Good news, horny straight dudes! I can now report that the best, most efficient, most SCIENTIFIC way to score with the ladies is to figure out when they’re ovulating – and then act like a dick towards them!
Don’t take my word for it. Take the word of KRAUSER PUA, a guy so suave and superior his whole name is in ALL CAPS. As he explains in a recent blog post:
One of the things I’ve been meaning to do for months is to start tracking my targets with more scientific precision. …
It’s pretty clear that girls in peak ovulation are the best bets for first-time sex. It’s also clear they respond well to douchebag / aloof asshole game.
So here’s what I’m doing. I’ve just set up a spreadsheet to track all my active / still alive targets. Each one has a four rows representing each week of their cycle. Whenever I get any evidence to suggest they are in one particular week I’ll input it alongside the date. … Examples of evidence:
Week 1 – Bleeding: tells me she’s on the rag, allows sexual touching but stops me at her panties, wears trousers, smells funny
Week 2 – Normal: no unusual behavior
Week 3 – Ovulation: dresses sexy, talks and flirts, initiates touching, responds well to everything, allows escalation, gives back in sex chats, wisfully seeks excitement, goes clubbing
Week 4 – PMS: frumpy, lack of makeup, confused, bad moods, rejects all alpha / gamey banter, lack of interest in returning texts and calls
Seems like a foolproof strategy to me!
I think the only thing I would change is the wording. “Ovulation” has such a clinical, unsexy sound to it. I much prefer the slag term I just invented, “gettin’ eggy.”
It also makes the whole strategy much easier to remember. Just repeat the following “success mantra” every morning while you brush your teeth:
When she’s gettin’ eggy
It’s time to neggy
If all else fails, guys, you can always make a soft-boiled egg and fuck that.
It’s brilliant! But WAIT! Isn’t this also the time you’re most likely to get stuck with the feminist life-leeching horror that is child support? Or is your game so strong you’ll be able to convince her to get a beta to cuckold? Because this is the Evo-Psych savannah or something, and alpha hunter lives in a world without paternity tests, and women are eager to cheat? I can’t keep track of all the theories anymore!
Why does he specify “still alive”…?
Hmmm.. My wife’s period last for 3 days and she always (unless on a job site pitching in with her contractors) wears skirts. She also gets randy just before her period.
She must be an alien.
You don’t want to know and I don’t want to know.
How is he going to distinguish between women who are in Week 4 and women who just think he’s a douchebag?
If ‘normal’ behavior only happens one week out of four, how can it be specified as normal?
I was wondering the same thing. That puts a particularly dark and creepy twist to his already dark and creepy use of the word “targets”.
If it wasn’t for the fact that he’s talking about ovulation, I’d also be wondering if he does his PUArtistry in nursing homes…
Graham: This guy is an ARTISTE, a MASTER of GAME.
GAME cannot fail, it can only be failed, as an avowed master, there is no woman he can’t win over (if she is worthy of his time and effort).
QED, if she rejects him, she’s PMSing.
Also, “bleeding”. If he can see bleeding, forget the PUArtistry and call 911 for crying out loud!
Ah yes. I remember hearing about this. The new standard for scientific evidence is: scientifc method — out the window. Replaced by: “if it’s ‘pretty clear’ to a vile douchebag, it must be fact.” There was a symposium about it or something, I forget.
Um, he tracks the women he’s interested in on a spreadsheet. ON A SPREADSHEET. This is alarming.
@Zhinxy you shouldn’t ever try to put all this together xD I think if somebody actually manages to combine all this you’ll get something like the “star gate” scene in 2001 w/ all the wooshy xD
Checking for behaviour is always hilarious b/c ppl see what they want to see xD Ppl have thought *I*’ve been PMSing before xD
If he has time to track them on a spreadsheet, my guess is that’s all he’s doing. Then again, I hate spreadheets.
@Tabby that or this advice only applies to Kryptonians xD (and Wolverine)
@Bee I think it’s hilarious xD It’s like in baseball… the sabermetric revolution is coming! XD And tehy’ll be a divide between the old schoolers who still believe in Game and talking to girls and stuff, and the statisticians and their fancy computers and spreadsheets and not believing in live scouting, but believing in just crunching numbers and rather than talking about your “batting average” with women, they’ll be talking about your “on base percentage’ with women and your “batting average on bitches in play” xD (actually that might be a useful statistic… kinda like how BABIP has helped make analysis of baseball players more accurate… rather than just “how many women you’re sleeping with” (like just batting average), you can measure how many women you’re sleeping with that are “in play” and if it’s above a certain percentage (in baseball it’s .300) then it means you might just be going thru a hot streak, and you’ll cool down.. but if it’s below that percentage, it means you’re going thru a slump but it’s not indicative of how it should be 😀 actually I LIKE this idea, I’m gonna work on some “game” sabermetrics)
Yeah I’m gettin eggy wid it
Does he color code his spread sheet for easy reference?
So many things wrong with this…including the small scientific fact that *women do not ovulate on a regimented cycle*. Some women may ovulate at different times of the month even if they’re periods are on the same cycle. And that’s just if you treat it as maybe based in some sort of fact which it clearly is not.
Also, one of the characters in my latest fanfic must be renamed Krauser.
The phrase ‘gettin’ eggy’ just made my week. Thank you.
Also, I’m ‘on the rag’ and I am HAWNY. I must be doing it wrong…
Can you imagine finding that spread sheet on the guy’s desk? I’d be fleeing, and calling my local unit of FBI profilers*. I’ve seen that episode on TV…no need to live it in real life.
*Yeah, I know. Not available in real life. Or in Canada.
Batting Average on Bitches In Play
H = Hits, when you get some action, get her real phone #, etc
AB = At Bat, attempts to get women, doesn’t, count situations where you try but there aren’t any women to get (walks)
K = Strikeout, rejected off the bat
SF = Sacrifice Fly, rejected but only b/c you’re helping your buddy score
HR = Homerun, Girl sleeps w/ you right off the bat
BABIP = (H – HR) / (AB – K – HR + SF)
that should give you a % of how well you’re doing in terms of the girls that are actually “in play” and taking out the ones that aren’t interested, or that would have slept w/ you neways :3
In baseball, the idea behind BABIP is that in a general theoretical sense, whether or not your ball ends up fair or being caught out is mostly luck. (obv w/ exceptions, this is why there has to be qualitative analysis too xD if somebody has a consistantly high or low babip, there might be reasons why, if they’re extremely fast and aiming ground balls, like Ichiro, etc)
The “normal” for BABIP is .300 Staying above or below that is difficult to maintain, and it’s a way statisticians use to decide if a player is having a fluke season or not… like if you’re having a great hitting season but your BABIP is rly high, it means that you might be getting lucky, and it’s a “red flag” that maybe those stats aren’t real… conversely if your BABIP is low, and you’re batting like crap, it could just mean it’s a fluke, and you’ll get back up :3
Now the thing is, we need to determine what’s the “normal” BABIP for this game stuff xD so obv we’d need more stats , but it’d be a way of determining which PUAs are for real and which ones might just be lucky so far (or unlucky!) xDDD
Ah Baseball, how I lurve you <3
Ami – or vampires.
Holy crap! KRAUSER PUA is Edward Cullen!
Clearly I am a broken woman because my menstrual cycle never matches up nicely in 4 weeks, or even the same way twice….
Maybe I’m actually a man? Or always ovulating? I DUNNO!
You could set a clock by me, and I’m one of the lucky ones who can feel it when I ovulate, or “lay an egg” as I like to call it
Actually Moneyball in general might be a good idea to apply to dating and this game stuff 😮 (has nebody read the book? it’s rly fascinating :3 )
The idea is that Billy Beane (GM of the Oakland As) took qualitative analysis out of the equation b/c he felt baseball ppl and scouts were too hung up on appearances and being impressed by watching (it’s also funny and a little disturbing how erotic some of the descriptions scouts, who are old men, were giving about HS players) and as Billy Beane says “we’re not here to sell jeans”… and that they were judging players on how they looked, how strong they were, how fast, and being coloured by their body type, and dreams of “if we can just get this guy to play baseball” b/c he’s such an athlete, and etc…
Beane used stats to actually find out what WAS happening, rather than what his scouts REMEMBERED happening, and so he found players who didn’t fit the mould but were v effective at playing baseball :3 like fat guys, or awkward looking guys.. and so all these new stats were developed b/c the old stats weren’t actually very good at gauging what was going on :]
I think that this dating stuff could do w/ some of this xD r ather than working on assumptions (like baseball was doing) and going “oh girls want bad boys, we should pretend to be bad boys” or “neg must work b/c of various assumptions of evo psych”, let’s just have a hard breakdown and see.. are the hot ppl rly getting the most sex? maybe the ppl who are best at sex, aren’t the ones who “look good in a pair of jeans” like what Billy Beane discovered :3
maybe the bad boys aren’t rly getting tons of sex, maybe height isn’t as big a factor as we “think” or “know”… as Beane pointed out, memory and anecdata are bad gauges, b/c ppl see what they want to see, and remember what fits their theory (like w/ ppl who believe in “Game”) and focus too much on the superficial. xD
(why do I get the feeling somebody’s alrdy compared Roissy to Billy Beane btw, possibly himself XD and thinks of Game like Moneyball xD it allows the Oakland As of the dating world to compete w/ the Yankees! xD Except the system is basically anti moneyball XD )
now i just need to gather stats in a ttlly unintrusive, completely no illegal or creepy way xD