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Alcuin in Wonderland

The Intellectual Renaissance of Western Patriarchy: One big sandwich joke.

At first glance, Alcuin’s blog would seem to be some sort of parody. The blog’s slogan – “Promoting the Intellectual Renaissance of Western Patriarchy” – seems so over-the-top pretentious that even the smuggest of would-be intellectuals wouldn’t be able to post it with a straight face.

But if Alcuin is a troll, he’s a dedicated one, and one (at least based on my less-than-exhaustive survey of his blog) who never seems to break character.  So I’m assuming he’s real. Which makes him a pompous ass with a lot of irritating ideas he’s somehow convinced himself are new and interesting. Take (please!) his recent post “Back Where They Belong.” And yes, “they” mean who you think, and “where they belong” means where you think.

Men should run the government, business, education, and religion. Women should stay at home. Young unmarried women can briefly work as kindergarten and elementary teachers, but there are no reasons why men can’t usually do this as well.

I’m not sure if Alcuin understands that women actually hold most of the jobs that currently exist, and that removing virtually all of them from the workplace would cause the economy to implode like, well, Alcuin, if you suddenly removed all of his idiocy. Also, how many kindergarten teachers do we really need?

As long as women run things, men will continue to be sidelined and slandered because feminism is a zero-sum movement.

Women … run things?

There can be no peace between the sexes until women are back where they belong. The sexes are meant to complement each other rather than compete and put one another down.

Yes, and the best way to show how the sexes “are meant to complement each other rather than … put one another down” is for one of the sexes to, er, put the other down by sending them back into the home.

Women have no business being lawyers, judges, educators, doctors, bureaucrats, writers, or religious leaders. Their attempted leadership in these areas, an illegitimate coup d’etat, is destroying our society.

I agree. Lady Pope is doing a terrible job of dealing with all those abuse cases!

Sadly, they prefer to enjoy their present situation, and let society rot, than go back where they belong and participate in building things again. Much like enjoying the concert on the sinking Titanic – though in this case, don’t expect chivalrous men to jump into the cold water so the ladies can have space on the lifeboats.

A little Titanic humor always enlivens a dull rant, eh?

Knock knock!

Who’s there!

An iceberg!

Damn, I guess we shouldn’t have kept going in zero visibility in a part of the ocean where icebergs had been recently sighted, in our ship that doesn’t have enough lifeboats for everyone!

I crack myself up sometimes. Back to Alcuin:

Feminism is a hate movement that brings out the worst in women.

Unlike the Men’s Rights movement, a hate movement that brings out the best in men!

It hates women because it hates femininity and motherhood, the chief characteristics of what it means to be a genuine woman. It brings out the worst in women by turning them into men, or trying to masculate them.

Damn you, feminism! Don’t go masculating those ladies! First they want to wear pants, and the next thing you know they’re growing ironic mustaches and using Axe Detailers instead of loofahs and subscribing to Bass Fishing Monthly.

It hates men because it blames everything on men, and regards masculinity in men to be evil. It emasculates men at the same time. Gays and, much more secondarily, manginas, are somewhat acceptable to the gynocracy, especially when the furniture needs moving or some bitch can’t pay her own bills.

Because when you need furniture moved, or some money, you call … the gays? Is this some new gay stereotype I’m not aware of? I mean, manginas, sure, manginas are furniture-movers and money-to-bitches conduits extraordinaire. That’s how they get access to pussy, after all.

But what’s the incentive for the gays?  They don’t need pussy; they’d, presumably, prefer to spend their money on tiny dogs and gym memberships than on some bitch’s bills; and while gays may have strong opinions about where the furniture should go, are they really interested in carrying it there themselves?

Women generally use men, and feminism continues this grand tradition. A man’s value is defined according to his use to women. Deeper than that, feminism regards men in the same way that the Nazis regarded Jews – men are Untermensch and cannot be granted the same rights and privileges that women are.

And … now we’ve got Nazis.

Feminism aims to bring men down, as it is a zero-sum movement. It doesn’t simply aim to improve the lot of women through, for instance, education, but seeks to exclude men from education.

It does? Last I heard, colleges were actually lowering their standards in order to enroll more guys.

Thus the current propaganda about campus rape, and the attempt to make it easier to accuse a university male of rape in the USA. Thanks, government. You are, once again, the handmaiden of misandry.

And handmaidens are bad. Not like Shieldmaidens.

Feminist hate will never be satisfied, so men can’t keep avoiding the issue. We must avoid feminism as much as we can, and educate each other about it and about alternatives.

Generally it is advisable to actually know something about something before trying to “educating” other people about it.

This intellectual Renaissance of Western Patriarchy business is a lot trickier than you might think.

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Pecunium
10 years ago

Wow… just wow.

Rutee Katreya
10 years ago

Fractal Wrongness. It’s wrong assumptions which lead to conclusions that are also inaccurate and don’t even logically flow from those assumptions, all of it in conflict with reality. I guess white men really need to step up their wrongness game to maintain socioeconomic dominance in this day and age.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

The title of his blog wins Oxymoron of the Year.

All the wrong there is so wrong it broke my brain.

blitzgal
10 years ago

“Women should not be allowed to participate in society in any meaningful way whatsoever.”

“Hey, why won’t any of these bitches date me? I’m a nice guy!”

Wanderer
Wanderer
10 years ago

Not to be pedantic, but he’s Alcuin, not Alucin. The name is probably a reference to Alcuin of York, a medieval theologian. themoreyouknow.jpg

redlocker
10 years ago

““Women should not be allowed to participate in society in any meaningful way whatsoever.”

“Hey, why won’t any of these bitches date me? I’m a nice guy!””

And the cycle continues…

filetofswedishfish
10 years ago

Uh oh. I wear pants, go to college, work outside the home, AND I use an Axe Detailer! (They hold up so much longer than normal bath poufs). I’d better tell FiletofSwedishBoyfriend to hush up a bit longer till DADT is repealed. He’s clearly dating an Almost-Man!

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
10 years ago

filetofswedishfish, you are such a rebel. I mean it’s one thing to go to college and have a job, but wearing pants? Wow, you really are bold. You better be careful or you might start reading books and having opinions.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92MHA9nhYo0&w=420&h=345%5D

shesaidwut
shesaidwut
10 years ago

Holy…they just keep getting crazier and crazier. This is unreal. It’s like that time I studied Creationists (yes, Creationists, not Creationism) only–brace yourselves–way crazier.

I would say something more articulate, but I just finished my current novel, and after 9,300 words today I’m feeling pretty braindead.

Ray Percival
10 years ago

Ahhh. He seems to be a catholic fundie. He also asserts that rape is a property crime. Charming charming man.

Coryat
Coryat
10 years ago

“Deeper than that, feminism regards men in the same way that the Nazis regarded Jews – men are Untermensch and cannot be granted the same rights and privileges that women are.”

“Women have no business being lawyers, judges, educators, doctors, bureaucrats, writers, or religious leaders.”

Does not compute. Brain imploding. Error.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
10 years ago

Kendra, Gaston is so right. Look what kind of shit educating women leads to:

blitzgal
10 years ago

Ray, that’s because these are people who view sex solely as a transaction of goods; something that women “sell” to men in one way or another, whether it be through material or social gain. This of course presumes that women do not enjoy sex for the sake of having it, and also that women are not people but bodies to be bought and sold. As you say, it’s all very charming.

BlackBloc
BlackBloc
10 years ago

>>The name is probably a reference to Alcuin of York, a medieval theologian.

As opposed to this Alcuin, who is a medieval blogger.

darksidecat
10 years ago

“cannot be granted the same rights and privileges that women are.” Ah, the rampant hypocrisy, so obvious.

Joanna
10 years ago

Maybe Alcuin needs a cuddle…

KathleenB
KathleenB
10 years ago

Holy crap, every time I think the stupid has peaked… They invent better (?) stupid.

KathleenB
KathleenB
10 years ago

JOanna: I’m sure as fuck not volunteering!

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

@darksidecat:

It is worse than you think.

“As long as women run things, men will continue to be sidelined and slandered”

“Women should stay at home.”

“Women have no business being lawyers, judges, educators, doctors, bureaucrats, writers, or religious leaders. Their attempted leadership in these areas, an illegitimate coup d’etat, is destroying our society.”

Sounds like sidelining and slander to me… Oh wait, is this a man talking about woman? Lessee.. I guess that’s just stating facts.

Joanna
10 years ago

And all that stuff about women being the downfall of society? Yeesh, what a drama queen.

ozymandias42
10 years ago

My mom’s working and my dad isn’t. The happy monogamous marriage that raised two functional well-adjusted kids IS SINGLE-HANDEDLY DESTROYING SOCIETY!

Of course, if it were the other way, my dad would be a mangina paying my mom’s bills.

Captain Bathrobe
Captain Bathrobe
10 years ago

Gays like to help women so they can say “uh uh, girlfriend” and other charming if stereotypical remarks.

Oh, wait, that’s just TV and movies. Never mind.

KathleenB
KathleenB
10 years ago

Captain: Don’t forget ‘oh SNAP!’ and jazzhands! Oh, oh, and feather boas. And a blaster – wait, never mind, that’s Jack Harkness.

KathleenB
KathleenB
10 years ago

And everyone knows that Captain Jack’s not so much gay or straight as ‘yes, please’ when it comes to sex…

blitzgal
10 years ago

You guys crack me up.

KathleenB
KathleenB
10 years ago

Ozy: Heads they win, tails you lose.

Moewicus
Moewicus
10 years ago

Ahhh. He seems to be a catholic fundie. He also asserts that rape is a property crime. Charming charming man.

That’s how it’s treated in the Bible. So, you know, it’s a good way to look at the modern world because god is timeless. Lean not on your own understanding, etc..

filetofswedishfish
10 years ago

Kendra- I was thinking earlier today. AND THEREIN LIES OUR PROBLEM.

Captain Bathrobe
Captain Bathrobe
10 years ago

And “fabulous!” Don’t forget that one. In TV land, every hip, modern woman has a coterie of gay friends who exist only to prop her up emotionally, give her fashion advice, and deliver down-to-earth but sassy wisdom about men and relationships. Sex and the City was really a documentary, doncha know?

Need to know
10 years ago

Nicely spotted, David! That is a very fine example of the Lesser Pontificating Prat in his natural element. I know most of us already have the Prat on our lifetime list but this one is doing such a wonderful display of all the classic behaviors it’s very educational.

Look- chest-puffing, calls of societal collapse if he doesn’t get his way and, wait for it… YES! the invocation of his personal interpretation of God’s will as a reason to deny rights to half of humanity! Classic, I’m telling you.

chocomintlipwax
10 years ago

I get tired of the “WOMEN ARE RUNNING OUR COLLEGES!!” thing. It’s not the fault of women that we apply for and graduate from college in greater numbers than men. It’s not like a school setting naturally favors women or we’re all fucking the professors. By and large, we try harder.

Research has shown that women get better grades, study harder, party less and take advantage of more opportunities than men. Many male college students report being less concerned about good grades and more uncertain abut future career plans than their female peers.

The question we need to be asking is why the guys don’t care. Not how we can hold women back. Are they overwhelmed by the sudden independence? Are they feeling pushed into “traditionally male” fields they aren’t any good at? Instead of blaming women (who have nothing to do with it aside from being the ones who apply to go to the schools), someone needs to figure out what makes men so apathetic.

Moewicus
Moewicus
10 years ago

It’s not like a school setting naturally favors women or we’re all fucking the professors. By and large, we try harder.

Given the obsession with the myth of hypergamy, MRA types probably think the female students are mostly just riding the Professor Cock Carousel.

I just wanted to write that phrase.

blitzgal
10 years ago

Chocomintlipwax, I’m convinced that our culture’s trend toward anti-intellectualism has something to do with it. People who are intelligent, well read, and who speak well are seen as “elitist,” probably “liberal,” and certainly not at all “manly.” In short, culturally we seem to believe that doing well in school is “gay.”

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Chocomintlipwax, it is like the argument over the public sector pay-why are you demanding they get lower wages because the private sector has lower wages? Why not improve the private sector wage?

Pecunium
10 years ago

Beth:… But… But… but… think of the INVESTORS. If they don’t get an extra .02 per share the economy will collapse!

Paying a better wage, increasing the tax base, expanding the consumer pool… those are nothing to the growth engince of dividends.

Sheesh.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Oddly enough though the investors clamor for higher taxes. Mainly because, despite the accepted wisdom of higher taxes slowing or stopping growth, it tends to make the economy grow.

Several reasons for this:
More tax revenue means more investments into infrastructure and scientific study.
More, or better, infrastructure and/or scientific study means smoother commerce and more innovations to make money of off.
Depending on how you tax, you can encourage a business to spend more on their employees wages/benefits because it is cheaper then paying taxes (if you tax profit at 90% over a certain amount, encourages the business to not have that much profit by spending more on expenses. Frequently the biggest expense is labor so it would be the easiest to expand.)
More money in workers’ pockets means that they both pay more in taxes and they spend more which means companies need to make more.

I know this is basic stuff but even the investor class gets this. (Well some of them do which is why they have the brains to dump all their money into endowments.)

Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel
Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel
10 years ago

> MRA types probably think the female students are mostly just riding the Professor Cock Carousel.

… and, I have a new username.

Brandon
Brandon
10 years ago

The myth of hypergamy…BWWWAAAA

shaenon
10 years ago

As a lapsed Catholic girl, I have to say Catholic fundies are the worst fundies of all. Sure, Protestant fundies want you to wear hideous prairie dresses and beat your 30 children (fifteen biological, fifteen mail-ordered from countries with questionably lax adoption laws) with a PVP pipe, but Catholic fundies would just wall you up in an abbey and be done with you if they had half a chance.

One year I got CCD (the Catholic equivalent of Sunday school, except it’s 500 years old and on Friday night) with a husband-wife team of fundamentalist Catholic converts, and it was the scariest thing that happened to me as a kid. They gave long chastity and anti-abortion lectures, told us they had personally summoned demons with a Ouija board, brought in a creepy-ass monk who claimed to be a former Satanic priest, and once screamed at me until I ran out of the classroom because they caught me doodling space aliens on my worksheet and thought I was doing “Satanic drawings.” I ran across the parking lot and hid in the church until one of the priests found me.

Plus, Ross Douthat. I rest my case.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
10 years ago

shaenon, yikes, that was terrible what you went through. I had some doozy experiences at fundy Protestant churches when I was a girl. A youth minister scolded me at church camp for wearing a sleeveless dress during a church camp. (A woman’s shoulders make men “stumble”.) Before a regular church service, he also scolded me for wearing a peace sign necklace, because “it’s a broken cross”. When other people would crawl on the floor and weep, I would sit quietly and be uncomfortable. The preacher told me it was the devil keeping me from getting “full of the spirit”. I thought he was full of something, all right.

During prayer meetings, everyone else would yell and jump around, and I always felt weird. When I prayed, I just felt like I was talking to myself, although I wouldn’t admit that to anyone. We also got long lectures about chastity, abortion, alcohol, rock music, and Beavis and Butthead. I fled the church when I was in high school, but didn’t escape fundy education, because our public school had abstinence only education taught by an extreme fundy. Anyway, I very much related to your story. It is scary to be the odd ball out in a fundy church.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
10 years ago

FiletofSwedishBoyfriend

Apropos of nothing, I would definitely order this if I saw it on a menu. Om nom.

blitzgal
10 years ago

“The myth of hypergamy…BWWWAAAA”

Except for the fact that, you know, there are actual reports confirming that women today are more educated and in a significant number of households earn more money than their husbands. There’s actual numbers and statistics, as opposed to your personal preconceived notions about humanity. And this trend has only been rising since the 70’s. Thank a feminist.

Evidence is mounting that hypergamy is a byproduct of the very culture that you MRAs pine for….that is, the very culture that Alcuin is wishing for above. The more egalitarian a society is, the better educated and better compensated women are. They can earn their own money and they are not required to find a mate who can provide for them.

http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1466/economics-marriage-rise-of-wives

Brandon
Brandon
10 years ago

@blitzgal: Hypergamy isn’t just about income. It is about social status as well.

Captain Bathrobe
Captain Bathrobe
10 years ago

@Elizabeth,

More tax revenue means more investments into infrastructure and scientific study.
More, or better, infrastructure and/or scientific study means smoother commerce and more innovations to make money of off.

Yes, but lower taxes provide a much needed boost to the vital prostitution, whiskey, and cocaine industries.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

*smacks forehead* I forgot!

shaenon
10 years ago

shaenon, yikes, that was terrible what you went through.

Well, it was just one year. Every other year of CCD was fine. Unfortunately, this was the year of my confirmation, so I had to go to the classes to get confirmed.

The scary CCD teachers gave us the “a peace sign is a broken cross” thing too! And how hippies ruined Christianity in the Sixties by making it fun and stuff.

KathleenB
KathleenB
10 years ago

shaenon: Man, my CCD was nothing like yours! Mine was… boring. And… yeah, boring pretty much describes it. I left the Church at 13, though – maybe it got scarier for confirmation? I remember the pressure of first confession, though. What a thing to do to an eight or nine year old – you must have done something worth confessing*! I was really a staid little girl, though. Wracking my brain to think of what I did the week before was just terrifying.

*and Father Hall never gave me five Hello Dollys! must not have been original enough.

KathleenB
KathleenB
10 years ago

Almost forgot about this!

filetofswedishfish
10 years ago

“Apropos of nothing, I would definitely order this if I saw it on a menu. Om nom.”

Well, I think he’s pretty yummy, myself.So, you can’t be blamed, really.

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