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Happy Pride Day, non-existent gay men!

Well, you're no lady. But I guess you'll do.

Today, as many of you no doubt know, is Gay Pride Day. Here in Chicago, that means the annual Pride Parade, a celebration of all things LGBTQetc — and a nice aerobic workout for parade participants. (Gyrating on a float for three hours dressed in a leather harness and thong will burn roughly 1000 calories. But beware of chafing!)

Rookh Kshatriya, proprieter of the Anglobitch blog (devoted to the notion that women in the Anglosphere are, well, bitches), has evidently decided to celebrate Pride Weekend by offering us all his theories on gay male sexuality. Which is to say, his theory that there is no such thing as gay male sexuality, and that all those gay men out marching today would much rather be spending their Sunday eating bagels and doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with some comely (non-lesbian) lasses.

Yep, in Rookh’s World, gay men – or, as he puts it, “gay” men — are actually nothing more than exceptionally horny straight men who have been unfairly denied sex-on-demand with women of their choosing.

Let’s let him explain this:

Despite their rhetoric about lifestyles and the contemplation of flowers, gay men are clearly entranced by orgasm to an extent far surpassing that of heterosexual men.

Alas, in our Feminazified world, women sometimes refuse to have sex with men. Deprived a natural outlet for their sexy urges, horny dudes have to, well, improvise a bit. Why try to finagle your way into a vagina assiduously guarded by some dumb lady, when other dudes just as horny as you have holes of their own available for the asking?

As Rookh  sees it, these uber-horny dudes really have no other choice.

[A]re most gay men just hyper-sexualized males – a self-selecting group whose priapic urges can only be satisfied by rejecting the relative sexual deprivation inescapably attendant on heterosexuality? The more one considers this possibility, the more plausible it seems. Even some badass with the looks of Apollo, the Game of Roissy and the confidence of a warlord would struggle to enter a nightclub and say: “I want sex NOW!” and expect to get it.

A terrible, terrible injustice. But there is a way out:

Yet homosexual men can enter any gay bath house in any Anglosphere city, say the very same words and expected to be sexually serviced by several men in a matter of minutes! In short, the sexual mismatch between the sexes makes the heterosexual lifestyle a poor option for any hyper-sexualized male – a non-option, in fact, if he wants to fully slake his sexual thirsts. By contrast, adopting homosexuality allows him to instantly indulge his every sexual whim in every manner conceivable.

Unless, of course, these whims involve sex with, you know, women. But lust is apparently stronger than mere sexual orientation. As Rookh sees it, homosexuality is the only rational choice for uber-horny men – even if they’d rather be boning women.

Since sex is so scarce and difficult to acquire in a heterosexual context, it simply makes no sense for an Anglo-American male with priapic urges to remain heterosexual – hence the self-selection of hyper-sexualized males towards homosexual lifestyles, not to mention the hyper-sexualized nature of homosexuality itself.

Is this all a prelude to a touching coming-out announcement by our man Rookh?

No such luck. It’s actually an excuse for, yes, more feminism-bashing. For it is the evil feminists who, in Rookh’s world, have been  encouraging the “female sexual ostracism” of poor suffering straight men:

As we all know, women seek to control men by limiting sexual supply, be it representational (pornography) or actual (prostitution) – and that feminism is, essentially, an institution created for that purpose.

And so, in Rookh’s world,

homosexuality has advanced in lock-step with feminism. … [F]eminism – by assailing marital monogamy and allowing women to indulge their primordial attraction to dangerous thugs, moronic bullies and swaggering plutocrats – produced an unwanted ‘rump’ of educated, economically stable but sexually disenfranchised males. Given that gay males are disproportionately intelligent, solvent and educated, it is fairly obvious that members of this group have opted for homosexuality as a means of escaping the living death of involuntary celibacy, that the two phenomena are in fact closely related and that feminism is directly responsible for the advancement of homosexuality across the Anglosphere.

Feminism, by encouraging women to say “no” when they don’t actually want to have sex, may have created modern homosexuality, in Rookh’s view. But that doesn’t mean that feminists actually like gay dudes. No. Ick!

[T]he vast majority of Anglo females detest gay men as vehemently as they hate men in general.  … the real link between pan-Anglosphere feminism and homosexuality [is that] the latter is a reaction to the former, which hates it with boundless counter-reactionary zeal.

Yeah, seems to me that the only one here who really “detest[s] gay men” is, well, Rookh, so much so that he’s decided to completely erase gay male sexuality – to put “gay” in scare quotes – in order to give himself another opportunity to run down feminists and women in general.

Now, human sexuality is a weird, messy, complicated, wonderful thing. It may well be that some bisexual men end up having sex with men more often than with women because they find it easier to find male sex partners for casual sex. But guys who are thoroughly gay – who would score a 6 on the famous Kinsey scale – don’t actually want to have sex with women. They really don’t. Drop a beautiful, eligible, horny (straight or mostly straight) woman in the midst of a bunch of Kinsey 6 guys, and this is what you get:

Court’s free!

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Laura Magic
13 years ago

Why are there lesbians if women hate sex so much? Are they just horny women? If women can be horny, why do they apparently hate porn/prostitution/sex/masturbation/whatever it is this week?

“Anglo females detest gay men as vehemently as they hate men in general.”

O rly? I thought women loved gay men because we are all ‘fag hags’ once we are too old to be hot etc. etc. Why do women hate gay men, they’re not trying to have the hateful sex with them, after all.

“Yet homosexual men can enter any gay bath house in any Anglosphere city, say the very same words and expected to be sexually serviced by several men in a matter of minutes!”

How the fuck would this guy know? Is he an ‘ex gay’? I guess that would explain a lot.

speedlines
speedlines
13 years ago

Wait, women despise gay men? Then who the hell is writing all the Supernatural fanfic? Right, it must be gay men pretending to be women, except there’s no such thing as gay men, just really horny men, so…

…oh my god. Aliens.

darksidecat
13 years ago

Is this guy living in the 70s and/or stereotype-ville. Gay bath houses? In the US? Post-AIDS? That’s a rare sight. Also, not all gay men just go around randomly humping each other. Some are at home, eating bagels and doing the crossword, with their boyfriend or husband. But even if you are only talking aobut more sexed up scene queers, they put in way more work than would be required to get laid by a woman. Not to mention all the things like employment and housing discrimination, anti-queer harassment, getting kicked out of your house as a kid, and all of the other shit that can go down. But I am sure my friend who had his nose broken by his mother at fifteen and lived in a bus station for a month didn’t come out because he actually liked guys, but because it was easier than fucking women. Yeah, that makes sense. Also, this: “gay males are disproportionately intelligent, solvent and educated” is not true. That is a stereotype. Poor queer people outnumber their wealthy peers and homeless youth are queer are incredibly high rates (for the obvious reason that queer kids often loose their homes). Queer boys drop out of high school at higher than average rates (bi kids actually appear to have higher drop out and poverty rates rather than lower ones as compared to gay peers).

Johnny Pez
13 years ago

Gyrating on a float for three hours dressed in a leather harness and thong will burn roughly 1000 calories. But beware of chafing!

You can also achieve the same results by battling a horde of green Martians in a leather harness and thong. This is known as the John Carter of Mars Workout Program.

KristinMH
13 years ago

David, it’s perfectly obvious that straight women hate gay men. Straight women avoid gay men like the plague, never befriend them or spend time with them, and react with violence and rage whenever a man they know comes out as gay. If I’ve seen it once I’ve seen it a million times!

I mean, everybody knows THAT. Right? Right?

ozymandias42
13 years ago

I would just like to point out that if there was a “straight bathhouse”– i.e. a place where I could go in and obtain casual sex, without fear of getting raped and with people who have tested clean for STDs– I would basically be a customer there ALL THE TIME.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
13 years ago

@Ozymandias42

Straight bathhouses… Dude… I would be there. I would totally be there.

Honestly this guy has taken the notion that Gay men have tons more sex than straight men, and taken it to epic proportions of inanity. When in fact, they actually don’t (at least according to okTrends). So.. yeah… pretty basic “take a jumped conclusion and run with it like all hell.”

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
13 years ago

VERY interesting analysis. I’m not sure it stands up totally… as Futrelle has stated, men who are “fully gay” for lack of a better word, simply aren’t attracted to women. I can’t know this for sure, but based on the two or three gay men I’ve known, anecdotally it seems pretty safe to say.

However, this is an extremely thought-provoking point when it comes to bisexual men, those who are clearly attracted to both sexes. In such a case, it would seem only logical to spend more time pursuing male lovers. Not only is it a thousand times easier, but you’ll usually be treated like a human being in the process, even if you fail. In the heterosexual world, women (both alpha and beta) essentially look at men below alpha level as shit on their shoe. Unless you’re in a position of authority over them (boss, etc.) a man of Beta or Omega status can expect to be treated like second-class… hell, even if you aren’t even “pursuing” her. It becomes straight-up rudeness. Who needs that? Bisexual men are quite lucky. If I was one of them I’d only associate with nice women. If a woman is a bitch? Not talking to her. And more importantly, I wouldn’t feel a need to make an effort in the first place, as I do now.

Graham
Graham
13 years ago

“The more one considers this possibility, the more plausible it seems.”

Rofflecopters.

ozymandias42
13 years ago

There have also been lesbian bathhouses in San Francisco… really not accounted for in this dude’s theory.

Simone Lovelace
13 years ago

Bisexual men are quite lucky. If I was one of them I’d only associate with nice women. If a woman is a bitch? Not talking to her.

You know you can do that now, right?

Although if you take out all the vicious, misogynist haterade, you kind of have a point. Being bisexual is totally awesome.

Tabby Lavalamp
Tabby Lavalamp
13 years ago

MRAL, what sort of reaction does your hideous, Frankensteinian visage have upon “omega” women? Have you ever tried shambling up to one and asking her on a date?

Mr. Kobold
Mr. Kobold
13 years ago

MRAL self-pitying and intellectually shallow analysis is some of the best fun the internet can give you on a Sunday morning.

ithiliana
13 years ago

Just like the rest of the internetz: us bisexual female english majors are totes invisibilized.

Woes.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
13 years ago

I should tell my sister this little theory and she can immediately stop being bestest friends with her bestest friends…cuz they are gay and apparently she hates them despite spending hours in the hospital when one of them had some kind of liver problem that nearly killed him and her helping paying for it despite not having a lot of money of her own.

Also, I have had some gay friends and I am pretty sure they like the boys more then the girls since if they wanted a woman, they could get one quite easily.

But hey, what do I know? I just have a hamster spinning up here. So I am off to Disneyland instead.

Simone Lovelace
13 years ago

ithiliana, I’m a math major, but lets totally get internet drinks/cupcakes together with all the other bisexual, bicurious, and pansexual ladies of manbooz! XD

ithiliana
13 years ago

Simone Lovelace: I’m in LURVE with your name (I found out about Ada Lovelace by reading about Byron as an English major), and I ADORE internet cupcakes! So LET’s!

Ami–just wanted to let you know people on my DW circle love your cards:

http://ithiliana.dreamwidth.org/1562878.html

ithiliana
13 years ago

Plus, you know what else just hit me–in the wake of same sex marriage becoming legal in NYC–odd to think that gay men (and lesbians and many other people with alternative sexualities) have been working their butts off to get the right to have their commitments legally recognized if they’re just in it for the anonymous sex.

Odd, no?

Ami Angelwings
13 years ago

Apparently the entire district and all the clubs I was in and around last night and most of the ppl there DON’T EXIST xD Somebody should let them know before it’s too late xD (and tell the guys there that they should just give up the pretense and come clean xD )

I’ve actually been on a pride float! 😀 (i was in 3 prides that year xD but only 1 float) but I wasn’t in leather nething… I was in angelwings! (what else? :3 ) it was fun as heck! but I got soaked w/ watered a lot xD and everybody wanted to take pix w/ me after xD

Mind you… *I* don’t exist either… tho I suspect I know what his explanation for me would be xD

also I find it cute that MRAL feels he needs to explain the heterosexual world to us xD

Tabby Lavalamp
Tabby Lavalamp
13 years ago

Ithiliana, that would require MRAs to be in possession of the very same logic they keep claiming men are the sole possessors of!
Few things put a damper on one’s ability to use logic like the sort of visceral hatred that MRAs wallow in.

Ami Angelwings
13 years ago

@Ithiliana awww! ty! 😀 I recognize some of the ppl there too! Now I’m blushing :]

Ami Angelwings
13 years ago

Oh I added you on DW! :3

ozymandias42
13 years ago

For that matter, I have a gay male friend who can’t get laid and has several female friends, including me, who would fuck him in a heartbeat if he were straight. SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH THIS THEORY.

Bee
Bee
13 years ago

Of course, there are people who spend a lifetime studying and researching and analyzing human sexuality, but … what the hell. By all means, let’s all listen to some dude who spent one afternoon pondering the subject by himself and came to his own weird conclusions. He’s probably right.

ithiliana
13 years ago

Ami: COOL! You’re on DW too?!?!? (I added your blog to my feed list over there a while ago).

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