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disgusting women evil women feminism I am making a joke oppressed men precious bodily fluids vaginas

Aunt Flo: The Great Deceiver

"That time of the month" is actually a time of great joy for the ladies!

CONFIDENTIAL TO ALL GUYS

LADIES DO NOT READ

Guys, I think I may have been wrong about this whole “feminism” thing. It turns out that the ladies use what’s called their “periods” to manipulate men and act like perfect entitled princesses — at least, as perfect as you can be when you’re bleeding from your crotch!

Anyway, one of the ladies just spilled the beans in an interview with Jezebel. Rachel Kauder Nalebuff – that is so obviously a fake name – told Jezebel’s Anna North:

[F]rankly I … see [menstruation] as a free pass when it comes to getting out of a bind. Guys often know so little about menstruation that they assume the absolute worst. Maybe out of a fear of menstruation or, even more likely, a fear of seeming insensitive, guys tend to be incredibly generous when it comes to giving you freedom to tend to your “feminine needs.”

Menstruation? More like Men Ruination!!

I hereby renounce feminism.

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Nahida
10 years ago

Does reading mean I get to have an instant penis?

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Better knowledge might kill off that stupid “do not trust anything that bleeds for a week” meme that has lasted since forever.

We are not bleeding-we are just expelling dead cells in a rather terrifying manner.

Victoria von Syrus
Victoria von Syrus
10 years ago

That actually sounds kind of sad to me. Like, she has a difficult time just saying, “Hey, I need a little me time, I’ll get back to you when I can,” so she uses her periods as an excuse. Women are expected, it seems, to be emotionally ‘on-call’ at all times, so the only way to get off the hook for that is to try and gross out the men around her.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

“Horseback Riding, Trampolining, and Abdominal Crunches Society” hahahaha, that sounds like are really painful society.

Tabby Lavalamp
Tabby Lavalamp
10 years ago

I’ve never understood men’s squeamishness when it comes to buying women’s hygiene products. It’s not like anyone’s going to think it’s for them, and you’d think they’d be fine with showing the world they’re with a woman of child-bearing years.

Fuck MRAs
Fuck MRAs
10 years ago

“Guys often know so little about menstruation that they assume the absolute worst. ”

This line reminded me of the time when I was about 10 or 11 and I went to the park with my next door neighbor, a boy who was a couple of years older than me. There was a strangely shaped scrap of fabric or material of some sort that had escaped the garbage bin and was lying on the ground.

My friend glanced over it suspiciously and said “eeeew! it’s a period pad! eew eew!”

Surprised, I said, “Hey, what do you know about periods?”

He said, “Oh, I know about it. It happens once a month and girls have to wear these every day for one week because they pee all day long.”

For the record, the item in question was the “skin” of a baseball.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

Yeah, men balking at buying tampons never made sense to me either. My husband has no problem buying them, although he will call me to make double sure he’s getting the right thing! No one’s happy when expect Super + and get regular.

Using menstruation to get out of “bind” is just lame manipulation.

Johnny Pez
10 years ago

Well, y’know, since men are the default sex, it stands to reason that anything involving ladyparts is strange and unnatural.

ozymandias42
10 years ago

Nahida: (clears throat)

Instant Penis’s gonna get ya
Gonna knock you right on the flow,
You better get yourself together
Pretty soon you’re gonna say “oh no.”
What in the world you thinking, chick,
Laughing in the face of my half-inch dick
Who on earth are you trying to do
An alpha or two, yeah two

Feyline
10 years ago

Oh shoot, I must’ve missed a Maintaining The Matriarchy With Evil Feminine Scheming class, because I couldn’t even come up with a bind periods would get me out of off the top of my head. Before I read Victoria’s comment, all I came up with was:

Male: “Hey, hon, did you remember to pick up milk today?”
Female: “Um…er…DISTRACTION!” *menstruates on something*

Magatha
Magatha
10 years ago

Things are changing. I was getting my hair cut the other day, and the stylist (I’ve known her forever, since before her children) was telling me about her 15 year old daughter’s first period. Yes, she got it later than lots of girls. But she and her friends were totally okay with the whole phenomenon. They had a kind of pool going in which the last one in their group to get her period was the winner. When she actually did get her period (she was second to last), the daughter tried calling her mom at work, but since her mom was in the middle of highlighting someone’s hair, she didn’t pick up. So the daughter texted her and it was a whole big thing.

What does this have to do with men? Nothing exactly, except that when I was this girl’s age, getting your period was the curse, and you tried not to let anyone know. I don’t think that’s nearly so true any more, despite what the Jezebel article says. When I was young, I hated the idea of buying tampons or pads, because I thought everyone was staring at me. I guess there are plenty of girls and women who still feel like this, but sheesh, the marketing alone has gotten so upfront and matter-of-fact. Girls and women of child-bearing age have this whole thing: our bodies get ready every month just in case there’s a brand-new little life-form. And if there isn’t, well, no harm, no foul, let’s just tidy up and sweep this last month’s preparations out of the way, then everybody gets some time off, and then it’s back to work in a week or so.

*It’s how we all get born.* For pity’s sake. It’s just life.

(I guess there’s a huge measure of cognitive dissonance, though, because there’s the blood and discharge, and – later – the visceral reality of building and birthing a baby human, and it’s all blood and pain and mucus, but oh my god, women must NOT ever serve their country in combat. Because of, well, the blood?)

ozymandias42
10 years ago

Feyline: It could get you out of sex? Assuming you are dating a guy who (a) didn’t respect your ‘no’ and (b) doesn’t respond to your period by throwing down the towel and going for it, which are two reasons to DTMFA anyway.

Plymouth
Plymouth
10 years ago

When I was in college I dyed a t-shirt with menstrual blood. I basically went to sleep with it between my legs for a couple of nights and it developed an interesting splotchy pattern. Then I washed it thoroughly and added some beads to give it a kindof tribal look. I still have it. I don’t wear it often. But it amuses me greatly to we WEARING MENSTRUAL BLOOD right out there where everyone can see it. I did have a guy ask me once what it was dyed with. I told him “blood”. It took him a few moments to get it then he laughed loudly. I was pleased he got the joke 🙂 He was an army guy and he told me that would blow the minds of some of the guys in his unit.

Magatha
Magatha
10 years ago

Oh, I just remembered a story a friend of mine told me. She and her boyfriend had just moved in together, so everything was kind of new. My friend tends to get nosebleeds when the humidity is really low, so she got one one time and stanched the blood and threw the tissues away. Oh no! Her boyfriend saw the tissues in the wastebasket and was really upset, saying it was gross, and she should be daintier and clean up after herself better, and gross gross gross…then she explained that it was NOSE BLOOD, not vagina blood, and he said, Oh, well, okay.

So if you nick yourself shaving, or with a paring knife while you’re julienning something, or something bites you, either dispose of the evidence discreetly, or *be prepared*: you may need to talk your guy down. THEN you can go to the ER or whatever.

Plymouth
Plymouth
10 years ago

Oh it’s ok – I’m not a lady.

AbsintheDexterous
10 years ago

Heh, am I the only one who thinks that they put White Bikini Chick in front of Jeans Short Chick because then it would far too sexy for a tampon ad? Because that’s what it looks like to me.

And using the menstruation card to get out of something? That only reminds me of the Mr. Creosote scene in The Meaning of Life where one woman, to get away from Mr. Creosote, used it. That was really funny.

Unless you’re with someone who slides into emotional abuse if you dare to mention something that they did that has been bothering you, and to “smooth it over” for daring to say something and to avoid a long lecture of your faults, “I was PMSing” is an effective distraction. Not that I know this from experience or anything…

ithiliana
10 years ago

I was intrigued to discover: Menstrual Blood art! Plymouth you were ahead of our time!

http://blood-art.livejournal.com/

My amusing anecdata is that I, and other female faculty I know, do not like to buy our feminine hygiene products when our students are at the cash registers! Which often happens in the local Wal-Mart! One day a friend who had both the fhp and the condoms she and her husband used found to her horror that ALL the open registers were being run by current or former students!

ithiliana
10 years ago

I’m not a lady either!

Alex
10 years ago

One of the great things about my ex was that I could talk about my period any time and he would listen and not be grossed out by it.

Bee
Bee
10 years ago

But David, all the guy readers fainted, and besides, our cycles are all synched up and we’re unable to follow directions right now! We’ll cry if you swear at us again. Then we’ll get very mad but we won’t tell you why. You know why.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

Sir, I am no lady!

ozymandias42
10 years ago

(takes out Genderqueer card, waves it around)

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

(takes out penis card, waves it around)

One less word in there… that could have been tragic.

Johnny Pez
10 years ago

I think I spoiled David’s joke by actually being a guy. AFAICT I’m the only one so far.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Or funny Kirby.

Johnny Pez
10 years ago

Curse you, kirbywarp! I had a monopoly going on!

What do you want for North Carolina Avenue?

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

@Johnny:

Park Avenue. And 1000 dollars. And I won’t trade with you for anything else. (Yes.. this is the way my siblings played… I never enjoyed monopoly much)

Magatha
Magatha
10 years ago

Ha Ha Fucking HA! My lady-bleeding factory is closed! Closed! Shuttered forever, and all my dear little hormonal helpers are enjoying their hard-earned little retirements in Belize. I has no lady-blood, and thus I am invisible, and also the lady reading rules don’t apply to me.

Johnny Pez
10 years ago

Park Place?!? And maybe you’d like the remote control for my pacemaker while you’re at it?

Alex
10 years ago

@Fuck MRAs,

lmao! That’s almost as bad as the guy I knew who thought (and insisted to me) that the clitoris was located inside the vagina. That and the guys who think women urinate from our vaginae.

Oh, I remember when my whole class found out about mine, on my third period ever (I was eleven). Surprisingly enough, though, two of the class comedians (both male) stood up for me.

theLaplaceDemon
theLaplaceDemon
10 years ago

“Goddammit I specifically told you ladies not to read this.”

Did your Feminist Control Chip (TM) fall out again, David? They really don’t make these thinks like they used to…I’m filing a complaint with the Feminist Overlord Corporation.

NWOslave
NWOslave
10 years ago

Well it’s been another long day children, so I can’t stay. I see all twelve of you have been busy with important goings on and stuff. Personally I didn’t think women needed an excuse to act just any ole way that want, not with Big Daddy close at hand. But I guess one more loophole, (hehe), couldn’t hurt.

Seriously though, half the comment’s look like that 1000 monkeys on 1000 typewriters thingy. Than you have Plymouth and ithiliana with their tie-dye mestrual shirts and finger paint blood art. That shit could make a sailor vomit. Speaking of shit, why not shit art? Go for the gold, make art out of all your bodily functions. Finger painting with snot sounds like a winner for this crew.

I know you high-minded, sophisticated gals in feminist circles believe the world revolves around your pussies, but damn!

Magatha
Magatha
10 years ago

Oh, NWOslave, are you still around? I thought you had flounced out, or (alternatively) exited the scene in a manly fashion.

Lyn
Lyn
10 years ago

NWO – I was listening to a song yesterday and it reminded me of you. The chorus goes like this:

Go on crush me like a flower, rusted from the rain
Come on, strip me of my power, beat me with your chains
And if I’m the king of cowards, you’re the queen of pain
I’m rusted from the rain, I’m rusted from the rain

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

@Johnny Pez:

Actually, yes, that would be lovely. >:D

@All:

I used to be uncomfortable about period talk. Until I started living in a co-ed dorm. That fixed that particular hang up quite quickly.

@NWO:

So… we’ll eventually recreate the works of Shakespeare? Awesome! Also… erm.. well, I’ll just leave this here. You might be amazed at the things you can find on the internet.

Blood art squicks me out a bit… But I gotta say, the colors are pretty awesome (like watercolor.. for obvious reasons).

ithiliana
10 years ago

F for reading comprehension, NWO

I linked to a community where women made menstrual blood art (and why not, guys do all sorts of crap with their penis, metaphorically speaking). It’s not my art. I write, and have no talent or inclination whatsoever for the visual and graphic arts.

ithiliana
10 years ago

I also have just two words for NWO: Piss Christ!

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

This is the weirdest thing that NWO has ever gotten upset about XD

(but still not as weird as MRAL being upset about USian vs American xD)

ozymandias42
10 years ago

Piss Christ actually seems really devotional to me…

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

@ithilana:

Actually, have you heard of this guy? He paints! With his penis! Even better, its played straight, with paint and stuff. This world we live in, isn’t it beautiful?

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

Piss Christ will hopefully short-circuit NWO for good.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

Oh! There’s also Selgado’s semen photography.

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

Also.. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to read this or not o_O

Or use that as an excuse xD Who knows? It could work xD I bet I could even convince some guys that once you take female hormones your body finds a way to have a period o_o (not that I would xD )

Besides, ppl seem to keep thinking I can get pregnant xD before I even had my name change.. and my gender can’t be changed on my medical records, I went to get my wisdom teeth removed, and the whole time they kept reading out my chart and going by my former male name, and then kept asking me if I was pregnant before the x-rays and stuff… it was so weird.. it was like my passing did one thing to their brains, and it overrode the charts xD (that or they couldn’t be sure if I was FTM or MTF cuz my appearance didn’t match the name/gender so they played it safe, either way xD )

Bee
Bee
10 years ago

And the million guys who have written their names in the snow …

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

I find it cute that in between busy days, NWO rolls out of bed, curses at us, and then goes back into bed (prolly cursing that he doesn’t have more time to curse at us online xD )

Johnny Pez
10 years ago

got other people to piss on his paintings for him

Trying to beat the critics to the piss. Er, punch.

NWOslave
NWOslave
10 years ago

Like I said pretty damn tired, I need sleep. Magatha, Still around? One post and you ask if I’m “still” around. Feminist humor I guess. Art Kirbywarp? OK, if you lefties say so. Yea ithiliana, I remember, some years ago some lefty pissed in jar and tossed in aa upsidedown crucifix. All part of the lefty tolerance thingy. Ya know like not mocking someone elses faith. Well except Christianity, yeehaw, it’s open season lefties and there’s no limit.

Goodnight, or should I just say, “flounce.” Haha, too funny.

Johnny Pez
10 years ago

too funny

Sure is.

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