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The Searchers

Hey, you asked for it.

One of the many happy benefits of moving this blog to WordPress is that I can now see in gory detail the search terms people use to get here. The most common search terms are, naturally enough, “manboobz” and “man boobz.” It’s on the third-most-popular search term that things start to get weird: it’s “Australopithecus.”  Why? Well, because once upon a time I posted a picture of an Australopithecus couple going about their Australopithecus business.

Let’s take a quick tour through the rest of the search terms list. I think we can learn a few things, both about this blog and about the dreams and desires of people whiling away a boring afternoon at work by poking around the internet. Here are some preliminary conclusions I have drawn from the data:

1) The teeming millions want to look at dudes with lots of muscles:

world’s most muscliest man

most big muscle in the world

world’s muscular man

disgustingly big muscles

silly muscles

les muscle man end the world

And no, I have no idea what that last one means either.

Clearly, the prevalence of muscle-man related search terms is the side effect of having that little picture of a muscly man at the top of the sidebar in the blogger version of this blog. I feel bad that this was all I had to offer the searchers, so as you can see I’ve added a pic of a man with some, yes, ”disgustingly big muscles.”

2) Human sexuality is a weird, wonderful, and often horrifying thing. Sometimes, it involves advanced computer and/or robotic technology:

future lady robot

create a virtual woman with boobs

will cherry 2000 ever happen?

computer mouse in vagina

Other times, animals:

panda furry porn

animal dildo porn

fish meat and women porn movies

I am trying to get that last image out of my head.

3) If you regularly mention sperm on your blog, you’re going to attract a few weirdos:

how to steal sperm

do lizards like human cum

I just Googled that last one and this post of mine was the FIRST RESULT! I would therefore like to publicly state that I DO NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION and have never even tried to find out the answer to that question. And if you by chance actually do know the answer to that question DO NOT TELL IT TO ME.

4) Angry dudes trying to find men’s rights sites can be careless typists:

why do you always here fiminist indoctorin at school but nothing about mens right activist?

women are like chilfren

A few final thoughts:

Many of the questions listed above are questions that are frankly best left unanswered. But there are some others I would dearly love to see answers to:

what do intellegent agressive beefcake nerds want

what does germaine greer think of buck angel

And one question I can answer pretty definitively:

can socially awkward men find love

Yes. The answer to that one is yes.

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PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
9 years ago

I wish I could laugh but I just finished reading this from the Ms Blog.

Ugh.

Marion in Savannah
Marion in Savannah
9 years ago

Zombie Rotten McDonald steered me over here from Sadly, No. I’ve got to get back there to thank him, and sooner or later I may get around to forgiving you for that picture, but it’ll take time…

Johnny
Johnny
9 years ago

I wrote an article/review about ‘The Human Centipede: First Sequence’ on my blog and ended up getting lots of search strings similar to “was the human centipede based on a true story?” “could the human centipede really happen” “how to make a human centipede” etc.

That movie really sparked the imagination.

Joe
Joe
9 years ago

I’m waiting for this to become a 300-post comment thread on bonobos, crime rates, and how not getting laid is a form of oppression. Come on, people, let’s step it up here!

cynickal
cynickal
9 years ago

3) If you regularly mention sperm on your blog, you’re going to attract a few weirdos:

how to steal sperm

do lizards like human cum

I just Googled that last one and this post of mine was the FIRST RESULT! I would therefore like to publicly state that I DO NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION and have never even tried to find out the answer to that question. And if you by chance actually do know the answer to that question DO NOT TELL IT TO ME.

Ok, but what about F***ing magnets, how do they work?

clairedammit
clairedammit
9 years ago

I too would like to know what Germaine Greer thinks of Buck Angel. I’d also like to know what Buck Angel thinks of Germaine Greer.

Graham
Graham
9 years ago
Ranylt
9 years ago

The WordPress search terms is addictive. I got jokers coming to my film blog ALL THE TIME via “pissing girl.” Humanity and its TMI, man.

Sam L
9 years ago

what does germaine greer think of buck angel

I smell a sitcom!

P.S. I used to post here with this drawing of myself with my head falling off as an avatar. Does anyone know how I would go about getting that back on wordpress?

ozymandias
9 years ago

I totally ship Buck Angel/Germaine Greer now. Your guys’ fault!

johnnykaje
9 years ago

I mostly blog on evolution, feminism, religion, and comics; but the number one search term that brings people to the blog is “stingray”. Which was from this throwaway post I put no effort into. It’s a little disheartening. http://johnnykaje.wordpress.com/2010/01/04/a-conversation-i-overheard-in-joplin/

You may get furries and muscle freaks, but at least you don’t get pedofiles. One of my most visited posts is unfortunately named, and brings them in droves. Luckily they’ve never commented.

Wait a minute…what if most of my visitors are stingray fetishists? EWWWW

Holly
9 years ago

Women are like children! Arms, legs, human DNA, capacity for learning, capacity for empathy, appreciation for fun and enjoyment, ability and willingness to work for rewards, need for connection to others–there’s all kinds of things in common.

Joe
Joe
9 years ago

Yes, Holly, but are they like chilfren?

johnnykaje
9 years ago

I can’t make a comparison between chilfren and women. I checked the medicine cabinet for the former and was fresh out.

Bee
Bee
9 years ago

This one fish meat and women porn movies

reminds me of this story about Led Zepplin, which I always like to recount whenever staying at the Edgewater. It’s a freaky, messed up story, but to my knowledge no porn movie has been made from it.

Thank goodness.

schism
schism
9 years ago

how to cure explosive diarrhea fetishes

Anyone have any advice for this poor guy or gal?

Be the one to clean up afterwards?

Fatman
Fatman
9 years ago

Somehow I doubt that there is Yahoo Answers page for that problem.

Snowy
Snowy
9 years ago

I hate to say it, but I’m afraid that poor person is just shit out of luck.

cynickal
cynickal
9 years ago

what do intellegent agressive beefcake nerds want

Ok, I have this one… A better Fantasy {football, baseball, etc.} pick. Baseball especially appeals to sports nerds. Just ask Nate Silver.

ozymandias
9 years ago

Explosive diarrhea person, unfortunately, you can’t cure your fetishes. Try getting involved in the kink community, making yourself as attractive as possible and finding a very open-minded partner.

Lucy
Lucy
9 years ago

The best search term I ever got on my old blog was “i love seeing women killing chicken.”

Well, sir or madam, you have come to the right place!

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

I don’t really even get what the point of this article is supposed to prove, however I do have a comment for

@PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth…who said, “I wish I could laugh but I just finished reading this from the Ms Blog.”

Now it would appear, since you’re a feminist, your dismay is at the situation is caused by the fact that when a woman/girl lies about being raped the report is listed as “unfounded.” So in order to “bolster” the numbers of reported rapes, feminists want those false accusation listed as “unsolved.” Futher, those evil men who didn’t commit any crime are walking around free instead of in prison. Oh the inhumanity, is there no justice?

Heres is link #24 from the ms blog article
http://inquirer.philly.com/packages/crime/doc/phila2.asp

Heres a few exerps from the report.

Adult complaintant reports rape to cover infidelity, indiscresion, lateness, pregnancy ect. Complaintant admits to lying.

Complainant reports in order to obtain medical services free of charge, prenancy test, morning after pill, birth control, VD test, ect.

I mean who could possibly see a problem with men being imprisoned to bolster numbers or get free medical services. Oh when, oh when will the misogyny end.

Juvenile compainant, for reasons known only to herself, concocts rape story. Investigation causes child to admit she made up the rape account.

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

Oh the evil misogynists not willingly walking into prison so women can get free medical services and bolster the official rape numbers. Women demand justice!

Aaron M
Aaron M
9 years ago

I never knew that I wanted to know what Germaine Greer thinks about Buck Angel, but now I totally do.

Snowy
Snowy
9 years ago

So, sorry if this has already been asked before but what does the “NWO” stand for, NWOslave?

Snowy
Snowy
9 years ago

Now Wanking Off?

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@Snowy Oh damn, that was so funny. Truely a sidesplitter since I heard feminists had no sense of humor. But I guess false acusations are a friggin riot as long as you’re not on the recieving end. I mean whats the worst that could happen? Jail, lost job ostracized by society, killed by an angry mob looking to avenge the womans honor? Ahh, it’s all in good fun as long as we get them rape numbers up there. Yippieeee!

Fatman
Fatman
9 years ago

NWOSlave, I find it a great social ill when an individual is falsely convicted of a crime. Do you think that if the police are massaging the numbers of actual rapes down, as the Sun article suggests they are, that an attempt to correctly classify the number of rapes should be made?

briget
briget
9 years ago

on the can socially awkward men find love, my bf did and he is self admittedly one of the most extreme cases of social awkwardness you are going to find

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@Fatman…Since the police, are in fact being forced in state after state to massage the numbers up, your question is irrelevant. Unless of course you deny the fact that false accusations are unfounded.

I mean why bother with your theoretical nonsense when facts state the opposite.

Fatman
Fatman
9 years ago

NWOslave, false accusations are by definition unfounded. The first incident listed in the Sun article is a rape reclassified as unfounded, how should this indecent be recorded in rape statistics? Given that in January 2010, in midtown Baltimore a woman was raped, and this rape was not classified as a rape by the police, should it be counted as a rape for statisticians attempting to build a functional predictive model based on actual events?

Errors are always a factor in any statistical projection, is it your contention that those errors should be ignored when we are creating models used for predictive purposes?

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@Fatman…Please go to the link I provided and read it. Why it’s from Ms mag so it must be good. Well geuss what, all those false accusations are now listed as “unsolved.” Therefore the numbers have been bolstered, yet you quote 1 case that wasn’t reported as oppossed to thousands that are falsely reported.

Now of course those darling women who falsely accused men of a crime they didn’t commit were given 0.0 seconds of prison time, yet the men who are falsely accused will immediately be fired from any job, slandered by the mainstream media, ostraziced by society and many will be imprisoned. Ahh feminist jurisprudence, it’s all about eeeeeeeeeequality.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
9 years ago

Here is the deal though NWOslave-these women were not only treated with disdain and told they were liars but it came on top of a vicious attack to their person that is very hard to recover from. I know YOU think 99.9999% if all rape victims are liars who deserve prison the instant they make the accusation, but the rest of us who do not hate women like you do know that this makes it much worse to get justice.

I also hope you noticed the first few items on the Ms Blog-the Dept. of Justice said there is estimated to be 93,000 rapes of men annually. And if we just went by the FBI’s definition, not one of those men could get justice. So fuck off.

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth…I’m afraid you are once again wrong about me. If a woman is violently raped the man that did it should be taken to the town square, given 50 lashes and tossed in jail for 20 years. The same punishment goes for any woman who falsely accuses a man of rape.

Do I believe most, (over 50%) of rape claims are false? Yes I do. Probably because my definition of rape isn’t the same as the definition given by many States. My definition of rape is forcibly having sex with a woman. If a claim of I was too drunk to enthusiastically consent comes about, I’m going to laugh in your face. No one forced you to get drunk, so if you consented while drunk, well tough cookies. If a woman claims rape while looking like she just stepped out of a salon without so much as a hair out of place, you can imagine I might be a tad dubious of her assertion.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
9 years ago

Considering that women who are actually raped-violently raped-are not given the same kind of consideration a woman who was robbed of a purse so they are not inclined to put themselves through a brutal second violation by an asshole cop who acts like you do…your belief that this means she lied about it so she should be dragged to the town square, lashed and then imprisoned for twenty years means that men who rape will get away with it again and again and again.

But hey, how dare a woman expect to be treated properly by the police. After all, you think all rape victims are liars.

Amnesia
Amnesia
9 years ago

So, NWOslave, if you got drunk at a party, and some guy decided to rape you, would it be your fault for getting drunk in the first place?

Holly
9 years ago

NWOslave – What about teh menz?

No, seriously. All you seem to talk about is how bad women are. Do you actually give a shit about men who are falsely accused–about their appeals process, about the evidence they are and aren’t allowed to use, about their treatment in jail?

Because I see like 10% token consideration of that, and 90% frothing, lashing-out fury at the horrible women involved.

If you’re in favor of men’s rights, talk about men’s rights. Not about women’s un-rights.

Holly
9 years ago

I’m starting to think that if women lost the right to child custody, if women lost the right to hold “men’s” jobs, if women lost the right to prosecute crimes, if women lost the right to equal education…

The goals of most “men’s rights activists” would be achieved without men actually gaining a single right.

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth…I made myself clear in my post of what I thought of a voilent rapist. And lets be real here, you’re telling me that if a woman was beaten and bruised a cop would yawn and rush of to a woman who had her purse stolen. Puuuulease.

@Amnesia…I don’t drink and I’m not gay. However, if a man was drunk and another man talked him into sex. Well guess what, he agreed.

I mean c’mon. So if any woman goes to a bar shall we place caution tape around her. Stand back men, we have a woman drinking here. I mean hell, all you hear on monday morning conversations is “I was soo drunk…” I mean if that’s the case why not reverse it. A man gets drunk and rapes a woman, shall me excuse his action?

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@Holly…It;s kinda funny you should say that, since quotas ensure that any woman is guarunteed employment over a better qualified man, AA ya know. Hell women can have a man thrown from his house on a feeling, “prosecution” isn’t even required. Title IX ensures women 1st programs, if 50 slots are open, ya better have 25 women reguardless of merit.

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@Holly…I am talking about mens rights. And being falsely accused and guilt is assumed is a “right” that men have had usurped. Guess who did it?

Holly
9 years ago

You’re funny, mister. I dare you to talk about men for once, and you get right into talking about the evil women.

Are there any rights men could gain other than the right to have women have less rights?

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@Holly…So the 50 lashes in the town square and the 20 years I advocate for punishment is like 10% token consideration of that. Would you like the death pealty as proper recompensation?

Holly
9 years ago

Your “10% consideration” is, true to form, just another way to punish the woman, and not to actually help the man.

Snowy
Snowy
9 years ago

You didn’t actually answer the question, being gay has nothing to do with it, what she asked was

You say you don’t drink, what if you got roofied? What if you were incapacitated in some way and raped? Would that be your own fault? Would you appreciate people laughing in your face?

Snowy
Snowy
9 years ago

Oops, no that was what I asked. She asked

Amnesia
Amnesia
9 years ago

We shouldn’t have to put caution tape around women for men not to rape them. That should just be something you don’t do.

If there’s any ambiguity about consent, you don’t have sex. It’s that simple. If you decide to go ahead and have sex anyway, you run the risk of being charged with rape.

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@Holly…Ok I will, Violent rapists I think I’ve made clear my opinion. Fathers who run out on their families are scum of the earth. Men who batter women are pathetic cowards and need a good ass kicking every day. Ya see the difference is I know all these things are wrong. Feminists however will make laws, VAWA, AA, Title IX, ect, ect. and fall all over themselves to excuse any action by a woman towards a man.

If a woman hits a man, theres an excuse. If a woman takes a mans children while he pays theres an excuse. If a woman gets drunk and consents to sex then anytime in the future she can declare “rape.” Theres an excuse. Somehow men are always held accountable for their actions, they’re held accoutable for a womans actions, they can’t tell any woman how to act, yet a woman can tell a man how to act. Now call me crazy but when there are LAWS that do all these things, I find that to be a problem.

NWOslave
NWOslave
9 years ago

@Amnesia…OK, now I want an answer from you, heres two scenarios.

A woman is drunk, a man talks her into bed, she says yes. Was she raped?

A man is drunk, a woman tlaks him into bed, he says yes. was he raped?

By the way, in scenario one, by law it is rape. Nut I want your opinion. Lets hear, Answer me for once.

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