Three young women wake up, confused and terrified, in a room that looks like a cross between a normal hospital room and the creepy underground lair of some mad scientist from a horror movie. A video screen flickers on and a creepy older man, looking a bit like Academy-award-nominee Robert Loggia, appears on it, telling the women that heās their ājailer.ā The women, you see, had all been getting abortions when their jailerās shadowy accomplices kidnapped them and brought them to this strange prison, where they will be forced to live for the next seven months until they gave birth. “You were all on the operating table, all ready to commit murder,ā announces a mysterious doctor. āYour babies will be given life just as God planned.”
This is the premise of a new horror film called The Life Zone, which recently had its world premiere at the prestigious, er, Hoboken International Film Festival, a festival that was, perhaps not coincidentally, founded and chaired by the filmās writer and producer, Kenneth del Vecchio. In case you think Iām making all this up, hereās the filmās trailer, which makes The Life Zone look a bit like an equal-parts mixture of Saw, Human Centipede, and The Handmaidās Tale, with Robert Loggia in the role of Jigsaw/Dr. Heiter/The Commander:
Now, if you thought that something seemed really ā¦ off about that trailer, well, youāre not alone. For the film is not, as you might have assumed from my description, a warning against the fanatical misogyny of many in the anti-abortion movement.
No, the film ā produced by a pro-life former judge, crime thriller author, and Republican New Jersey state senate candidate ā is meant as pro-life propaganda. As the offical press release for the filmās premiere put it:
The film, which appears to cut right down the middle [of the abortion debate], examining the topic from both sides, offers a powerful, anti-abortion climactic twist. Del Vecchio and the cast invite pro-lifers to come to this historic event.Ā
During the months the three women are held in captivity, you see, they are exposed to a barrage of films and books intended to, er, educate them about abortion āwhat their attending obstetrician Dr. Wise describes as āan abortion think tank.ā Two of the captive women do indeed convert to the pro-life side; apparently we in the audience are supposed to develop Stockholm Syndrome along with them. The third, as we see in the trailer, tries to induce a miscarriage, which doesnāt go quite as planned.
And this sets us up for the final twist, which Iām just going to go ahead and reveal: once all three women have given birth, Dr. Wise tells them sheās going to sew them all, mouth-to-vagina, into a Human Abortion-pede!
Actually no: the twist is that the ālife zoneā the three women in has actually been ā¦ purgatory! All three ācaptives,ā you see, had died on the operating table while getting their abortions. (Apparently they went to the world’s worst abortion clinic, asĀ first-trimester abortions don’t involve anything more surgically invasive than the insertion of a suction tube; the risk of death from a legal surgical abortion is 0.0006%, one in 160,000 cases, making the procedure many times safer than childbirth itself.)Ā Their time in the ālife zoneā was a test: the two women who changed their minds were whisked up to heaven, while their miscarriage-attempting, stubbornly pro-choice companion is sent straight to H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. Dr. Wise, despite being on the right side of the abortion question, also goes to hell for committing suicide. And, oh yeah, their jailer ā Loggia ā was Satan. Why Satan and a hell-bound doctor were the ones trying to convert the abortion ladies to the pro-life side I canāt tell you; del Vecchioās theology is evidently more sophisticated than I am.
The real twist here? As Jersey Journal writer Alan Robb notes:
The Life Zone went viral across the internet [last] Friday after blogs The Frisky and Talking Points Memo picked up on the film’s trailer. ā¦ But despite garnering more than 20,000 hits on YouTube in the last four days, only fifty people – including the film’s cast and producers – attended this weekend’s screening, and even those who starred in the movie didn’t know how to interpret its twist ending.
Itās impossible to tell from the trailer if the film is bad in a so-bad-itās-good way, or if itās just plain awful. I will try to get hold of it when it hits video, and will report back with my results.
In the meantime, if youāre looking for a good horror film set in a creepy hospital, try renting Infection, a Japanese film from 2005. Or, if youāve got a longer attention span, try Lars Von Trierās supernatural soap opera The Kingdom, a darkly comic miniseries which takes place in what one might call, paraphrasing Bill Murrayās character in Tootsie, āone nutty hospital.ā Both are conveniently available on Netflix instant watch, so you don’t even have to leave your pregnancy dungeon to see them.
EDITED: Added some info on the minimal dangers of abortion procedures.
Ooh – maybe we could have both an amphitheater AND a tower…but we would neglect the tower and let vines grow all over it so that the MRA trolls could give themselves away by complaining about yonic privilege…and we could throw them out into the desert of the abandoned interwebs with no food or water (read: anyone to rant at about their crap). We would then periodically make forays out into the desert to ensure none of the MRAs set up communities together. Zombie would be particularly helpful!
Oh, and re: therapy:
I understand that you feel that your problems are “immutable,” but I don’t agree that this means therapy can’t help. I would go so far as to say the opposite. Therapy EXISTS specifically to help people with immutable problems. A lot of people have this idea that “therapy” is something that’s done to you, that fixes something in you that’s broken. They get that impression from the way celebrity rehab is discussed and because people talk about medication and therapy in the same sentence even though they’re very different.
Actually, if your problems are “mutable” you usually don’t need therapy. If your problem is that you have an infection, you get a treatment, not a therapy. If your problem is being a little overweight, you work out more, which isn’t really a “therapy.” If your problem is not having enough money, you get a job.
If it makes you feel better about it, I encourage you to replace the word “therapy” with the word “training.” Because that’s all therapy is, is training you to work around the problems that you have. And I think you’d agree that you could benefit from training. I think you’re kind of into the Pickup Artist stuff, right? Well a Pickup Artists is basically a therapist. What therapists do is ask you to think about how you approach people, how you interact with them, and how you think about them, and help you find new ways that are more effective than the old ones. The only difference between Mystery and a Cognitive Therapist is that the therapist knows science. You can seriously ask either of them to help you pick up chicks.
Some people need therapy because of a problem with their mind, like depression. That can sort of be “fixed” but mostly it can be lived with. Even if you stop feeling down, you spend your whole life carefully monitoring your thoughts. Some people need therapy because they broke their leg. They might have “physical therapy” where they learn how to walk with an injured leg, and they might have talk therapy where they learn how to feel good about themselves and how to plan their new schedules. And some people need therapy because of a problem with the body they were born with. Even if it’s really true that all your problems come from being short and deformed and male? A therapist can help you live with that and work around it, just like depression or a broken leg.
Give it a try.
‘…a rather bad case of OCD (the ever-present horrifying intrusive images kind, not the hand-washing kind) . ‘ Oh, so THAT’s what it is when I have recurring horrifying images! Dammit, add it to the list.
I’m in Madison, WI. I lost my job last October and have had two jobs FAIL since then (being verbally abused, having half my tips stolen, and being fired with NO REASON GIVEN, wow.). I can’t find another- not for not trying, believe me! Being over 30 in Madison- unless you are an ‘academic’- is really isolating. Madison in general is elitist an cliquey. I am losing my apartment at the end on July. I have no other options but to move in with a guy I’ve been sleeping with. I’m sure this is a bad idea. Should I live in a car again? Or, in a ditch with a truck topper on it and a futon in the bottom? Am I safe? I ask that every day. I’ve asked the guy this, too. ‘Am I safe here?’ My rich, ‘Alpha’ born-again Xtian family disowned me, so I have NO support system. I am 12 credits from a bachelors’ I’ll never get since I defaulted on my loans (uber-rich mom has $$ to pay them, but won’t- my 3 sisters can go to Italy and ‘study’, though, that’s fine). I struggle with ADHD, PTSD (yep, abuse and rapes!), depression, alcoholism, fibromyalgia, and, perhaps, some OCD! Who knew. I don’t see any hope for me to get a leg up. Maybe a kindly millionaire will leave me her fortune and her stable of unicorns that shit primo hash! Yeah… sure. I’d like some cheese with my whine. At least I’m white, and not a Fat Chick, right? /s
MRAL, I’d trade places with you in a New York minute. Fuck you. I’m gonna go cry now. Good night.
More Advice for the MRAL
1: Cowboy boots can frequently add 1-2 inches, and they aren’t “humiliating” in the way that elevator shoes might be.
2: I find it really curious that you’d be unwilling to order elevator shows online. Most people consider online order the most discreet way to get their hands on something. If you order them, I’m pretty sure they will come in a box, and I’m pretty sure your form’s mailroom staff will not open the box. The box will almost certainly not say on it what it contains. And if your school has 15,000 undergrads, the staff and random parents probably aren’t spending their time rifling through your mail and gossiping about it. If they did find out they’d probably assume it was for a play or something.
3: Seriously, if you’re that terrified of being judged for your footwear purchases, I have some followup questions. Everybody has a few things that really tweak them, but of you have that kind of anxiety often? If you feel more concerned than you want to be about the opinions of random strangers, there are a variety of ways to change that.
Other ways to distract attention from your eye: non-prescription eyeglasses, hats, fancy shirts.
Also: If there’s a Chicago meetup, I am so in. I grew up in Boston but I study at the U of C
*big supportive hugs to Julia* ): I’m so sorry. Is there anything any of us can do to help? : I dunno if anybody would feel comfortable doing it, or even have the money or means to… but maybe we could set up a paypal account or something? š And everybody can donate nething they can? I have a few comms I know I could actually ask if they could chip in nething too : I mean I dun have much money atm at all, but I want to help… I’m trying to think if I know anyone in that area who might be willing to give you a couch to crash on until you can get back on your feet… :
Julia, that’s awful–seconding Ami with the hugs, is there anything we can do to help?!?
And Lyn and Magpie–I’m in SE Asia, maybe we could do an Australasian thing? Anyone in or around Austin? I’ll be there for most of July.
Shaenon, The Wicker Man…it burns. That was a truly horrifying movie and not in a good way. Your description is right on…I hadn’t heard of MRAs when I watched it, but it’s totally like being in one of their heads. What was especially disappointing is that the original was actually pretty good (if dated).
Julia, so sorry!
Shaenon, I second The Apple. Everyone should see it. A local oddball theater company does live readings of bad movies, and did The Apple last summer (and will reprise it this summer). Everyone in the audience got BIM marks!
Still have to see the Nic Cage Wicker Man (have just seen bits on Youtube — the bees!). The original is actually a great creepy film.
@Julia- I want to help. Email me at this screen name on AOHell I should be able to shunt a little cash your way. (Lurker previously known as Saoba)
Nwo & MR Al, hate to burst your wee bubble of MRM rubbish – my very decidedly NOT alpha spousal unit listened to me read from your posts on the road on our spontaneous romantic getaway. Aside from laughing so hard he nearly crashed us into a bridge abutment he was completely disinclined to rise up, throw off the chains my wiles had draped him in three decades ago and Go His Own Way.
I thought it might be a sign of the evil hive mind control thing. He says it’s more that he is happy and loved and comfortable, with professional success and an active /shared social life.
MRAL – if you have not already done so, read the works of Roissy/Citizen Renegade at the first available opportunity.
If you have already done so, do so again.
His bizarre, paranoid, borderline-psychotic obsessions are your bizarre, paranoid, borderline-psychotic obsessions. His rationalisation and basic math skills are as appalling as your own. He is also very nearly as obsessed with the concept of the giant all-conquering alpha dick as you are.
Furthermore, his commenters are utterly batshit insane.
In his comments section, you will finally feel that you have found your spiritual home.
You don’t need to thank me for this advice. I just like the idea of your own cerebral hamster speeding up to 100mph then spontaneously combusting as you find yourself surrounded by DOZENS and DOZENS of people who are exactly the same as your unique special snowflake of a whiny little self. Dollars to doughnuts you’ll find them all pathetic, deluded and despicable. It’s a lot easier to see this sort of thing when you’re looking at other people as opposed to yourself.
What are you waiting for, man? Get to Citizen Renegade’s site, right now…
Sweet crunchy Jesus!! 809 comments? I only read enough to know that MRAL’s flounce didn’t last. D’oh. Knew it wouldn’t. Not sure how many hours I’ve been away (traveling and not sleeping will do that to you, also f-ing time zones!! how do they work???) but pretty sure it hasn’t been more than a few days.
Can’t even flounce for a week? Someone tell me it ain’t so.
I hate to say it, but I think I like the movie’s twist ending. It’s just enough of a headfuck (not quite like 6th Sense and less cliche than “it was all a dream”). Too bad it’s propaganda. If it were something like … three people died baking cookies and only those who could be converted to using butter instead of margarine would go to heaven, I would be a lot happier. You know, something less finger-waggy and creepy religious.
8:02 Eastern Daylight Time. 811 comments.
Looks like it’s up to me.
Everyone knows that wealthy old white men are the most oppressed group in America. People hate them because they are the most productive ethnic group, and they produce all the wealth in this country. As a non-wealthy non-old white man, I worship at their feet and dedicate my life to defending them from the liberal fascist hordes. They will recognize my valuable service and give me a fellowship at a right-wing think tank, and then I will be on track to join their ranks after I age a few decades. I come to this fymynyst blog and tell you all the true truth about the evil liberals as an act of fealty to the Producer Class.
Also, all fymynysts hate men and want us to lose the War on Terror so the Taliban will take over America and impose Shania Law.
Also too, as a right-wing troll I have both the right and the obligation to post several comments in a row.
He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined when you were young.
that 1% of men getting sex from 70% of women figure has got to be the funniest “statistic” I’ve seen here yet. I’d love to see the citation on that, although I’m guessing MRAL just pulled it out of his ass. And If that’s the case, I’m not interested.
I’m in the midwest. I’m in Urbana, so just an easy train ride away from Chicago. And I’ll have a free crash pad there soon.
You liberals with all your talk of income inequality don’t understand that the real problem is booty inequality. As long as the alpha males own a disproportionate percentage of America’s nooky this will never be a free country.
You guys were talking Chicago meetup?! I used to live out in DeKalb, but I’m up in Madison right now. I’m so late to the party. damn my bedtime being 10pm.
lol. don’t forgot the spitting.
David, or any other Midwest folks, let me know if anyone is planning to go to Summerfest.
I pretty much cancel my life and spend eleven days watching has-been bands in the sun and drinking beer. I will be the zombie in the 100,000 people.
And o yea, LOTS of spitting.
MRAL, another advantage of doing stand-up is that you don’t have to do your own spit-takes — your audience will do it for you.
Off-topic: playable guitar on Google.
Julia – that’s awful. I hope things turn around for you soon. Your family sound like assholes. I know there are people who show blatant favouritism like that (refusing to help one child financially even in sore straits but supporting another), but it always amazes me when I hear about it
Ami and spear, I mostly lurk, but I’m in for a Toronto Manboobz meetup!