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creepy men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny nice guys PUA rape rapey reddit sexual harassment

If at first you don’t succeed, grope her

This might work, actually.

Say what you will about the dedicated PUAs (Pick-Up Artists) of the world: at least they sometimes actually talk to real human women. The guys in Reddit’s Seduction subreddit, I’m not so sure about.

It’s kind of sad, sometimes, to read the plaintive requests for advice on Seddit (as it’s known) from college guys who’ve fixated on some girl in some class of theirs, and want desperately to learn the secret formula to get into her pants. These aren’t guys who’ve mastered the art of “negging” women with clever little mini-insults (a favorite PUA technique); these are guys who haven’t quite grasped that you have to actually talk to a woman in order to ask her out.

Take this query, recently posted there:

My suggestion?

Write “coffee?” on your forehead, and stand in front of her. Point at your forehead if necessary.

So, yeah, I’ve been banned from Seddit.

Look, I feel for the guy. I’ve been that guy.

But just think of it from the point of view of the girl. Some guy you’ve never spoken to, some guy who doesn’t know a thing about you other than you make him feel funny in his pants, approaches you out of the blue and … slips you a note?

But really, the problem there isn’t the note. Well, part of the problem is the note, But the main problem is that college dude has never spoken to her before. As anyone who has watched Seinfeld knows well, “coffee” means “sex.” Going up to a woman you’ve never spoken to before and asking her out is a bit like saying “hi, you make me feel funny in my pants. I would like to put my penis in you. Perhaps we could chat a bit first. Though, clearly, I don’t care what’s in your actual brain, because here I am asking you out based on nothing more than the fact that you cause that aforementioned feeling in my pants.”

Pro-tip for lonely guys: remember that women are actual human beings also.

Now, this poor Sedditor got some good basic advice from the crowd there, basically boiling down to: figure out an excuse to talk to her before class, and see how it goes.

Now, Seddit may be mildly useful in giving this sort of basic advice to the truly hapless. But it doesn’t seem to be very good at getting across the notion that women are human.

Indeed, there was a strikingly similar question posted in Seddit a couple of days ago: a guy who wanted to ask out the only girl in his engineering class. His post, in stark contrast with the note guy, was bristling with PUA acronyms and lingo: the girl was an “HB8” (Hot Babe that he rated an 8 of 10 on the hotness scale);  he was on the lookout for IOSs (Indications of Interest) from her, and so on and so on.

But his strategy was strikingly similar to that of the AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) with the note: he was going to walk up to her after class and ask her out for dinner. But he was planning to add one more “technique” to his approach: “kino.” In PUA-speak, kino means touch.

So, yeah, that’s what he learned from all his study of advanced PUA-oloogy: just start touching her!  Women are eager to jump into bed with guys who come up to them out of the blue and start groping them. (The post itself was deleted after it got linked to in the ShitRedditSays subreddit, so no link.)

Trouble is, this guy is not the only one getting the message that Pick-up artistry is all about invading a woman’s personal space and “escalating” until she literally fights you off or given is. This is, in fact, the basic message of the PUA who calls himself Gunwich – a man who not that long ago (allegedly) shot a woman I the face after she refused his advances.

And, yes, pressuring a woman until she gives in, or up, is one way of getting in her pants. It’s also, you know, rape.

In recent days a number of Sedditers have posted advice that is little more than a how-to of date rape.  A number of instances were pointed out in ShitRedditSays, and were deleted by the Seddit moderators. It’s clear this is damage control; a number of regulars on ShitRedditSays have been banned from posting in Seddit – many of whom had actually never posted there in the first place.

Here’s a discussion of one copy-and pasted date rape guide that got deleted before anyone made a screencap.

The Seddit mods say this is “fringe” stuff that doesn’t reflect how most Sedditors think. Then how is it that some of the creepiest comments  get dozens of upvotes? Take this Sedditor’s advice on how to get inside a woman’s house (and then her pants) that I managed to screencap before it was deleted:

Now, there is plenty of PUA material that is not rapey. Manipulative, sure. Dopey, absolutely. But not rapey. A good Pick-Up Artist, in theory at least, should be able to tell when a woman is interested and when she isn’t, and move on when she isn’t.

But it’s clear that many Sedditors aren’t learning that whole “if she’s not interested, move on” thing. They’re learning: “if she’s not interested, pressure her and manipulate her, and wear her down. And be sure to touch her. Sorry, “kino escalate.”

They’re not learning empathy. They’re learning stupid human tricks. And, worse, they’re learning to ignore a woman’s “no,” to treat it as what PUAs call LMR – that is, Last Minute Resistance. And that’s pretty much  a formula for date rape.

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amandajane5
9 years ago

And if someone says they can’t participate in a carpool with women involved because [BONERS] does it say something about women, who go about existing all the time? Or maybe something about the creep who thinks woo keeping his manly essence in his balls to stop him from objectifying women which he does all the time anyway but since he’s not actually having sex “women” are somehow afraid of/congratulating him.

Pam
Pam
9 years ago

Oops!! Sorry, Nobinayamu, it wasn’t my intent to bring back those nightmares 🙁

redlocker
9 years ago

“Don’t forget, redlocker, that NWO is the Rainbow Sorbet of trolls – all the flavours at once! Creationism, conspiracy theories, anti-vaccination, misogyny, rapiness – he does it all!”

Duly noted. 😉

And I, too, am curious about what NWO thinks of Ritalin.

KathleenB
KathleenB
9 years ago

I can almost understand him choosing celibacy – giving up something you think is harming you can be good for the soul – it’s just… he made the choice, he has to take responsibility. Putting the blame on Kristin for his inability to control his boner… yech. And very much ducking responsibility for his own voluntary celibacy.

captainbathrobe
9 years ago

I think it’s less like Silence of the Lambs and more like the scene from Carrie with all the candles burning in Carrie’s mother’s house. Maybe it’s a generational thing.

Ami Angelwings
9 years ago

ozymandias42 | September 5, 2011 at 12:07 pm
kristinmh, that’s my distinction too. If someone says “women aren’t human”, they’re Poes; if someone implies that women could be easily replaced by sex robots, that’s… a very different thing.

That’s kind of sad isn’t it? xD

If they JUST think that women can easily be replaced by robots… then they’re prolly sincere xD

Ami Angelwings
9 years ago

darn… Samuel and NWO are gone from here aren’t they? XD

*warps off to the next sector*

darksidecat
9 years ago

“committed, monogamous, heterosexual relationships” That’s some ridiculous bigoted crap right there.

Oh, and sexual attraction to women is not the same thing as objectificaiton. Objectification can be and often is sexual, but they aren’t the same thing. Thinking of people’s bodies are objects rather than people’s bodies and dehumanizing people is objectification, and Samuel is a grade A champ at that one.

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