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Two atheists get in an elevator

So here’s a hilarious atheist joke for you all:

Two atheists at a conference get into an elevator at 4 AM. The dude atheist, apropos of nothing, invites the chick atheist to go to his room with him. The chick atheist, who’s never even spoken to the dude before, is creeped out by this. (She says no.) She mentions the incident in a YouTube video. A shitstorm erupts in the atheist-o-sphere because, like, how could she possibly call an atheist dude a creep and aren’t women treated worse in Islamist Theocracies?

Then Richard Dawkins says,

Dear Muslima

Stop whining, will you. Yes, yes, I know you had your genitals mutilated with a razor blade, and . . . yawn . . . don’t tell me yet again, I know you aren’t allowed to drive a car, and you can’t leave the house without a male relative, and your husband is allowed to beat you, and you’ll be stoned to death if you commit adultery. But stop whining, will you. Think of the suffering your poor American sisters have to put up with.

Only this week I heard of one, she calls herself Skep”chick”, and do you know what happened to her? A man in a hotel elevator invited her back to his room for coffee. I am not exaggerating. He really did. He invited her back to his room for coffee. Of course she said no, and of course he didn’t lay a finger on her, but even so . . .

And you, Muslima, think you have misogyny to complain about! For goodness sake grow up, or at least grow a thicker skin.

Richard

In a followup comment, Dawkins tops that bit of hilarity with this:

Rebecca’s feeling that the man’s proposition was ‘creepy’ was her own interpretation of his behaviour, presumably not his. She was probably offended to about the same extent as I am offended if a man gets into an elevator with me chewing gum. But he does me no physical damage and I simply grin and bear it until either I or he gets out of the elevator. It would be different if he physically attacked me.

Damn. That joke didn’t turn out to be really very hilarious at all. Maybe I told it wrong?

In any case, as you might already know (or have gathered), this whole thing actually happened over the past weekend. The atheist chick in question is Rebecca Watson, a popular blogger who calls herself Skepchick. The conference in question was the Center for Inquiry’s Student Leadership Conference. The part of Richard Dawkins was played by, well, Richard Dawkins. (You can find both of his comments quoted here.)

The incident has been hashed and rehashed endlessly in the atheist-o-sphere (and even out of it), but I think it deserves a tiny bit more re-rehashing.  Mainly because it illustrates that some really creepy, backwards attitudes can lurk deep in the hearts of dudes who think of themselves as enlightened, rational dudes fighting the evils of superstition and, yes, religious misogyny.

The strangest thing about the whole incident is how supremely mild Watson’s comments on the creepy elevator dude were.  Here is literally all she said about him, in passing, in her video (transcribed here):

So I walk to the elevator, and a man got on the elevator with me and said, ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, but I find you very interesting, and I would like to talk more. Would you like to come to my hotel room for coffee?’

Um, just a word to wise here, guys, uh, don’t do that. You know, I don’t really know how else to explain how this makes me incredibly uncomfortable, but I’ll just sort of lay it out that I was a single woman, you know, in a foreign country, at 4:00 am, in a hotel elevator, with you, just you, and–don’t invite me back to your hotel room right after I finish talking about how it creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable when men sexualize me in that manner.

That’s it. That’s the whole thing. You would think that most guys would be well aware that accosting a woman you’ve never met before in an elevator at 4 AM is, you know, kind of a no-no. But, no, Watson’s comments suddenly became an attack on male sexuality and men in general. One critic put up a video lambasting Watson, ending it with the question:

What effect do you think it has on men to be constantly told how sexist and destructive they are?

Never mind that she didn’t, you know, actually do that at all. Nor did she even remotely suggest, despite Dawkins’ weird screed, that creepy dudes on elevators were somehow equivalent to genital mutilation or the general denial of women’s rights in Islamist theocracies.  She merely suggested that guys might want to think twice before hitting on women who are alone with them in an elevator at four in the morning.  Pointing out the creepy behavior of one particular dude is not the same as calling all men creepy.

Now, the atheist movement tends to be a bit of a sausagefest, pervaded by some fairly backwards notions about women. (Prominent atheist  pontificator Christopher Hitchens, you may recall, seems to sincerely believe that women just aren’t funny. Not that he’s exactly a barrel of monkeys himself.) But some of the most vociferous critics of Watson have been other atheist women – including the one I quoted above.

Watson responded to this in the first of several posts she wrote about the whole weird controversy:

I hear a lot of misogyny from skeptics and atheists, but when ancient anti-woman rhetoric like the above is repeated verbatim by a young woman online, it validates that misogyny in a way that goes above and beyond the validation those men get from one another. It also negatively affects the women who are nervous about being in similar situations. Some of them have been raped or otherwise sexually assaulted, and some just don’t want to be put in that position. And they read these posts and watch these videos and they think, “If something were to happen to me and these women won’t stand up for me, who will?”

In a followup post, she noted:

When I started this site, I didn’t call myself a feminist. I had a hazy idea that feminism was a good thing, but it was something that other people worried about, not me. I was living in a time and culture that had transcended the need for feminism, because in my world we were all rational atheists who had thrown off our religious indoctrination so that I could freely make rape jokes without fear of hurting someone who had been raped.

And then I would make a comment about how there could really be more women in the community, and the responses from my fellow skeptics and atheists ranged from “No, they’re not logical like us,” to “Yes, so we can fuck them!” That seemed weird.

Watson began hearing from other women in the skeptic/atheist community who’d met far too many of that second sort of male atheist.

They told me about how they were hit on constantly and it drove them away. I didn’t fully get it at the time, because I didn’t mind getting hit on. But I acknowledged their right to feel that way and I started suggesting to the men that maybe they relax a little and not try to get in the pants of every woman who walks through the door.

And then, as her blog garnered more attention, she faced a virtual invasion of creepy dudes being creepy:

I’ve had more and more messages from men who tell me what they’d like to do to me, sexually. More and more men touching me without permission at conferences. More and more threats of rape from those who don’t agree with me, even from those who consider themselves skeptics and atheists. More and more people telling me to shut up and go back to talking about Bigfoot and other topics that really matter.

She didn’t shut up.

So here we are today. I am a feminist, because skeptics and atheists made me one. Every time I mention, however delicately, a possible issue of misogyny or objectification in our community, the response I get shows me that the problem is much worse than I thought, and so I grow angrier. I knew that eventually I would reach a sort of feminist singularity where I would explode and in my place would rise some kind of Captain Planet-type superhero but for feminists. I believe that day has nearly arrived.

Go read the rest of her post. Despite the creepy dudes and the misogyny and Richard Fucking Dawkins’ patronizing little screed – which led Watson to a moment of despair much like that of virtually every movie hero(ine) at the end of act two in the story arc — Watson ends it fairly hopeful. It’s kind of inspiring, really.

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Ion
Ion
13 years ago

Wow. He politely expressed an interest in her and asked her to have some coffee? What a misogynist creep. He should be jailed. Men are such beasts!

My guess – the guy wasn’t attractive. If he had been, she would’ve been recounting it the next day as an exotic adventure.

Victoria von Syrus
Victoria von Syrus
13 years ago

@ Ion: Watson herself seems like it wasn’t that big of a deal to her. It’s everyone else who’s turned this into a big deal, and that’s what she’s responding to, more than the initial incident.

That aside, I am intensely interested to know what Dawkins’ response would be if the setting to this story was different – say a Muslim woman and a Muslim man in an elevator in Tehran or Saudi Arabia.

filetofswedishfish
filetofswedishfish
13 years ago

Yeah, and she felt uncomfortable, and nonchalantly later said that it was creepy to her and that she wished guys wouldn’t do that. I’d feel uncomfortable with unwanted attention at 4AM in an elevator, too. It’s the reactionaries and critics that said “OMG ALL HE WANTED WAS TO TALK TO HER AND SHE SAID NO!!!”.

Simone Lovelace
13 years ago

Ion, you are willfully missing the point, as are the rest of the people being angry or dismissive to Watson.

The point is not that elevator dude did something inherently bad, gross, threatening, creepy, or sexist. The point is not that elevator dude himself is bad, gross, threatening, creepy, or sexist.

The point is that elevator dude, probably unwittingly, did something which could make a reasonable woman uncomfortable–regardless of his actual intentions, and regardless of whether he actually presented any kind of danger to the woman.

All men should wish to avoid making women uncomfortable. Therefore, no men should do what elevator dude did.

This is really not that complicated.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Ion-he asked her to have coffee in his room at 4 AM and she never met him before. I can see why she would be creeped out. I would not be because I would be too busy laughing at him but that is my reaction and I am not Ms Watson.

I know I know, you assume that a woman is not allowed ever to be bothered by a strange man asking her to his hotel room at 4 in the morning. Of course you also would be first in line to blame her for her being raped had she actually said yes. You would say “of course she should have known he was a creep! He asked her to his hotel room at 4 in the morning.

Johnny Pez
13 years ago

Hey, so what if some dude hit on some chick? That’s what chicks are for, ya know what I’m sayin?

BRO FIVE!

Ion
Ion
13 years ago

@ Ion: Watson herself seems like it wasn’t that big of a deal to her. It’s everyone else who’s turned this into a big deal, and that’s what she’s responding to, more than the initial incident.

All men should wish to avoid making women uncomfortable. Therefore, no men should do what elevator dude did.

Not commenting on Dawkins’ response, which was disproportionate IMO, but exactly what did the elevator guy do? Watson says she felt ‘creeped out’ and ‘sexualized’ by someone saying, and I quote: “‘Don’t take this the wrong way, but I find you very interesting, and I would like to talk more. Would you like to come to my hotel room for coffee?’”

Sometimes it just feels like there’s no hope for guys. No matter what you do, you’re a creep.

The point is not that elevator dude did something inherently bad, gross, threatening, creepy, or sexist. The point is not that elevator dude himself is bad, gross, threatening, creepy, or sexist.

Was he? Did you see him? Do you know him? Because I say you’re wrong and it’s just another case of a guy who politely tries to get a woman’s interest, only to be demonized and labeled a creep because she doesn’t find him attractive.

Victoria von Syrus
Victoria von Syrus
13 years ago

In all fairness, I personally would probably have not been creeped out by the proposition. We all know what ‘have a cup of coffee’ is a euphemism for, but it’s a fairly mild and inoffensive euphemism. It’s a lot nicer than ‘Wanna screw?’ As long as the guy in question was able to take my ‘Thanks, but no,’ with grace and dignity, I wouldn’t have really cared. As I see it, adults are allowed to ask, with no expectation of acceptance and an obligation to accept a decline with good manners (which includes not asking again or whining for reasons why, or accusations of ‘you don’t wanna sleep with me because i’m not an alpha!’)

However, that doesn’t mean that Watson should not or can not feel uncomfortable by the situation. It’s totally up to her, and there were probably some things about tone and body language and the fact that there is no escape from a moving elevator that made her nervous. He might have done better to give Watson his phone number. Just like the appropriate response to a ‘Thanks, but no’ is something along the lines of ‘Okay, have a nice night’; the appropriate response to ‘that was kind of creepy’ is not ‘you’re an awful, selfish person!’

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

To be honest it sounds like a very sleazy porn set up when I reverse the genders in my head.

*wonders if this makes her a bad person*

KristinMH
13 years ago

It’s amazing how great white male atheists are at pointing out Christian privilege in North American society, when male privilege is absolutely invisible.

Oh, wait, it’s not amazing, it’s absolutely to be expected.

Because just because you don’t believe in God doesn’t mean that you don’t think that you’re entitlted to women’s time, attention, and bodies.

Good for Rebecca for putting herself in the way of the shitstorm on this one.

Molly Ren
13 years ago

I always thought “come to my room for a cup of coffee” was an euphemism for sex. It was when I went to college. o.O

Victoria von Syrus
Victoria von Syrus
13 years ago

only to be demonized and labeled a creep because she doesn’t find him attractive.

Sometimes, the hottest guy in the world can act like a creep – which makes him unattractive.

Victoria von Syrus
Victoria von Syrus
13 years ago

@ Molly: It still is, at least as of a few years ago when I used it on a date dropping me off at home. There was indeed coffee, but it wasn’t till the next morning 😉

Ion
Ion
13 years ago

The last part doesn’t make sense because I misread a comment. Let me try again:

The point is not that elevator dude did something inherently bad, gross, threatening, creepy, or sexist. The point is not that elevator dude himself is bad, gross, threatening, creepy, or sexist.

The point is that elevator dude, probably unwittingly, did something which could make a reasonable woman uncomfortable–regardless of his actual intentions, and regardless of whether he actually presented any kind of danger to the woman.

Ok, he unwittingly did something which made her uncomfortable. He expressed polite interest and asked her to have a cup of coffee (which apparently now is sexualizing and creepy), but whatever. Let’s assume something in his tone, his posture or whatever was threatening. It happens. But now suddenly this guy has all but been accused of rape, while Watson is a victim. This is a non-story that shouldn’t have blown up like this.

Molly Ren
13 years ago

I mean, Ion would have a point if IT WASN’T IN AN ELEVATOR AT 4 AM and it didn’t involve their BEDROOM. Like, tweeting them the next day to ask if they’d want to go to Starbucks or talking to them at a quiet moment during the day would have been perfectly acceptable. 😛

Ion
Ion
13 years ago

I can see why she would be creeped out. I would not be because I would be too busy laughing at him

Somehow I’m not surprised.

Molly Ren
13 years ago

“But now suddenly this guy has all but been accused of rape, while Watson is a victim.”

Um, no. He was accused of having bad Game is all. 😉

katz
13 years ago

While everything looks fine right now, I’m going to go ahead and predict that this conversation goes nowhere good. Also, Richard Dawkins is an ass.

MertvayaRuka
13 years ago

If you do creepy things like waiting for someone to be alone in an enclosed space with you before sexually propositioning them, that usually leads people to think you’re creepy.

But hey, I’m not without compassion or anything. I’ll even be helpful to all you oppressed manly men out there. I have the perfect way to keep women from seeing you as creeps:

Don’t fucking well do creepy things around them or to them. You’re welcome.

Of course I guess I’m just an emasculated mangina lap dog because I think following some stranger on to an elevator and hitting them up for sex is a terrible approach.

Molly Ren
13 years ago

@katz There’s a thread on here that ends well? Where? 😛

MertvayaRuka
13 years ago

“But now suddenly this guy has all but been accused of rape, while Watson is a victim. This is a non-story that shouldn’t have blown up like this.”

And by “all but accused of rape”, presumably you mean “not accused by Watson of anything like rape in any way, shape or form”. Talk about blowing things out of proportion.

What the fuck is it with men who think women automatically owe them every courtesy in every possible situation? What a bunch of whiny, entitled babies.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

This conversation is weird since Happiness is a Warm Gun just came on my Pandora.

And Ion, of course you are not surprised-I find men trying to proposition me at 4 in the morning amusing. Of course if 13 is asking me the laughing is more like flirty giggles then “oh my god, really? hahahahah!”

Ion
Ion
13 years ago

I mean, Ion would have a point if IT WASN’T IN AN ELEVATOR AT 4 AM and it didn’t involve their BEDROOM

What was she doing riding elevators at 4 in the morning? I didn’t think the late hour was an issue because my impression was that they’d both just left the bar and were heading to their rooms. This is why he said coffee in his room. I honestly never read it as a sexual invitation, but what do I know. Maybe the guy was leering and drooling and grabbing his crotch as he said it.

Molly Ren
13 years ago

“What was she doing riding elevators at 4 in the morning?”

Being a whore, obviously!

Seriously, tho, she does add “don’t invite me back to your hotel room right after I finish talking about how it creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable when men sexualize me in that manner”. Lady just wanted to go up to her room to get some sleep already. 😛

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