experience) but what you actually said literally translates to an assumption that wanting commitment is the default position for women in, or seeking, relationships.
Then you got your shorts all bunched up when Societal Contract made an argument that men should be honest about not wanting a commitment early in a relationship:
Solipsism of your arguments aside, the jumping off point of your rebuttal is replete with, if not intellectual dishonesty, an appalling inconsistency. And, frankly, it makes you hard to take seriously. Acknowledge that you didn’t say what you meant and then clarify your position. Or defend your initial argument and then explain why you contradicted it later. But pretending that you didn’t say it is basically telling me that I can’t read. And while it’s true that I can’t read your mind, I am functionally literate.
“Solipsism of your arguments aside, the jumping off point of your rebuttal is replete with, if not intellectual dishonesty, an appalling inconsistency. And, frankly, it makes you hard to take seriously. Acknowledge that you didn’t say what you meant and then clarify your position. Or defend your initial argument and then explain why you contradicted it later. But pretending that you didn’t say it is basically telling me that I can’t read. And while it’s true that I can’t read your mind, I am functionally literate.”
Nobinayamu, Brandon’s problem that basically *all* his arguments end up like this if they go on long enough.
It’s true: He complained to me that he didn’t say all of the benefits of of marriage could be duplicated.
This, of course, isn’t true. What amuses me is that we can remember what he said so much better than he can. That tells me he either doesn’t really think we pay attention, or that he is not managing to say what he means.
The latter is fairly common, but rather than clarify his meaning (which would require the admission that he made an error, even one so trivial as misstatement of his intended meaning) he has to double down and tell us he didn’t say it.
Which is silly because it’s all there, waiting for the person who is patient enough to go back to confirm what they recall.
@Societal: Most men are too chicken shit to ask for an “open relationship” for fear of offending their girlfriend. They make the assumption that women only want monogamous relationships.
Men need to learn that women aren’t everything. Women are just a piece of life and men should branch out and not let their girlfriends/wives consume all their time. This is the attitude that a lot of men have. Living in fear. Thus, they are scared of asking her to be in a poly relationship because he might lose her. They think by asking her for an open relationship, she will storm out, call him an asshole for suggesting it and tell him to never call her again. He would rather have a girlfriend then none at all. Bad thinking on his part.
I don’t really know or care if women want or don’t want commitment. I make it perfectly clear that our relationship is “light and fluffy” and nothing too serious. I think I have done my due diligence and if she continues to call, talk, text and generally wants to spend time. That is her approving of what I said. Otherwise, she would go find someone else.
Lastly, I asked “Why is commitment so important to women?” not that it was my belief. But to see the answers other commenters made.
It’s OK for men to manipulate women, to hurt them by forcing them to be in non-exclusive relationships when they don’t want to be. This is all just fine with you. Does it bother you that the man in this scenario is making someone suffer, another human being, whose feelings are (presumably) more or less similar to his? Or is all that matters here that he gets called an asshole?
What if you are the only one she wants?
Brandon, “Most men are too chicken shit to ask for an “open relationship” for fear of offending their girlfriend. They make the assumption that women only want monogamous relationships.”
I agree. However even when I was the one suggesting it, men have said they prefer monogamy. Even IF they did want polyamory, they only wanted it from their side. The thought of “their woman” seeing other men digusted them. They would much rather be monogamous if polyamory meant she would be poly too.
I’m actually in an open poly relationship.
However–if I found out that the basis of our relationship was “I don’t care about you enough to be monogamous,” I would be out in a fucking heartbeat. I would call him an asshole.
Poly is about “I love and care about you, and I love and care about my other partner[s]” not about “no darn woman gonna tell me who I’m allowed to fuck!” If it’s something you push onto your partner, or do out of disdain for your partner, it’s got nothing in common with the poly I know.
I’m actually in an open poly relationship.
I know; I read your blog sometimes.
The difference is, he’s saying something like this: It’s OK for men to manipulate women, to hurt them by forcing them to be in non-exclusive relationships when they don’t want to be.
I don’t think he loves his current partner, I don’t know whether or not he cares if she loves him, and I don’t even know whether he’s open to the idea of loving his partner, at least right now. He’s not even open to the idea of chatting with women who aren’t DTF.
Brandon, I don’t mean to be disrespectful. I’ve felt guilty about the way I talk to people here; even people with complete dickbag ideas are still worthy of respect as humans. But your ideas eat a bag of dicks. Because they cause suffering.
@Voip: In what sense am I hurting her. I state up front, pretty early in the relationship, that I am not looking for anything serious and I am just looking to enjoy some company and have fun. How is that hurting her? How am I manipulating her? I don’t lay a unwanted finger on her. I don’t force her to stay against her will. I don’t put any pressure on her at all. I say what my position is and she gets to decide if she wants to still see me. Seems pretty honest and open to me.
Also, I care very much for Ashley. Which is the reason that I am in a monogamous relationship with her.
“What if you are the only one she wants?” I don’t even know how to answer this.
Oh I know it’s an oooold topic but I was reading back and came accross this reference to the sex lives of snails. I can only assume he intended that to mean “no sex lives”, but as a breeder of these little creatures I can assure him that snails get laid a plenty and often around 12 hours in one go, sometimes with foreplay of several hours involving several individuals. Snails are, you see, polyamorous hermaphrodites. And they feel no shame about their sluttiness!
Haa, I shoulda known there’s snail sexperts on the site, just on the previous comments page! Shame I missed the discussion when it was ongoing… 🙁