JayJet of Happy Bachelors has a few wise words for men who think it’s even possible to have a “friendship” with a female of the species:
The reason friendships are so tough to maintain with women is that women are conditioned to “use” you. Meaning, if they don’t see you as a romantic partner, they will consider you platonic-friend/cuddle-bitch/money-tool/emotional tampon so you can meet their needs at your expense. …
You’re better off not having friendships with women for these reasons. Your purpose for being with a female is simple: Sex. I’m sorry but anything beyond that is a road filled with pain.
But it could be worse. They could be alien females. And we all know what they do.
That’s right. They inhale your gonads. And not in a sexy way, either.
Let’s let Eddie Murphy explain, in this clip from Bowfinger (which for some reason won’t embed here properly).
Now you come to mention it, ozy, hmm. If I repeatedly cuddled a bloke of my own volition – beyond hello and goodbye hugs which I have with both sexes of close friends – it probably would be because I wanted to shag him.
(I have cried on male friends’ shoulders, in the literal sense without wanting to shag them, though. Again, I would cry on a woman’s shoulder too, or have a close friend of either sex cry on mine. Still, men’s shoulders probably have the advantage for sobbing on, what with being bigger and their shirts made of thicker, more absorbent fabric.)
I’ll cuddle nebody who’ll let me! :3 But often it makes ppl uncomfortable so I do not :3 I’m v huggy and stuff xD When I’m drunk I always end up lying on a female friends lap and kissing her thigh and telling her how much of a great friend she is apparently xD apparently it’s cute…
OK, we seem to vary in our cuddle-osity. It’s almost like we women are individuals with individual preferences!
Lies!
(and by nebody I mean of my friends obv xD )
Can we get a regender of that quote?
I’ll do it by hand, filetofswedishfish:
The reason friendships are so tough to maintain with men is that men are conditioned to “use” you. Meaning, if they don’t see you as a romantic partner, they will consider you platonic-friend/cuddle-bastard/money-cunt/emotional dryvac so you can meet their needs at your expense. …
You’re better off not having friendships with men for these reasons. Your purpose for being with a male is simple: Sex. I’m sorry but anything beyond that is a road filled with pain.
The reason friendships are so tough to maintain with men is that men are conditioned to “use” you. Meaning, if they don’t see you as a romantic partner, they will consider you platonic-friend/cuddle-bitch/money-tool/emotional tampon so you can meet their needs at your expense. …
You’re better off not having friendships with men for these reasons. Your purpose for being with a male is simple: Sex. I’m sorry but anything beyond that is a road filled with pain.
Should I regender it to be MORE reverse gendered? xD Also I always find it interesting in these regenders how often we’re referred to as “females” b/c seeing “male” is so odd…
Like if you read our comments or feminist sites there’s not a lot of “watch out for those males” or “today a male approached me” or etc xD I mean you get male as an adjective “male friend”, “male gender roles”… but it’s so animal kingdom w/ “your purpose for being with a male”
actually it sounds more alien invasion xD
The is probably the point where I mention that some of the most rewarding and honest friendships I’ve ever had have been with women. Who have never wanted anything from me.*
This should be the point where I say this but part of me feels I shouldn’t really have it all just seems so unnecessary you know?
*So I’m not painting a one sided picture here this goes for my male friends as well.
I figured out a loophole! What if, and bear with me as it is startling in its applications, you have sex FIRST then become friends. Because then you do not need to have to worry about that whole sex thingie ruining the friendship and she can go back to telling you all her problems while you daydream about the time she did that thing with her tongue.
The reason friendships are so tough to maintain with men is that men are conditioned to “use” you. Meaning, if they don’t see you as a sex partner, they will consider you platonic-friend/drinking-buddy/arm-candy/logic towel so you can meet their needs at your expense. …
You’re better off not having friendships with men for these reasons. Your purpose for being with a male is simple: $MONEY. I’m sorry but anything beyond that is a road filled with pain.
Elizabeth: Or you could be friends who have sex sometimes in general! That works too. Doing funtimes with your bits doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be in OMG TWOO WUV FOWEVA AND EVA, or that you can’t go out rollerskating and going to poetry slams together…
Exactly! Of course that also means that this guy would be all butthurt when she gets a boyfriend.
Just a word to the wise, Mr. Futrelle, the HappyBachelors forum won’t let anyone who’s not a member see the posts there and if you actually do want to join your account has to be vetted by the admins. You may want to post a screencap of the thread rather than hyperlinking to tit, since it’s pointless if following the link just takes you to a “you have to be logged in” screen.
Oh my god, all this time I’ve just been using my friends as emotional tampons. WHAT HAVE I DONE
My best friend is gay…I really don’t think he wants to have sex with me! Good cuddles tho. I suppose he doesn’t exist.
And all my other male friends who don’t fancy me…and my dad and brothers… I’m even friends with a couple guys I USED to have sex with, but no longer do!
I agree with all this stuff about having sex with friends and *staying friends*. Just this last weekend FoSB and I had a discussion about how one “can’t have opposite sex friends” I insist one can, he insists one cannot because it wills always turn into sex/cheating. He revealed he’d had sex with a number of his female friends, I told him I’d had sex with a few male friends I had, always while single. I had to explain to him that I didn’t think sexing my friends made them not my friends anymore, or changed the relationship all the much. He seemed to think so, but the FoSB really tends toward some pretty traditional views, and he’s dating me, much to his chagrin. But! My interwebz dating profile said “Feminist”. It was the first word of my personal description.
I mean, I have had guy friends who were trying to slyly get me to date them? But for the most part, once they were upfront and said “Filetofswedishfish, wanna be mah gf?” and I said “No, [reasoning]”, they said ok, accepted it, and we went right back to being friends. Granted, there were exceptions. But if they’re too immature to behave like me not dating them like they think they deserve ends their world, then I didn’t want to associate with them anyhow.
I had a certain pos tell me he wasn’t going to be my emotional tampon. I took it to mean it was too much effort for him to give a shit about me.
That’s pretty much what it means, right?
Sorry, not trying to make the thread about me or anything. Swear. But, yeah before that I’d never heard the term. It sounds so vicious and, yes, misanthropic. 🙁
Doctress, I think it’s just that girls have, like, SO MANY EMOTIONS, and like. how can this dude deal with that, you crazy bitch? /sarcasm
I think it was Charles was telling Camilla Bowles that he wanted to be a tampon and be inside her or something like that… lol
Yeah, that’s it exactly. And, this guy turned out (of course) to be a narcissist and a sociopath… he still fucks with me, actually- in some utterly insane ways. Not quite stalking, so no laws are being broken. lol
Ugh, those are the worst. I’ve never had that personally. Just people trying to convince me that, no really, I’m nuts and unreasonable for thinking/feeling the way I do. Dickbag McGee, the terrible ex, was like that. But he doesn’t talk to me anymore, except to cuss me out when I occasionally pester him for the money he owes me.
YES, EXACTLY! Had to yell that. It’s called gaslighting, I think, and this guy was a fucking pro at it.