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alpha males reddit sex victimhood

Unhung heroes

A real ad.

A woman calling herself SouthSideShikse caused a bit of a ruckus over on the Sex subreddit on  Reddit the other day with a little post singing the praises of “average-looking guys with smallish penises.”

At least I assume it was a woman making the post; it may well have been, you know, an average-looking guy with a smallish penis. Whoever it was, in any case, gushed about these unhung heroes of the sex world (and no, I didn’t think that joke up myself):

I adore, admire, and salute you. You are the unsung heroes of the bedroom. You try so hard, care so much, and learn so fast. Hands-down the two very best male sex partners I’ve ever had were really average-looking guys on the small end of the spectrum. Not relying on dashing looks or a massive tool to win the interest of potential mates, the face-in-the-crowd four-and-a-half-incher really, really knows his way around a pussy. Ladies of Reddit and the world, appreciate these hard-working and extremely attentive soldiers of love. That is all.

Now, SouthSideShikse’s observations are not exactly scientific, based as they are on a small sample (as it were). But for the most part, the men of Reddit welcomed her sentiments with huzzahs, upvotes, and lots of dumb jokes.

There were, however, a few who didn’t join in the general merriment. A brand new class of oppressed men: dudes with giant wangs.

As one self-admitted well-endowed Redditor complained:

Is having a big penis something that predisposes you to not giving a fuck about the girl’s pleasure?…

There is no correlation between douchiness and penis size.

I have a large penis, and I’m a nerd, an average looking guy, and I make girls cum with my skills, not my cock.

Shut the fuck up.

Valour, meanwhile, asked this puzzling question, seeming to suggest that handsome guys with giant packages face some sort of discrimination:

What do you suppose would happen to you if you thought you were just an ordinary human being, but everyone else treated you like absolute shit because they thought you were good looking and/or sexually endowed?

Gloomdoom, presumably another big-dicker, responded to SouthSideShikse’s generalizations with some generalizations of his own, earning himself some downvotes from average-dickers with his sarcastic attack on the small-penised:

Yeah….average looking dudes with small penises really know their way around a pussy.

That’s like saying a kid with a BB gun makes a great sniper in war time.

Naturally, this being Reddit, a bunch of dudes felt they simply couldn’t overlook yet another opportunity to attack “fat chicks.”

Then there was this dude. I kind of feel bad for him:

So no appreciation for us average looking guys with average length but too much girth? Cant touch the bottom of a tuna can but it can wear out the sides. … they do it once and dont want to be that sore anymore. Im sorry ladies. Truly I am.

I guess we all have our crosses to bear. In the case of this dude, his cross is evidently the shape and size of a tuna can.

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trianglethief
trianglethief
9 years ago

This post is why I have the internet.

Pecunium
9 years ago

What this tells me, is a lot of guys 1: Are convinced they are great in the sack, and 2: a LOT of guys are afraid they aren’t.

3: any guy who pays attention to his partner, will do all right.

mediumdave
mediumdave
9 years ago

And there is literally nothing that MRA’s won’t whine about.

ozymandias
9 years ago

Big penises hurt. That is all.

Simone Lovelace
9 years ago

You know, if straight guys weren’t so convinced that all of their sexual relationships ever needed to revolve primarily around PIV intercourse, they wouldn’t have these problems…

johnnykaje
9 years ago

Are these guys actual MRAs? They seem more like run-of-the-mill douches, no political agenda required.

Also, the last dude just isn’t looking hard enough. (TMI) I can’t take much length, so short and stout is ideal. I can’t be the only one.

Plymouth
Plymouth
9 years ago

So, of the roughly 40 cocks I’ve had the pleasure of playing with (not all of whom I did PIV with) I found 2 that were too small to be fun and one that was too big for, er, some things (but certainly not too big for everything!). All the others were good for pretty much everything. And, as far as I can tell, no correlation between dick size and skill. So my general conclusion is that size does matter, but within a couple of standard deviations of “average” it’s pretty much all good.

(of course it’s possibly my sample size skews one way or the other vs national average or world average)

darksidecat
darksidecat
9 years ago

I can’t be the only one who had this immediately pop into their mind http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xhfm7x_jimmy-tran-on-def-poetry_shortfilms

@ozy, my discussions on this matter find a lot of variation in personal taste in regards to size. It is cis guys who are the usually most obsessed with huge cocks, whereas when discussing women’s personal preferences, about just as many like small as like big.

Pecunium
9 years ago

in the TMI category: I’ve have one lover complain I was a bit too large, and one complain I was a bit too small.

I’ve had a few say I was, “just right” and most never mentioned it.

I’ve been told of a few men who were “too small”. That was defined at, “kept falling out”.

But all in all, (and I’ve been in a fair bit of, “locker room” talk with women; though I have no illusions that they were as frank when I/we were there, as when it’s all women in the conversation), I’ve gotten the impression that size isn’t that big a deal.

ozymandias
9 years ago

darksidecat: Probably in relationship to vagina size, I’d suppose.

Captain Bathrobe
Captain Bathrobe
9 years ago

My sense is that a long and agile tongue, and a willingness to use it, is far more important to most women. With emphasis on the willingness.

Plymouth
Plymouth
9 years ago

Capt. Bathrobe – I dunno, I’ve yet to meet a guy whose tongue was longer than his cock, so, not really a substitute 😉

Pecunium
9 years ago

And most.

Pecunium
9 years ago

Actually… I don’t know that long is all that big a deal, with tongues.

Lady Victoria von Syrus
Lady Victoria von Syrus
9 years ago

I yearn for the day when we can get over cock size, as if it were the END OF THE WORLD if a guy isn’t perfectly sized and proportioned, to say nothing of the small cock vs large cock debate. Most women don’t care as much as men think they care, and douchebag who treats a woman like dirt, doesn’t care if she gets off or has godawful technique will ruin sex far more than too small/too big cock.

Captain Bathrobe
Captain Bathrobe
9 years ago

Capt. Bathrobe – I dunno, I’ve yet to meet a guy whose tongue was longer than his cock, so, not really a substitute

Fair enough. I guess that’s what I get for trying to generalize about what anyone–women or men–wants in bed. Everybody’s different. 🙂

law1204
law1204
9 years ago

Of all the penises I have had the pleasure of playing with, I find the one that has been the most pleasurable, by far, is the one attached to a man I am currently insanely in love with – and the only man I have ever truly loved. Not coincidentally he has also been the only man who has ever been able to make me climax through vaginal intercourse. Fortunately I also call him my boyfriend. And his penis is beautiful and perfectly average.

Also, size isn’t at all an issue if the penis is being used to stimulate my clitoris. Just saying.

Captain Bathrobe
Captain Bathrobe
9 years ago

I had a professor in college who said that the most important sexual organ is the brain. These comments seem to bear that out.

Bee
Bee
9 years ago

On the one hand, it is kinda dumb to thank a huge group of people for having exactly what you have personally preferred in your own individual experience, as though they are objectively and generally awesome and share a group of characteristics not necessarily related to that preferred trait. On the other hand, showing your own appreciation for a group of people you believe are underappreciated is hardly the worst thing in the world.

So, yes, the author of the original ode to the small penis is being simplistic and dumb, but so are the respondents. I’m with mediumdave on this one. If you’re an incredibly handsome man with a big penis, please — please, for the luffah god — get over the fact that this ONE person has not chosen to honor you with their words. Next time, dude.

This reminds me, though, of something that caught my eye while I was enjoying Something Awful’s take on the Spearhead forums several weeks back. Ah yes, here it is. “Laugh at my tiny dick will you!? *participates in homo-erotic wrestling off of clothes in male shower*” Awesome.

Alex
9 years ago

Ah, penises. My boyfriend thinks his is too small, meanwhile certain positions can be uncomfortable for me. That would be from years of both his parents telling him it was too small, even though they’d never seen it erect, and even though, except in individual cases, size doesn’t matter. I really wish people would get over it. Average dick size is 6-8 inches and most women don’t climax from PIV anyway and last I was aware/experienced, fingers and tongues don’t need to be long to be enjoyable. 😉

spitfire
spitfire
9 years ago

South Park did it:

http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s15e04-tmi

That is all I have to say on this topic.

Cat of Many Faces
Cat of Many Faces
9 years ago

The funny thing is that in these conversations it’s almost always assumed that vaginas all come in one size and shape…

Hell even the arrangement of the aorta and it’s branches coming off your heart can vary significantly from one person to another. I’m hardly expecting anything else to be consistent.

So I guess it really is YMMV… 😛

chocomintlipwax
9 years ago

I once–I shit you not–had a guy online start slinging the slur, “SHALLOW PUSSY! SHALLOW PUSSY!” at me. We were talking about something totally not sexual, got into an argument, and all he could think to say to, I suppose, win the argument … was … that.

Is this actually a thing?? I know guys get ragged on about dick size, but do people really measure a woman’s worth by the depth of her vagina??

I responded that this was a pretty lame insult, particularly since most women aren’t busy sticking rulers up there to check, but he just kept at it. “Shallow pussy, shallow pussy, shallow pussy!”

It was really weird.

I don’t know what my point was, but … I felt like I had to say it. (And where’s the ode to women with “shallow pussies??”)

Plymouth
Plymouth
9 years ago

I’ve measured with, uh, toys and stuff. But it changes MASSIVELY depending on what position I’m in.

Laughing gull
Laughing gull
9 years ago

“Yeah….average looking dudes with small penises really know their way around a pussy.

That’s like saying a kid with a BB gun makes a great sniper in war time.”

He’s got to be one of those good looking, well built guys with a large penis that thinks his awesomeness is quite enough. Someone finally told him it’s not!

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

I have a pretty good sized dick, making it the only manner in which I have not been fucked over genetically.

law1204
law1204
9 years ago

A woman’s vagina is a potential space until something’s put inside it. It also expands with arousal.

Isn’t that one of the teachings of the Kama Sutra – different sized penises and different sized vaginas? They broke it down into categories: rabbit, bull, horse, cow, deer, and she-elephant. And then they made matches sort of like the Chinese Horoscope.

http://www.spaceandmotion.com/kama-sutra-partners.htm

Laughing gull
Laughing gull
9 years ago

@choco Of all the vagina based insults I’ve heard, that one tops them all! How strange.

Alex
9 years ago

@David

Ah, well, it was some years ago I’d read 6-8 inches, and I’m pretty sure it said average, which of course differs from mean. Regardless, that info will make my boyfriend happy, I’m sure. 😉 And his elation at that news will last about…a few weeks. lol *in search of time machine with which to go back and deck both of his parents upside the head*

carswell
carswell
9 years ago

Yeah….average looking dudes with small penises really know their way around a pussy.
That’s like saying a kid with a BB gun makes a great sniper in war time.

I’d say the fact that the guy likens PIV sex to some kind of target practice says a lot about how he approaches the act.

Thanks, but no thanks buddy – penis size is irrelevant.

Ami Angelwings
9 years ago
Holly
9 years ago

On behalf of my gorgeous boyfriend’s giant penis, I’d just like to say that I’m offended.

🙂

briget
briget
9 years ago

I’ll say it again. It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean that rocks a woman’s world…

briget
briget
9 years ago

okay and I just finished reading comments.
How can shallow pussy be an insult when guys are supposed to like tight women?

spitfire
spitfire
9 years ago

Law1204 – Are you saying my vagina is a bag of holding?!

katz
9 years ago

Ami: That is so adorable! I want it for my husband.

Pecunium
9 years ago

bridget: Shallow isn’t “tight”

Mr “tuna can” is shallow.

But, that said, I’ve never encountered a woman who couldn’t, when aroused, accommodate me. I’ve had some lovers for whom it took some time, esp. at the beginning, but “shallow pussy” is nothing I’ve every encountered as a problem.

Leo Salloum
Leo Salloum
9 years ago

What I think needs to be said is the fact that dudes have an insatiable appetite for talking about penis size. I know that I am guilty of this; I read through this article and all the comments because I can’t stop myself from being interested in this subject.

Another example; the Good Men Project recently did a sex issue, and there was both a column from a guy writing about his large penis and another column from a dude with a medium-sized penis. And I read both of those as well.

The comments here have already addressed the fact that many women don’t care as much about size as men do. This is definitely true, but it rather misses the point. I don’t think that men obsess about penis size because they want to satisfy women. I think if there was some kind of apocalypse that killed everyone on the planet except for two men, they would compare junk with each other.

I can’t say for sure why, but I am pretty sure that all of the well-meaning women who try to solve the penis size debates are wasting their energy.

OHSHIII
OHSHIII
9 years ago
OHSHIII
OHSHIII
9 years ago

Also, “tuna can”? Someone is exaggerating.

redlocker
redlocker
9 years ago

ROFL

OHSHIII
OHSHIII
9 years ago

Leo Salloum, I think the penis-size obsession has to do with it being, for thousands of years, considered the thing that makes a man a man, and not a woman. (The focus on the importance pleasuring a female sexual partner is relatively new, and has, I think, developed along with society’s view of women as equals to men, and as the owners of their own sexuality) Even a man could have “breasts”, or a curvy figure — but the one naked-eye, pre-modern medicine feature that no woman could ever have was a penis. And while the presence of it determined a person’s role in society, the size of it became considered as a measure of the owner’s manliness.

beshemoth
beshemoth
9 years ago

Slightly off-topic, and I have absolutely no citation for this, so it could be total mince, but I did read a while back that the ancient Greeks thought more highly of having a small penis than having a large one, and that guys who were well-hung were considered ‘bovine’ and passive.

(Someone had asked why all their nude (male) statues didn’t have enormous cocks, bu I don’t know if the answer was pulled out of someone’s arse. As it were.)

Pecunium
9 years ago

beshemoth: Yes, same for the Romans. But, since the issue was more visual; since homosexual behaviors were only acceptable for the penetrating party.

To be the “passive” party was to be degraded; something worse than a woman, actually.

Women weren’t expected (at a cultural level, it’s a bit harder to know what people in general thought) to care much about size. They were seen as insatiable.

carswell
carswell
9 years ago

Also, “tuna can”? Someone is exaggerating.

I’m not so sure. I have two friends who have described former partners as having endowments akin to tuna cans – and used exactly that terminology.

I’ve never come across one myself – but I have been in proximity to a penis that fell into the category of “is that it?”

I can’t say whether it would have been sufficient for the act because, well, to be honest, we never got any further. In my inebriated state I confess that I was laughing too much.

Unkind, I know. An MGTOW’s nightmare…

mediumdave
mediumdave
9 years ago

Sadly, Google is unenlightening on this point.