Three young women wake up, confused and terrified, in a room that looks like a cross between a normal hospital room and the creepy underground lair of some mad scientist from a horror movie. A video screen flickers on and a creepy older man, looking a bit like Academy-award-nominee Robert Loggia, appears on it, telling the women that he’s their “jailer.” The women, you see, had all been getting abortions when their jailer’s shadowy accomplices kidnapped them and brought them to this strange prison, where they will be forced to live for the next seven months until they gave birth. “You were all on the operating table, all ready to commit murder,” announces a mysterious doctor. “Your babies will be given life just as God planned.”
This is the premise of a new horror film called The Life Zone, which recently had its world premiere at the prestigious, er, Hoboken International Film Festival, a festival that was, perhaps not coincidentally, founded and chaired by the film’s writer and producer, Kenneth del Vecchio. In case you think I’m making all this up, here’s the film’s trailer, which makes The Life Zone look a bit like an equal-parts mixture of Saw, Human Centipede, and The Handmaid’s Tale, with Robert Loggia in the role of Jigsaw/Dr. Heiter/The Commander:
Now, if you thought that something seemed really … off about that trailer, well, you’re not alone. For the film is not, as you might have assumed from my description, a warning against the fanatical misogyny of many in the anti-abortion movement.
No, the film – produced by a pro-life former judge, crime thriller author, and Republican New Jersey state senate candidate – is meant as pro-life propaganda. As the offical press release for the film’s premiere put it:
The film, which appears to cut right down the middle [of the abortion debate], examining the topic from both sides, offers a powerful, anti-abortion climactic twist. Del Vecchio and the cast invite pro-lifers to come to this historic event.
During the months the three women are held in captivity, you see, they are exposed to a barrage of films and books intended to, er, educate them about abortion –what their attending obstetrician Dr. Wise describes as “an abortion think tank.” Two of the captive women do indeed convert to the pro-life side; apparently we in the audience are supposed to develop Stockholm Syndrome along with them. The third, as we see in the trailer, tries to induce a miscarriage, which doesn’t go quite as planned.
And this sets us up for the final twist, which I’m just going to go ahead and reveal: once all three women have given birth, Dr. Wise tells them she’s going to sew them all, mouth-to-vagina, into a Human Abortion-pede!
Actually no: the twist is that the “life zone” the three women in has actually been … purgatory! All three “captives,” you see, had died on the operating table while getting their abortions. (Apparently they went to the world’s worst abortion clinic, as first-trimester abortions don’t involve anything more surgically invasive than the insertion of a suction tube; the risk of death from a legal surgical abortion is 0.0006%, one in 160,000 cases, making the procedure many times safer than childbirth itself.) Their time in the “life zone” was a test: the two women who changed their minds were whisked up to heaven, while their miscarriage-attempting, stubbornly pro-choice companion is sent straight to H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks. Dr. Wise, despite being on the right side of the abortion question, also goes to hell for committing suicide. And, oh yeah, their jailer – Loggia – was Satan. Why Satan and a hell-bound doctor were the ones trying to convert the abortion ladies to the pro-life side I can’t tell you; del Vecchio’s theology is evidently more sophisticated than I am.
The real twist here? As Jersey Journal writer Alan Robb notes:
The Life Zone went viral across the internet [last] Friday after blogs The Frisky and Talking Points Memo picked up on the film’s trailer. … But despite garnering more than 20,000 hits on YouTube in the last four days, only fifty people – including the film’s cast and producers – attended this weekend’s screening, and even those who starred in the movie didn’t know how to interpret its twist ending.
It’s impossible to tell from the trailer if the film is bad in a so-bad-it’s-good way, or if it’s just plain awful. I will try to get hold of it when it hits video, and will report back with my results.
In the meantime, if you’re looking for a good horror film set in a creepy hospital, try renting Infection, a Japanese film from 2005. Or, if you’ve got a longer attention span, try Lars Von Trier’s supernatural soap opera The Kingdom, a darkly comic miniseries which takes place in what one might call, paraphrasing Bill Murray’s character in Tootsie, “one nutty hospital.” Both are conveniently available on Netflix instant watch, so you don’t even have to leave your pregnancy dungeon to see them.
EDITED: Added some info on the minimal dangers of abortion procedures.
Actually, you know what – go for it, dude. Get an eyepatch or glass eye and elevator shoes. Get the absolute perfect body.
And you still won’t get laid.
Because you’re an asshole.
I haven’t asked for help here… just a few suggestions. It’s interesting, much as I dislike some of you feminists, this is one of the few places I can ask in anonymity, and since our misandric and heightist society will laugh at me… well, I have to ask here. It’s weird. But help? I don’t think anyone can “help”. I’ve been fucked by God, can’t change that.
“I don’t intend offense, but I feel almost violated.”
If you don’t intend offense, then listen when a survivor of sexual assault tells you that your use of the word is offensive and misplaced. You know what makes me feel violated? Having my experiences devalued and ignored.
What’s funny is, I do know a guy in my community who’s got a huge chip on his shoulder about “nobody likes me because I’m ugly.” And it’s true. He’s fuck-ugly. And nobody does like him.
But you know what? He’s not any uglier than lots of the people we do like. The difference is that those people will come up to us and talk as if they were great-looking, and that kind of confidence, that refusal to excuse or even mention their looks, is catching.
The real reason no one likes this guy is that he spends all his time talking about how nobody likes him and he deserves to be liked. He doesn’t give us a chance to be fond of him or be entertained by him, he just expects to get friends because it’s not fair that he doesn’t.
Don’t be that guy.
” It’s interesting, much as I dislike some of you feminists, this is one of the few places I can ask in anonymity, and since our misandric and heightist society will laugh at me…”
Sigh. Have you thought that maybe, just maybe, it’s because we’re feminists, and that your impression of feminism is wrong? Has that occurred to you at all?
I’ve been fucked by God
And yet you keep telling us you’re a virgin. Make up your mind.
Since I’m tired of repeating myself, I will repost xD
Ami Angelwings | June 8, 2011 at 10:19 pm
@MRAL you should take my advice and wear shades :] Shades are COOL! The Jays had a pitcher named Gustavo Chacin who wore shades even at night and even in the clubhouse… I thought he was the coolest guy ever xD And Bob McCown wears shades indoors. :3
Honestly tho… even if you don’t think there’s nething wrong with you, if just to let out all that anger you have inside, and how you feel the world treats you and ALL the frustrations you have, with your family, not being able to get an internship, or ppl judging you for your height… I think a good counsellor or a therapist could rly help, and if you’re in school, most colleges offer student counselling services It would be better than coming here and venting or expressing all your insecurities b/c a) nobody will mock you b) *I* won’t be there to mock you xD c) it’d be confidential d) they won’t be biased or be fighting you ideologically e) they’re actually trained to listen and help :]
What university/college do you go to?
MRAL: I seriously suggested a haircut. Virtually no effort and no cost. And I know you read that post because you wanked about it.
But you aren’t looking for help; you’re looking for a place to complain. And when you treat our blog that way, you shouldn’t be surprised when you get insults back.
@sarahejones you just beat me to it
I apologize to everyone in the world in advance… This is a series of scenes from a recent South Park episode, where Cartman (a whiny little dipshit) complains about not getting an iPad. Perhaps you’ll see the resemblance?
“I’ve been fucked by God, can’t change that.”
Poor pitiful you, then. Go sit in the corner and cry.
Spearhafoc, your love of clothes more than mitigates your love of The Room. I sincerely hate it. In fact one of my best friends and I were thinking of going to a showing hosted by Wiseau in the next couple of weeks. We were going to get good and liquored up and heckle him but decided against it.
That said, one of the great things about loving movies is understanding that something you think is one of the greatest movies ever someone else might consider a complete waste of celluloid and the principles of light. I love a lot of films that other people assure me are just dreadful, or stupid, or dreadfully stupid.
But, hey, since we both like clothes: Sometimes on rainy Sundays, I buy a whole month’s worth of over priced fashion magazines, order take-out, and watch Mahogany while drinking a bottle of wine.
Yup.
It’s metaphorical, johnny, you fucking idiot.
Aw crap, my post got paged… 🙁 I don’t really want to repeat it, so go back a page if you want to see what this discussion with MRAL reminds me of.
MRAL, I am seriously suggesting that you find a therapist who deals with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Like, soon.
There are prolly better comms you can seek help, support and advice in that you can be anonymous in btw, and which aren’t filled with feminists, esp since you alrdy fear misandry… I mean you dun have to settle for us xD (tho I’ll miss you! xD )
You dun have to just settle for a comm of feminists who often make fun of you and make you feel bad, there ARE other places online and comms online for you to find support and advice and help and still be anonymous :3 Maybe a safer place will also give you more confidence 🙂
I repeat my question, MRAL. Have you seriously considered that maybe the reason you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts is because this is a feminist space, and your perceptions of feminism are therefore inaccurate?
MRAL, forget what I said about drumming. Stand-up is your destiny. You’re hilarious.
Geez, go to class for five hours, and the whole place blows up.
So first. Mr. Al? You’re BLIND in one eye? Well, that is a disability. My apologies. It’s not really a disability that take you off the market for dating, I wouldn’t think, but still. I have total lack of depth perception (I’m legally blind and can’t get Lasik due to … long eyes? or something?), so I sympathize.
Second: MANOS! Yes! Well, yes to the MST3K version, anyway. A hearty NOEZ to the version without the funny guys saying stuff.
Other contenders for Worst Movie Ever? I was emailing a friend about “Human Centipede” (which: JESUS, but WHY CAN’T I ERASE THAT IMAGE FROM MY HEEEEEAAAAD?), and he told me that not only did he own “Human Centipede” (on Bluray), and added: “I got a copy of Jesus Christ, Vampire Slayer, but it wasn’t as good as it sounded. The by-line on the back of the box said, ‘The body of Christ impales you!’, but he never did.”
But my own personal hell is “Must Love Dogs.” You think it’s just a run-of-the-mill stupid rom-com, but it’s this insidious descent into ENDLESS BOREDOM and TEDIOUSNESS. Oh Jesus god, it would never end, and it was never incredibly painful.
MRAL, do you see why this:
“It’s interesting, much as I dislike some of you feminists, this is one of the few places I can ask in anonymity, and since our misandric and heightist society will laugh at me… well, I have to ask here.”
followed by this:
“It’s metaphorical, johnny, you fucking idiot.”
tends to make us NOT want to help you?
Ami- Sunglasses are an interesting idea. But seriously, you can’t wear them all the time (unless you’re Albert Wesker). Inside, where most intense conversation takes place, you can’t really, or you’re seen as weird. So that’s only a prtial solution. Thanks though- I think I’ll wear them outside.
And I go to Boston University.
It got scrolled off again -_-
SO I WILL RE REPOST! xD FOR I AM AMI THE UNSTOPPABLE! :3
Ami Angelwings | June 8, 2011 at 10:19 pm
@MRAL you should take my advice and wear shades :] Shades are COOL! The Jays had a pitcher named Gustavo Chacin who wore shades even at night and even in the clubhouse… I thought he was the coolest guy ever xD And Bob McCown wears shades indoors. :3
Honestly tho… even if you don’t think there’s nething wrong with you, if just to let out all that anger you have inside, and how you feel the world treats you and ALL the frustrations you have, with your family, not being able to get an internship, or ppl judging you for your height… I think a good counsellor or a therapist could rly help, and if you’re in school, most colleges offer student counselling services It would be better than coming here and venting or expressing all your insecurities b/c a) nobody will mock you b) *I* won’t be there to mock you xD c) it’d be confidential d) they won’t be biased or be fighting you ideologically e) they’re actually trained to listen and help :]
What university/college do you go to?
oh yay! he answered! 😀
EXCELLLENT >:3
Dude, we laugh at you here too.
Ok, some of the more kind hearted don’t, better people than me.
Okay, so what are the resources in terms of student counselling and therapy at Boston College? 🙂
And Albert Wesker! I FORGOT ABOUT HIM xD Another guy who’s AWESOME in shades :3
OMEGA THAT SUCKERS!
(is what you could say)