The Man Boobz Summer Video Fest continues with this contribution from some dude named Steve entitled “Women and Skidmarks.” More specifically, Steve explains why he thinks women are a bunch of hypocrites for criticizing men who have skidmarks on their underpants. He clearly feels quite passionate about this grave injustice.
EDITED TO ADD: Bee has provided a helpful transcript of Steve’s remarks. But really, it wouldn’t kill you to click it. It’s really more amusing to see a guy say all this with a straight face.
Here’s the transcript:
Perfection issue that women have with guys. And I see this more with women than anybody else. Women are so obsessed, like, with finding the quote perfect guy, as if like they’re perfect themselves? You know, I was thinking about this. What are the statistical odds of women not having skidmarks on their underwear? It’s like, maybe a 0.01 percent chance. You know, I was watching this episode this one time of “Sex and the City.” And, I think it was the redheaded girl, Amanda, maybe, her name was? The redheaded girl on the show, her boyfriend Steve had skidmarks on his underwear and she found them, and she’s like EWWW. You know? And of course she doesn’t have skidmarks on her underwear, and she can do no wrong, right? And that’s the kind of thing that we’ve been so conditioned with, us men have to somehow be so perfect, and we don’t meet up to your expectations, but somehow we have to put up with all the women’s bullshit. And it’s really irritating to me how you, how women — how guys have just come to accept this fact.
Amanda is definitely my favorite character on Sex and the City. Well, her and Tinky Winky. And Tiffany. And of course Mr. Roper.
And I thought the skid marks guy was crazy.
What is it with Americans and their inability to clean their own ass? Is it because they’re afraid that wiping their anus is too gay or something? Good ol’ American homophobia? Or do Americans not know enough hygiene? Or what? What’s the deal?
O my god! These are great! These videos seriously beat anything on TV. *eats another Jaffa Cake*
For those who don’t want to devote about fifteen minutes of their lives to these clips:
Dwayne: I’m so alone. And so angry. I don’t have a girlfriend, and I am angry about that, and no matter what I do, I have not succeeded in acquiring a girlfriend, and I am angry about that. This is True Forced Loneliness, and it’s horrible and I’m so angry. It’s forced, because there is nothing at all I have tried that has succeeded in getting me any amount of sex. Which makes me angry. PUAs tell men to paint their nails and stuff to get women, which is just so wrong that it makes me angry. In conclusion, don’t change yourself for a woman, guys.
Now, I’m just going to leave you some choice quotes from Bill here, and you can all independently decide if he’s aNyone We knOw.
“If women wasn’t doing this, and they wasn’t so damn picky, and any guy could go out and get a woman, you wouldn’t have people like David DeAngelo, you wouldn’t have all the hundreds of dating sites you have.”
“Do you think sixty years ago they had dating sites? […] Why didn’t they need dating sites? Because it wasn’t a problem then. Because our government had just started working on the plans they were working on then. Why is it such a problem now? Because our government started New World Order years ago.”
“I could brainwash this country so quick its head would fall off. Because that’s how easy it is.”
“Women really do believe they are smarter than a man.”
“My video that I made on women’s and men’s rights, I was straight across the border. Equal rights for both. […] I didn’t discriminate a bit. And I got slaughtered by women. I had a woman call me an asshole. […] I’ll tell you why she did that. Because she’s a feminist. And women don’t want men having the same power as them.”
“They can choose and pick and leave hundreds of guys to die alone and not give a flying fuck […] And then you can’t figure out why the rape is so high, you can’t figure out why the murder rate is so high […] Come on, it’s common sense. […] You know why that stuff’s so high? Thanks to our government, this New World Order, and thanks to women. Women. They don’t have hearts. Their hearts are black and cold from the propaganda.”
That does sound familiar.
From the second video above:
“Do you think they had dating sites 60 years ago? … They didn’t need dating sites 60 years ago.”
Correction… they didn’t have the internet 60 years ago, Bill.
Maybe the solution to the Gender Wars is brown underpants.
They did have matchmakers, though!
“They leave men to die alone…” Yeah. Because, you know, we women should certainly make sure that no man is ever lonely. How dare we heartless harpies not go out of our way to make sure every man feels like a king?! That’s why we’re here, isn’t it?
Also… This Bill guy reminds me of Dale Gribble from King of the Hill….
They can choose and pick
Women always be *deciding* who they’re going to sleep with, am I right, fellas?
I’m not sure what the alternate plan is, but I have some proposals!
1. The government assigns each 18-year-old girl to an 18-year old boy, by random lottery.
2. When a man encounters an unmarried woman in public, he has the incontrovertible right to take her as his own.
3. A charity organization is formed to which single men can apply, and are issued a woman (all single women are required to register) upon approval of application.
Um… how else could this be done?
@ Holly:
We could always revert to the arranged marriage way of doing things, where you were just kind of stuck with whoever your parents picked for you.
This reminds me of the time my brother tried to deflect criticism (of his not fetching me some pantiliners from the other bathroom downstairs when I needed them, on account of girl things being ew gross) by saying, “It’s not my fault you guys shit yourselves.”
Which resulted in my mom and I looking at each other and me saying, “YOU explain to him what those are for …”
I don’t get how you can watch TV and see umpteen ads about “feeling fresh” and assume that means you’re pooping yourself a bit.
Of course, pooping yourself a bit happens. You get the “uh oh” feeling and run to the bathroom, or feel icky and fart but it’s not really a fart. In those cases, you know what I generally do? I throw the underwear out. Depends on how much there is or what color the underwear is, but generally? Out. I also bled like a stuck pig on my period, so I wound up sacrificing more than a few pairs to the Moon Goddess (fuck her, srsly). And if you have a lot of trouble with that kind of staining stuff … BUY BLACK UNDERWEAR. It helps.
But don’t expect other people to touch your shitty undies. Seriously. Most women who bleed into their underthings go to wash them ASAP if they can be salvaged. I have a feeling that these skid-dudes are just leaving things to crust over. Who wants to touch that?? Gross. Just wipe your ass! I currently live in a share house with a lot of guys (and like, one other woman) and we all have to use our own toilet paper. I’ve never seen any of the guys bring TP with them to the bathroom. Ever. I can only imagine … x__x;; UNIMAGINE. UNIMAGINE.
Holly: The second guy admits that some men are “lucky” and have a relationship… but they are apparently quite rare.
On the other hand he must be really noble, or a martyr, or something, because he could brainwash the country in no time at all. Why he doesn’t, and so counteract the New World Order thus bringing an end to his forced loneliness is left as an exercise for the reader.
Holly: One way to solve the lonely guy problem would be to eliminate men.
Abuse and denial of aides with people with disabilities should not be in this discussion. It has nothing to do with the issue.
Moving on to on topic discussion about skidmarks, Marc, I sympathize with you if your sister was the skidmarker. My brother was the one in my family. My mother responded much like the guy in the OP, by exempting him from basic hygeine as a male (hence his filthy grossness in his early years). My father made up a cruel nickname and called him “shitstain” for years (jewels, both of my parents, eh?). People of all genders should be taught to deal with their own shit.
I just have that scene from Big Daddy with Adam Sandler in it where the kid is yelling “I wipe my own ass!” stuck in my head. Some people apparantly never get to that level of mad skills.
I currently live in a share house with a lot of guys (and like, one other woman) and we all have to use our own toilet paper. I’ve never seen any of the guys bring TP with them to the bathroom.
my roommates and i hang out most weekends at was is, essentially, a flop house. for the longest time, any girls who went over there had to remember to bring their own toilet paper, because there wasn’t any in the house. i was always like, fucking really, how do you not have toilet paper, at all?
Maybe the equal rights amendment would have passed if there was something about blow jobs in there.
I keep wondering how far the feminist movement would’ve gotten if it really were like the MRA movement.
It’s 1852. A reporter asks Susan B. Anthony why she’s fighting for women’s suffrage. She answers, “Well, I want to marry a hot alpha like Edwin Booth, but I’m kind of horse-faced. So I’m trying to pass a law that will force a man to sexually service any woman who wants him. But not hot women. I mean, screw those alpha fucks. Also, it’d be great if I could walk around in poopy bloomers and no man would be allowed to criticize me.”
It would’ve made the Seneca Falls Convention more memorable. Especially since it was held in New York in the summer.
thanks darksidecat
@ shaenon: Remember Sojourner Truth’s timeless speech “Ain’t I Got a Right to Date Hotties?”?
“Perfection issue that women have with guys. And I see this more with women than anybody else. Women are so obsessed, like, with finding the quote perfect guy, as if like they’re perfect themselves?”
Yeah, and there totally aren’t guys who claim to only date “9s and 10s” on the Attractive People Scale (that’s APS for short, y’all).
What a hypocrite.
If feminism was like the MRM, there would of course have been no Seneca Falls Convention — just feminists writing occasional LTEs to each others’ newspapers complaining about what cads men were.
Shaenon – That’s brilliant.
And it cannot help but remind me of Gloria Steinem’s stirring manifesto “Boycott American Men,” in which she implored her followers to import submissive men from other countries–or Betty Friedan’s pivotal “The Masculine Mystique,” in which she basically ranted for 400 pages about how bad men were and didn’t actually mention women very much.
…this should be a forum thread. This is what the forum was made for. One moment…
http://manboobz.forummotion.com/t156-if-feminism-was-like-the-mrm#4227
Don’t forget Mary Wollstonecraft’s A Villification Of The Wrongs Of Men.