Good news, horny straight dudes! I can now report that the best, most efficient, most SCIENTIFIC way to score with the ladies is to figure out when they’re ovulating – and then act like a dick towards them!
Don’t take my word for it. Take the word of KRAUSER PUA, a guy so suave and superior his whole name is in ALL CAPS. As he explains in a recent blog post:
One of the things I’ve been meaning to do for months is to start tracking my targets with more scientific precision. …
It’s pretty clear that girls in peak ovulation are the best bets for first-time sex. It’s also clear they respond well to douchebag / aloof asshole game.
So here’s what I’m doing. I’ve just set up a spreadsheet to track all my active / still alive targets. Each one has a four rows representing each week of their cycle. Whenever I get any evidence to suggest they are in one particular week I’ll input it alongside the date. … Examples of evidence:
Week 1 – Bleeding: tells me she’s on the rag, allows sexual touching but stops me at her panties, wears trousers, smells funny
Week 2 – Normal: no unusual behavior
Week 3 – Ovulation: dresses sexy, talks and flirts, initiates touching, responds well to everything, allows escalation, gives back in sex chats, wisfully seeks excitement, goes clubbing
Week 4 – PMS: frumpy, lack of makeup, confused, bad moods, rejects all alpha / gamey banter, lack of interest in returning texts and calls
Seems like a foolproof strategy to me!
I think the only thing I would change is the wording. “Ovulation” has such a clinical, unsexy sound to it. I much prefer the slag term I just invented, “gettin’ eggy.”
It also makes the whole strategy much easier to remember. Just repeat the following “success mantra” every morning while you brush your teeth:
When she’s gettin’ eggy
It’s time to neggy
If all else fails, guys, you can always make a soft-boiled egg and fuck that.
How does he know these women well enough to know their cycles, in some cases to have done “sexual touching” with them… and not had it just come down to a “yes or no” by now? I thought PUA was for, you know, picking women up, not for puppydogging them for months on end.
I’m having trouble picturing what kind of protracted quasi-courtship situation he’s in with all these “targets.”
(Assuming they know he exists.)
(Assuming they exist.)
@Holly–he doesn’t, he’s pulling this data directly from his ass. It allows more room for his head.
I’m so excited, I get to see the guy I like tmrw at the Trans March! 😀 and hopefully afterwards we’ll hang and stuff too :3 I should ask these PUA ppl what I should do to attract him and be the alpha b- or w/e xD I mean Im’ not supposed to make the first move or nething right cuz I’m the girl? so do I stand there and just looking pouty and pretty or something? XD
In before someone shows up to defend this.
Also I just realized!! XDDD apparently I’m hateful (NWO), cruel (Emcee) and now nasty (Ion) xD
am I an alpha bitch yet? xD
I’m like every girl you ever hated in HS rolled into one apparently xD (w/ magic cards)
Voip – In before someone shows up to declare that this is beginner Game and they’re way more Alpha than this guy, who’s just letting women walk all over him by allowing them to have different moods.
Ami – There is nothing you need do. As you are a woman, you are constantly besieged with sexual propositions, and only need to pick which ones meet your standards.
(In seriousness, have fun! Even if you don’t get besieged.)
I would be seriously creeped out to discover that a casual acquaintance was tracking my cycle. Hell, it would be mildly creepy if my boyfriend did it (though since we live together, he’d probably at least have a better reason).
Besides, I wear jeans all the time, even when I’m ovulating or ‘normal’. AND I have a five week cycle. So HAH!
Ami, you’re Pure Evil and that’s awesome. 😀
But back to lower-case e type evil, the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that KRAUSER PUA is a vampire. His uncanny ability to sense blood would be one thing by itself. His talk about “active/still alive targets” another (very creepy and unsettling) thing by itself. But together? VAMPIRE!
Everything he writes on that blog is stuff he makes up to impress his Nice Guy audience.
He is not seducing women, he is seducing Nice Guys into giving him money to teach them how to be a master avenger like him.
This guy’s spreadsheets are literally SPREADsheets, if you catch my drift. Hen heh. High five!!!
Actually, I’m pretty sure they’re not.
I just don’t get it. Why not just ask them, if you ultimately don’t care what they think of you? I’d say “You know, you could treat them like individual people”, but well, look who we’re talking about here.
“Also, I’m ‘on the rag’ and I am HAWNY. I must be doing it wrong…”
Yeh I think this is pretty common, amirite cisladies?
@hellkell: “@Holly–he doesn’t, he’s pulling this data directly from his ass. It allows more room for his head.”
Hellkell, you are the next person I want to bake a delicious pie for. That comment was a flawless gem.
He must be a vampire, he can smell a tiny amount of blood through distance and clothing. (I mean, really, smells funny? What the hell?)
Am I the only cis woman here who actually does get hornier during ovulation?
Ditto to everyone saying women’s cycle’s just don’t work like that. The only women I know who actually sync up to a standard 4-week cycle are on the pill. Which, y’know, usually prevents ovulation. Not to mention all the non-regular-cycle ladies who bounced between 26 and 30 days.
Or the fact that many women, myself included, get extra-horny right before our periods, as has been mentioned. I personally get extra-bitchy afterwards. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!
Plus “smells funny”? WTF? Never heard of odor-absorbent panty-liners?
@Victoria von Syrus
He should do it just so he knows when to pick up your tampons. After all he’s probably just a giant mangina who hold your purse while you shop because he isn’t negging you or Going His Own Way.
@filetofswedishfish
Treat them like individual people and you shame the penis (I think that’s the right term). DOn’t you know that woman are just some sort of Rubix Cube? You just have to keep twisting them to get what you want.
Fortunately, my boyfriend does not find it emasculating to have to buy me a box of tampons!
http://i749.photobucket.com/albums/xx134/ami_angelwings/Magyc%20Cards/KrausersSpreadsheet.jpg
Dave, that was an awful pun that made me laugh. 🙂 Also, Cracked talks about why anyone has sex.
And this confirms the idea that these guys tend to be nerdy guys who think everything can be quantified. But the problem is that some of this stuff cannot be and he really needs to have double blind studies for figuring out when a woman is ovulating and what exactly she feels when doing so.
Of course he would also need to not be his own test subject-otherwise the results are biased or something. Whatever keeps him away from real women anyway.
Eww. Reminds me of that insane prisoner in Silence of the Lambs who tells Clarice “I can smell your c*nt” when she’s passing by his cage.
KRAUSER PUA probably thought that was a brilliant NEG. :/
It’s funny that women should complain about this when its their, or rather, feminism’s fault that it’s happening in the first place. Ladies: if you don’t want people tracking your menstrual cycles, don’t talk about them. Notice how before feminism, women were ashamed to talk about their periods? That was the way it should have been – a private matter. Now girls talk about their bleeding ginas all day on Facebook, and act surprised when guys start keeping track.
Once again we see how feminism has made women MORE susceptible to Game, and allowed alphas greater sexual freedom than ever before. Good job, ladies.
@Arksibalt
lolololol you and this KRAUSER dude keep track of periods
I was starting to write a lot of sarcastic words directed to Arksibalt, but then decided he’s too much of an idiot to waste the energy on.
cynickal- I’m pretty sure shaming the penis could be damned hot, if that’s what a person were into.
Victoria von Syrus- Try explaining menstrual cups to a dumbfounded boyfriend. FoSB was ASTOUNDED, mixed with OMGHOWDOESITWERK?! That was easily back in like, February when he discovered that and he STILL asks me questions about them.
Also- with regards to the smell-weird thing, the differences in behavior and dress, and just basically the whole thing: FoSB has completely missed the fact that I was riding the crimson tide on several occasions. And we live together. Clearly, I am doin it rong. And so it he. But we’re pretty happy that way.