This text-as-image comment, posted to Reddit, has 468 net upvotes the last I checked. (Here’s the original post it’s responding to.)
Truly, the most heart-wrenching thing about rape is that those courageous souls who make jokes about it are sometimes made to feel a little bad about it on the internet.
Is that what these guys said in defense of the women laughing about castration?
Rape jokes can be funny.
…and also hurtful, triggering, trivializing, and generally dickish.
I don’t think the funny counteracts that. “Funny’s” fun and all but it isn’t life’s highest priority.
(There’s also an element here of just a total lack of empathy–“I’m laughing and I’ve never been raped and am part of a group that generally does not fear rape, why aren’t you laughing?”)
“Saying something isn’t funny is the opinion of a single, hurt individual.”
What a nice adhom.
The thing is that if people find rape jokes to be funny, there is a problem.
Won’t someone think of the poor rape-joke tellers? … Truly, the most heart-wrenching thing about rape is that those courageous souls who make jokes about it are sometimes made to feel a little bad about it on the internet.
Maybe I’m just poor at reading comprehension, but I don’t see that being said, or even implied, anywhere in the original piece. They merely say, and I agree, that it’d be a dick move to start policing humor that’s even the least bit controversial for fear of someone, somewhere, getting offended.
Although I have noticed quite often among feminists (along with some other groups, like for ex. fundamentalist religious types) that, while readily mocking and laughing at others, they have absolutely no ability to laugh at themselves. So maybe that has something to do with your attitude.
I am fully capable of laughing at myself! Actually, I make fun of feminists a lot. I’m just not capable of laughing at rape survivors.
They merely say, and I agree, that it’d be a dick move to start policing humor that’s even the least bit controversial for fear of someone, somewhere, getting offended.
Do you not think it’s a dick move to repeatedly tell jokes that people say are hurtful too them, and may make them relive something that’s happened to them in the past? Nice priorities you have there.
Oh yes, Johnny B, that’s almost certainly the problem with my attitude! Oh, what the hell, why not let down my hair and LOL about my own rape. What am I — a stick in the mud? It was hilarious! Let’s see, there was the part where I started crying, and my friend’s cousin held me down so my friend could take my clothes off. Classic! Ha ha ha. Well, you probably had to be there. There was the part where I don’t trust people to this day, and still have a hard time enjoying sex — or, ooh ooh, wait for it! — the part where I was kind of abandoned by most of my friends for a while because they didn’t know what to say to me because all I would do is sit in my room and cry and smoke pot, and I almost failed out of school. What a laff-riot! I should get Judd Apatow on this. Do I smell a summer blockbuster staring Seth Rogan? I think so!
Oh, by the way — TOTALLY glad that the original poster “isn’t one to speak up much” (about rape being bad and stuff, I guess), but feels compelled to about the Big Stuff, like people’s rights to tell shitty jokes that make people feel crappy. People are wonderful.
Although I have noticed quite often among feminists (along with some other groups, like for ex. fundamentalist religious types) that, while readily mocking and laughing at others, they have absolutely no ability to laugh at themselves.
Although I’m able to laugh at myself, I don’t think this is a requirement.
Usually it’s said by someone who isn’t laughing at themself, they’re laughing at me, and think that I ought to be laughing along so they don’t feel bad or anything.
For people saying “toughen up, feminists are so sensitive,” y’all have a really tender hide if your feelings are hurt by the fact that someone doesn’t like your joke. Can’t imagine how poorly you’d deal if something really bad happened to you. Why, you’d probably get upset any time someone even reminded you of it!
For people saying “toughen up, feminists are so sensitive,” y’all have a really tender hide if your feelings are hurt by the fact that someone doesn’t like your joke.
The moment I see someone saying “the fact that you didn’t laugh at my joke really hurt my feelings”, I’ll agree with you. So far, the only ones making that (unsubstantiated) “poor rape-joke tellers” claim are David Futrelle and the commenters here.
Of course, there’s also the matter of knowing your audience. Telling certain jokes around someone who you know has been through a traumatic experience (like Bee, sorry to hear about that, that’s a really crappy thing to happen to anyone, were they prosecuted?) is a dick move too.
“(like Bee, sorry to hear about that, that’s a really crappy thing to happen to anyone, were they prosecuted?)”
Thanks, Johnny B. I appreciate it. Sorry for the outburst. I just got back from a rape call at the hospital, and am drinking wine. I am utterly spent, and rape is not a funny subject for me right now.
They weren’t prosecuted. I didn’t want to go through the exam or talk to the cops at the time.
Please don’t apologize for your outburst, Bee. It was wholly appropriate.
“Of course, there’s also the matter of knowing your audience. Telling certain jokes around someone who you know has been through a traumatic experience (like Bee, sorry to hear about that, that’s a really crappy thing to happen to anyone, were they prosecuted?) is a dick move too.”
The problem isn’t “OMG, feminists want to keep anyone from saying the word rape, ever!!!” It’s that *hardly anyone ever asks*.
Once when I was at dinner with friends, someone started telling jokes about beating prostitutes and rape. Since my mom has been a victim of attempted rape and my best friend has been raped twice, I was made deeply, deeply uncomfortable. I’d known these people for months, but bringing up the fact that my friends and family had been the victims of abuse wasn’t something I felt comfortable disclosing yet. No one asked me beforehand, and I felt like I trusted them all a little bit less afterwards.
“Asking someone first” is much harder to do on the Internet, where keywords and clicks can bring you to discussions about rape without warning. That’s what trigger warnings are for.
Jesus, Johnny_b, does it matter if they were prosecuted? Why even ask?
I’m sorry you went through that, Bee.
The moment I see someone saying “the fact that you didn’t laugh at my joke really hurt my feelings”, I’ll agree with you. So far, the only ones making that (unsubstantiated) “poor rape-joke tellers” claim are David Futrelle and the commenters here.
Well, why else would these guys care? If they have a thick skin and can toughen up and let it roll off their backs because they have a sense of humor… why does it bother them that people are offended?
“The problem isn’t “OMG, feminists want to keep anyone from saying the word rape, ever!!!” It’s that *hardly anyone ever asks*.”
Yes! And … there are just so many people who have been through a traumatic experience! If not rape, then sexual assault. Or threats of either rape or SA. Or abuse. Or they’re close to someone who’s been through one of these things, or have a job where they have to deal with it all the time.
I just kind of (try to) assume these days that the people I meet have been through awful, triggering stuff. A lot of the time I’m right. If not, well, it’s a happy surprise.
(Thanks, hellkell, MzDarwin.)
“Telling certain jokes around someone who you know has been through a traumatic experience…is a dick move too.”
But you often do not know who has been through that traumatic experience. We didn’t know what happened to Bee until she told us. And that as I see it is the problem with jokes about rape. Rape survivors don’t walk around with flashing neon signs; they are your friends, your cousins, that girl who sits next to you in Algebra. You have absolutely no idea whose nightmares you are triggering and whose trauma you are making light of.
“Well, why else would these guys care? If they have a thick skin and can toughen up and let it roll off their backs because they have a sense of humor… why does it bother them that people are offended?’
Because it isn’t faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair!
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to change the bulb, one to blame the patriarchy, and two to argue about whether “lightbulb” is a pejorative term that has historically been used to oppress illumination devices everywhere.
(Not very funny, but it could be–unlike a rape joke.)
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, and that’s not funny. :p
I don’t know if anyone here is familiar with Powerup Comics. My contribution to that was a three strip arc in reference to feminist gamers. I had fun stepping in the shoes of fratboy gamers. If only I could find it again!…
One thing I really like about MRAs and MGTOWs is their ability to laugh at themselves. Their wonderful sense of humour and their sparkling wit are the first things I noticed about them.
Wisteria, I think my sarcasm detector just went off the charts.
Like so many things, this reminds me of an old Peanuts strip. Lucy has gotten it into her head to be a cartoonist. She brings a drawing to Linus and says, “I’ve drawn a comic strip. Look at it, and laugh!”
Linus looks at it and chuckles weakly. Lucy gets mad and yells, “Laugh harder!” He laughs harder.
The last panel is Lucy walking away in satisfaction, saying, “That’s the trouble with cartoonists today. They don’t make people laugh!”
I believe that you can say anything you like but you can’t control how people react to what you have said. If you think rape jokes are hilarious then some of us are going to think that you’re a douchebag. It reminds me of white guys who whine that they can’t say n*****. And what Hippodameia said.
I like humor that pushes the envelope, but I have limits and I use common sense. I think before I speak, “Would this joke potentially make someone feel like crap?” If the answer is either yes or maybe, I bite my tongue. People have the freedom of speech to say offensive things and hurt other people’s feelings, but everyone else has the freedom to call them assholes.
The Westboro Baptist Church thinks it’s funny to make fun of the people that died in the Joplin tornado. They have the freedom to hold up picket signs saying “Thank God for 150 dead” or “God Hates Missouri”. The people that survived the tornado, like me, feel a lot of anger and grief when we see that crap, and they find our misery to be hilarious. I look at the people who make rape jokes in exactly the same way. They are taking a traumatic experience of other people, and taking perverse pleasure in it. They are no better than Fred Phelps.