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Happy Pride Day, non-existent gay men!

Well, you're no lady. But I guess you'll do.

Today, as many of you no doubt know, is Gay Pride Day. Here in Chicago, that means the annual Pride Parade, a celebration of all things LGBTQetc — and a nice aerobic workout for parade participants. (Gyrating on a float for three hours dressed in a leather harness and thong will burn roughly 1000 calories. But beware of chafing!)

Rookh Kshatriya, proprieter of the Anglobitch blog (devoted to the notion that women in the Anglosphere are, well, bitches), has evidently decided to celebrate Pride Weekend by offering us all his theories on gay male sexuality. Which is to say, his theory that there is no such thing as gay male sexuality, and that all those gay men out marching today would much rather be spending their Sunday eating bagels and doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with some comely (non-lesbian) lasses.

Yep, in Rookh’s World, gay men – or, as he puts it, “gay” men — are actually nothing more than exceptionally horny straight men who have been unfairly denied sex-on-demand with women of their choosing.

Let’s let him explain this:

Despite their rhetoric about lifestyles and the contemplation of flowers, gay men are clearly entranced by orgasm to an extent far surpassing that of heterosexual men.

Alas, in our Feminazified world, women sometimes refuse to have sex with men. Deprived a natural outlet for their sexy urges, horny dudes have to, well, improvise a bit. Why try to finagle your way into a vagina assiduously guarded by some dumb lady, when other dudes just as horny as you have holes of their own available for the asking?

As Rookh  sees it, these uber-horny dudes really have no other choice.

[A]re most gay men just hyper-sexualized males – a self-selecting group whose priapic urges can only be satisfied by rejecting the relative sexual deprivation inescapably attendant on heterosexuality? The more one considers this possibility, the more plausible it seems. Even some badass with the looks of Apollo, the Game of Roissy and the confidence of a warlord would struggle to enter a nightclub and say: “I want sex NOW!” and expect to get it.

A terrible, terrible injustice. But there is a way out:

Yet homosexual men can enter any gay bath house in any Anglosphere city, say the very same words and expected to be sexually serviced by several men in a matter of minutes! In short, the sexual mismatch between the sexes makes the heterosexual lifestyle a poor option for any hyper-sexualized male – a non-option, in fact, if he wants to fully slake his sexual thirsts. By contrast, adopting homosexuality allows him to instantly indulge his every sexual whim in every manner conceivable.

Unless, of course, these whims involve sex with, you know, women. But lust is apparently stronger than mere sexual orientation. As Rookh sees it, homosexuality is the only rational choice for uber-horny men – even if they’d rather be boning women.

Since sex is so scarce and difficult to acquire in a heterosexual context, it simply makes no sense for an Anglo-American male with priapic urges to remain heterosexual – hence the self-selection of hyper-sexualized males towards homosexual lifestyles, not to mention the hyper-sexualized nature of homosexuality itself.

Is this all a prelude to a touching coming-out announcement by our man Rookh?

No such luck. It’s actually an excuse for, yes, more feminism-bashing. For it is the evil feminists who, in Rookh’s world, have been  encouraging the “female sexual ostracism” of poor suffering straight men:

As we all know, women seek to control men by limiting sexual supply, be it representational (pornography) or actual (prostitution) – and that feminism is, essentially, an institution created for that purpose.

And so, in Rookh’s world,

homosexuality has advanced in lock-step with feminism. … [F]eminism – by assailing marital monogamy and allowing women to indulge their primordial attraction to dangerous thugs, moronic bullies and swaggering plutocrats – produced an unwanted ‘rump’ of educated, economically stable but sexually disenfranchised males. Given that gay males are disproportionately intelligent, solvent and educated, it is fairly obvious that members of this group have opted for homosexuality as a means of escaping the living death of involuntary celibacy, that the two phenomena are in fact closely related and that feminism is directly responsible for the advancement of homosexuality across the Anglosphere.

Feminism, by encouraging women to say “no” when they don’t actually want to have sex, may have created modern homosexuality, in Rookh’s view. But that doesn’t mean that feminists actually like gay dudes. No. Ick!

[T]he vast majority of Anglo females detest gay men as vehemently as they hate men in general.  … the real link between pan-Anglosphere feminism and homosexuality [is that] the latter is a reaction to the former, which hates it with boundless counter-reactionary zeal.

Yeah, seems to me that the only one here who really “detest[s] gay men” is, well, Rookh, so much so that he’s decided to completely erase gay male sexuality – to put “gay” in scare quotes – in order to give himself another opportunity to run down feminists and women in general.

Now, human sexuality is a weird, messy, complicated, wonderful thing. It may well be that some bisexual men end up having sex with men more often than with women because they find it easier to find male sex partners for casual sex. But guys who are thoroughly gay – who would score a 6 on the famous Kinsey scale – don’t actually want to have sex with women. They really don’t. Drop a beautiful, eligible, horny (straight or mostly straight) woman in the midst of a bunch of Kinsey 6 guys, and this is what you get:

Court’s free!

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PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Do guys have to be fat to be omegas? Cuz 13 is 300 lbs but six feet tall so where he falls on the illogical greek system I have no idea.

Of course he also has been the first guy to ever give me flowers without prompting or nagging so I need some help hogtying him for the alter.

darksidecat
darksidecat
13 years ago

Even poor Johnny Depp can’t get the ladies under MRAL’s standards.

I admit though, I favor loud, overly blunt, and outgoing partners. I have a very hard time picking up subtle social cues, so coy people can be really exhausting (and I generally miss flirting when it happens too low key). I also don’t have to worry as much about my own chattering or sometimes brutal honesty with people who are more self assured and argumentative and talkative. I like people who “use their words”, because body language is far harder for me to understand. Over the top, defiant people also make me feel more content in the ways in which I can be over the top and defiant. Being loud and assertive is not the same thing as being mean and cruel, shyer people can be mean and cruel as well. People who feel insecure are often more into petty cruelty than those who are happy with themselves, even if who they are is a loud goofball.

firebee
firebee
13 years ago

What this woman prefers (reality):

“- Over 6’0 (if you’re 5’11 or strong 5’10, you might be able to pass as 6′ if you work out)
– 6’2 preferred for bonus points (if you’re 6’1, again, you can pass)”

When it comes to height, I can almost guess “shorter than me”, “taller than me”, and “significantly taller than me”. And sometimes I am wrong even at this level of accuracy. I think one of my former boyfriends was my own height, 5’7″ — we could wear the same size of shoes and possibly the same pants, and I seem to recall reading his height on his dating profile, but I can’t remember the number and I certainly don’t know offhand from looking at him.

The only one of these groups that is at a disadvantage with me is the “significantly taller than me” group — although to be fair “shorter than me” has not been tested with men.

“- Cut physique (even with clothes, you can usually tell. At the very least you must look lean).”

I’ve never dated anyone with a cut physique (for most people, that’s not healthy; it’s also uncommon); half of my former boyfriends were significantly overweight.

“- Blue eyes (honestly I think this is thinly disguised racism)”

I do not know offhand my current boyfriend’s eye color. I think it’s something other than blue, but the only people I know where I know their eye color are a friend of mine whose strikingly Nordic features (inclusive of blue eyes) are at times a subject of humor, my mother (whose blue-gray eyes are similar in color to mine), and my father (whose hazel eyes are not similar in color to mine). I have dated none of these people.

“- Brad Pitt-esque facial features. (Doesn’t have to be AT THIS LEVEL, obviously, but use him as a baseline. The closer you are, the better).”

I’m a little unclear, sadly, on what Brad Pitt looks like or on how one might judge “distance from Brad Pitt” in terms of facial features. But my vague recollection of him comes with a sense of repulsion.

“- Being loud and arrogant and obnoxious. (A lot of women seem to confuse loudness with intelligence or authority or confidence or whatever. It doesn’t matter if you’re a fucking idiot. Just shout when you talk, interrupt people, and put others down.)”

People who behave this way are kind of like citronella candles, except specific to me and people like me — you set one of them up in the room and hey, suddenly there are no firebees in it!

Honestly, this here list is looking more like a cognitive distortion than anything actually resembling the way that men are commonly evaluated.

M Dubz
M Dubz
13 years ago

@ MRAL
For your own sake, PLEASE DON’T FUCK A WOMAN YOU DON’T RESPECT AS A PERSON. It will only make your delusions about ladies that much worse, and nobody deserves to carry around as much hate as you do.

SWGM
SWGM
13 years ago

I have everything on MRAL’s list except the big tits (curse my unremarkable but remarkably comfortable B-cup!). Also, since I like to talk a lot about feminist issues and reproductive justice (sexual healthcare and sexuality education being my chosen profession) I guess I wouldn’t qualify for the “fun to talk to” one either in his book…

As for my boyfriend, he’s 5’6″ to my 5’8″, overweight, and pure Italian (dark hair, dark eyes, dark complexion, and hairy). I love his round face and I LOVE his stubbly beard (seriously, I could never date a man without facial hair ever again after being with him). He’s also confident and outgoing, which could be interpreted as arrogant and obnoxious, but which I find charming. Mostly I just love to listen to his deep, masculine voice, so anytime he’s talking, I’m happy.

IMO, Brad Pitt has gotten seriously ugly lately. Last time I saw a pic of him he had a gnarled old rat tail on his chin. Nasty.

Spearhafoc
13 years ago

Spearhafoc we need to go shopping sometime

Sure. I won’t have much walking-around money for a while, so I wouldn’t be able to buy anything for myself, but I wouldn’t mind helping to pick out stuff for other people.

I have a certain love for women’s clothing, even though I wouldn’t wear it myself (I don’t have the legs for dresses. Heh).

Lyn
Lyn
13 years ago

Kate – that list describes my partner almost exactly (though he fails on the first point)! And I think there is an element of ‘like-mindedness’ that goes on too – so if BOTH individuals in a relationship like going to the gym/are outdoorsy types this usually works better cos they’ll be on similar timetables, want to spend their money on similar things, which certainly cuts down on fights. My partner and I both enjoy food and would prefer to snuggle or read, watch an interesting movie/tv series, or make something in our spare time instead of going to the gym. Harmonious!

ithiliana
13 years ago

Ami, it’s a PLOT! I always knew it.

And I know that one sad fact of the patriarchy is that all the women I have known and know can rarely see their own beauty–no matter what they look like to other people. It’s gorram depressing.

Lyn
Lyn
13 years ago

btw M Dubz – Hyperbole and a Half ftw! (I’ve only just noticed your pic…it’s awesome and I love that ‘being a grown up’ comic – it’s one of my favourites!)

ithiliana
13 years ago

First thing i look for in friend or prospective partner is READING.

It’s a total dealbreaker. I read a lot, I read multiple books at a time, I like to talk about books, and the house is full of books.

One of the favorite things my partner and I do for fun and relaxation is get new books and go out for dinner and read during dinner.

So, books.

theLaplaceDemon
theLaplaceDemon
13 years ago

“So, books.”

Books are sexy.

M Dubz
M Dubz
13 years ago

@Lyn, thanks! The woman who writes that blog is a genius, esp. her posts about her poor poor doggies…

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
13 years ago

Spearhafoc, I’m sure I should really be wearing suits at a city college. That would be kinda weird. Most people walk around in sweatpants, haha. I think I actually dress up MORE than the average person.

Ami Angelwings
13 years ago

I dunno if this will make MRAL jealous or something…

but I want to ask… (nebody can answer too)

if I like a guy, but he’s also rly busy atm.. and I’m not sure if he likes me back (or knows I exist in THAT sense, tho we are friends)… and atm I just have txt to communicate w/ him… any ideas on how to keep me in his mind, since asking “you free this weekend?” “what about now?” “how about now?” would prolly be pretty annoying xD but I want to hang out w/ him 😐 it’s awkward cuz we haven’t rly talked and stuff until like the last 2 days of training.. and then after that I dun get to see him in my regular life :

And yus, this is a case of a girl pursuing a guy *gasp*

M Dubz
M Dubz
13 years ago

And third for books being the sexiest. If a man is willing to read poetry to me, well…. *blushesandmuttersincoherently*

Lyn
Lyn
13 years ago

Books are very sexy. Book swapping with partners…oh it’s so great. SHARED LIBRARY!

For some strange reason one of my exes didn’t read books. He just didn’t read them. He couldn’t understand why I would want to spend my time doing such a thing and not-so-secretly thought I was really just lazy spending all that time reading unless it was strictly for study. He is a strange creature. Perhaps coincidentally, he was also a big jerk.

Spearhafoc
13 years ago

Spearhafoc, I’m sure I should really be wearing suits at a city college.

So? I wear suits at an art University. It’s more than kinda weird. But I look good, dammit.

theLaplaceDemon
theLaplaceDemon
13 years ago

” *blushesandmuttersincoherently* ”

😀

Kate
Kate
13 years ago

I got tired of people critiquing my choices of reading materials*, so I went out and got me an e-reader (Sony) back in the day and am still as happy with it as the first day I picked one up. It precludes having a house full of books, but I do have a hard-drive full. It also makes picking up library materials at all times of the day and night easier *and* you don’t have to worry about returning the pesky things or getting fined. I lurves the TO public library system!

But other than that I can firmly get behind the “books are sexy” meme.

*or trying to interrupt me with “insights” into them… bah… I’m reading to form my own opinion, if I want yours we can talk about it after I’m done *the whole series*! grumble

Lyn
Lyn
13 years ago

Oh, she is such a genius. And the doggie posts are excellent – I have to make sure I’m alone when I read her posts cos I cannot help but lol throughout!

shaenon
13 years ago

I already gave MRAL the only advice he needs, which is to walk around Boston listening to Jonathan Richman albums on his headphones. I recommend The Modern Lovers. This will fix everything. I’m not kidding.

I love the Dear Sugar column at therumpus.com, and she had a recent column, a speech to a class of college graduates, that seems apropos:

It’s really condescending to tell you how young you are. It’s even inaccurate. Some of you who are graduating from college are not young. Some of you are older than me. But to those of you new college graduates who are indeed young, the old new college graduates will back me up on this: you are so god damned young. Which means about eight of the ten things you have decided about yourself will over time prove to be false. The other two things will prove to be so true that you’ll look back in twenty years and howl.

MRAL, I hope that neither of your true things turns out to be “I’m a hideous omega male and women secretly hate me.”

My husband doesn’t meet a single bullet point on the MRAL Checklist of Male Attractiveness (he’s 5’10”, but skinny, not buff), but good lord is he hot.

M Dubz
M Dubz
13 years ago

@MRAL- You live in Boston, yes? A suit might be a bit much, but there’s something fantastic about a guy who’s willing to rock a suit jacket and vest with jeans, or even just a button-down shirt. Also, fedoras. Men look great in fedoras.

Also, now that I’m thinking about it, have you ever thought of taking up ballroom dancing? I swing dance, and men of average height and shorter have a definite advantage for various reasons of reach and the speed of the music. Also, in swing dancing (and there’s some great swing dancing in Boston), there is a culture of dancing with everyone who asks, as long as that person is not a proven asshole. Go take some lessons, politely ask some girls to dance, and use it as an opportunity to meet people without any sexual pressure. Seriously.

Kate
Kate
13 years ago

“And third for books being the sexiest. If a man is willing to read poetry to me, well…. *blushesandmuttersincoherently*”

or or… listen to me read my favorite poetry to him!

theLaplaceDemon
theLaplaceDemon
13 years ago

Ami – I would just pick a topic of conversation to text about and go for it…I’m big on sharing amusing life anecdotes, personally. or even just a “hi! how are you!” type deal. Then you’re keeping communication open, but it’s low-pressure.

Spearhafoc
13 years ago

Oh, hey Ami. I just found you on Facebook. I have the same profile picture (self portrait I did a few years ago).

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