A woman calling herself SouthSideShikse caused a bit of a ruckus over on the Sex subreddit on Reddit the other day with a little post singing the praises of “average-looking guys with smallish penises.”
At least I assume it was a woman making the post; it may well have been, you know, an average-looking guy with a smallish penis. Whoever it was, in any case, gushed about these unhung heroes of the sex world (and no, I didn’t think that joke up myself):
I adore, admire, and salute you. You are the unsung heroes of the bedroom. You try so hard, care so much, and learn so fast. Hands-down the two very best male sex partners I’ve ever had were really average-looking guys on the small end of the spectrum. Not relying on dashing looks or a massive tool to win the interest of potential mates, the face-in-the-crowd four-and-a-half-incher really, really knows his way around a pussy. Ladies of Reddit and the world, appreciate these hard-working and extremely attentive soldiers of love. That is all.
Now, SouthSideShikse’s observations are not exactly scientific, based as they are on a small sample (as it were). But for the most part, the men of Reddit welcomed her sentiments with huzzahs, upvotes, and lots of dumb jokes.
There were, however, a few who didn’t join in the general merriment. A brand new class of oppressed men: dudes with giant wangs.
As one self-admitted well-endowed Redditor complained:
Is having a big penis something that predisposes you to not giving a fuck about the girl’s pleasure?…
There is no correlation between douchiness and penis size.
I have a large penis, and I’m a nerd, an average looking guy, and I make girls cum with my skills, not my cock.
Shut the fuck up.
Valour, meanwhile, asked this puzzling question, seeming to suggest that handsome guys with giant packages face some sort of discrimination:
What do you suppose would happen to you if you thought you were just an ordinary human being, but everyone else treated you like absolute shit because they thought you were good looking and/or sexually endowed?
Gloomdoom, presumably another big-dicker, responded to SouthSideShikse’s generalizations with some generalizations of his own, earning himself some downvotes from average-dickers with his sarcastic attack on the small-penised:
Yeah….average looking dudes with small penises really know their way around a pussy.
That’s like saying a kid with a BB gun makes a great sniper in war time.
Naturally, this being Reddit, a bunch of dudes felt they simply couldn’t overlook yet another opportunity to attack “fat chicks.”
Then there was this dude. I kind of feel bad for him:
So no appreciation for us average looking guys with average length but too much girth? Cant touch the bottom of a tuna can but it can wear out the sides. … they do it once and dont want to be that sore anymore. Im sorry ladies. Truly I am.
I guess we all have our crosses to bear. In the case of this dude, his cross is evidently the shape and size of a tuna can.
I once–I shit you not–had a guy online start slinging the slur, “SHALLOW PUSSY! SHALLOW PUSSY!” at me. We were talking about something totally not sexual, got into an argument, and all he could think to say to, I suppose, win the argument … was … that.
Is this actually a thing?? I know guys get ragged on about dick size, but do people really measure a woman’s worth by the depth of her vagina??
I responded that this was a pretty lame insult, particularly since most women aren’t busy sticking rulers up there to check, but he just kept at it. “Shallow pussy, shallow pussy, shallow pussy!”
It was really weird.
I don’t know what my point was, but … I felt like I had to say it. (And where’s the ode to women with “shallow pussies??”)
I’ve measured with, uh, toys and stuff. But it changes MASSIVELY depending on what position I’m in.
“Yeah….average looking dudes with small penises really know their way around a pussy.
That’s like saying a kid with a BB gun makes a great sniper in war time.”
He’s got to be one of those good looking, well built guys with a large penis that thinks his awesomeness is quite enough. Someone finally told him it’s not!
I have a pretty good sized dick, making it the only manner in which I have not been fucked over genetically.
A woman’s vagina is a potential space until something’s put inside it. It also expands with arousal.
Isn’t that one of the teachings of the Kama Sutra – different sized penises and different sized vaginas? They broke it down into categories: rabbit, bull, horse, cow, deer, and she-elephant. And then they made matches sort of like the Chinese Horoscope.
http://www.spaceandmotion.com/kama-sutra-partners.htm
@choco Of all the vagina based insults I’ve heard, that one tops them all! How strange.
@David
Ah, well, it was some years ago I’d read 6-8 inches, and I’m pretty sure it said average, which of course differs from mean. Regardless, that info will make my boyfriend happy, I’m sure. 😉 And his elation at that news will last about…a few weeks. lol *in search of time machine with which to go back and deck both of his parents upside the head*
I’d say the fact that the guy likens PIV sex to some kind of target practice says a lot about how he approaches the act.
Thanks, but no thanks buddy – penis size is irrelevant.
One way to make the best of what you’ve got, guys, is to show off its relative size. If you want to make it seem bigger, display it near an assortment of toothpicks. And don’t ever stand naked next to this:
http://images.travelpod.com/users/skoreatravel/1.1289583706.haesingdang-park.jpg
Or wear that 😀
On behalf of my gorgeous boyfriend’s giant penis, I’d just like to say that I’m offended.
🙂
I’ll say it again. It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean that rocks a woman’s world…
okay and I just finished reading comments.
How can shallow pussy be an insult when guys are supposed to like tight women?
Law1204 – Are you saying my vagina is a bag of holding?!
Ami: That is so adorable! I want it for my husband.
bridget: Shallow isn’t “tight”
Mr “tuna can” is shallow.
But, that said, I’ve never encountered a woman who couldn’t, when aroused, accommodate me. I’ve had some lovers for whom it took some time, esp. at the beginning, but “shallow pussy” is nothing I’ve every encountered as a problem.
What I think needs to be said is the fact that dudes have an insatiable appetite for talking about penis size. I know that I am guilty of this; I read through this article and all the comments because I can’t stop myself from being interested in this subject.
Another example; the Good Men Project recently did a sex issue, and there was both a column from a guy writing about his large penis and another column from a dude with a medium-sized penis. And I read both of those as well.
The comments here have already addressed the fact that many women don’t care as much about size as men do. This is definitely true, but it rather misses the point. I don’t think that men obsess about penis size because they want to satisfy women. I think if there was some kind of apocalypse that killed everyone on the planet except for two men, they would compare junk with each other.
I can’t say for sure why, but I am pretty sure that all of the well-meaning women who try to solve the penis size debates are wasting their energy.
Lies, all of it! .
Also, “tuna can”? Someone is exaggerating.
…
ROFL
Leo Salloum, I think the penis-size obsession has to do with it being, for thousands of years, considered the thing that makes a man a man, and not a woman. (The focus on the importance pleasuring a female sexual partner is relatively new, and has, I think, developed along with society’s view of women as equals to men, and as the owners of their own sexuality) Even a man could have “breasts”, or a curvy figure — but the one naked-eye, pre-modern medicine feature that no woman could ever have was a penis. And while the presence of it determined a person’s role in society, the size of it became considered as a measure of the owner’s manliness.
Slightly off-topic, and I have absolutely no citation for this, so it could be total mince, but I did read a while back that the ancient Greeks thought more highly of having a small penis than having a large one, and that guys who were well-hung were considered ‘bovine’ and passive.
(Someone had asked why all their nude (male) statues didn’t have enormous cocks, bu I don’t know if the answer was pulled out of someone’s arse. As it were.)
beshemoth: Yes, same for the Romans. But, since the issue was more visual; since homosexual behaviors were only acceptable for the penetrating party.
To be the “passive” party was to be degraded; something worse than a woman, actually.
Women weren’t expected (at a cultural level, it’s a bit harder to know what people in general thought) to care much about size. They were seen as insatiable.
I’m not so sure. I have two friends who have described former partners as having endowments akin to tuna cans – and used exactly that terminology.
I’ve never come across one myself – but I have been in proximity to a penis that fell into the category of “is that it?”
I can’t say whether it would have been sufficient for the act because, well, to be honest, we never got any further. In my inebriated state I confess that I was laughing too much.
Unkind, I know. An MGTOW’s nightmare…
Sadly, Google is unenlightening on this point.