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Female troubles

Truly, they is.

JayJet of Happy Bachelors has a few wise words for men who think it’s even possible to have a “friendship” with a female of the species:

The reason friendships are so tough to maintain with women is that women are conditioned to “use” you. Meaning, if they don’t see you as a romantic partner, they will consider you platonic-friend/cuddle-bitch/money-tool/emotional tampon so you can meet their needs at your expense. …

You’re better off not having friendships with women for these reasons. Your purpose for being with a female is simple: Sex. I’m sorry but anything beyond that is a road filled with pain.

But it could be worse. They could be alien females. And we all know what they do.

That’s right. They inhale your gonads. And not in a sexy way, either.

Let’s let Eddie Murphy explain, in this clip from Bowfinger (which for some reason won’t embed here properly).

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ithiliana
10 years ago

I a so boggled at the phrase “emotional tampon” that I am unable to process any of the rest of this dickbiscuitry.

Just, what….EMOTIONAL TAMPON!

Johnny Pez
10 years ago

EMOTIONAL TAMPON!

Wasn’t that a Rolling Stones song?

ithiliana
10 years ago

*looks over bifocals at Johnny Pez*

Johnny Pez
10 years ago

Or am I thinking of something else?

ithiliana
10 years ago

I now have Stone songs playing in my head.

It is all your fault!!!!!

Johnny Pez
10 years ago

You have students who are just like me, don’t you?

Xtra
Xtra
10 years ago

This is the type of guy that should not be friends with anyone. My best friend purchased all my maternity clothes when I was pregnant the first time. I did not ask her to; she just did it because she knew I had no money. When she needed a place to stay, she stayed with me until she got on her feet. We have talked to each other about relationship problems. If my friend was male instead of female, I’d be using them? This makes no sense at all. It seems to me a guy friend should be treated no differently than a female friend.

captainbathrobe
10 years ago

Friendship: he’s doing it rong.

captainbathrobe
10 years ago

Great. Now Mick Jagger’s falsetto will haunt my dreams.

ithiliana
10 years ago

Johnny: I wish!

ithiliana
10 years ago

CB: I quite like some of the Stones songs, esp. from their earlier years, but I cannot ever watch them perform without thinking Jagger looks exactly like a rooster on cocaine.

*shudder*

Wanders off humming “You can’t always get what you want….”

Plymouth
Plymouth
10 years ago

So, this sort of thing just makes me sad. The “men and women can’t really be friends” thing runs pretty deep in popular culture, MGTOWs are just taking it to its “logical” extreme.

I’m glad I’m part of several subcultures that recognize that this is bullshit, but a lot of I feel like we’re still in the minority. It wasn’t so long ago that male-female friendships really WERE rare.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
10 years ago

Would you have sex with a ninety year old woman? No. But you can be friends.

Of course then you turn into Harold and Maude.

Arks
Arks
10 years ago

Male relationships are based on the concern of “am I better than this person?”, female relationships are based on the concern of “what does this person offer me?”. This fundamental difference in interaction has existed since time immemorial.

What is fascinating is how this small aspect of the human experience, social interaction, can illustrate a wider truth about the human race. When you realise that men are competitors and women are passive parasites, is it really a surprise that men so overwhelmingly dominate the great achievements in science, art, literature, music, philosophy, etc, while also building the greatest civilisations and businesses?

Plymouth
Plymouth
10 years ago

But… Harold and Maude had sex!!!

MissPrism
10 years ago

When you realise that men didn’t let women vote or enter higher education until recently, is it really a surprise that men so overwhelmingly dominate blah blah blah?

Men are capable of supportive friendship, as are women. As I’ve wondered before – if you’re going to live in a make-believe world, why choose such a nasty one? Is the possibility of making a genuine human connection really that frightening?

darksidecat
10 years ago

You know, my brother always used to cheat at Monopoly. We had to watch him like a hawk, and he was not allowed to touch or be left unsupervised near the bank. He would try to flip his dice over when no one was looking, steal property titles, scoot extra houses onto his properties, you name it. So, of course, he was the one who always accused everyone else of cheating constantly. That’s what Jayjet is doing. He outright admits that he only seeks to use women for sex, but then berates women because he thinks they only want to use people. Not everyone is as much of an a-hole as you, Jayjet.

Debbie
10 years ago

um yeah men are the wonder gender blah blah blah and women totally have cooties! Grow up. I always find it a bit of a red flag when people don’t have friends of the other gender…that goes for women too.

BTW is Arks a Poe or is he really part of the misogynists brigade?

Plymouth
Plymouth
10 years ago

Male relationships are based on the concern of “am I better than this person?”, female relationships are based on the concern of “what does this person offer me?”.

By this logic not only can’t mutually beneficial man-woman relationships exist, man-man and woman-woman ones can’t exist either – the men will be in constant competition with each other and the women will be constantly trying to suck more resources out of the other. While I don’t doubt that plenty of relationships of those types do exist, it’s utter misanthropy to assume that describes ALL relationships.

MissPrism
10 years ago

Debbie, I agree! And when people don’t have friends of their own gender it’s a red flag too – I’m thinking of the “girls are so boring!” girls you meet from time to time, I’m sure there’s a male equivalent of those but haven’t met any.

Debbie
10 years ago

Darksidecat: Do we have the same brother? Mine would also cheat when we played board games and would be a sour loser when he was beat. He is also a theif and an all around bully, and would most defently sympathise with MRA’s. Don’t get me wrontg there are extremely sucky women out there too…but it always makes me roll my eyes when people go on about how wonderful men are and how awful women are…I mean men have shitty people in there gender too…can’t we just admit that?

Also MEn and women can be friends, although probably not as close as friends of the same sex for various reasons….And I truelly beleive that well rounded and mature people can be friends with both.

Debbie
10 years ago

Miss PRism: Yep! I want to smack women who say that womeon are just back stabbing, catty and humorless! You are just shooting yourself and other women in the foot!

I have occasionally heard men say that men are all pigs….but I think they are more joking.

ozymandias42
10 years ago

You know, if I’m using someone as a cuddle-bitch, I probably want to have sex with them but feel they aren’t amenable to having sex with me. This true of other women?

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

@Debbie Arks is a poe. xD but I still ask him for dating advice cuz there’s obv a real person behind it xD

Meaning, if they don’t see you as a romantic partner, they will consider you platonic-friend

Oh.. no? o_O

I mean the rest of it aside.. what’s wrong w/ that part? If men don’t see ppl as romantic partners, they become friends too. xD Also how come, again, every woman is like some stereotype taken from MTV or something xD

I’m w/ Plymouth, I hate this idea that men and women can’t just be friends -_-;; Actually I had the opposite problem when I was younger (pre-trans during repressing/denial days) which is i had a LOT of female friends, or I liked being around them, but they all ended up wanting to date me : and I just wanted to be like BFF!!! but if I said no, they’d stop talking to me and drift off : if I said yes I ended up in a relationship I didn’t want to be in just to keep the close friendship 🙁

Bee
Bee
10 years ago

What the fuck is wrong with being someone’s platonic friend, and why is that the same as “using” them? If you’re complaining that women aren’t good friends, because if they don’t want to fuck you they’ll only be your platonic friend … maybe the women aren’t really the problem.

“Emotional tampon,” I believe, was something Prince Charles expressed a desire to be for his lady love, back in the day. Worked out for them.

MissPrism
10 years ago

Now you come to mention it, ozy, hmm. If I repeatedly cuddled a bloke of my own volition – beyond hello and goodbye hugs which I have with both sexes of close friends – it probably would be because I wanted to shag him.

(I have cried on male friends’ shoulders, in the literal sense without wanting to shag them, though. Again, I would cry on a woman’s shoulder too, or have a close friend of either sex cry on mine. Still, men’s shoulders probably have the advantage for sobbing on, what with being bigger and their shirts made of thicker, more absorbent fabric.)

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

I’ll cuddle nebody who’ll let me! :3 But often it makes ppl uncomfortable so I do not :3 I’m v huggy and stuff xD When I’m drunk I always end up lying on a female friends lap and kissing her thigh and telling her how much of a great friend she is apparently xD apparently it’s cute…

MissPrism
10 years ago

OK, we seem to vary in our cuddle-osity. It’s almost like we women are individuals with individual preferences!

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

Lies!

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

(and by nebody I mean of my friends obv xD )

filetofswedishfish
10 years ago

Can we get a regender of that quote?

Bee
Bee
10 years ago

I’ll do it by hand, filetofswedishfish:

The reason friendships are so tough to maintain with men is that men are conditioned to “use” you. Meaning, if they don’t see you as a romantic partner, they will consider you platonic-friend/cuddle-bastard/money-cunt/emotional dryvac so you can meet their needs at your expense. …

You’re better off not having friendships with men for these reasons. Your purpose for being with a male is simple: Sex. I’m sorry but anything beyond that is a road filled with pain.

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

The reason friendships are so tough to maintain with men is that men are conditioned to “use” you. Meaning, if they don’t see you as a romantic partner, they will consider you platonic-friend/cuddle-bitch/money-tool/emotional tampon so you can meet their needs at your expense. …

You’re better off not having friendships with men for these reasons. Your purpose for being with a male is simple: Sex. I’m sorry but anything beyond that is a road filled with pain.

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

Should I regender it to be MORE reverse gendered? xD Also I always find it interesting in these regenders how often we’re referred to as “females” b/c seeing “male” is so odd…

Like if you read our comments or feminist sites there’s not a lot of “watch out for those males” or “today a male approached me” or etc xD I mean you get male as an adjective “male friend”, “male gender roles”… but it’s so animal kingdom w/ “your purpose for being with a male”

actually it sounds more alien invasion xD

marc2020
marc2020
10 years ago

The is probably the point where I mention that some of the most rewarding and honest friendships I’ve ever had have been with women. Who have never wanted anything from me.*

This should be the point where I say this but part of me feels I shouldn’t really have it all just seems so unnecessary you know?

*So I’m not painting a one sided picture here this goes for my male friends as well.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
10 years ago

I figured out a loophole! What if, and bear with me as it is startling in its applications, you have sex FIRST then become friends. Because then you do not need to have to worry about that whole sex thingie ruining the friendship and she can go back to telling you all her problems while you daydream about the time she did that thing with her tongue.

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

The reason friendships are so tough to maintain with men is that men are conditioned to “use” you. Meaning, if they don’t see you as a sex partner, they will consider you platonic-friend/drinking-buddy/arm-candy/logic towel so you can meet their needs at your expense. …

You’re better off not having friendships with men for these reasons. Your purpose for being with a male is simple: $MONEY. I’m sorry but anything beyond that is a road filled with pain.

ozymandias42
10 years ago

Elizabeth: Or you could be friends who have sex sometimes in general! That works too. Doing funtimes with your bits doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be in OMG TWOO WUV FOWEVA AND EVA, or that you can’t go out rollerskating and going to poetry slams together…

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
10 years ago

Exactly! Of course that also means that this guy would be all butthurt when she gets a boyfriend.

Wanderer
Wanderer
10 years ago

Just a word to the wise, Mr. Futrelle, the HappyBachelors forum won’t let anyone who’s not a member see the posts there and if you actually do want to join your account has to be vetted by the admins. You may want to post a screencap of the thread rather than hyperlinking to tit, since it’s pointless if following the link just takes you to a “you have to be logged in” screen.

Tekla Taylor
10 years ago

Oh my god, all this time I’ve just been using my friends as emotional tampons. WHAT HAVE I DONE

Magical Laura
10 years ago

My best friend is gay…I really don’t think he wants to have sex with me! Good cuddles tho. I suppose he doesn’t exist.

And all my other male friends who don’t fancy me…and my dad and brothers… I’m even friends with a couple guys I USED to have sex with, but no longer do!

filetofswedishfish
10 years ago

I agree with all this stuff about having sex with friends and *staying friends*. Just this last weekend FoSB and I had a discussion about how one “can’t have opposite sex friends” I insist one can, he insists one cannot because it wills always turn into sex/cheating. He revealed he’d had sex with a number of his female friends, I told him I’d had sex with a few male friends I had, always while single. I had to explain to him that I didn’t think sexing my friends made them not my friends anymore, or changed the relationship all the much. He seemed to think so, but the FoSB really tends toward some pretty traditional views, and he’s dating me, much to his chagrin. But! My interwebz dating profile said “Feminist”. It was the first word of my personal description.

I mean, I have had guy friends who were trying to slyly get me to date them? But for the most part, once they were upfront and said “Filetofswedishfish, wanna be mah gf?” and I said “No, [reasoning]”, they said ok, accepted it, and we went right back to being friends. Granted, there were exceptions. But if they’re too immature to behave like me not dating them like they think they deserve ends their world, then I didn’t want to associate with them anyhow.

Doctress Julia
10 years ago

I had a certain pos tell me he wasn’t going to be my emotional tampon. I took it to mean it was too much effort for him to give a shit about me.

That’s pretty much what it means, right?

Doctress Julia
10 years ago

Sorry, not trying to make the thread about me or anything. Swear. But, yeah before that I’d never heard the term. It sounds so vicious and, yes, misanthropic. 🙁

filetofswedishfish
10 years ago

Doctress, I think it’s just that girls have, like, SO MANY EMOTIONS, and like. how can this dude deal with that, you crazy bitch? /sarcasm

Doctress Julia
10 years ago

I think it was Charles was telling Camilla Bowles that he wanted to be a tampon and be inside her or something like that… lol

Doctress Julia
10 years ago

Yeah, that’s it exactly. And, this guy turned out (of course) to be a narcissist and a sociopath… he still fucks with me, actually- in some utterly insane ways. Not quite stalking, so no laws are being broken. lol

filetofswedishfish
10 years ago

Ugh, those are the worst. I’ve never had that personally. Just people trying to convince me that, no really, I’m nuts and unreasonable for thinking/feeling the way I do. Dickbag McGee, the terrible ex, was like that. But he doesn’t talk to me anymore, except to cuss me out when I occasionally pester him for the money he owes me.

Doctress Julia
10 years ago

YES, EXACTLY! Had to yell that. It’s called gaslighting, I think, and this guy was a fucking pro at it.

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