Today, in episode two of Man Boobz Super Fun Time Video Party, we present a brief monologue which we’ve entitled “Take the Stairs,” which was originally posted on Reddit’s Men’s Rights subreddit. It provides crucial information for men who don’t wish to face false accusations from some office floozy.
The full text of the original posting is below, for those who for some reason don’t appreciate little cartoon animals and/or text-to-speech.
Here’s the original posting:
I avoid interacting with the few female coworkers I have more than what is absolutely required. You never know when you’ll be accused of sexual harassment or even rape. It happens everywhere and I think if you don’t take your precautions it’s only a matter of a short amount of time before it happens to you. Whenever I get involved in a hiring situation I will most likely pick a man over a woman. While a woman may very well be the best candidate that doesn’t count for much when she’s disruptive as everyone has to tip-toe around her.
I used to take the elevator at work, but now I always take the stairs. That’s just a precaution I take against women who could potentially use the situation to make false accusations (you know like ripping her shirt open and running out of the elevator crying in front of a lot of witnesses and then start accusing me of attempting rape). That’s just one of the many things I’ve ended up doing in order to stay safe. All these safety measures add up and I’ve never been falsely accused of anything because they’ve just never had the opportunity to make an accusation that could stick. I’m sure a feminist will come along one day who will just completely pull something out of her ass despite of me having an alibi or witnesses, but that will be easily dismissed I’d hope.
Since a woman’s word trumps a man’s word whenever he doesn’t have an alibi a man just has to be very cautious. Don’t let a woman be around you on her own; better safe than sorry.
Even the Men’s Rights Redditors considered this a tad paranoid.
EDITED TO ADD: Props to this thread on Something Awful, which led me to the Reddit posting.
Ami: Next they’ll be offering false rape accusation defense classes. Learn how to throw your false accuser to the ground! And how to look a woman with a pony tail and a long purse strap in the eye and escape her devious false-rape-accusing clutches!
Also:
“Don’t park in car parking lots after dark, since false rape accusers commonly hide in there and wait for their victims.”
“Don’t drive a van. Many women like to commit false rape accusations in vans.”
“Stand with both feet on the ground, so you are balanced and a car can’t drive by and grab you into it and then accuse you of raping the woman inside.”
“Hang up immediately on obscene phone calls.”
All the tips can be applied the same and they’re just as effective! XD
“If you come home and think a false accuser may have been inside (or may still be there) do not enter. Go to a neighbor’s house and call the police. But don’t be surprised if they falsely accuse you, too.”
“If you go on vacation, don’t leave a note saying where you’re going on false accusers will follow you and accuse you of rape!”
“Always keep your windows rolled up at intersections to prevent a woman from shoving her breasts in your face and claiming you tried to rape her.!”
“Do not pick up hitchhikers. Even if they appear nice, they could falsely accuse you of raping them.”
“Avoid strangers, and stay in well-lit areas after dark. If you step into the shadows, someone could accuse you of rape, and no one else would even know.”
“Never travel to foreign countries unaccompanied. Not every country is as right-minded as the U.S./Canada/wherever when it comes to false rape accusations. In fact, in some areas of the world, you could face charges for being the victim of this crime.”
“Do not sleep with your windows open. A woman could crawl into your bedroom at night and accuse you of rape.”
“Keep a cell phone, mace, and five dollars on hand at all times. If you get into an emergency situation, you should be able to take care of yourself rather than having to rely on someone who turns out to be a false rape accuser.”
“Do not listen to music, read, or write in public. A false rape accuser will be looking for someone who isn’t paying attention, and they could sneak up behind you and accuse you of rape before you even know they’re there.”
“Dress Modestly. You don’t want to attract the attention of a false rape accuser. In fact, poor hygiene may be your friend. If anyone compares you favorably to Brad Pitt, immediately stop brushing your teeth.”
“Never leave your dinner alone. If you do, consider it dangerous and order another. Also, false rape accusers have also been known to use tofu or salads in an effort to emasculate you, making it easier for the police to arrest you.”
“Always have a trusted female friend walk you to your car. False rape accusers will mistake her for another false rape accuser and leave you alone.”
I’m just super-bummed they’re on to us. That we all sit around thinking of ways to falsely accuse men of rape and harassment was supposed to remain a SECRET.
Now what will we do? Everybody meet at my house for the Super Secret Evil Feminist Man Entrapment Plan seminar. And brownies. Phase 2 begins soon!
Even though these guys are obsessed by false rape accusations, they harass women and female bloggers. As an example, a woman has a Youtube channel and she gives advice to MRAs and TFL (true forced loneliness) guys. She says that MRAs are TFL guys with a bachelor degree. She gave an advice to a TFL guy and he started to harass her. Fed up, she answered him :
“Avoid using public toilets and never, ever take a shit. A false accuser could burst in, accuse you of rape, and be back with the cops before you can get your pants back up.”
Never ride on public transportation unaccompanied, it’s too easy to become the target of a false accusation on a bus or train. If you must take public transportation, make sure to sit as close to the driver or engineer as possible, and try to get an entire row of seats to yourself (a ‘sphere of safety’).
Be wary when going to the mall or other large shopping centers. Make sure to avoid stores with few or no customers, especially if you suspect the clerks or cashiers might falsely accuse you.
Do not attend parties or night clubs, especially if you have heard rumors of false accusers attending. If you accidentally find yourself at a party or night club, do not drink or do drugs. It’s too easy for a false accuser to take advantage of you. Make sure you leave early, and take a taxi home so there is a witness.
If you attend conventions, make sure you stay only in well-lit and populated areas. Do not take elevators, because it is too easy to be falsely accused in an elevator. And do not take the stairs, either, since stairwells are notorious for being hotspots of false accusations. Since hotel hallways are filled with potential false accusers, always make sure a bellhop escorts you to and from your hotel room.
Never, ever go on a date. Even a three hour date at a coffee store presents far too many opportunities for a false accuser to take advantage of.
Refuse to communicate in person or over the phone – insist that all communication with you be done through e-mail or text messaging. If you have a private conversation even once, that could be one time too many if you were talking to a false accuser.
“Always have a trusted female friend walk you to your car. False rape accusers will mistake her for another false rape accuser and leave you alone.”
XDDD
You win this time gadget!
You know, for ppl like the OP who are scared of this… us women can actually give them great advice (like all of the above) cuz we’ve been hearing it about rape all our lives xD So we can help them! 😀
@Johnny Pez
“Most of my co-workers are women, and yet somehow I’ve never had one accuse me of rape or harrassment or anything.”
Cha-ching, the strawman cometh with the first comment. It never happened to Johny therefore it never happens.
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@Holly Pervocracy
“Can’t he narrow it down to women who would have some sort of reason to falsely accuse him of rape?”
“So if a woman’s only apparent motive for making a false accusation would be “shits and giggles,” I think you’re pretty safe with her.”
I believe according to police reports the number #1 reason is an excuse, (pregnant, girl is caught cheating), #2 is revenge, (boy is caught cheating) #3 is attentiion getting, (sympathy). And whats the worse that could happen? Beaten to death by men the woman instigates to defend her, lost job, living on the fringes of society. It’s all theoretical anyway since false accusations never happen.
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@Amanda Marcotte
“There might be an alternate explanation other than “women are laying in wait to falsely accuse this guy” if a man routinely has women running from him in tears with her clothes ripped.”
Happens all the time. It’s just part of a daily routine for some men.
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@Victoria von Syrus
“I think what Caseymordred is trying to say is that men don’t have the right to bitch about Schrodinger’s Rapist if they act like they don’t know if they might rape or not.”
Hmmm, decisions, decisions, to rape or not to rape that is the question. Most men usually resolve this sticky wicket of a dillema while taking their morning dump.
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The rest is more of the same along with the standard drivel or mockery and nonsense. Although I’d like to give a personal shout out to Holly Pervocracy for her inspirational evaluation of what to expect when falsely accused @July 27, 2011 at 2:27 pm. Why it sounds like little more than a parking ticket.
Better safe than sorry, I guess!
When there are no more women infesting workplaces outside the home, and the damned female troublemakers and lawsuit-wolves are strictly SEGREGATED as to both location and occupation in the workplaces remaining, this problem–along with most of the others in our “economy”–will disappear, but I am not holding my breath.
A word to the wise…
PEACE AND FREEDOM!!
David K, Meller
Infesting eh? So someone is cranky at being told to go get the coffee instead of being able to order the generally sole woman in the meeting to do it.
That doesn’t sound v free to me o_O
Whose freedom are you advocating for DKM? xD
He’s advocating for the MEN to be free of WOMEN!!!11!
PEACE AND FREEDOM!
Molly “The Hammerin’ Hippo” Ren
@DKM:
XD Soooo… If only females weren’t allowed to work outside the home again, like in the good old days. Then we wouldn’t be having any of these darned feminist issues.
… …
Maybe then we can get to the real issue of those darned black people trying to vote. I’m sure they won’t start a movement to be recognized as people…
So PEACE AND FREEDOM!! is the solution to EVENTUAL ECONOMIC STAGNATION!!!!!! ?
I’m having so much trouble keeping all of the exclamation points straight >.<
Ooh, let me help!
Avoid women with short skirts or low tops. They could rip them off really quickly while falsely accusing you of rape.
Don’t wear your hair long. False rape accusers could grab you by it to make sure you can’t run away from their false accusations of rape.
Never go walking after dark without a large dog to deter false rape accusers.
Carry a false rape accusation whistle, to alert people when you are being falsely accused of rape.
Don’t give your name or location to anyone online. False rape accusers will track you down and falsely accuse you of rape.
Happens all the time. It’s just part of a daily routine for some men.
Like you? :3
Ami – your dogs/car one totally inspired me for the car one.
Guys take the “walk a woman to her car” thing to ridiculous levels. I’d park right in front of wherever we were, and they still wanted to walk me to my car. I’d say, “Dude, I’m right there, right in front. Oh, wait, that’s right, you can’t see my car from here with all of those people sitting there on the benches.” At that point, I knew it was more about hitting on me than about my safety. Because if I’m not receptive to you hitting on me right now, well, that 30 seconds to the car IS going to magically change things or something.
Oh wow, did you guys catch NWO’s comment?
“@Amanda Marcotte
“There might be an alternate explanation other than “women are laying in wait to falsely accuse this guy” if a man routinely has women running from him in tears with her clothes ripped.”
Happens all the time. It’s just part of a daily routine for some men.”
Happens all the time. It’s just part of a daily routine for some men
I think Amanda Marcotte’s point was that if women are routinely running away from you in tears and with ripped clothing… the problem might not be with the women and it might be time to re-evaluate some of your life choices.