AskMen.com's Creepy Dude Survey

So AskMen.com just put up the first segment of its annual 3-part Great Male Survey.  Filled with strange assumptions and sometimes creepy questions, it’s a survey that reveals at least as much about the survey makers as it does the survey takers, and what it reveals ain’t good:  it seems to have been written by a jaded ex-romantic ( or a committee of such) only a few short steps away from full-blown MGTOW-hood.

The survey starts off with a fairly innocuous question about basic compatibility, but quickly veers off course with question #2:

How important is it to you that your wife/future wife signs a prenup?

Hold on a second, daddy-o! We haven’t even determined if the little missy has “wife potential” yet —  as question #3 puts it.

After one more question about marriage, the quiz moves on to cheating and then (perhaps inevitably) to the issue of divorce:

Do men get screwed by the courts in divorce?

Then it’s onward to kvetching about what a naggy shrew your partner is (assuming you haven’t already finalized the divorce):

Followed by the classic “Would you dump a girlfriend if she became fat?” (Just in case you’re wondering, ladies, nearly half the American guys in last year’s survey said “yes.”)

Next we get to what we might call the “creepy controlling asshole” portion of the survey. After asking whether we’ve ever snooped through our partner’s email or Facebook messages, they pose this doozy:

That quiet clattering you hear is the sound of a thousand creepy dudes Googling to see if this is possible – and, if so, the best place to put the chip.

After several more questions about Facebook and the internet, a few badly conceptualized questions about romance, and a bunch about sex, the quiz moves on to some good old-fashioned slut shaming, asking men to quantify the number of sex partners a woman is allowed to have before they consider her “promiscuous.”  Ladies: you’ll be glad to know that 41% of American dudes who took the survey last year consider any women with more than 9 lifetime partners to be dirty sluts – sorry, “promiscuous.”

Then of course it’s on to an attempt to quantify exactly when women start getting all old and ugly:

Yes, one of the possible answers is “18.” You may be slightly reassured by the fact that zero percent of last year’s survey takers gave that answer. Six percent said “20,” though, and 24% said “30.”

Then we have this curiously worded question on workplace sex:

So the idea that your partner might be a big higher up on the old org chart isn’t even a possibility? What is this, 1962? Did they borrow this question from Helen Gurley Brown’s Sex and the Single Girl? Or find it scribbled on a napkin on Don Draper’s desk just before he impulsively proposed to his new secretary?

I think we need to design our own survey.

(Note: Cartoon above borrowed, of course, from Comically Vintage.)