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The Spearhead on Lady Lit, Part 2: Poetry Slam!

Samuel Taylor Coleridge, dude poet extraordinaire

The fellows at The Spearhead are still talking about lady literature — by which I mean, why ladies totally can’t write for shit. This time, they’re taking on the lady poets.

Contrasting a poem by former US poet laureate Kay Ryan with Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s Kubla Khan, The Spearhead’s W.F. Price proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that men are the best poets. And then Price takes it one step further, contrasting a video of Kay Ryan’s reading of another of her poems with Dylan Thomas’ passionate (if slightly overripe) reading of his “Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night.”

While I can’t take issue with Price’s methodology here – comparing a couple of random poems by a female poet most people have never heard of (but who apparently represents all female poets ever)  with legendary poems by two of the world’s most famous poets – I wonder about his choice of male poets here.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge? Dylan Thomas? Sure, they wrote some awesome dude poems, for their time. But they’re long dead, Daddy-O, and we men of today demand poetry that speaks to our lives. Who better speaks to men today than the tag-team of Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J from the Insane Clown Posse? And which of their poems speaks to men today better than their most famous work, “Miracles?”

Here are some selections from this fine piece of work — and because, by Price’s rules, any poem by a person of a particular gender obviously represents all poetry from people of that gender, this wonderful little poem represents all male poetry. (Not to mention all poetry written by insane clowns.)

We don’t have to be high to look in the sky

And know that’s a miracle opened wide

Look at the mountains, trees, the seven seas

And everything chilling underwater, please …

Pure magic is the birth of my kids

I’ve seen shit that’ll shock your eyelids

The sun and the moon, and even Mars

The Milky Way and fucking shooting stars

UFOs, a river flows

Plant a little seed and nature grows

Niagara falls and the pyramids

Everything you believed in as kids

Fucking rainbows after it rains

There’s enough miracles here to blow your brains

I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco bay

It tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away

And then, in this poem’s most famous lines, Shaggy 2 Dope (or perhaps Violent J, I can’t remember which is which), takes on the miracle of magnetism:

I see miracles all around me

Stop and look around, it’s all astounding

Water, fire, air and dirt

Fucking magnets, how do they work?

And I don’t wanna talk to a scientist

Y’all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed

But as wonderfully as these lines read on the printed page, it is Insane Clown Posse’s performance of this poem (which they have set to music) that really brings home how motherfuckingly miraculous these two poets, and by extension all men who have ever written poetry, really are. So here is that performance:

As yet another great male poet, MC Hammer, once put it: “You can’t touch this!”

But, just to be fair, here’s some chick reading her dumb poem:

Picture of Samuel Taylor Coleridge by Jason Towers, from here.

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Pecunium
9 years ago

kirbywarp… no, it didn’t. I was trying something else, which failed. The subsequent is in moderation… too man many links.

katz
9 years ago

I have to agree, the men in the past really were impressive if they bore children. How come you guys don’t do that no more?

NWO and the other MRAs bore people all the time.

(That’s how I initially misread that comment; I was totally thinking “well, some history books are pretty dry…”)

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
9 years ago

Oh no, I thought it was great that she posted a poem by the authoress of the Battle Hymn of the Republic and you and probably everyone else knew who she was…but NWOaf was so dumb he had to have a gentle reminder in the form of a mule kick.

*laughs*

lizabeth
lizabeth
9 years ago

Hi,

Just loving the new post up at the Spearhead talking about women’s lit.

Classic quotes:

“Yes, feminism has wrecked Western womanhood, reducing the young women of today to spoiled brats who can’t take a hint of criticism, and immediately turn to authorities to bolster their self-esteem. No woman can be too fat to be beautiful, too dense to be intelligent, or too dull to be creative. They are all equally super-duper goddesses, before whom men must genuflect and heap up mounds of praise.”

“This speaks to the fact that men are inherently fair when it comes to judging achievement.”

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

I love how those quotes about feminism aren’t even true… Like if someone were to say “That’s not feminism” it wouldn’t even register…

Shaenon
9 years ago

Miniver Cheevy, child of scorn,
Grew lean while he assailed the seasons;
He wept that he was ever born,
And he had reasons.

Miniver loved the days of old
When swords were bright and steeds were prancing;
The vision of a warrior bold
Would set him dancing.

Miniver sighed for what was not,
And dreamed, and rested from his labors;
He dreamed of Thebes and Camelot,
And Priam’s neighbors.

Minever mourned the ripe renown
That made so many a name so fragrant;
He mourned Romance, now on the town,
And Art, a vagrant.

Minever loved the Medici,
Albeit he had never seen one;
He would have sinned incessantly
Could he have been one.

Miniver cursed the commonplace
And eyed a khaki suit with loathing;
He missed the mediæval grace
Of iron clothing.

Miniver scorned the gold he sought,
But sore annoyed was he without it;
Miniver thought, and thought, and thought,
And thought about it.

Miniver Cheevy, born too late,
Scratched his head and kept on thinking;
Miniver coughed, and called it fate,
And kept on drinking.

E.A. Robinson

Graham
Graham
9 years ago

Pecunium – in that first picture you posted from Kuwait (washing clothes outside the tents), why is the guy in the background wearing a big pack and standing on sandbags?

Amnesia
Amnesia
9 years ago

“What is women are teaching their sons?” (NWOslave)
*snicker* Clearly not grammar or proofreading.

I have a confession to make. My name is Amnesia, and I used to be pro-life. (Hi, Amnesia!)
Debated on the internet, believed abstinence-education actually worked, the whole shebang. Thankfully, looking back, I don’t see anything to really reproach myself with except ignorance. I tried to argue as rationally as a pro-lifer could, and not insult anyone for not sharing my views.
You know what ultimately changed my mind? When a guy in my public speaking class made a pro-life argument only considering the father’s rights to children. Before that, I was under the impression that most pro-lifers actually cared about the mother, that we wanted to get rid of abortion because it was actually hurting her to have to kill the child.
Afterwards, I realized they weren’t thinking about the mother and what she went through. They weren’t thinking about what would cause her to want an abortion, or how she was supposed to be a good mother to a child she didn’t want. Sometimes, it was as if they didn’t think she mattered at all.

Now? I believe abortion needs to remain legal, but the numbers should not be as high as they are. I believe women need to be paid equal wages for equal work and not have pregnancy significant affect their career prospects, that they may be in a better position to take care of any children that come along. I believe we need to make sure men and women use birth control and know that it’s wrong to sabotage their partner’s protection, whether it’s men who hide their girlfriend’s pills or women who ‘trap’ their boyfriends by becoming pregnant. I believe we need both maternity and paternity leave, so that men can be more involved in their children’s lives without hurting their career and women don’t have to shoulder the entire burden of pregnancy.

Thus, I conclude my rambling. You’ll have to forgive me for not making it in rhyme.

Pecunium
9 years ago

Graham: First, that’s not a pack, it’s his chemical/biological protective suit. Why he’s standing on the sandbag, I don’t know. Probably streching his ankles.

He’s wearing it because to go anywhere, we had to have it with us. The lump of green by my hip, is my mask. My gear is just inside the tent. If an alarm went off, I was gonna be leaving my socks and skivvies and grabbing my flak-vest and rifle (my helmet is under my ass, since I needed something to sit on).

mythago
mythago
9 years ago

Turns out that Ryan is not just a WOMAN (boo! hiss!) but a LESBIAN (ewww!), which is freaking the commentators out.

Which you would *think* would be pleasing to MGOTWs, no? After all, lesbians aren’t bothering men, aren’t having sex with them, can’t therefore possibly be luring them into a sperm-stealing trap, and otherwise leave the poor menz alone.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
9 years ago

Amnesia: there apparently is a new movie out where these anti-choicers kidnap and hold against their will three women until their babies are born. Here is the TPM’s take on it. Watching the trailer makes me wonder, how on earth do they think this will help the anti-choice movement to show that they will not only not listen to the women’s voices, they will forcibly hold them until they do what these anti-choicers want. All in the name of “preserving life?” As if.

And Mythago, because this means that they are not doing everything in their power to put men first of course!

Captain Bathrobe
Captain Bathrobe
9 years ago

Well, to be fair, Elizabeth, I had to Google her name. It took me, maybe, 30 seconds. The great thing about NWO is that he never, ever uses the Google before holding forth. Failarity then predictably ensues.

Amnesia
Amnesia
9 years ago

@Beth
That is seriously creepy. Never been gladder to have renounced the whole “pro-life” label, cause I’d hate to have to answer for that shit.

Alex
9 years ago

Ugh! That trailer was…shudder-inducing. I don’t even want to know what it would be like to kidnapped and forced to carry a pregnancy to term. I honestly believe that both forced abortion and forced pregnancy are equal to rape. The worst part is I think I will have to watch that movie simply to tell everyone I know how crazy these anti-choice fucknuts truly are.

zombie rotten mcdonald

that movie reminds me of nothing so much as The Human Centipede.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
9 years ago

I had to think a second too CB since I never think of the Battle Hymn of the Republic either.

Amnesia, Alex and Zombie: The thing that gets me is that they view themselves as being right: you want to kill your fetus? Well then I will kidnap you so you cannot! Muwhahahaha!

And that one girl saying “well they cannot force me to have a kid if the kid is not there” does show they know a little about the fact that this scenario-while not only criminal-would never work because if a woman wants to abort, then she will. Or abort without really aborting (acting in a manner that is harmful to the fetus in the hopes that it will just spontaneously abort which is what I thought former Gov. Palin was attempting to do with her last pregnancy.)

katz
9 years ago

Sigh. Must you guys turn this into an abortion thread?

Amnesia
Amnesia
9 years ago

@katz

Well, get some MRAs in here, I’m sure they’ll find a way to turn it into something about false rape accusations and spitting bitches.
Kinda my fault, though, responding to something NWOslave was talking about on the last page. Sorry.

We should go back to speaking in rhyme,
That was quite the jolly good time.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck!

Seriously, what the fuck? Make a movie about three girls getting drugged, imprisoned, and surgicallly implanted with shock collars, and that’s supposed to somehow give a wonderful message about the sanctity of life? Oh, and give everyone hokey dialog about how they really knew deep down that their baby was sacred, but mean old modern society forced them to it, or something equally stupid.

Fucking hell.. The movie is gonna be the most horrifying one ever made, not because of the plot or the acting, but because of the movie itself. *shudder*

hmm, in rhyme?

Three women were taken, God only knows where
To spend seven months in a psychopath’s lair.
Jigsaw by nature, though bearing a cross,
ensuring not one of them “suffer” a loss.
Of course after months of bleak solitude,
The women, with children, now show gratitude.
The lesson is simple, if they have the gall,
to offend your religion, imprison them all!

Amnesia
Amnesia
9 years ago

Torture, hurt, abuse,
Just to get them to respect,
Sanctity of life.

I call that the ‘irony haiku.’

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

Can we do more rhymes, David, oh can we? I have way, way, way too much fun with this…

Oh marvel of science, this fine centipede!
Observe how it wriggles, and oh watch it plead!
I’ve shown three can share their digestive tract!
What purpose it serves? What kind of question is that?!?