Good news, horny straight dudes! I can now report that the best, most efficient, most SCIENTIFIC way to score with the ladies is to figure out when they’re ovulating – and then act like a dick towards them!
Don’t take my word for it. Take the word of KRAUSER PUA, a guy so suave and superior his whole name is in ALL CAPS. As he explains in a recent blog post:
One of the things I’ve been meaning to do for months is to start tracking my targets with more scientific precision. …
It’s pretty clear that girls in peak ovulation are the best bets for first-time sex. It’s also clear they respond well to douchebag / aloof asshole game.
So here’s what I’m doing. I’ve just set up a spreadsheet to track all my active / still alive targets. Each one has a four rows representing each week of their cycle. Whenever I get any evidence to suggest they are in one particular week I’ll input it alongside the date. … Examples of evidence:
Week 1 – Bleeding: tells me she’s on the rag, allows sexual touching but stops me at her panties, wears trousers, smells funny
Week 2 – Normal: no unusual behavior
Week 3 – Ovulation: dresses sexy, talks and flirts, initiates touching, responds well to everything, allows escalation, gives back in sex chats, wisfully seeks excitement, goes clubbing
Week 4 – PMS: frumpy, lack of makeup, confused, bad moods, rejects all alpha / gamey banter, lack of interest in returning texts and calls
Seems like a foolproof strategy to me!
I think the only thing I would change is the wording. “Ovulation” has such a clinical, unsexy sound to it. I much prefer the slag term I just invented, “gettin’ eggy.”
It also makes the whole strategy much easier to remember. Just repeat the following “success mantra” every morning while you brush your teeth:
When she’s gettin’ eggy
It’s time to neggy
If all else fails, guys, you can always make a soft-boiled egg and fuck that.
Sorry Darksidecat
A very close friend of mine put herself in jeopardy more times then I can count and came out on the losing side more then once.
I think I’m more then qualified to give the advice to not act like she did in her youth. She would say the same, so I will in her absence.
I know you want me to be the bad guy, but I’m not. For the record I rarely disagree with your posts and consider you intelligent. One of my main stays in life is to except people the way they are that day. From me you have a clean slate.
Ami
Just ask him!!!!!!!!!!
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Yeah, this is ridiculous for pretty much the reasons everyone else has mentioned.
My cycle was (shortest) 27 to (longest) 42 days. That’s six weeks! It would throw off the chart entirely! And I haven’t ovulated in almost ten years. Plus, I take the pill in such a way that I only have a bleed once or twice a year at pretty random times. Days I don’t dress nice are days where I just feel kind of unpleasant, which are also pretty random. So I would love to see one of these spreadsheeters try to surreptitiously track my “cycle” and still get blown off. It would be loverly.
Plus, back when I used to ovulate (TMI alert) I would have terrible cramping and something a bit worse than spotting. It was NOT sexytime. Before the period was pretty much always the horny time just from all the pressure in the abdomen (and probably hormones going whack). Needless to say … there is a big reason I don’t have periods anymore–because my repro system was seriously b0rken.
In his (a little) defense, I’ve known guys who were hyper-sensitive to menstrual smells. One of whom was gay, so I don’t think it served any evolutionary purpose.
In closing, people who try to track menstrual cycles to their gain are stupid.
afterwards when ppl are going off to parties and clubs, what should I do to let him know I want to hang out w/ him?
Ask him to go with you to one of the parties or clubs! “Hey, we’re going to Awesome Bar, can I buy you a drink there?” And if he says no (because it’s entirely likely he might have some other plan that evening, just say something like, “That’s cool. Well, can I still buy you a drink some time when you’re not busy?”
Those questions were for Arksibalt cuz he gave me the “don’t do nething, play coy” advice so I was asking how can I let a guy know I WANT to hang out w/ him if I can’t say nething xD
Wait… so why exactly to you wanna hit up a woman while she’s ovulating? Isn’t that the most likely time she would get pregnant? Are PUAs well informed about contraception? Its hard to tell with these guys…
Ami Angelwings | June 30, 2011 at 5:43 pm
No no no, I want more details.. so how SHOULD I act? : how do i let him know I’m interested? afterwards when ppl are going off to parties and clubs, what should I do to let him know I want to hang out w/ him? o: If I’m supposed to be “coy” there must be an effective way to do it right? Why would compliments scare him off? : Do men not like being complimented or knowing women find them attractive? o_O
That wasn’t meant for you guys, I meant that for Arksibalt :3 (or nebody else who thinks I should play “coy” and not give compliments xD )
@Trollin’MRAs – “See, PUA and THE GAME are like periods…
People should never, ever speak of them again. ;D”
I lol’ed.
Also, re: Birth control and Tuesday periods. Maybe I’m just weird, but I do the normal Sunday start and never get mine earlier than Thursday.
Dude, I’m at my most horny just before my period, and for the first two days of it. There are exceptions, but I find it’s mostly during that time for me.
And yeah, “targets”, “still alive”, WTF?
Ami, if you’re looking to the trolls for relationship advice, I’d go with Ion’s. It makes a lot more sense.
Doctress Julia, it was my pleasure.
Okay, maybe you should wear the “Please MARRY ME NOW” shirt.
Or at least something that says “I WANT YOUR BODY AND OTHER BITS AS OFFERED.”
@Kave, defensive much? I was addressing specific things that you said, I didn’t just run around yelling “Kave=evil!” And what you are saying is problematic.
“put herself in danger” “to not act like she did in her youth” Victim blamey much? Trans people are not the problem that causes anti-trans violence, hateful bigots who commit acts of violence are. This rhetoric is sort of like a man telling a woman “don’t wear a short skirt and you won’t get raped.” First of all, it involves the privileged class pretending like it knows the lives of the oppressed class better than they know their own lives (“I think I am more than qualified…” Ever been a trans person deciding to disclose or not?). Second, it erases the perpetrators of the violence. Third, it feeds into structual myths that are used to dismiss violence (such as trans panic). Fourth, it restricts the behavior of the victim, rather than the person causing the problem. Fifth, many times this advice does not reflect well what actually happens in these situations. For example, it turned out in this case (trigger warning) that the perpetrator who tried to use “sudden discovery” as an excuse had been aware that the victim was trans for some time (the perp was shown to have been present during the victim’s court date for her traffic tickets, where she was called by the court using her birth name http://crystlanngray.weebly.com/in-memory-of-angie-zapata.html).
Wasn’t this an episode of Law &Order SVU? Except the rapist in that episode was smart enough to somehow get access to ovulation tests sometimes somehow. I mean if you’re already crazy enough to document the hypothetical ovulation of acquaintances then how much harder can it be to ask for some urine? The ladies he prefers obviously have a pretty high threshold for creepy.
Ami, my wife asked me out on our first date. I was planning on asking her out, but only after I did my usual several months of recon to find out if she was in fact single, interested, etc. So, yeah, it’s a good thing she asked me out. 😀
And an episode of Horrible People! Which is just as bad as it sounds.
I was about to actually write something more, but Darksidecat I think summed it up rly well :] I didn’t rly want to cuz I dun want to get into a fight w/ friends 🙁 And I know you (Kave) was just worried about me and you said before you were kinda seeing me as a daughter :] And I appreciate that (I never rly had a father : )
And I’m about to go on a bike ride xD But it gnaws at me so I do need to say it : The whole disclosure thing is something that trans ppl are aware of… I think often ppl (not saying YOU Kave :] ) assume that we’re just kinda.. either naive, or malicious.. but that we plan to never tell cuz we’re either out to trick men or we don’t understand how transphobic the world is : Ther’es also a problematic thing about thinking that “straight” is the end all and be all since often the advice is that we should just date ppl who focus solely on our genitals (or are just attracted to them and see us as crossdressers, or effeminate gay men) as if a) everything is about sex and genitals b) that’s all that rly defines us c) we shouldn’t care to want ppl to like us as men or women : but we also DO understand how tricky and difficult it is (I can’t speak for your friend, but she doesn’t speak for all trans ppl either : I’ve known a lot of trans ppl and trans youth and kinda like how almost every woman is aware of all the “watch out, watch your drink, don’t go out at night, watch what you wear” msgs in society, it’s not like we haven’t heard all these msgs alrdy also, and all of them are pretty aware of this)
The idea that disclosure keeps you safe, is, as Darksidecat points out, a societal narrative, akin to “rapists will rape you if you dress slutty”.. it’s one of those things that make SENSE from a “common sense” what we “know” what we grow up being “told” construction, but it isn’t going to “protect” you (this btw isn’t about “I’m not gonna tell him until RIGHT BEFORE”, which seems ot be the scenario everybody likes to go on about and use as a strawman >_> )… in many cases, the killer alrdy knew.. or in fact sought OUT trans women… which is the other thing, in reality, the idea that full disclosure ahead of time (putting it on your dating profile) won’t necessarily protect you, b/c there are ppl who seek out trans ppl just to humiliate, assault, etc us, or kill us… also ppl who LIKE trans ppl but then get ashamed of it, and turn it on the victim : we’re in danger in society in general as trans ppl, and we’re aware of this, and the thing is, kinda like the advice for rape.. it’s the advice for everything… you’re always more in danger of every crime, if yu’re alone.. you’re always more in danger if you can’t get away easily.. or if you’re in a place where ppl can’t hear you, or don’t pay attn (in a busy place), or etc… whether it’s theft, or assault, or etc… but the thing is, whether ppl FIND OUT, or they alrdy know, being trans puts you in danger.. and the idea of “trans panic” like “gay panic” is kinda like “rapists can’t help but raping slutty looking girls” -_- that everybody is instinctive animals except for us potential victims, and so it’s up to us to protect ourselves.. except that protection doesn’t work, cuz as I said, no matter how you play it, you might still be in danger (and in fact could be putting yourself in MORE danger, b/c you’re told you’ve protected yourself : )
I struggle w/ when to reveal… and if I want advice, I’ll ask for it, and I appreciate that ppl are concerned w/ my safety (and I dun appreciate it when ppl are concerned for the poor heterosexuality of the other guy, but it hasn’t come up here xD ) .. but it’s a personal thing I do deal w/, and it IS something, ppl being attracted to you, as you, until that one thing… and it’s complicated, and as DSC says, unless your’e actually FACING it, it’s v easy, like it is in all sorts of situations where it’s not actually one’s life or one’s body, to say “this is what you should do”.. and as I said it doesn’t actually = safety (and also as I said we are aware of these things, and if ppl want to argue about who “we” is, then *I* am aware of this ok? xD )
But it’s just… I just asked for dating advice :] I didn’t say “he’s a straight transphobic guy and I’m not going to tell him” or reveal nething at all xD I’m just a girl asking about how to let a guy know I like him :] And I think part of what DSC was trying to get to was that, it should have focused on that, and not on me being trans, and suddenly all this concern about that, b/c I didn’t even specify what the situation is, or how he feels, or whether he’s cis or trans… : Nothing, except just, I want to date the guy :] If I was concerned about whether to tell him or when or how (as sometimes I am) I’d ask that :]
That having been said, again Kave, plz dun get defensive or think that I’m attacking you or nething, I appreciate you being concerned for me and watching out for me :] And also, the idea of having somebody ELSE (mutual friend) tell somebody in the future, is a pretty decent one, and I will keep it in mind :]
Hi Ami
I’d like to chime in with the same comment of just telling him you like him or whatever. I’ve pretty much only dated nerdy guys, and they tend to really appreciate direct communication.
I can’t say that this is a particularly *good* idea, but I also recommend getting drunk and making out. That’s how I landed my husband (who I proposed to).
Okay then you both should wear a box (each) with just enough space to talk so you get to know each other as people?
Ooh and also
I have a 6 week cycle. Do I get 2 extra “normal” weeks, 2 extra “ovulation” weeks or 2 extra “pms” weeks? It’s not extra bleeding, I can tell that.
On birth control I have a 4 week cycle—but no ovulation, or pms, or much bleeding for that matter.
For some reason, I find it rather fun to talk about periods and such. Especially around a mixed crowd of “normal” and PUA/MRA type folk.
Look at it from my perspective… and this isn’t about this specific situation, this happens in other cases, often worse (b/c often the focus is on the GUY, and his poor heterosexuality) if they didn’t know I was trans, it would have just been normal advice… ppl know I’m trans, suddenly it is “omg when are you gonna tell?” that’s my business :]
the thing about being trans is that ppl get so hung up on your genitals all the time, and i mean this is private stuff.. and it’s also stuff that if I want to talk about or share, I would :]
(also on the reverse, maybe we should start asking all our friends who are about to go on dates if their date might be trans, and “you should tell her that you don’t like trans ppl ahead of time, just in case” that’d actually make life safer for us xD )
@Vera thanks! xD trust me, if we end up drunk and making out, that would be pretty awesome *-* (i’ll take sober and making out :3 )
And now being stressed, and feeling exposed, I will go for a bike ride :3
Ami, that was awesome. I did not know until this thread that you are a trans person and I was very shocked to see it outed that way, not because I am shocked at trans people but because it seemed to come out of nowhere and I wasn’t sure if you were out as a trans person to the interwebs at large.
I try to follow the “don’t ask if it’s not my business” and “it’s not their job to educate you” mantras and posts like yours are just pure gold for someone who likes to understand things.
I’m always making the first move – the only time I didn’t was when I got with a woman! One time I just slowly moved closer to him, obvious that I was after a kiss but still with time for him to turn away. Another time I asked for a hug from a guy I was interested in and who I thought was interested in me…and then I kissed his neck. V sexy for both of us.
But I also like the *we should catch up at x bar, and I’ll buy you a drink* – it’s like you aren’t even buying them a drink now (with attendant pressure) but that you’re offering to buy one in the future. That’s made of win. Otherwise – I would argue that kissing is a great way to show you are interested 😉
P.S. Victim blaming = ungood.
Ami, remember the next-to-the-last episode of “The Prisoner”? I think that’s the way to go here. Sealed up in a room together so the only thing you can do is talk. Though I do think that drugging him and making him relive his childhood may be going a little far. I’ll leave that decision up to you.