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| Note: Girlfriend pillows are not actual girlfriends. |
Men Going Their Own Way have some problems with sex. One of the biggest? Despite their best efforts to totally and completely avoid women — which some reason always seems to involve spending hours online every day talking about women — sometimes it will somehow come to pass that hapless MGTOWers will find themselves actually having sex with a woman. As you might imagine, this experience may not be altogether pleasant for either party involved. Indeed, in my most recent post, I quoted one poor non-virgin MGTOWer who declared that “having sex with a woman is like humping a moist pillow: It doesn’t join in and you can hardly tell the difference.”
What this young man has described is not “sex” so much as “really, really bad sex.” Fortunately, it can be prevented! The most obvious way, already hit upon by many MGTOWers, is to not have sex with women at all. If you despise and resent the entire female gender, it is probably best to not get naked with individual members of that gender. The women of the world will be happy to go along with you on this point, trust me.
But on the off chance that some MGTOWers might be willing to dial down their woman-hatred enough to actually contemplate sex with women, I would like to offer some tips on how to improve the experience for everyone.
First, to make absolutely sure that sex won’t come to resemble “humping a moist pillow,” make sure that your sexual partner is not, in fact, a moist pillow.
This is a simple fix, and one that is often overlooked.
If your partner is not actually a pillow but a live human woman, well, I will now give the floor to Ozymandias, who recently posted an extremely helpful list of suggestions in the comments here. Here it is again for anyone who might have missed it::
OZYMANDIAS SEX EDUCATION TIEMZ GO!So all the sex you’ve had with women, Zaku, has vaguely resembled fucking a moist pillow. I understand and empathize with your sadness about your sex life. However, young padawan, there are methods of solving this.
*Are all of your partners virgins or in high school? Virgins and high schoolers are terrible at sex, particularly if both are inexperienced. I personally was on my third partner before I was any good in bed.
FIX: Find your local cougar, slut or sexually assertive woman.
*Was your partner someone with sexual hang-ups? Slut-shaming often makes women think that enthusiasm makes them “bad girls”, and ideas of men-earning-sex often make women think that lying there is their contribution to sex.
FIX: Have sex with feminists.
*Are you simply not that good in bed? This is a common problem among inexperienced men, and can lead to women not enjoying sex because it is not that enjoyable.
FIX: Learn the location of the clit (with an anatomy chart, if necessary). Listen to her instructions about sex. If she’s moaning, KEEP DOING THAT. Try to give her at least one orgasm before you stick your dick in (be reasonable, if she’s begging “stick it in me”, go ahead, but it’s a good guideline). Suck it up about the taste and learn to love eating pussy. Make sure you give her adequate foreplay (AT LEAST five minutes). Touch and kiss parts of her besides her breasts and pussy. Most of all, confidence and joy, confidence and joy. [Editor’s Note: As briget has noted in the comments, if you really, really don’t like the taste of pussy, you can always use a dental dam; google the term if you don’t know what that is.]
*Was your partner very, very drunk? Bad sign. Sober people participate more.
FIX: If she’s passed out or puking, don’t fuck her.
*Was your partner freezing up, softly repeating “no, no, no”, or otherwise clearly not enjoying herself? Then you may have had what is technically referred to as “nonconsensual sex,” or by us Femicunt Queens of Nofunnington, “rape.”
FIX: Seek affirmative, enthusiastic consent. This is shown by her, for example, ripping off your clothes, chanting “yes”, sucking your cock without being asked, etc. If you are confused if she is consenting, feel free to ask “do you want to (have sex, make out, have me suck your tits, etc.)?” If you hear words like “no” and “stop,” STOP IMMEDIATELY.OZYMANDIAS SEX EDUCATION TIEMZ OVER.
Generally speaking, this is good advice for all inexperienced hetero dudes interested in improving their sex lives and the sex lives of their partners. (PROTIP: Improving the sex life of your partner will dramatically improve your sex life too.) With a few changes in wording to reflect different anatomies, as Oz herself points out, this is also good advice for straight women, gay women, gay men, trans men and women, bisexuals, and everyone else who is interested in having sex with some subset of their fellow human beings.
Just to reiterate one point: no one is a sexual expert from the get-go. There’s no shame in sexual inexperience. But it is sort of a douchebag move to blame the entire opposite sex for bad sex if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing in bed. It takes some time, and some actual giving-a-shit-about-what-the-other-person-likes in order to get good at it. Generally speaking, if you like and respect your sexual partners, gaining this experience and expertise should be a highly enjoyable endeavor. Even if you don’t yet have much in the way of skills, a little bit of enthusiasm can go a long way. Also: you’re allowed to actually ask the other person what he or she likes and doesn’t like. This can prevent all sorts of awkwardness and encourage all sorts of fun sexy times.
Which brings us to another point worth reiterating: if there’s no shame in sexual inexperience, there’s no shame in sexual experience either. Sexually inexperienced women don’t know what they’re doing any more than sexually inexperienced guys do. So, guys, if you want to get with women who actually do know what they are doing, don’t look down on women for having sexual experience. If you’re a slut shamer, you basically have no right to complain if your partners are bad in bed. If you’re one of those dickheads who thinks women all become hags the instant they hit 25, or 30, guess what: you’ve ruled out having sex with the overwhelming majority of the women who are actually really really good at it.
And while we’re at it: Taking the time to sit down and read about sexual techniques can speed up the process of getting good at sex enormously. If you don’t know how to find the g-spot, well, here you go. You’re welcome. Lots more useful shit here and here, along with plenty of suggestions for awesome sexy-time book learnin. If you think you’re somehow above reading about sex, well, too bad: that’s what you’ve just been doing!
If after all this you find that your partner is still lying there like a moist pillow, and you’ve ruled out sexual hangups, sexual inexperience and/or less-than-enthusiastic consent, there are a few other possibilities to look at:
1) She (or he) might be having libido problems because of depression – or due to side effects of depression meds – or for some other medical or biological reason. Time to see a doctor.
2) She (or he) might be asexual. Some people just aren’t into sex. You’ll have to figure out yourselves what this means for your relationship. And that might mean: no more relationship. If you’re really into sex, and partner isn’t, neither one of you is doing the other a favor by sticking around.
3) She (or he) might actually be a selfish asshole. Selfish assholes tend to suck at sex. Try not to have sex with them. And don’t blame their entire gender for it. And if you’re a selfish asshole, try not to have sex with anyone yourself.
Feel free to share your own tips (and links) in the comments. Learning more about sex and sexuality = good for everybody.
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>The only sex advice MRAs should be given:Sex with women is horrible. They've all got teeth down there. For real. Never, ever, have sex with a woman. Ever.
>You may be mistaking immaturity for youth there.I tend to agree with this. Based on his nym, I'm guessing "slave of the New World Order" is a middle-aged wingnut conspiracy theorist. Care to confirm, dude? Want to tell us about the NAFTA Superhighway and the NAU and the Amero? You know you do.
>"Based on his nym"Please, please tell me that this is just cutesy and not some sort of gender neutral orwellian rewording of the patriarchal word 'name'. Please.
>I think nym is just short for pseudonym.http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Nym
>NWOslave"why are you so against anyone who points out these amazing differences?"Because he/she a communist dumb fuck who thinks men and women are the same and biology isn't real. "Evwyfing is wuuurned! Identicul twins weard apart just act du same cuz of coincidenfe.Eeeet ees aww a social constwukt!"
>As for Sam and Dean and Castiel, all I'm saying is, would it kill you gals to write some Joan/Peggy fanfic? THAT I would read.
>"I think nym is just short for pseudonym.http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Nym "Oh, thank you David (and god). Apologies for my comment.
>@cboyeTroy wasn't that long ago. By the way, anyone who doubts women are visual should ask a woman (should probably add: who saw that movie and enjoyed it) what the best part of Troy was. My mom really REALLY liked watching Brad Pitt naked. I mean, Troy.I'm asexual, but I still like that "Greek statue" sort of body, aesthetically speaking. He looked good.But if Troy Brad Pitt approached me on the street all naked with his pecs glistening in the sunlight, I still would probably call the cops.
>"Evwyfing is wuuurned! Identicul twins weard apart just act du same cuz of coincidenfe.Eeeet ees aww a social constwukt!" I too find that restating an opponent's (alleged) argument in a childish voice is a good way to disprove it.
>When I saw the Wolverine movie, the group consisted of me, a few straight men, two straight women and a lesbian couple. If you haven't seen the movie – bad writing, adequate acting and Hugh Jackman runs around with his shirt off for half the movie. The men and lesbians thought the movie as a whole was poor to middling, while us straight gals thought it was pretty great. I'm fairly certain a shirtless Hugh Jackman had something to do with this. Also, I was just reading about a study where they hooked both men and women up to porn. Men were turned on by watching their preferred pairing (gay men liked gay porn, straight men liked straight porn), but the women just seemed to be turned on by people having sex. Straight women got turned on watching lesbian porn, and lesbians got turned on watching straight porn. So, if anything, women are even MORE visual creatures than men. I wonder if living in a culture which tries to shame women for being openly sexual and which disparages porn-loving women has more to do with the disparity in porn viewing habits than just gender…?
>The only thing I have to contribute to the actual topic of discussion is the observation that people tend to generalize their own particular kinks. "If I like reading Sky Captain/Dex slash, that means everybody does."(BTW, I don't know whether there actually is such a thing as Sky Captain/Dex slash, but Rule 34 says there must be.)
>I also find quite interesting the level of (presumably mainly hetero) male discomfort at full frontal male nudity in films that are not sexual or pornographic in nature. Is that because men are not visual creatures or are those films just lacking the "proper" visuals?Maybe it's not so much that women are not visual creatures as it is some of us are just bored with being treated to the "proper" visuals all the time.
>David: http://archiveofourown.org/works?utf8=%E2%9C%93&selected_tags%5Btags%5D%5B%5D=15088&selected_tags%5Btags%5D%5B%5D=84844&boolean_type=and&tag_id=Mad+Men&commit=Filter+WorksOnly found two. Sorry dude. Rule 34 is falling down on the job.
>"I am coming to the conclusion that every woman in America either reads and/or writes Supernatural fanfic, or knows someone who does."Is this what MRAs are referring to when they speak of a 'feminist hive-mind'?
>This is amazing for so many reasons. One of which is the inclusion of asexuality as a viable sexual identity. Ozymandias' Sex Ed was also amazing and excellent. All around win post dude.
>Evil, obviously genetics effect who we are, almost no one denies that. Just because genetics effect physical and psychological traits does not mean that genetic gender has a significant impact on psychological traits. Indeed, plenty of men born with a y chromosome exhibit what are traditionally considered female traits.
>@Sandy, not to mention that what is considered a "female" or "male" trait varies greatly across cultures. May I suggest some fun reading for EWM in terms of ancient Greek tropes, where pants (worn by those fithy barbarian Gauls 😉 ) were seen as incredibly effeminate and writing musicals to be performed in drag was a fine masculine activity.
>@ DSCAnd high heels were originally worn by men (who fought duels in them, so no French jokes, please) and the color pink was considered a more assertive and masculine color than blue less than a hundred years ago. And all ancient Egyptians who could afford to do so shaved their entire bodies. (Fleas. Eww.) Anyway, no one who has studied history can really say that masculinity and feminity are biological. Gender roles are social constructs that we perform because that's how we were raised. Playing with dolls is not hardwired to the vaj nor are penii-bearers really allergic to pink. Some people have an innate preference one way or the other, but it has little to do with their nether regions.
>Ozymandias, you are my hero this week both for your advice and the phrase Femicunt Queens of Nofunnington (T-shirt?)Most of the bad heterosexual sex I've had is bad because it's so linear and goal oriented. The man "rounds the bases" and then it's over as soon as he comes. Double negative bonus points if he asks "Did you come, baby?" (When that happens, it is obvious). Sometimes there is a half-hearted offer – "Do you need me to keep going/do something else?" which, I guess it's the polite thing to ask, but you'll have to trust me on the half-hearted tone and really at that point I'm not interested in more perfunctory goal-oriented touching.Good sex is nonlinear and can happen in any order because whatever is going on right now is good. Orgasms come when they do, sometimes you fuck and sometimes you do other stuff, because, as Ozymandias said "confidence and joy. Confidence and joy."
>"Because he/she a communist dumb fuck who thinks men and women are the same and biology isn't real."Is this just your way of saying "boys have a penis and girls have a vagina"?
>NWOSLAVE has managed to contradict himself so well, there is now a hole in the space time continuum. I am now reading this blog prior to it existing. So women are not visual and care more about what a man says and does but at the same time if an attractive man and a "garbage" man say the same thing, the reaction to one is good but the other is harassing her. His mind is a strange place.
>captain awkward, thank you for pointing that out. Oh and my bf's question normally isn't "did you come baby" but "how many times did you come?" He's jealous of the whole rolling orgasm thing (it is not a myth, most men just can't do cunnilingus well enough to get it going)
>Good sex is nonlinear and can happen in any order because whatever is going on right now is good. Orgasms come when they do, sometimes you fuck and sometimes you do other stuff, because, as Ozymandias said "confidence and joy. Confidence and joy." This. Times a thousand.PinV is overrated anyway. Don't get me wrong, it's fun and it feels fantastic. But I just don't have the stamina to do it for more than a few minutes at a time. That's why my sex generally goes something like:foreplay -> PinV -> foreplay -> PinV -> foreplay -> maybe take a short break, talk about Star Trek -> PinV -> foreplay -> PinV -> tea
>"Evwyfing is wuuurned! Identicul twins weard apart just act du same cuz of coincidenfe.Eeeet ees aww a social constwukt!" Glenn Beck, is that you?
>"Glenn Beck, is that you?"Probably not – GB is busy crying tears of sorrow right now. And I don't even think GB is so dumb to think the study of three or four pairs of twins should be extrapolated into a general trend.Twins = exactly alike because of genetics, but men and women are as different as night and day despite the fact that they share human DNA.Go figure.