Categories
alpha males antifeminism bad boys creepy douchebaggery I'm totally being sarcastic mad libs manginas nice guys sex thug-lovers vaginas

Man Boobz Mad Libs #1: Love is a battlefield

Chicago New Wave pioneers Phil 'n' the Blanks (pictured above) want you to FILL IN the blanks.

Last night, 540-or-so comments into the Atheist Elevator thread, Ion took a moment to school us all in the cold, hard realities of love in our time.  Offering his own formerly flailing but now highly successful sexual career as evidence of this theories, he explained why it’s better to be called creepy than courteous. And apparently, acting like a five-year old will score you heaps of hot poon. Who knew?

As much as I learned from Ion’s  autobiographic account, I feel as though there is much more wisdom to be gained from reading the stories of other commenters here. So, using Ion’s tale as a template, I would like to offer the first in what I hope will be a long and successful series of Man Boobz Mad Libs. Simply fill in the blanks in the text below to tell your own tale of heartbreak and triumph, and post your results in the comments below. We will all be the wiser for it.

You know what’s funny? You try to come off as [    ] and [     ], but in fact, I actually used to think like you when I was younger and [          ]. I bought into all the “men are [     ], men are natural [        ]” crap spouted by feminist [      ] and their neutered mangina [       ]. I was concerned about not coming off as [      ] or creepy. I was courteous and [     ] and [       ], I respected women, but I forgot to respect [      ]. And while the [    ] boys, playa gangstas, and abusive [     ]bags were [    ]ing around town with an “I take what I want” attitude and a new [     ] on their [        ] every week, I was hearing “Wow, you’re a great [     ], but I like you as a [        ]. Well, see you later, gotta go have [    ] with the [      ] boyfriend I’ve been complaining to [      ] about!”

So you’re right about the [       ]-puffing part, but not so much about the being [      ]. I’m less [      ] now than I ever was. I put myself [     ]. I don’t apologize for being a [      ]. It took me a while to [      ] up, but I did. And let me tell you, things are better than [     ]. I got my first [         ]  after acting ‘inappropriate’ and going for a [    ] the night we first met. A day later, she was the one would wouldn’t [      ] me [        ]. So much for “[      ]  give in because of [       ] pressures”, I guess. Second [     ], in college, I [      ] like a five-year old [       ]. Totally out of character, even I was ashamed of my [        ]. Afterwards, she was [       ]  me to hang out. Sometime later, I met [         ] I really [      ]. Like an [     ], I decided to play it cool, be [    ], be [    ], take [    ] slowly. Guess what? Zero interest. Learned my lesson then and haven’t [      ] back. As for “friends who will [      ] me”… I don’t know what the [      ] are like where you live, but the [      ] I know just don’t fit your [        ] [        ]. Also, currently half my friends are [        ]. Weird, huh. But uh, keep telling yourself you’re so much better for being a neutered [       ]. I’ll be busy having [    ] in the [     ] world meanwhile.

 

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

136 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Mandolin
Mandolin
9 years ago

There’s a Nobby in Pratchett.

http://wiki.lspace.org/wiki/Nobby_Nobbs

Ion
Ion
9 years ago

You’re a bunch of nerds with no life, your accomplishments are limited to mocking others while never doing anything worthwhile yourselves, yadda yadda, I’m in too good of a mood to care. Enjoy your self-congratulatory circle jerk 🙂

darksidecat
9 years ago

@Ion, I thought the whole point of a circle jerk was not having to, er, “congratulate” yourself.

darksidecat
9 years ago

My bad, urban dictionary suggests that the term is used for both self “congratulation” while in groups and “congratulating” each other. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=circle%20jerk

Jumbofish
Jumbofish
9 years ago

to ion the same:
You are a whiner with no life; your accomplishments are limited to mocking others while never doing anything worthwhile yourselves. Enjoy your self-congratulatory wank.

See how easy that was to turn the argument around. Your comments are getting more and pathetic.

Again seriously is that all you can say? You’re like a broken record do I need post the summary of your posts again?

I’ve noticed you have been posting a lot more lately and I think I know the reason.
I’ll quote you: “looks like someone struck a nerve.”
I’m guessing so, if this is such a lame site ever and everyone who posts here is a loser than stop posting. No one will change their minds here so you have no real reason unless its personal.

so

Why do you still post?
Is it to feel better about yourself by calling other people losers?
I am going to have to question you’re motives for coming here if you continue to spout out the same ole crap.

@david
This is not on topic but why did the post on the opening of the manboobz forum vanish? (I could send you an email but I’m too lazy)

Jumbofish
Jumbofish
9 years ago

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
*dies*
I wasn’t here yesterday so no. I never thought I would get a card ’cause I’m mostly a lurker.

but thx its seriously awesome. <3
*dies again*
I feel like a true member now.

Jumbofish
Jumbofish
9 years ago

sorry *feels bad*
I thought maybe you changed your mind about the forum.

luke123
luke123
9 years ago

“You’re a bunch of nerds with no life, your accomplishments are limited to mocking others while never doing anything worthwhile yourselves, yadda yadda, I’m in too good of a mood to care. Enjoy your self-congratulatory circle jerk ”

Here is a nice blog article from a radfem who has come to her senses and has left the cult, on what goes on in the head of so called manginas who are radfem apologists.

http://scentednectar.blogspot.com/2011/02/6-possible-psychologies-of-male-radfems.html

I particularly like these:

D– Men who are needing a pat of approval. Needing a feeling that they’ve earned entry into an exclusive group of people who usually hate or fear them. Need for reassurance that they’ve been really good.

E– Battered husband’s syndrome. Same as the wife type but reversed. Stuck on women who think they are dirt for being male, and staying even when they get picked on despite doing nothing wrong.

G– Men who might be faking the sensitive guy thing in an attempt at getting some sex. I suppose that’s a possibility, although I can’t picture the radfems as a good place for sexual shopping, considering most of them are fairly sex-phobic. Hmmm, maybe they want to be the sensitive lover who shows them how wonderful it can be?

Ion
Ion
9 years ago

Jumbofish: So basically your response was: NO YOU ARE! Good job. Think I’ll go away before you decide to unleash the fury and hit me with “i am rubber, you are glue”, or even the dreaded “I know you are, but what am I?”

luke123: Thanks, I got a chuckle out of those. They ring true, pretty much. Self-hating men with Stockholm syndrome. They’re also probably the type of men who get off on ‘cuckolding’ and ‘humiliation’ fantasies. 🙂

I’m guessing so, if this is such a lame site ever and everyone who posts here is a loser than stop posting.

Good idea. 🙂

filetofswedishfish
9 years ago

You know what’s funny? You try to come off as [Vietnamese coffee ] and [empty coke can ], but in fact, I actually used to think like you when I was younger and [a tan, microseude, reclining sectional]. I bought into all the “men are [subwoofers ], men are natural [pitbull puppy]” crap spouted by feminist [ remote controls ] and their neutered mangina [ Xboxes ]. I was concerned about not coming off as [ a wireless router] or creepy. I was courteous and [ tiki man] and [ cheap coffee table], I respected women, but I forgot to respect [two 42inch LCD TVs]. And while the [sliding glass door] boys, playa gangstas, and abusive [filetofswedishfish ]bags were [ceiling fan]ing around town with an “I take what I want” attitude and a new [hand carved, German wooden moose] on their [dog crate] every week, I was hearing “Wow, you’re a great [potted palm plant], but I like you as a [standing floor lamp]. Well, see you later, gotta go have [pull-up bar] with the [gun gase] boyfriend I’ve been complaining to [the backyard] about!”

Today’s theme was “things in, or which i can see from, my livingroom”

darksidecat
9 years ago

“They’re also probably the type of men who get off on ‘cuckolding’ and ‘humiliation’ fantasies.” What is this MRA obsession with thinly veiled (or not so thinly veiled) BDSM references? They are hugely kink-negative, but somehow their minds go right to bondage when it comes to random, non-related subjects….

filetofswedishfish
9 years ago

Because obvs being any sort of not-a-top, or into those sorts of fetishes makes you EW A GIRL. They’re completely obsessed with “emasculation”(which is a made up thing anyhow) and how to avoid it.

zombie rotten mcdonald

There’s also a Nobby who maintains the Mekons fan site. I like to imagine that there is another Mekons fan in the Manboobztariat.

zombie rotten mcdonald

It’s much easier listing the various types of MRA and PUA guys:

A. Assholes.

Scented Nectar
9 years ago

Thanks Luke123 for mentioning my blog. Found views coming from this page in my stats, so I came over to check it out. There’s an update to the radfem men article at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIxh43EDF14 which is a video based on the article. There’s a pretty good comment section plus 2 video replies I got (linked there under the video) which were interesting. One from a radfem man all butthurt, and one from a NON radical feminist who had some interesting thoughts on it.

I see ManBoobz has discovered ElevatorGate. 🙂 If you’re not a big fan of all the feminist articles about it, I’ve got two articles on it that I wrote after fighting with the femtards over at those Pharyngula threads where Richard Dawkins made his comments (comments I’m in total agreement with, by the way). Hope this isn’t too spammy, but here’s links to my 2 articles on the whole thing. Shows a bit of a different side to it, I hope.
http://scentednectar.blogspot.com/2011/07/radical-feminists-attack-richard.html
http://scentednectar.blogspot.com/2011/07/elevatorgate-continued.html

speedlines
speedlines
9 years ago

@luke123

I especially like how you both ignored the first three, which actually have some relevance:

A– Men who have too much guilt over sexist things they’ve seen in the world that some of their own sex has done/is doing, in other words too much sympathy to the point of ‘male guilt syndrome’. Results in trying too hard and overcompensating. Championing the underdog to an extreme. Overly strong desire to come to the defense of those perceived as oppressed or picked on.

B– Men who have shame/denial/guilt about internal sexual feelings, especially ones that are perhaps considered representative of, or associated with, male dominance and aggression, such as BDSM arousal of the type where the man is the ‘top’. If a man gets aroused by this, and if he also believes that it necessarily must always deep down reflect, or be associated with, actual oppression or hatred of women, then he might have the shame/denial/guilt thing happening in a big way and especially identify with the radfeminist beliefs that much of human sexuality (even when done safely and consensually) is all rapey and oppressive.

C– Men who have been a victim, especially if sexually, of other men at some points in their lives and identifying strongly with the victim side of radfeminism. Confirmation bias would kick in to make them far more likely to accept all radfem assumptions about all men in general. I think a huge majority of radfem women also have this belief bias and are stuck forever in the illogical side of overboard radfem ideology due to it.

Just for shits and giggles, let’s turn this thing around. Possible Psychologies of Female MRA’s:

A– Women who have too much guilt over mean and nasty things they’ve seen in the world that some of their own sex has done/is doing, in other words too much sympathy to the point of female guilt syndrome’. Results in trying too hard and overcompensating. Overly strong desire to come to the defense of those perceived as oppressed or picked on.

B– Women who have shame/denial/guilt about internal sexual feelings, especially ones that are perhaps considered representative of, or associated with, female dominance and aggression, such as BDSM arousal of the type where the woman is the ‘top’. If a woman gets aroused by this, and if she also believes that it necessarily must always deep down reflect, or be associated with, actual oppression or hatred of men, then she might have the shame/denial/guilt thing happening in a big way and especially identify with the MRAM beliefs that much of modern human sexuality (even when done safely and consensually) is all feminist-indoctrinated.

C– Women who have been a victim, especially if emotionally, of other women at some points in their lives and identifying strongly with the victim side of MRM. Confirmation bias would kick in to make them far more likely to accept all MRM assumptions about all women in general. I think a huge majority of MRA men also have this belief bias and are stuck forever in the illogical side of overboard MRM ideology due to it.

D– Women who are needing a pat of approval. Needing a feeling that they’ve earned entry into an exclusive group of people who usually hate or fear them. Need for reassurance that they’ve been really good.

E–Battered wife syndrome. Stuck on men who think they are dirt for being female, and staying even when they get picked on despite doing nothing wrong.

F– Women who might be faking the Nice Girl thing in an attempt at getting a man. I suppose that’s a possibility, although I can’t picture the MRA’s as a good place for relationship shopping, considering most of them are fairly sex-phobic. Hmmm, maybe they want to be the Beauty who tames the Beast?

Having spent some time talking to female MRA’s, I can say that this analysis is scarily accurate. How much time have you spent talking to actual male radfems?

mayfly
mayfly
9 years ago

You know, it’s funny how dudes like this just love to go on and on about how women like jerks, as if this somehow says something about the failure of feminism and proves all women secretly want to go back to the time when men bashed them over the head and dragged them back to caves, or something. Because for every woman out there who goes gaga for aloof jackasses, there’s a man who throws himself at the very same type. In college I inadvertently discovered that being hot-and-cold bitchy to men meant I got a lot of male attention and interest. But then I (and probably a number of those men) pretty quickly grew the fuck up and realized that not only is that a shitty way to treat people, but that I don’t really want to date men who are only interested in women as long as they play stupid games.

It makes me sad to see that some people are probably just never going to get past that stage.

Snowy
Snowy
9 years ago

You know what’s funny? You try to come off as [ Hello Ladies ] and [ look at your man ], but in fact, I actually used to think like you when I was younger and [ used lady scented body wash ]. I bought into all the “men are [ look at your man ], men are natural [ now back to me ]” crap spouted by feminist [ now back at your man ] and their neutered mangina [ now back to me ]. I was concerned about not coming off as [ sadly, he isn’t me ] or creepy. I was courteous and [ but if he stopped using lady scented body wash ] and [ switched to old spice ], I respected women, but I forgot to respect [ he could smell like he’s me ]. And while the [ look down ] boys, playa gangstas, and abusive [ back up ]bags were [ where are you? ]ing around town with an “I take what I want” attitude and a new [ you’re on a boat ] on their [ with the man your man could smell like ] every week, I was hearing “Wow, you’re a great [ what’s in your hand? ], but I like you as a [ it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love ]. Well, see you later, gotta go have [ look again ] with the [ the tickets are now diamonds! ] boyfriend I’ve been complaining to [ I’m on a horse ] about!”

Best I could do Molly!

Amnesia
Amnesia
9 years ago

Someone needs to do the madlib with a shuffled song list. You know, set your song list (from an iPod, mp3 player, whatever you use) on shuffle, fill in the blanks with whatever songs come up. I’d do it, but I don’t have much of a music selection.

MertvayaRuka
MertvayaRuka
9 years ago

@mayfly:

“You know, it’s funny how dudes like this just love to go on and on about how women like jerks, as if this somehow says something about the failure of feminism and proves all women secretly want to go back to the time when men bashed them over the head and dragged them back to caves, or something. Because for every woman out there who goes gaga for aloof jackasses, there’s a man who throws himself at the very same type.”

Which was pretty much the central point of Ion’s Tale of Woe. He spends all of his time throwing himself at aloof jackasses who don’t appreciate his friendship, however insincere and ulterior-motived that friendship may have been, and then blames feminism and manginas for jerks acting like jerks and choosing to spend their time with jerks. So our hero makes the bold decision to start acting more like a jerk himself. A heartwarming exploration of the human condition, isn’t it?

Raoul
Raoul
9 years ago

@mayfly, 11:19am: “for every woman out there who goes gaga for aloof jackasses, there’s a man who throws himself at the very same type. In college I inadvertently discovered that being hot-and-cold bitchy to men meant I got a lot of male attention and interest. But then I (and probably a number of those men) pretty quickly grew the fuck up and realized that not only is that a shitty way to treat people, but that I don’t really want to date men who are only interested in women as long as they play stupid games.

It makes me sad to see that some people are probably just never going to get past that stage.”

It scares me a little that we even want people – besides us, our friends, and those we might pair up with – to get past that stage.

Consider the bigger picture:
1. Intelligent people have already all but stopped reproducing.
2. The birthrate thus depends on stupid game-playing male/female archetypes.
3. If we in the West don’t keep forming babby, our overthrow by world Islamism is imminent.

Sarah
Sarah
9 years ago

Raoul, you are nuts.

Raoul
Raoul
9 years ago

I know. I’m also a corrosive cynic, so I like to think it all kinda cancels out.

tryptamine
tryptamine
9 years ago

For Amnesia:

You know what’s funny? You try to come off as Elefanter and New Amsterdam, but in fact, I actually used to think like you when I was younger and Gulf Coast Ghosts. I bought into all the “men are Funky Dollar Bills, men are natural The Softest Voice” crap spouted by feminist Basements and their neutered mangina Eye. I was concerned about not coming off as Beat On The Brat or creepy. I was courteous and Just Another Weekend and Merry Christmas, Baby, I respected women, but I forgot to respect The Score. And while the Voices of June boys, playa gangstas, and abusive Mind How You Walkbags were Witnessing around town with an “I take what I want” attitude and a new To Be on their Wolkenkrabber every week, I was hearing “Wow, you’re a great I Wouldn’t Trade Christmas, but I like you as a Snowmen Have Hearts. Well, see you later, gotta go have Backdrifts with the Mi Homlan Dadale boyfriend I’ve been complaining to The Hook about!”

So you’re right about the Never Change-puffing part, but not so much about the being Ribs Make Walls. I’m less In A Delightful Boudoir now than I ever was. I put myself Her Name Was Hula Lou. I don’t apologize for being The Naked Room. It took me a while to Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again up, but I did. And let me tell you, things are better than The Christmas Waltz. I got my first Of The Father’s Love Begotten after acting ‘inappropriate’ and going for a Hit The Plane Down the night we first met. A day later, she was the one would wouldn’t This Room Is Open me Stranger. So much for “Last Day of Magic give in because of Extra Geese pressures”, I guess. Second Dilaudid, in college, I Downs like a five-year old Stars Flames Sparks. Totally out of character, even I was ashamed of my Mercury. Afterwards, she was Maine Island Lovers me to hang out. Sometime later, I met High-Pitched Drone 1 I really How Can We Dance If I Cannot Waltz. Like an Christmas In Jail – Ain’t That A Pain, I decided to play it cool, be Lullibox Sleepybye, be Smelling Limes In Winter, take New Bird II slowly. Guess what? Zero interest. Learned my lesson then and haven’t Forward Unto Zion back. As for “friends who will City of New Orleans me”… I don’t know what the Zafa are like where you live, but the Swedish Christmas Medley I know just don’t fit your Contemplating The Observatory . Also, currently half my friends are Kenimania. Weird, huh. But uh, keep telling yourself you’re so much better for being a neutered Quinn the Eskimo. I’ll be busy having Nay Taksim in the Day Dream world meanwhile.

___

The bands, in order, if anyone cares to nerd out about it like I like to:
Kent
Zola Jesus
Sharkiface
Funkadelic
Animal Collective
?
Madvillain
The Ramones
Alphabet Planet
Lou Rawls
Fugees
Dopo
Leroy Brown
Cyndi Lauper
John Coltrane
Machienfabriek
Frank Sinatra
Provo/Howl
Radiohead
Orchestre Polyrhythmo de Cotonou Dahomey
Akiyama Corcoran Keifer
Jay-Z
Alligator Crystal Moth
Godseye
Carolina Tar Heels
Queen Victoria
Bob Dylan
Nancy Wilson
John Fahey
Pavement
Sparkling Wide Pressure
The Lovejoys
The Kills
Altar Eagle
The Mountain Goats
Belly Boat
Wax Ghost
Julian Lynch
Okkervil River
Soccer Committee & Machinefabriek
Rabih Abou-Khalil
Leroy Carr
Ctephin Family Orchestra
Osso Bucco
Noah Anthony
The Abyssinians
Arlo Guthrie
Music of Islam
Choral Arts Northwest
Panabrite
Mono Mono
Bob Dylan
Music of Islam
Smashing Pumpkins

Johnny Pez
9 years ago

@ tryptamine

You know what? I don’t apologize for being The Naked Room either.

darksidecat
9 years ago

@Raoul

“Consider the bigger picture:
1. Intelligent people have already all but stopped reproducing.”
Prove that. No, seriously, prove that. Rich white westerner does not equal more intelligent.

“2. The birthrate thus depends on stupid game-playing male/female archetypes.”
Prove 1, then prove that there are only two mutually exclusive groups, the “intelligent” and “game-playing archetypes”.

“3. If we in the West don’t keep forming babby, our overthrow by world Islamism is imminent.”
Islam is not genetic. Wow, glad we cleared that up.

Nobby
9 years ago

@darksidecat I think (though I’m not sure), that Raoul is being extremely snarky. Especially with the babby bit.

Sarah
Sarah
9 years ago

Oh man. I feel like kind of a dolt for not spotting the forming babby’s line. We have another poe-troll?

Man. Our web of trolls is so complicated!

Pecunium
9 years ago

This the funny part: luke123: Thanks, I got a chuckle out of those. They ring true, pretty much. Self-hating men with Stockholm syndrome. They’re also probably the type of men who get off on ‘cuckolding’ and ‘humiliation’ fantasies

That’s pure projection. Ion can’t know what feminist men are actually like/fond of, so he imagines things he thinks are demeaning as being our “fantasies”.

But we do know what our fantasies are. If they are what he imagines, then so what… it’s not as if his opinion matters to us. If they aren’t, we get to laugh at the ways he has to imagine us as, “weak”, or “debased”.

And all the while, he has to deal with people here laughing themselves silly at the nonsense he spouted, and being amused at the ways in which he’s passing it off as not bothering him.

Which would be a lot more believable, if he’d not said a word.

Raoul
Raoul
9 years ago

“Nobby | July 9, 2011 at 12:55 am

@darksidecat I think (though I’m not sure), that Raoul is being extremely snarky. Especially with the babby bit.”

Bing! Snark was my intent. Is that = trolling in the boobzverse? See below…

“Sarah | July 9, 2011 at 1:19 am

Oh man. I feel like kind of a dolt for not spotting the forming babby’s line. We have another poe-troll?

Man. Our web of trolls is so complicated!”

Perhaps I missed something in the FAQ. I forget…is there a FAQ?

What I am is:

– an omega feminist cis het male.
– a recovering Nice Guy™, self-medicating thru snark and thru hating some men instead of all women.
– a conflicted Hegelian-Nietszchean. I believe that the individual is precious and magical, but can only realize hi/r full humanity in a context of dehumanizing socio-institutional bullshit.

Nobby
9 years ago

@Raoul Part of the issue is that, as this site serves to dig up the worst kinds of misogyny, we get some really legit crazy trolls (see also=NWOSlave and AWS). So sometimes it’s hard to tell at first glace when someone is actually just being snarky. But i think what Sarah meant by a poe-troll is that you were pretending to be a troll, not that you actually are a troll.

And there is a comments policy at the top, but you haven’t done anything outside of it, so no worries.

Marc
Marc
9 years ago

Islam is not genetic. Wow, glad we cleared that up.

It isn’t, but childhood indoctrination is the number 1 cause for the belief in Islam (or any religion?), not later conversion, so it’s a very comparable effect.

And try to deconvert a Muslim, good luck…

summer_snow
summer_snow
9 years ago

You know what’s funny? You try to come off as [big] and [bad], but in fact, I actually used to think like you when I was younger and [hairy]. I bought into all the “men are [wolf-criers], men are natural [horn-blowers]” crap spouted by feminist [wolves] and their neutered mangina [sheep]. I was concerned about not coming off as [piggy] or creepy. I was courteous and [basket-carrying] and [flower-picking], I respected women, but I forgot to respect [my mother’s advice to stay on on the path]. And while the [shepherd] boys, playa gangstas, and abusive [goat]bags were [bleat]ing around town with an “I take what I want” attitude and a new [bonnet] on their [Bo Peep] every week, I was hearing “Wow, you’re a great [goat impersonator], but I like you as a [fur rug]. Well, see you later, gotta go have [a pat of butter] with the [piggy] boyfriend I’ve been complaining to [my grandmother] about!”

So you’re right about the [huff]-puffing part, but not so much about the being [able to blow my house down]. I’m less [unmaimed] now than I ever was. I put myself [down the chimney]. I don’t apologize for being a [carnivore]. It took me a while to [chinny-chin chin] up, but I did. And let me tell you, things are better than [bacon]. I got my first [dramatic comeuppance] after acting ‘inappropriate’ and going for a [house full of pigs] the night we first met. A day later, she was the one would wouldn’t [let] me [in]. So much for “[pigs] give in because of [high wind] pressures”, I guess. Second [time I got horribly maimed], in college, I [tried to eat seven goat kids] like a five-year old [wolf pretending to be their mother]. Totally out of character, even I was ashamed of my [just desserts]. Afterwards, she was [stuffing me full of rocks and drowning] me to hang out. Sometime later, I met [a girl in a red cloak] I really [hungered for]. Like an [innocent botanist], I decided to play it cool, be [a wolf in sheep’s clothing], be [helpful], take [the chance to race to her grandmother’s house while advising her to pick flowers] slowly. Guess what? Zero interest. Learned my lesson then and haven’t [grown the fur] back. As for “friends who will [impersonate] me”… I don’t know what the [billy goats] are like where you live, but the [trolls] I know just don’t fit your [tiny] [bridge]. Also, currently half my friends are [eaten]. Weird, huh. But uh, keep telling yourself you’re so much better for being a neutered [toll-payer]. I’ll be busy having [greener grass] in the [troll-free] world meanwhile.