As SallyStrange has pointed out in the comments here, quite a few MRAs seem to have a bad case of “womb envy” – or, more specifically, “abortion envy.” That is, they envy the ability of women to abort fetuses that they – the guys, as sperm providers — have had a part in creating. And since they don’t get final say in whether or not the woman in the equation gets an abortion, many of these guys claim they should have the right to a “paper abortion” – that is, to wash their hands financially of the baby once it is born.
But for every MRA demanding their own right to an abortion, there’s another MRA who thinks abortion is an unmitigated evil, which in essence means that they think pregnant women should be forced to give birth to babies they don’t want. The guy behind The Life Zone evidently thinks this way. And so does one New Mexican pro-lifer named Greg Fultz, who has launched a bizarre campaign designed to shame the woman who aborted what he thinks of as “his” baby – the highlight of which is a giant billboard depicting him holding what looks like the blackened carcass of a baby under the headline “This Would Have Been a Picture Of My 2-Month Old Baby If The Mother Had Decided To NOT KILL Our Child!”
I’ve been meaning to write about the Fultz thing for some time, but haven’t, because frankly the whole thing makes me depressed. Over the past day or so three separate Man Boobz readers have brought the subject up, so I figure it’s time to deal with the subject. My solution? I’m going to punt, and rather than post about it specifically I’m just going to point you to an excellent, and nicely sarcastic, post on the subject from Jill on Feministe.
Since Jill wrote that post, Fultz has been ordered by a judge to take the billboard down or face jail; he says he won’t. Details here.
NOTE: I originally ended this post with a 1200 word dissertation spelling out my take on abortion. But reading it back over again I realized that many of the points I made in it had already been made, in many cases more deftly, by various commenters in yesterday’s 800-plus comment thread (which actually stayed on the topic for the first several hundred comments, until more or less everything that needed to be said on the subject had been said). The tl;dr summary: her body, her choice. “Paper abortions” only work if the government is willing to step in to make up for the loss of child support, and that isn’t going to happen in the US any time soon. (And I don’t see many MRAs calling for increased support for single moms.)
So instead of abortion, let’s talk about Fultz. What a dick.
First of all, more than 90% of the time, it’s an embryo that’s aborted.
Second – half theirs? A woman goes through nine months of hard work and permanent, possibly life-threatening physical changes. A man…ejaculates. Let’s have some perspective here.
No one is saying a guy doesn’t have the right to be upset about it.
But this guy is an abusive douchebag. David didn’t dig up example of a guy posting to a support forum about ‘My girlfriend/wife got an abortion, and I know she had that right, but I’m still really upset over the lost possibility.’ He found a guy who erected a billboard, whose goal is harassing his ex. We’re making fun of him for the billboard and douchebag behavior, not being upset at an abortion-that-didn’t-happen. He doesn’t regret the abortion/miscarriage because of a lost potential for a child, he regrets the fact that this woman is no longer his to control.
@Holly I’m a fan of “douchebag” or any of its variants (like douchecanoe) because douches are actually harmful (or at least irritating) to people, especially women. Plus it’s fun to say.
Oh come on! This IS really fucking bizarre. They broke up over a year prior to the billboard being erected. During that time, he stalked her and all her friends. He maintained a blog about how terrible their relationship was and how everything was her fault. She was maaybe 18 when they first started dating, and she is still younger than 21. He is over 35.
Why do I keep harping on the age difference? Because this is not like a 25 year old and a 35 year old, both of whom have graduated high school and probably college, have independent adult lives. This is a grown adult with a teenager. And he gets her pregnant… several people have initimated that birth control sabotage may have been a factor in that, and it wouldn’t surprise me one bit. This guy has a history of using high-drama, stalker tactics against exes. HE IS AN EMOTIONAL ABUSER, if not during the relationships, the absolutely afterwards. The entire thing is beyond bizarre, and the pro-life group originally affiliated with him and the billboard have distanced themselves an disowned it once they realized what he was up to.
JutGory – You’re all class, aren’t you?
The thing is, this isn’t promoting men’s rights. It’s promoting men’s rights over women. This is like–do go with goofy analogies–if the Stonewall riots had been about gay people’s right to have sex with straight people.
A man has a right to reproductive autonomy–he has a right to get a vasectomy, to use condoms, to avoid penis-in-vagina sex, or to be judicious in who he has penis-in-vagina sex with. But his rights end, and become an infringement on women’s rights rather than an extension of his own, where his partner’s body begins.
Also? He had his say. He wanted to keep it, but was barely working, and in the Reserves. I worked at a minimum wage job. We knew we couldn’t have supported it, and he agreed it was the best path to take. But that didn’t stop him from trying to make me feel awful, and it didn’t stop him from all the gawd-awful shit he pulled over the following year or so.
(Sorry to jack this thread. I just had an example of a creep not dissimilar from the original post)
Victoria beat me to it. Also, turdwaffle is great. I’m adding that to my vocabulary.
“Second – half theirs? A woman goes through nine months of hard work and permanent, possibly life-threatening physical changes. A man…ejaculates. Let’s have some perspective here.”
Lol. And I guess the ensuing 18 FUCKING years (as opposed to 9 months of inconvenience which many women actually enjoy because they’re carrying life and all that spiritual crap) AND the emotional attachment is nothing major?
Go fuck yourself. A woman can ultimately choose abortion because it just so happens to be her body, and I’ve reconsidered Choice 4 Men, but the baby belongs to both parents equally.
Well then it’s a good thing that people abort zygotes and embryos. Phew.
Time to go buy cheap cheap wine to make delicious sangria for a whole pig roast. If you all lived in Madison, and I didn’t already have a guest list of 30 people, you’d be invited. I lurked like hell before posting, and you folks rock.
Parents don’t own their children. If anything, it’s the other way ’round.
MRAL – You said “fetus”. A fetus is not yet a baby. When you talk about a fetus, the 18 years during which a man can directly participate have not yet happened. When you talk about a fetus, it is 100% the woman’s because it is lodged in her body.
And the fact you refer to pregnancy as an “inconvenience” tells me you know nothing about it.
I actually think it’s okay for a guy to feel bad that his partner had an abortion. A certain amount of let-down, even grief in some circumstances, is understandable.
However, putting her name on a billboard is not. Going home and having a good cry and thinking of what could have been is your right; subjecting her to harassment and public humiliation–not so much.
Any woman who thinks the fetus is 100% hers, and says so, is fucking asshole and an emotional abuser.
God, you all are making me love my exes even more. Seriously, my exes are (with one minor exception) really totally awesome people. In fact I even asked two of them to be attendants at my wedding, that’s how awesome they are! And three others were invited to the wedding, two of whom are actually coming.
Even the one ex I don’t speak to isn’t really a totally bad guy, we were just a really bad match and things ended in a bad way with idiocy on both of our parts.
I agree this Fultz man crossed the line. But I’m now putting myself the position of a man whose spouse got an abortion when I actively did not want one and was financially able and willing to support it (not sure if this is the Fultz situation, but it’s probably fairly common), well, I can understand the temptation for Fultz-like actions. The relationship would sure as hell be over, for one thing. I’d probably hate her.
Er, as a uterus-owner I kinda think pregnancy would be inconvenient since I really don’t want kids. My IUD is my friend!! I should give it a name. What’s a good name for an IUD?
She wasn’t his spouse, the relationship was already over, and she was also a teenager while he was in his thirties.
So yeah… definitely crossing the line.
EW! My eggs are not furry.
Well ok then Fultz is a fucking weirdo and borderline predator. But he’s an extreme situation. I bet the scenario I outlined above is far more common.
I want to quote Jill:
“I think we could have a really beautiful life together, me and Greg, since I assume because the pregnancy is 50% his, he’s happy to do 50% of the work of pregnancy. That means he’ll take as much time off from work as I do, right? And he’ll gain between 30 and 80 pounds in a few months? And if I start to have, say, preeclampsia, we’ll be sure to also raise his blood pressure to dangerously high levels until he almost dies. That if I give birth via c-section, he’ll allow doctors to cut open his gut and scoop out what’s in there. And that if I give birth vaginally, we’ll figure out some way for him to push a bowling ball out of his ass. Equal rights, and equal burdens!
“Greg, I’m single! Call me! ”
Yes, the fetus is 100% fucking hers.
Oh, gross. Fultz is an idiot.
I have a feeling these “father’s rights” MRAs are simple control freaks who wouldn’t actually be arsed to do the real work of childcare if it came down to it.
I disagree with the 50/50/100% thing. I think a fetus isn’t anybody’s. It’s its own little lump of potential pre-human, and doesn’t “belong” to anyone.
However, the uterus is 100% the woman’s, and if she wants it empty (or if she wants it not empty), that’s her choice.
Nahidais an abuser.
My point was that “inconvenience” belittles the effort, pain and danger that goes into a pregnancy.
*hugs* for FIlet! I’m sorry that happened to you! Have fun with your pig roast.
High five to Plymouth! I have an IUD too, and man, I love the thing! It’s totally rad. We should have a naming party. Right now I just call mine my Copper Babby Stopper. I could name her Connie, for the doctor who inserted her?
And Fultz is just an atrocious, creepy mudpuddle. That’s all there is too it.